I enjoy cooking. But I can sure mess up sometimes! Here's the way to do everything wrong.
1. Buy a pork roast on a Monday. Now, it was a cheap Boston Butt at $2/pound, so it wasn't like a Standing Beef Rib roast at $10/pound. But it's big, so it isn't free.
2. Leave it in the refrigerator (planning to cut it up and smother it in dry rub "tomorrow") for 4 days.
3. You positively CAN'T let it go another day, so cut it into 2" slabs and cover it with the dry rub. Put it back in the refrigerator to smoke tomorrow.
4. It's "tomorrow", but it is raining. OK, the rub will really soak in by "tomorrow"!
5. Next day smoke the slabs for 3 hours (it's the next Monday by now). I usually smoke the Butt outside for a few hours (no real benefit longer than that, the surface is impervious after that long) and finish it in the oven at 225F. Set portable timer for 3 hours.
6. Timer goes off while watching TV. Yeah, gotta take it out. Forget about doing that for another 3 hours.
7. Suddenly remember the pork and take it out of the oven. Well, it certainly is safely cooked! Cut off a chunk to eat (dinner). Put the whole tray into the basement refrigerator to chill.
8. No problems with the pork overnight, so I decide it is safe (and it was).
9. Gotta cube and package it "Tomorrow". Leave pork in refrigerator 4 more days. This makes it 11 days since bought.
10. Take it out to cut it up. It is hard as a rock! Sharp knives struggle... I cut some pieces off for stewing. It "sort of" softened. but "chewy" would be too kind a description.
11. Consider leaving it outside to punish wandering raccoons and possums.
12. But decide to just wrap it up in a trash bag with cat litter (to discourage scavengers), place the bag in a box, and put the box in another trash bag.
I expect this will really confuse some future landfill archeologist. One may find my roast centuries from now, intact, and be baffled by our current-day culinary practices. And (considering the kitty litter I added to the bag) be amazed at our choice of "spices". After all, who ELSE'S pork roast will still be around to compare it to?
Anyway, I still need cubed smoked pork for my stews and stir-fries, so I've added it to my shopping list. At least I'll have good reason to remember to cut it up and dry-rub it THAT DAY and smoke it the next... And cube it as soon as chilled)!
Hope you enjoyed this... ;)
3 comments:
Well, I wouldn't have undertaken such a major cooking assignment to begin with, but please be assured that you're not the only person who does this kind of thing. It's not quite laziness - it seems to be more about being especially unmotivated for whatever reason. Oh well ...
Megan
Sydney, Australia
This made me laugh so loudly, I think you could hear me even for the 600 or so miles between us, LOL!!!
I have things in my freezer that were bought with 'intentions'...but um...well when I rediscover them, I see the date and think: is it still worth cooking, or whatever?....well yes, if you ignore the dried freezer burned areas. LOL!!! I just have to remember to ask myself, if the meal is for just the two of us or for guests:)
The only time I had to throw away freezer treasures was when unbeknownst to me, our extra fridge/freezer had lost power, and everything was thawed, and we had no idea for how long....and of course it was summer...ugh.
I read it aloud to Dan. We both got a good laugh out of it.
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