I researched local assisted living facilities and eliminated most of them as places Dad wouldn't like. Some were for active seniors, lots of visits to the shopping malls and bingo games. Others were holistic medications or foods Dad does not like.
I narrowed it down to 2. The one I visited today was a very professional place. The one I will visit tomorrow is a small group home. The place today seems perfect. A personal bedroom/bathroom and community TV rooms, dining rooms, activity rooms, etc. Seriously good onsite health care, transport to local Dr of choice, individual meals at common eating areas, groups living/TV rooms.
Own rooms ranging from 2 in a space to 2 full bedroom apartments. Friendly caring staff, medical assistants onsite 24/7, etc. They can easily move Dad from assisted living to the dementia living area when the time comes.I think this is the place.
I saw the staff checking on the residents in the commom TV room area about how they were doing and did they want any snacks, etc. The staff seemed pleased to be there. No hulking guys to force anyone around.
Personal attention to meal preferences and not just for medical reasons. If a resident prefers chicken and pork chops most meals, that's what they get. Preffered snacks too. Good medical staff, onsite barber, room-cleaning, laundry, etc included.
Plenty of friendly residents to sit and watch TV with...
Large enough so that there is generally a new place available each month, so no waiting list. and no fee for being on one.
They go by personal Dr intructions (resident's Drs, not staff Drs). individual for each resident.
I think it is perfect for Dad. I will bring Dad to visit there next week. They will even give him a free haircut and he will like THAT!
I still feel guilty just planning this. Like I'm planning to kick him out of the house. The Morningside House Manager said that was a normal feeling (and I do know that). But it still feels like kicking him out. I know, I know. I'm doing the best I can for him. He has reached the point where he needs more personal care than I can give, and that's the deciding point.
One nice thing is that the Morningside House is right next to the Safeway I shop at. That means that I can visit Dad each week and then do my food shopping. Sounds almost trivial, but having a reason to be RIGHT THERE each week sure makes it part of a routine to visit regularly. And I can bring him treats from the Safeway.
I doubt that the smaller group house is going to impress me tomorrow. But I will give them a fair visit. It might have some advantages. But I doubt it.
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A Day Late
But I wanted to remember a sad day. I remember some parts. I was only 13. I saw a lot on TV afterwards. But my most specific image is the...
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I'm sure it doesn't meant anything really, but I think you're doing the right thing. I know I don't really know you or your dad, but from reading, it sounds like your plan is the best for him. You too, but yeah, for him. Don't let guilt stop you from what you thing, or know in your heart, is the right thing for both of you.
I e3cho what Andrea said there above me. Just what I would have said as well. He will get used to it sooner than you may imagine. I like the sound of that place too!
whoops..typo. echo.
If he has his own bathroom, does it include shower? If he needs help bathing, how do they accomplish that?
Medical assistants are fine for the most part but how often and what kind of response time if you need a registered nurse for things that medical assistants cannot do.
Ask what things they are not allowed to do. When my Dad was in assisted living, while they could hand out prescriptions, they were not allowed to assist if the person wanted Tyelenol which they had in their possession. Also at where my Dad was, RN was on sight sometimes during the day. On call at night.
Good that once you get him into the system he can move to more care within the same group if you need it.
Good luck.
D & D have some very good questions. As you are going to be so close it will be easier than us at 2000 miles away--the nusring staff for my MIL is great and call us with any info; like bumps, bruises, requests whenever needed. It sounds like communication is very good at this place!
Mark, you are doing the right thing for you AND your Dad. I remember you writing that you wanted to take care of your Dad until it got to be too much, and it seems to be time. You will be able to CARE for him more in assisted living when you are no longer carING for him.
Can't tell you to not feel guilty because you will, but I can tell you that if my dad had been placed in assisted living, his quality of life would have been better and he probably would have lived longer and it would have been a healthier time for him. My sister and mom couldn't get past the "he wouldn't want this, we feel guilty" phase of even considering it.
Now my sister is dealing with the same thing with our mom...life would be better for them both in assisted living, but it's not even an option on the table. And that's a shame.
It might not feel like something a kid should do, the guilt of "putting them in a home," but the truth is, the elderly often do so much better in facilitated care than they do when living at home, where they have little social contact and rarely venture out.
It sounds perfect for your Dad. I would look no farther. I have so many friends in the same situation as you. Believe me you are making the right decision plus you can visit every week. Don't blame yourself. You can't do it all.
Best of luck Mark.
Mark - the staff will be experienced with helping family members with the emotions they feel. See if they offer support groups or some such. My mother attends an off-site afternoon tea in a local cafe with other relatives of residents in the nursing home where my father lives, hosted by the chaplain once a month. It's just an informal affair, but she says that she finds it helpful to be with others who are in similar situations as her own, and it builds her strength to deal with the difficult days.
Megan
Sydney, Australia
You have done a great job and this next step will be beneficial to both of you. I'm sure he'll adjust after a bit and it will end up being the best thing for him and even give him mental stimulation which will be very helpful to him. You certainly have done your homework. Don and I both have Parkinson's and have visited a couple of facilities here because we'll be facing that at some point. I decided we should be educated about what is available so we can make a wise decision.
Well, getting in late on this particular conversation, but ditto, ditto, ditto...It sounds like the very best spot!
And you might want to just go see him every other day for a while til he gets used to being there - & you get used to being back on your own for a while. Best of luck to you.
When we put grandmother into assisted living, my mom felt guilty too. And it was hard because grandmother made her feel guilty - I think that was the hardest. My mom coped by seeing her everyday, which I thought was a bit much. After a bit, grandmother thought of the place as home, like she had lived there forever. I saw my grandmother a bit before she died and she was at the table eating and she was very happy surrounded by her 'friends'. I'm happy my mom made the decision earlier than later to find her assisted living. Sounds to me you are doing right by your dad.
Scott
Thought based on Katnip Lounge, since you are close, you should be able to drop in any time you want to check on things. I would hope that during the overnight hours they will need to buzz you in, but do feel free to go. That way you can check on your Dad and them at any time.
Some places may be great during the day, but you want that same atmosphere 24/7.
Mark
found a website you may be very interested in, I know I was.
http://thevoiceofagingboomers.com/
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