The Last Years

The past couple of months have seen a substantial decrease in Dad’s ability to comprehend the world in general.  I am putting it that way to spare having to give all the details of previous posts.  He just doesn’t understand much of anything these days.  He has brief bursts of comprehension that make thinks awkward. 

He asked me today why he was having so much trouble moving around and why it was so hard just to get dressed.  He asked why he couldn’t understand documents and bills he gets in the mail.  Dad always taught me that honesty was the most important thing in his life.  I’m learned that well. 

I told him that his muscles are getting weaker and that his mind was not as sharp as it was 50 years ago.  Surely those are obvious things.  He said “No, that’s not the problem; I must have a disease”.

How do I explain his “disease” is just old age?  As in the plant analogy, I see Dad’s leaves falling everyday.  There aren’t many left to fall.  When I try to explain that he is “just plain old”, he denies it saying he is just fine.

I have started to visit assisted living facilities.  The first one, Morningside House was GREAT, but I see after looking over the details that they will soon get him to over $10,000 per month from the initial $5300.  The add-ons are outrageous.  They will charge him $1379/month for managing his 3 simple pill medications, $25/month for getting his meds (which cost only $2.50), $70 for every transportation to a DR, and they make a fortune for incontinence.  Its a wonderful place, but they will drain every dime from his pocket and discharge him when he is broke.  And Dad would never accept the basic cost anyway.  I had such high hopes for Morningside House until I (and my sister Susie) starting getting into the details.

I have an appointment with a simpler group house later today.  Sister Susie says the professionals she has talked to (she is professionally related to that work) say those are often much better at half the price, and Dad might accept that cost. 

I know a bit more after the Morningside House visit about what to look for.  Activities are good.  TV rooms are good.  But daily physical care for dressing and hygiene, basic meals, and assumed pill-giving are probably more important. 

Its hard just thinking about giving a parent over to assisted living care.  Telling your elder that it is time is harder.  Making the move is harder still.  I’m still just on that first action.