Been Gone

But for reasons.  Being on the computer makes me smoke, and I have been fighting that by restricting my computer time.  The Mark's Mews blog is primary, so I manage to do that.  Emails came second, and that has been difficult.  I've had to write them in increments.  This blog seems least important...

Not that I don't enjoy writing on it.  Just that my non-smoking willpower gets worn out fast and by the time I get to THIS blog, I need a cig.

WELL...  The computer crashed.  Sort of.  More accurately, an upgrade to Mac Yosemite (OSX 10.10.2) crashed my iPhoto.  Don't know why, but some internet search showed a LOT of unhappy upgraders.  I spent a couple of hours a day for a week trying to get at my photos with no success.  Tried un-upgrading, and other stuff too.  No luck. 

Apple doesn't LIKE un-upgrading!!!  It offends them that you don't like the new stuff.  

I could have lived with the new "Yosemite" operating system if it allowed me access to the old photograghs, but there was an endless loop of "fixes" with no end.  I finally had to do the serious thing.

Thank goodness for "Time Machine".  It stores my previous versions of the hard drive.  You would think that makes it easy to just copy back the previous old version.  You would be right.  And you would be wrong.

Its possible.  But not easy, they say.  I know because I read all kinds of internet searches about doing it (and some said it worked and some said it failed.  I knew it COULD work, because I had done it once before.  It took the help of a Verizon IT tech (2 years ago I think).  Not his job, but he helped me.  And I wrote down the steps on some scrap paper.  A foot-high stack of which is always on the corner of my computer desk

I went through the stack and actually found the scrap! 

It worked.  Two hours for restoring the older OSX version, 30 minutes for "repairing" the iPhotos Library, 30 minutes for repairing my emails (and I had to endure 15 minutes of re-receiving 200 emails and deleting them as they were all duplicates).

But everything seems to be working last lat month again, and I am greatly relieved.

All that sitting around and watching the s-l-o-w progress made me get more cigs.  Damn!  Well, one night in 3 weeks isn't too bad.

I've been busy.  But that's the next posts...

Thanks for visiting after 6 weeks of no posts...

Problem

I haven't been on the computer much lately.  Oh, I post on the cat blog, but I haven't been visiting cat blog fiends much, and not posting here.  Why?  Well, I'm trying to stop smoking.

That may seem odd.  But there are reasons.  I don't smoke because I'm chemically addicted.  I can go without cigs just fine most days.  I don't wake up wanting one, I don't want one just sitting around.  Days go by and it bothers me not.

I am, however, situationally habituated.  It used to be just when I was out on the deck watching the birds and squirrels, mowing the lawn on a riding mower, driving the car, and on the computer.  I have eliminated smoking while mowing, standing on the deck, and driving the car on local errands.

But I can't not smoke when sitting at the computer...  I don't type or post fast.  I like to think about what I'm saying.  And when I stop and think at the computer, I NEED a cigarette. 

I got through 8 days without a cigarette.  The same days I didn't help the Mews visit their friends, and the same days I didn't post here.  I'm smoking now.  I just CAN'T sit at a keyboard and not smoke.  I've gotten it down to "just" then, but I can't seem to stop that "then".

I feel guilty when I don't help the Mews visit their friends every day.  Its the "handling" of the cigs I need.  And the fake ones are SO heavy that those dont help.

As I struggle through this, I may not seem to be as active in helping the Mews visit their friends.  We love you all.  I just have this last habituation of the keyboard to eliminate.  It will take time.  Hang in there for me... 

Trying To Quit Smoking

Well, as the joke goes, "quitting smoking is easy, I've done it 100 times"!  It isn't of course.  I have quit for months on occasion only to fall back into it.  The saddest time was in the 1980s while on a camping trip to Canada with my former friend.   On our last day of camping, he was down to his last 2 cigarettes and said he was quitting and did I want to share 1 of the last 2.  I know now it was astonishingly stupid, but I felt immune immune.  It tasted GREAT! 

You know, I've actually wondered since then if my "friend" did that deliberately.  At the time, such a thought would never have occurred to me.  But these days, I consider the possibility.  He DID frequently mention how envious he was that I had quit when he couldn't...

When we got back to the Park convenience shop, he immediately bought a carton of cigarettes.  I stole several and smoked them stealthily.  We drove back to NY City where he lived at the time (and yes, I had done all the driving in my car).  But I had to drive back to MD from NY and I suddenly couldn't face the long boring New Jersey Turnpike without  smoking.  And there I was smoking again. 

I've stopped a few times since then for a few weeks at a time.  But then I face a long drive, a stressful event, or a long night at the computer and I give in again.  I wish the damn things were illegal.  It's just too hard to stop smoking when they are available 24/7 on every street corner.

I'm convinced I'm habituated to the "process" of smoking and not the nicotine.  I think that because sometimes I don't light a cigarette for several days at a time and it doesn't bother me.  And because I've been "vaping" an e-cigarette for 2 days which provides nicotine but is not in any way psychologically satisfactory. 

The e-cigarette is completely unsatisfactory.  It's a ceramic rod that is way too heavy, unwieldy, and (in spite of best efforts of designers) just doesn't work like a real cigarette.  I admire that it provides nicotine (in gradually reducible amounts), the appearence of smoke (its water vapor), and none of the carcinigens of actual cigarette smoke. 

But they just don't quite work yet.  They need to be as light as a regular cigarette, have a paperlike feel to the "filter" end,  and provide a better fake smoke.

And don't wish me good luck for stopping.  Between the 5th and 6th paragraphs, I drove to the nearest convenience store and bought a new carton of real cigarettes...  ARGH!!!  I just CAN'T be on the computer and not smoke... I need a better fake cigarette.