Well, the decision has been made. An assisted living facility (ALF) has been chosen, I have forms to fill out, Dr appointments to make, etc. The family has found a good place near most of them (out of my area). Entry is available May 1st.
I am sad about all of this, of course, but relieved as well. Dad needs more attention and care than I can continue to give without slipping into martyrdom.
There are so many things to plan.
That doesn't mean that the several conversations with Dad were easy; they wern't. But it does mean that HE accepts that he is going to need more physical assistance soon than I can provide. I discussed that the precise costs depended on the level of care he needed and he asked what those were. Oh thanks for smooth tranisitions and killer arguments... When I said that the monthly care costs depended on whether someone could dress, bathe and use the bathroom themselves vs someone who couldn't, he blurted out "but pretty soon I'LL need that help"!
And then he realized he was needing assisted living care soon. I discussed waiting lists and the benefits of being where there was proffessional assistance just BEFORE he needed it. He accepted that he needed to go to an ALF.
There are many more family members where he will be moving to than there are here (just me here and 6 where he is going).
He hasn't given up the struggle. He raises trivial arguments. It will be so complicated to move (no), he has so many billing addresses to change (no). He needs to approve the bedroom (well, no, but only because its better than the one here).
He says he trusts my sister's judgement on the place (except he doesn't really). He is afraid of something that I haven't gotten him to talk about yet. We will discuss this again in the early afternoon when he is most alert.
My main purpose is to keep his focus on the positive aspects of moving to a good ALF. The longer it goes with him accepting that he will be moving, the better it will be.
There will be some more awkward conversations the next few days, but every day without him saying "no" will be a good one.