First, From "actual"
US government employee performance evaluations:
1. Since my last report, this employee has
reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this
employee to breed.
3. This employee is really
not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won't-be.
4. Works well when under
constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
5. When she opens her
mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
6. He would be out of his
depth in a parking lot puddle.
7. This young lady has
delusions of adequacy.
8. He sets low personal
standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
9. This employee is
depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
10. This employee should go
far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
11. Got a full six-pack but
lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
12. A gross ignoramus --
144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
13. He does not have
ulcers, but he is a carrier.
14. I would like to go
hunting with him sometime.
15. He has been working
with glue too much.
16. He would argue with a
signpost.
17. He brings a lot of joy
whenever he leaves the room.
18. When his IQ reaches 50,
he should sell.
19. If you see two people
talking, and one looks bored, he is the other one.
20. A photographic memory
but with the lens cover glued on.
21. A prime candidate for
natural de-selection.
22. Donated his brain to
science before he was done using it.
23. Gates are down, the
lights are flashing but the train is not coming.
24. Has two brains: one is
lost and the other is out looking for it.
25. If he were any more
stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.
26. If you give him a penny
for his thoughts, you would get change.
27. If you stand close
enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
28. It is hard to believe
that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
29. One neuron short of a
synapse.
30. Some drink from the
fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
31. Takes him two hours to
watch 60 Minutes.
32. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is
dead.
Second,
Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way
to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can
buy cigarettes and candy bars at the front.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do
"practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing
liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Just some laughs as I delete old files getting back online...
Mark
2 comments:
Can't read your post, black type on grey background. You might want to adjust that.
I hope they are more readable now. It was hard to change the colors. It seems to be imbedded in the old document. Seriously, that document goes back to the early 90's and has been migrated several times.
It's been though a lot, but has gone to the Great Trash Can In The Sky now for a final peace, LOL!
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