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Monday, March 20, 2017

Monday Humor

As long as I am copying files and deleting everything ABSOLUTELY not required, here is som more old humor. 


Thoughts From The Workplace...



 Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG
fourteen times gives you job security. 

 We put the "k" in "kwality." 

 If at first you don't succeed, try management. 

 Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. 

 TEAMWORK means never having to take all the blame yourself.

 The beatings will continue until morale improves. 

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. 

 We waste time, so you don't have to. 

 A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all. 

 When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break. 

 INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY. 

 Succeed in spite of management. 

 We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all
day. 

 Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore. 

 Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 

 I THINK THAT I KNOW THESE PEOPLE! 

 A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in
a way you don't understand. 

 An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the
wounded. 

 A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)

 An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he
predicted yesterday did not happen today.



 A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the
personality to be an accountant. 

 An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that
decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

 A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a
"brief." 

 A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. 

 A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells
you the time. For a fee.

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