Sorry For Being Away

I haven't posted for 3 weeks.  Not that I had nothing to say, but being on the computer, typing, thinking, typing, thinking is hard without cigarettes.  It's like writer's block.  I've been smoking for 47 years.  And when I smoke, I stay up late.  When I smoke and stay up late, I keep sipping at the wine glass.  That doesn't usually lead to brilliant posts, but I have become skilled at correcting for that.  Delayed postings and some editing the next day...

The annoying thing is that I don't seem to be chemically addicted to the cigarettes.  I didn't have a cigarette since Jan 3rd and physically, it didn't bother me a bit.  I'm habituated to the process of smoking.  Without a cigarette, I sit at the keyboard and want to do almost anything else.  THAT is annoying.  So I haven't been posting here much.  I've done fine on the cat blog though.  Writing about the cats isn't writing about me, and I can do THAT.

So yeah, I have a cigarette in hand...  And wine...  I just HAD to post again here and that was the only way.

I don't need advice or suggestions.  After 47 years, I'm pretty sure I've thought of or read about all the ideas.

I'll stop again.  I'm just mentioning all this to explain why I haven't posted.

More normal posts to follow...

Been Gone

But for reasons.  Being on the computer makes me smoke, and I have been fighting that by restricting my computer time.  The Mark's Mews blog is primary, so I manage to do that.  Emails came second, and that has been difficult.  I've had to write them in increments.  This blog seems least important...

Not that I don't enjoy writing on it.  Just that my non-smoking willpower gets worn out fast and by the time I get to THIS blog, I need a cig.

WELL...  The computer crashed.  Sort of.  More accurately, an upgrade to Mac Yosemite (OSX 10.10.2) crashed my iPhoto.  Don't know why, but some internet search showed a LOT of unhappy upgraders.  I spent a couple of hours a day for a week trying to get at my photos with no success.  Tried un-upgrading, and other stuff too.  No luck. 

Apple doesn't LIKE un-upgrading!!!  It offends them that you don't like the new stuff.  

I could have lived with the new "Yosemite" operating system if it allowed me access to the old photograghs, but there was an endless loop of "fixes" with no end.  I finally had to do the serious thing.

Thank goodness for "Time Machine".  It stores my previous versions of the hard drive.  You would think that makes it easy to just copy back the previous old version.  You would be right.  And you would be wrong.

Its possible.  But not easy, they say.  I know because I read all kinds of internet searches about doing it (and some said it worked and some said it failed.  I knew it COULD work, because I had done it once before.  It took the help of a Verizon IT tech (2 years ago I think).  Not his job, but he helped me.  And I wrote down the steps on some scrap paper.  A foot-high stack of which is always on the corner of my computer desk

I went through the stack and actually found the scrap! 

It worked.  Two hours for restoring the older OSX version, 30 minutes for "repairing" the iPhotos Library, 30 minutes for repairing my emails (and I had to endure 15 minutes of re-receiving 200 emails and deleting them as they were all duplicates).

But everything seems to be working last lat month again, and I am greatly relieved.

All that sitting around and watching the s-l-o-w progress made me get more cigs.  Damn!  Well, one night in 3 weeks isn't too bad.

I've been busy.  But that's the next posts...

Thanks for visiting after 6 weeks of no posts...

Problem

I haven't been on the computer much lately.  Oh, I post on the cat blog, but I haven't been visiting cat blog fiends much, and not posting here.  Why?  Well, I'm trying to stop smoking.

That may seem odd.  But there are reasons.  I don't smoke because I'm chemically addicted.  I can go without cigs just fine most days.  I don't wake up wanting one, I don't want one just sitting around.  Days go by and it bothers me not.

I am, however, situationally habituated.  It used to be just when I was out on the deck watching the birds and squirrels, mowing the lawn on a riding mower, driving the car, and on the computer.  I have eliminated smoking while mowing, standing on the deck, and driving the car on local errands.

But I can't not smoke when sitting at the computer...  I don't type or post fast.  I like to think about what I'm saying.  And when I stop and think at the computer, I NEED a cigarette. 

I got through 8 days without a cigarette.  The same days I didn't help the Mews visit their friends, and the same days I didn't post here.  I'm smoking now.  I just CAN'T sit at a keyboard and not smoke.  I've gotten it down to "just" then, but I can't seem to stop that "then".

I feel guilty when I don't help the Mews visit their friends every day.  Its the "handling" of the cigs I need.  And the fake ones are SO heavy that those dont help.

As I struggle through this, I may not seem to be as active in helping the Mews visit their friends.  We love you all.  I just have this last habituation of the keyboard to eliminate.  It will take time.  Hang in there for me... 

Thanksgiving Day 2014

I'm thankful for a lot of stuff, but I mention those things as they happen.  Today was TURKEY DAY!  I often don't bother cooking a turkey, for several reasons:

1.  I assume a standing invitation to visit my sister for Thanksgiving day.  Sometimes I visit, but 2 hours driving each way is a lot for me (I hate driving at all) and I especially hate holiday traffic on crowded interstate highways like we have here. 

2.  I used to cook Thanksgiving Dinner for all my single friends, but over the years, they have gotten married, left the area, or gradually faded away.  It was a habit from when I had apartment roommates for whom a TV dinner was a challenge.

3.  The smallest whole turkey is about 10-11 lbs and that's too much for 1 person (even with 3 cats)

4.  A turkey breast is smaller, but white meat is not my favorite.

5.  I prefer the dark meat, but turkey thighs cost $5 a pound this year and chicken thighs (my most regular meat) is only $1.29  and turkey isn't much different from chicken.

But I decided to go for a turkey this year.  Partly, I wanted to hickory-smoke a whole turkey, just because I hadn't for years, and partly just to fully participate in a holiday for a change.  So I had the frozen turkey all thawed in the fridge for 4 days, brined it overnight; and injected it with a mixture of apple juice, cinnamon and spices. 

Most of the smoke gets in meat during the first couple hours so I did 2 hours and then let the briquets die down til it was 200F in the smoker and transferred the turkey to the pre-heated 250F oven.  It was slow...  But I wasn't on a schedule, so "whenever done, its done". 

I did it a bit fancy for just me after that.  Baked brussel sprouts with grated nutmeg, asparagus with grated cheese and melted butter, small potatoes, a nice tossed salad, gravy, and a can of "sweet potatoes in syrup".  Zinfandel wine.

Well, one bite of the canned sweet potatoes in syrup and that went straight to the compost bin.  YUCK!  The rest was good.  Well, the packaged gravy was salty.  I had it sitting around for years so decided to use it.  I make it better myself.  The brussels sprouts were good, the new potatoes (home-grown) were good, and I always love a tossed salad with italian dressing.

The turkey was PERFECT!  Probably the best I've done.  The smokiness was just right, the brine kept even the breast meat moist, and the injected flavors were just right.  I am convinced that 2-3 hours of smoking outdoors and finishing up in the oven at 250 is the way to go.  And I do that thing of cooking it breast side up half way and turning it breast down the remaining half.  It makes a difference.  "Breast side down" the last half of cooking keeps the breast moistened by thigh meat fats dripping down the sides.

To be fair, the 450F oven cooking for 30 minutes and then lowering the temp to 350 works pretty good too and I've usually done that for faster cooking (and more reliable timing), but the slow-cooking is best.

I don't set out a whole table display (its just me), so there isn't much to show, but the turkey had a beautiful mahogany skin, so I have a picture of that. 

I hope all of you who went the turkey path today had great dinners too.

Trying To Quit Smoking

Well, as the joke goes, "quitting smoking is easy, I've done it 100 times"!  It isn't of course.  I have quit for months on occasion only to fall back into it.  The saddest time was in the 1980s while on a camping trip to Canada with my former friend.   On our last day of camping, he was down to his last 2 cigarettes and said he was quitting and did I want to share 1 of the last 2.  I know now it was astonishingly stupid, but I felt immune immune.  It tasted GREAT! 

You know, I've actually wondered since then if my "friend" did that deliberately.  At the time, such a thought would never have occurred to me.  But these days, I consider the possibility.  He DID frequently mention how envious he was that I had quit when he couldn't...

When we got back to the Park convenience shop, he immediately bought a carton of cigarettes.  I stole several and smoked them stealthily.  We drove back to NY City where he lived at the time (and yes, I had done all the driving in my car).  But I had to drive back to MD from NY and I suddenly couldn't face the long boring New Jersey Turnpike without  smoking.  And there I was smoking again. 

I've stopped a few times since then for a few weeks at a time.  But then I face a long drive, a stressful event, or a long night at the computer and I give in again.  I wish the damn things were illegal.  It's just too hard to stop smoking when they are available 24/7 on every street corner.

I'm convinced I'm habituated to the "process" of smoking and not the nicotine.  I think that because sometimes I don't light a cigarette for several days at a time and it doesn't bother me.  And because I've been "vaping" an e-cigarette for 2 days which provides nicotine but is not in any way psychologically satisfactory. 

The e-cigarette is completely unsatisfactory.  It's a ceramic rod that is way too heavy, unwieldy, and (in spite of best efforts of designers) just doesn't work like a real cigarette.  I admire that it provides nicotine (in gradually reducible amounts), the appearence of smoke (its water vapor), and none of the carcinigens of actual cigarette smoke. 

But they just don't quite work yet.  They need to be as light as a regular cigarette, have a paperlike feel to the "filter" end,  and provide a better fake smoke.

And don't wish me good luck for stopping.  Between the 5th and 6th paragraphs, I drove to the nearest convenience store and bought a new carton of real cigarettes...  ARGH!!!  I just CAN'T be on the computer and not smoke... I need a better fake cigarette.