My life is Not Going Right

Have you ever felt that too many things are just mostly not going right?  That you thought it was all OK, and then suddenly you wanted to screaming out into the night looking for a clue about how it should be going? 

I shouldn't be at 68, but I am.  Maybe I have lived alone for too long and it is finally catching up to me.  But I can't imagine living with another person 24/7.

Maybe I''ve just lived just lived in the same house too long.  But I can't find anything wrong with the house.  It is actually easy to live in, a nice circular arrangement of kitchen, living room and TV room with 1 and a half baths and 3 bedrooms at the other.  The yard is a 1/2 acre and that's not bad. 

Maybe politics is getting under my skin.  Sometimes it seems to me that we are collectively going crazy.  The world is getting crazier.  Nations are becoming more partisan and controlled by crazy people.  Evil people are learning to control the world again.  I used to think the United Nations could solve some things.  I don't think that now. 

Or maybe it is just domestic politics.  I used to think things were getting better there, but they seem to be getting worse too.  I used to hope about elections; now I just dread them.  Everytime the political commentators say we have hit the bottom, the bottom gets deeper.

Well, maybe the yard has gotten out of my control.  I was 36 when I moved here and felt I could tackle any problem.  32 years seems like yesterday in one sense, but ages ago in another.  I can't do what I used to do.

Or maybe it is just the same old same old furniture.  I've lived like a college guy in his first apartment with hand-me-downs.  And the furniture does mean something to me being old family stuff.  But I don't want "House Beautiful" either.  I live a relaxed style.  My parents once asked us kids what we wanted from their house when they moved to a Florida rowhouse.  I waited for my siblings to choose and then named some furniture after they chose what they wanted.  Dad kept bugging me to chose "something".  I didn't expect them to be alive when the time came to "claim the stuff". 

I didn't want what I had "claimed".  It was a fancy walnut dining table with chairs, china cabinet, lowboy, etc.  That's not me.  And I'm introspective to understand "why".  When I was a child, I wasn't allowed to do any rough stuff on the "fancy furniture".  Maybe if I bought fancy furniture on my own it would be different, but who knows? 

Rosewood seems interesting, but I would be afraid to live with the stuff.

The garden is frustrating.  Not enough sunlight.  I could poison a few trees to make enough sunlight get through, but I can't get myself to do that.  I found a spot where the sun shines brightest,  and planted 3 tomato plants there in July.  And I got more heirloom tomatoes from there in the past 2 weeks than I got in the regular garden all Summer.  All at once of course.  I picked 7 tomatoes today.  I can't eat 7 tomatoes today.

I understand this doesn't match the problems some people have.  But they are MY problems

But together, it means I'm not in the right place, I'm not happy here,  I want a different house (all one level) and I'm on emotional tear here.   I don't like my life.  I need to make some serious changes. 

And I think I am "losing it".  I'm going altogether nuts.  I want to move, but I'm afraid to because I have so much "stuff".  I'm afraid of losing my good city water.  I'm afraid of losing my Verizon cable service.    But I also want to get a good garden and escape this traffic jam of a city. 

When I moved here 32 years ago, it was on the outskirts of residential places, there were no trees round, and life was great.  Now it is a traffic jam morning to evening, I get no sun for gardening, and light pollution is so bad I haven't seen the stars at night for years. 

I'm being stupid.  But also real for me.   

2005 Toyota Highlander Car

I wanna new car,
Without scratches and dents,
One that looks like it should,
That costs only pence.

I wanna new car.
Electric would be good. 
That could haul a small trailer
And a small boat too.

I wanna a new car,
13 years is quite long
Its starting to die,
And it won't be long.

I wanna new car,
Black was never right.
You can't see that car,
In the dead of night.

I wanna new car,
Another SUV.
The height gets me up
Over headlights, you see.

I wanna a new car,
For the pride, ya'll.
But it has to fit the garage,

And the door's kinna small.

I wanna new car,
Without tech-stuff, ya know.
I don't call when driving,
And I know where I am.

I wanna new car,
One that keeps me alive,
And keeps me protected
In front or behind.

I wanna new car,
Hydrogen's good
But there ain't that stuff
In the neighborhood.

I wanna new car,
But maybe keep what I've got.
Get it detailed and painted,
Let mechanics fix it up.

I wanna a new car,
I could buy one you see.
But this one could last,
Another 10 years and three.

The Brett Kavanaugh Confirmation

I write tonight not to condemn Brett Kavanaugh.  That has been done to death, as have supportive statements.  That part is over; Brett Kananaugh is now a Supreme Court Justice and will probably be one the rest of my life.

My comment today is about the failure of the process of deciding who gets confirmed to the Supreme Court and how.  And it is about fairness.  And partisanship. 

Partly, it is about how politics have become more partisan over the past decades.  It has happened before, of course.  Early in US history, political arguments were intensely personal and slanderous (worse than today) where political parties owned newspapers and the editorials and editorial cartoons were uncontrolled and facts were not even thought relevant. 

A political cartoon today might exaggerate a person's appearance (Obama's long face, Trump's hair), but older ones had them actually portrayed as animals.  And in 1852 Representative Preston Brooks (D-SC) used a walking cane to attack Senator Charles Sumner (R-MA), nearly killing him while others looked on.  Things got calmer later.

But we are returning to irrational anger.  It is a different kind of anger.  Today the political parties attack the reputation, honesty, and factual memory of others at any opportunity.  They attack when they don't even seem to believe what they say themselves.  When presented with facts disproving their arguments, they say "Oh well, that is just politics".

No, it isn't!  Politics is "the art of the possible".  It is the skill of reaching an agreement with someone you don't completely agree with to get something you both think more important than what you each give.  It is the idea that people you disagree with have honorable things that matter to them, just as you have things you consider honorable yourself.

It can be theoretical trades.  One Senator wants higher taxes on imported goods to support a national manufacturing base and another Senator wants higher minimum wages so that struggling workers can afford their rent and decent food.

Or it can be more practical.  One House Member sees a need in his/her District for a bridge to connect manufacturing to highways and another sees a need for road improvements between 2 large cities.

Or both sides want to change some social laws and agree to meet in the middle for things to be changed in the future as society changes.

But that isn't what is happening today.  Today, what happens is that both sides say they want 100%  and the other side gets 0% and they fight to the death about it as if the slightest degree of negotiation is fatal.

Because it is.  The US has not been so polarized since just before the Civil War.  When I was young, there were Liberal Republicans and Conservative Repulicans.  There were Liberal Democrats and Conservative Democrats.  Each Party had to first find some degree of agreement within themselves before they could nominate some Presidential candidate.

The result was that the candidates were either close to "centrist" or had to be close.  US politics, as a Social Democracy worked well that way. 

Nixon ruined that by enticing all the conservative democrats his way, Goldwater exemplified that, and the Democrats responded by slowing absorbing the Progressive Republicans (like me). 

And here we are now.  Civil Wars occur when a people are geographically split, ideologically split, religiously split, or politically split.  We are reaching all 4 of those.

What to do?  Get our elected leaders back toward the center.  Choose centrists in every election. Or at least the least extreme candidate.  Politicians don't elect themselves, it takes we voters to put them in office.

In Maryland, Governor Larry Hogan is a Republican.  I normally vote Democrat by default because the Republican candidates seem too extreme usually.  I disagree with some things he has done.  But he is closer to the center than his Democratic opponent. 

I will put my vote toward the more centrist candidate.  I have to start somewhere.  I'm not choosing a Party, I'm choosing a candidate.

Look at your own State's candidates.  Choose center.  Put people in office who can actually work together.  Because those are the leaders of our future.  That House Member you elect next month may be the President in 30 years,