Well, we have had some surprising stormy conditions here lately! The first was Friday night. For one thing, I didn't know it was coming. We don't watch much live TV here (well, Fox and Golf channels, but they aren't big on local weather). It was eerie. Around 11 pm, Dad commented on how dead still it was outside. And just then, "the train came through the station".
The wind suddenly whipped up to near hurricane level, the rain started, and the lights began flickering. I'm not too worried about the lights because we have underground cables here; a power outage is rare and usually lasts only a few seconds to a few minutes. Its been years since it was a whole hour. I LOVE our underground cables!
But the rain started driving against the front windows higher up and harder than I can recall seeing even in the few hurricanes we get in MD. Naturally, I had just noticed this past week that my back rain gutter was coming loose at one end. These things never happen at the beginning of a drought, of course. I'll have to arrange for a repair soon, but I'm sure gutter repair companies will be busy for the next month with damages from fallen tree branches.
The rain only lasted a short while, but we got 1/2" of rainfall. I'm glad of that! I would have liked more. I've been watering selected parts of the gardens, but nothing beats rain falling everywhere. Some long-established shrubs were wilting and the 1/2" of rain perked them right up.
There wasn't too much tree damage in the neighborhood. After lesser winds, I've awakened to the sounds of chainsaws. But I went out and found a dozen broken branches in the yard. I collected them to bring then up front to pile in the utility trailer, when I realized I had walked RIGHT PAST a major tree branch fallen on the hosta bed, LOL! I haven't moved it yet, its way too big for me to lift. I'll have to haul out the chainsaw.
I have to laugh, of the entire neighborhood, I may be the only person having to use a chainsaw this weekend!
It could always be worse. One nice thing about my property is the huge mature oaks and sweetgums. One bad thing is the huge mature oaks and sweetgums! There is one old oak directly west of the house (from where the strongest winds come). Every severe wind, I wait to hear it crack and fall onto the house. I regret that I will have to have it cut down some day before it crashes onto the house. I wonder if my insurance company will partially pay for preemptive tree-cutting?
Monday, July 2, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Garden/Yard
Well, not everything here is "Dad". I still work in the yard when I get the chance. My latest project has been removing weedy tree saplings and brambles.
This is the debris...
The nastiest work was among the brambles.
They grab everything! Clothes, socks, shoes, flesh... I bled from many unexpected thorny encounters. The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak. Thorns beat skin almost every time.
But plants can't organize and move. I can. I won slowly (though painfully). One square foot at a time...
I can imagine it from the bramble point of view. "We tried to flee, but we were frozen in place as if stuck in the ground! Closer and closer it came, our friends screaming as they were cut down mercilessly, Finally, I was the only one left , I determined to defeat the terrible claws of the lopper, sure that my will would prevail. Then it came. The final contest arrived. I willed my cells to..."
LOP! The last dead bramble...
This is the view to the house from the toolshed..
Before...
And after...
Quite a difference! I hate to say this, but I use Roundup. Carefully, but not as the manufacturer recommends. When I cut down the weedy tree saplings this time, I use a disposable brush and dab a bit of undiluted Roundup on the cut stump. As Ripley said in 'Aliens' (I think, well, one of those), "Its the only way to be sure".
I should explain... The backyard is half mature trees and half open. The half open part has my garden for 2/3s and a weird raised ridge between the trees and the garden. It is slightly too sloped to mow easily, but mostly it has been taken over by english ivy. I have no idea where the ivy came from, but it sure loves the ridge.
That ridge has always been a landscaping embarrassment. I've tried to figure out what to do with it for 25 years and never come to a satisfactory conclusion. Its just ugly, and I mean that in a "utility" sense.
It's too shaded for gardening and too sunlit for hostas. It's too sloped to mow with the riding mower and my few attempts to use a regular gas manual mower have been exhausting. Where there isn't english ivy, there is poison ivy and weedy saplings grow there happily.
When I stand out on my deck, the ridge is in the center of all I view. It says "Oh try to dig me up. I will outlast your puny pathetic personal muscular efforts; you are too old to defeat me now. Remember when you tried to level off that ONE small hill of me? You quit after only an hour. You WIMP". It says other things, but I can't repeat them in polite society.
I can either make my peace with the ridge or... I can destroy it. Yes, it is time to bring out the big gun. An Excavator! A PROFESSIONAL! The ridge has to be leveled. I realize that this is a personal fight with the local geography. But while I'm generally inclined to let nature be nature, this ridge mocks me constantly.
I could have the ridge removed finally or move.
It goes, or I do...
It is going to go! Because I'M not.
Mark
This is the debris...
I can imagine it from the bramble point of view. "We tried to flee, but we were frozen in place as if stuck in the ground! Closer and closer it came, our friends screaming as they were cut down mercilessly, Finally, I was the only one left , I determined to defeat the terrible claws of the lopper, sure that my will would prevail. Then it came. The final contest arrived. I willed my cells to..."
LOP! The last dead bramble...
Before...
And after...
I should explain... The backyard is half mature trees and half open. The half open part has my garden for 2/3s and a weird raised ridge between the trees and the garden. It is slightly too sloped to mow easily, but mostly it has been taken over by english ivy. I have no idea where the ivy came from, but it sure loves the ridge.
That ridge has always been a landscaping embarrassment. I've tried to figure out what to do with it for 25 years and never come to a satisfactory conclusion. Its just ugly, and I mean that in a "utility" sense.
It's too shaded for gardening and too sunlit for hostas. It's too sloped to mow with the riding mower and my few attempts to use a regular gas manual mower have been exhausting. Where there isn't english ivy, there is poison ivy and weedy saplings grow there happily.
When I stand out on my deck, the ridge is in the center of all I view. It says "Oh try to dig me up. I will outlast your puny pathetic personal muscular efforts; you are too old to defeat me now. Remember when you tried to level off that ONE small hill of me? You quit after only an hour. You WIMP". It says other things, but I can't repeat them in polite society.
I can either make my peace with the ridge or... I can destroy it. Yes, it is time to bring out the big gun. An Excavator! A PROFESSIONAL! The ridge has to be leveled. I realize that this is a personal fight with the local geography. But while I'm generally inclined to let nature be nature, this ridge mocks me constantly.
I could have the ridge removed finally or move.
It goes, or I do...
It is going to go! Because I'M not.
Mark
Monday, June 25, 2012
Living With Dad, 9
What I miss about living alone...
1. Listening to music.
2. Watching cartoon shows.
3. Drinking too much once in a while.
4. Staying up all night sometimes.
5. Playing Risk, Scrabble, and Backgammon on the computer at game sites for hours.
6. Standing out on the deck watching the wildlife and contemplating yardwork while drinking a beer.
7. No criticism. Dad is a natural critic. Well, he's an engineer. His order of perfection in the universe is "A vague deity", surgeons, engineers, and then everyone else. I'm in the "everyone else" category of course, LOL!
8. Staying cool (temperature-wise). I have a high metabolism. I'm comfortable at 68F. Dad wants it at 85F.
9. Not ever watching Fox News. Dad thinks Fox News really IS "fair and balanced".
10. Being sarcastic or making jokes. Dad doesn't get jokes anymore..
11. Being alone.
12. Not getting really strange advice. Like "you have too many cats", "you have too many flowerbeds", or "you have too many books".
13. Keeping odd hours.
14. Not having to explain anything to anyone.
15. Arranging and keeping track of someone ELSE'S doctor/dentist appointments.
I'm making adjustments (and getting used to them). Most of my old habits are arbitrary, so I can change them. And I'm naturally flexible. For example, I never used to eat meals on a schedule, but Dad does. So now I eat lunch every day at noon and dinner at 6 pm. It might even be good for me...
For the rest, time will solve those "problems" eventually. I may even miss the changes to my lifestyle some day.
One day at a time...
1. Listening to music.
2. Watching cartoon shows.
3. Drinking too much once in a while.
4. Staying up all night sometimes.
5. Playing Risk, Scrabble, and Backgammon on the computer at game sites for hours.
6. Standing out on the deck watching the wildlife and contemplating yardwork while drinking a beer.
7. No criticism. Dad is a natural critic. Well, he's an engineer. His order of perfection in the universe is "A vague deity", surgeons, engineers, and then everyone else. I'm in the "everyone else" category of course, LOL!
8. Staying cool (temperature-wise). I have a high metabolism. I'm comfortable at 68F. Dad wants it at 85F.
9. Not ever watching Fox News. Dad thinks Fox News really IS "fair and balanced".
10. Being sarcastic or making jokes. Dad doesn't get jokes anymore..
11. Being alone.
12. Not getting really strange advice. Like "you have too many cats", "you have too many flowerbeds", or "you have too many books".
13. Keeping odd hours.
14. Not having to explain anything to anyone.
15. Arranging and keeping track of someone ELSE'S doctor/dentist appointments.
I'm making adjustments (and getting used to them). Most of my old habits are arbitrary, so I can change them. And I'm naturally flexible. For example, I never used to eat meals on a schedule, but Dad does. So now I eat lunch every day at noon and dinner at 6 pm. It might even be good for me...
For the rest, time will solve those "problems" eventually. I may even miss the changes to my lifestyle some day.
One day at a time...
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Living With Dad, 8
Today is one month since Dad moved in. Its gone a LOT better than I expected. Which isn't to say "great", but you know what I mean. It could be a whole lot worse.
Getting Dad up here was awkward, but my "too complicated" plans worked (thanks to my brother actually driving Dad from FL to MD over 2 days). Settling Dad into the house was difficult at first. Well, he went from a house of his own to a room of his own; that was hard for him. Of course, he has the rest of THIS house now, and its bigger than his FL house.
Dad had a hard time getting used to the idea of being here as a resident, not a visitor. I did too. Nothing like (me) living alone for 28 years and then suddenly having a housemate! I still haven't gotten used to having someone else around 24/7.
The odd thing is that I've always been a happy loner, but I'm doing OK with Dad here. I've always been good about adjusting to new situations. Hmmm... Let's correct that to "Ive always been good AT adjusting to new situations, even if I hate it and do it kicking and screaming at first". Which of course, I couldn't do with Dad here being all concerned about this major change in his life.
So this was ONE time I surpressed the "kicking and screaming at first" and went straight to the acceptance part. Well, I guess family matters. I never had a family housemate since I left for college 44 years ago.
Please don't take this wrong, but the idea that it is not permanent helps. There will come a time when Dad needs professional full time care I can't provide. It may not be all that long. But it is uncertain. He is both healthy and fading at the same time. I don't know how to explain that (but of course, I will try anyway).
He is HEALTHY in that he has a good appetite, needs no personal hygiene assistance, can usually walk around on his own, and can deal with simple daily activities very well. He can get in and out of the car, carry dishes to the table and back, help with some parts of the meals, etc. When I say "healthy" I mean that his internal body (heart, lungs, etc) seems to be in good condition, and he is mentally able is daily things.
He is FADING in that he is having more difficulty getting STARTED walking around (his feet just won't go when he wants them to), is more hunched over, and possibly more forgetful than when he got here just a month ago. When we were in FL, he could remember events of a week previous. Now, a few days ago is beyond his recall. So some things are fading in just a month, but other parts of his life are staying steady.
None of his doctors suggested Alzheimer's, and only one suggested "mild dementia". I question the non-dementia part, though. Its one thing not to remember what he had for dinner the day before (sometimes I have to think about that myself), but its another to not remember going in the car with me to deposit checks at his bank the previous day.
He is generally happy...
He watches Fox News or golf most of the day, he enjoys my cooking (and he should - more on that below), and he has someone to talk to (Mom went into assisted care in 2009 and died in 2010). I actually listen to him. Its hard with old folks, but I register when he says anything and make sure I hear what he is saying and respond. Even when it doesn't make sense at first.
It helps that I have cats. Don't laugh! As parents always have an ear open to the sounds of children, I have always had a part of my mind attuned to the sounds of the cats. That same part hears Dad all the time. I can always stop what I'm doing and sit next to him to hear anything he wants to say. And I suppose if I've done it for a month, I can do it for a year.
The hardest part is dealing with documents that come in the mail. I've started just tossing the obvious junk mail, but most of his mail is uncertain as to importance. I hate the advertising from established business arrangements most. Some are important, some are junk, but they are all equally concerning to Dad. I HAVE to let him open them. I will NOT open any mail to him that might be important. He has a right to his mail.
Even if it takes me an hour to convince him that some mail is not important and some is...
About the cooking... In FL, Dad was living off (as far as I can tell by asking and by what was in his refrigerator/freezer) hotdogs, frozen fish filets, ice cream, and martinis. It is very likely that the best thing the 2 weeks of rehab hospital gave him was balanced meals!
And I've been doing that here. That part is easy, I am just cooking the same stuff I normally eat, just twice as much. Except that he MUST have a potato with each meal. But basically, I have always had a meat, a green veg, an orange/yellow veg, a tossed salad, and sometimes a starch like spaghetti or rice. Fresh fruits for dessert, though I kind of fell into a weakness for small slices of fancy cheescakes just before Dad arrived.
So we meet in the middle, sort of. He has to get my good diet, but he also gets his ice cream for dessert and I get some fresh fruits into him with the ice cream. I wish I could get him to eat more fruit. He likes it well enough, but if he was ALMOST full and had a choice between ice cream and a good ripe peach, he'll go for the ice cream. Well, he's 90, maybe I shouldn't worry about that so much. If he made it to 90, ice cream probably ISN'T going to be what kills him!
Dad still does strange things. Mostly "strange" because they are not what he did the day before. I found a laundry hamper to fit in the main bathroom (he doesn't want it in his bedroom for some reason and the hamper in his FL house WAS in the bathroom). And he usually puts his worn clothes in there. But yesterday he "washed" his underpants in the sink and set them to dry over the air vent.
Well, life with Dad isn't boring; there's always something new...
Mark
Getting Dad up here was awkward, but my "too complicated" plans worked (thanks to my brother actually driving Dad from FL to MD over 2 days). Settling Dad into the house was difficult at first. Well, he went from a house of his own to a room of his own; that was hard for him. Of course, he has the rest of THIS house now, and its bigger than his FL house.
Dad had a hard time getting used to the idea of being here as a resident, not a visitor. I did too. Nothing like (me) living alone for 28 years and then suddenly having a housemate! I still haven't gotten used to having someone else around 24/7.
The odd thing is that I've always been a happy loner, but I'm doing OK with Dad here. I've always been good about adjusting to new situations. Hmmm... Let's correct that to "Ive always been good AT adjusting to new situations, even if I hate it and do it kicking and screaming at first". Which of course, I couldn't do with Dad here being all concerned about this major change in his life.
So this was ONE time I surpressed the "kicking and screaming at first" and went straight to the acceptance part. Well, I guess family matters. I never had a family housemate since I left for college 44 years ago.
Please don't take this wrong, but the idea that it is not permanent helps. There will come a time when Dad needs professional full time care I can't provide. It may not be all that long. But it is uncertain. He is both healthy and fading at the same time. I don't know how to explain that (but of course, I will try anyway).
He is HEALTHY in that he has a good appetite, needs no personal hygiene assistance, can usually walk around on his own, and can deal with simple daily activities very well. He can get in and out of the car, carry dishes to the table and back, help with some parts of the meals, etc. When I say "healthy" I mean that his internal body (heart, lungs, etc) seems to be in good condition, and he is mentally able is daily things.
He is FADING in that he is having more difficulty getting STARTED walking around (his feet just won't go when he wants them to), is more hunched over, and possibly more forgetful than when he got here just a month ago. When we were in FL, he could remember events of a week previous. Now, a few days ago is beyond his recall. So some things are fading in just a month, but other parts of his life are staying steady.
None of his doctors suggested Alzheimer's, and only one suggested "mild dementia". I question the non-dementia part, though. Its one thing not to remember what he had for dinner the day before (sometimes I have to think about that myself), but its another to not remember going in the car with me to deposit checks at his bank the previous day.
He is generally happy...
It helps that I have cats. Don't laugh! As parents always have an ear open to the sounds of children, I have always had a part of my mind attuned to the sounds of the cats. That same part hears Dad all the time. I can always stop what I'm doing and sit next to him to hear anything he wants to say. And I suppose if I've done it for a month, I can do it for a year.
The hardest part is dealing with documents that come in the mail. I've started just tossing the obvious junk mail, but most of his mail is uncertain as to importance. I hate the advertising from established business arrangements most. Some are important, some are junk, but they are all equally concerning to Dad. I HAVE to let him open them. I will NOT open any mail to him that might be important. He has a right to his mail.
Even if it takes me an hour to convince him that some mail is not important and some is...
About the cooking... In FL, Dad was living off (as far as I can tell by asking and by what was in his refrigerator/freezer) hotdogs, frozen fish filets, ice cream, and martinis. It is very likely that the best thing the 2 weeks of rehab hospital gave him was balanced meals!
And I've been doing that here. That part is easy, I am just cooking the same stuff I normally eat, just twice as much. Except that he MUST have a potato with each meal. But basically, I have always had a meat, a green veg, an orange/yellow veg, a tossed salad, and sometimes a starch like spaghetti or rice. Fresh fruits for dessert, though I kind of fell into a weakness for small slices of fancy cheescakes just before Dad arrived.
So we meet in the middle, sort of. He has to get my good diet, but he also gets his ice cream for dessert and I get some fresh fruits into him with the ice cream. I wish I could get him to eat more fruit. He likes it well enough, but if he was ALMOST full and had a choice between ice cream and a good ripe peach, he'll go for the ice cream. Well, he's 90, maybe I shouldn't worry about that so much. If he made it to 90, ice cream probably ISN'T going to be what kills him!
Dad still does strange things. Mostly "strange" because they are not what he did the day before. I found a laundry hamper to fit in the main bathroom (he doesn't want it in his bedroom for some reason and the hamper in his FL house WAS in the bathroom). And he usually puts his worn clothes in there. But yesterday he "washed" his underpants in the sink and set them to dry over the air vent.
Well, life with Dad isn't boring; there's always something new...
Mark
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Garden
I get some time out in the garden.
Here is one of the tomato beds. In front are bell peppers and basil.
Behind them are heirloom tomatoes. In the blue tubs, I grow potatoes. This year I have blue potatoes I found in a grocery store. To harvest the potatoes, I just dump the tub out on a tarp.
That's my first fruit of the year.
This is the hanging pot with the cherry tomato growing out the bottom. It is growing up, but gravity will win. Then I will pick cherry tomatoes as I walk past.
Here are the few Italian flat beans that grew. I need to plant more Only half grew.
And more cukes too. Only half of THEM emerged.
Here is one of the tomato beds. In front are bell peppers and basil.
Behind them are heirloom tomatoes. In the blue tubs, I grow potatoes. This year I have blue potatoes I found in a grocery store. To harvest the potatoes, I just dump the tub out on a tarp.
That's my first fruit of the year.
This is the hanging pot with the cherry tomato growing out the bottom. It is growing up, but gravity will win. Then I will pick cherry tomatoes as I walk past.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Living With Dad, 7
Its the finances that are going to be the death of me. Not costs, I mean the checks and bank statements, trash documents, etc. Every single little document is a source of frustration. We spent 1.5 hours deciding what to do with 1 received check, 2 change of address confirmations, a homeowner association board meeting notice, and a monthly investment statement. It was maybe 10 minutes work for me if I got those myself. But with the detailed explanations required for Dad, the repeat of the explanations a few minutes later, the backtracking after that, the filling out of a simple form and addressing of a simple envelope, and "the keeping of the documents", we used up 1.5 hours.
Dad is completely confused about his several banks with multiple accounts. He considers each separate account "a bank" in conversation, which gets really confusing. Fortunately, I have managed to eliminate one actual bank. Every simplification helps. A constant concern of his is bank failure and loss of his money (he is old enough to remember the bank failures of the Great Depression). I explain that assets are federally insured, but Fox News reports and gold-seller advertisements all over TV have him worried. I would like to get his checking and standard savings accounts into a local bank, a money market account into another, and some money into CDs at a credit union (for the higher interest). Yeah, that's 3 banks, but they would be separated by type of accounts and I can keep THAT straight. Plus new accounts get me a clean start so that I can start balancing his checkbook and entering his earned interest monthly. Right now, he just trusts the monthly bank statements to be accurate.
And I'm still trying to get his older records sorted out (mostly looking for 2011 tax information). So after the new mail was taken care of, we spent another hour+ as we went through the remaining ones in his duffel bag (his version of a file cabinet drawer).
Dad keeps stuff in old envelopes chronologically. Worse, its chronologically by date of receipt, not the month it actually applies to. So an amendment to his 2008 taxes is with Oct 2011 stuff because thats when it was processed. And the Oct 2011 envelope has his property tax voucher in with bank statements, PR junk from a bank, and donations for the month, etc. ARGHHH!
He can't understand why I want to sort documents by company and subject... I'd understand if he could find any documents with his system, but he can't. And I have to be able to find his documents.
His wallet is another scrambled mess. There aren't many cards in it, but they are all just stacked together. HE can't find anything in it when he needs to, and objects if I try to find anything. For example, finding his Social Security card or credit card takes forever. Not because he has so many cards in the wallet, but because he keeps them (deliberately) packed into just a couple plastic holders (all the others are broken on the sides). I'd LIKE to get him a new wallet with new cardholders for each card, but he won't spend the money for one OR allow me to just buy one. He wants his OLD wallet, broken as it is...
I'm hoping to get a chance to buy him a new wallet for Fathers Day and HOPE he will use it. One nice plastic holder for each card he has in the old wallet.
I understand his concerns about keeping records the way he is accustomed to. I really do; changes in personal organization are difficult. But his way doesn't work for HIM either anymore and I'M the one who has to find records now.
I also know that I need to make changes slowly so that Dad can get used to them (in reality, "slowly" so that he has SOME illusion of control).
I think the hardest part of all this is that I'm not dealing with a child. I'm dealing with a person who knows he is an adult but COMPREHENDS like a child. A child doesn't know or care about records and forms. An adult does. Dad KNOWS that these documents are important (and quite frankly, HIS). While he knows that he can't understand them anymore, he can't stop trying. THAT'S the Sisyphean hill we labor against every day...
Dad's fading mental abilities are the rock he is trying to push uphill. But I'M the one doing most of the pushing and I have to keep running around him awkwardly to get a good grip on the rock. When he asks the same set of questions about "settled" actions for the 3rd or 4th time, the rock slips downhill a bit and I have to get the rock uphill a bit further than it was when we started the day.
The rock will get bigger and heavier as time goes on and Dad has greater difficulties in understanding things. I expect it, and I'll deal with it as best I can. Because there will come a day when Dad no longer even tries to manage his affairs. That will be a more difficult day. Easier in the sense of "just handling his bills myself", but harder in that I will be watching my Dad fading from this world...
Mark
Dad is completely confused about his several banks with multiple accounts. He considers each separate account "a bank" in conversation, which gets really confusing. Fortunately, I have managed to eliminate one actual bank. Every simplification helps. A constant concern of his is bank failure and loss of his money (he is old enough to remember the bank failures of the Great Depression). I explain that assets are federally insured, but Fox News reports and gold-seller advertisements all over TV have him worried. I would like to get his checking and standard savings accounts into a local bank, a money market account into another, and some money into CDs at a credit union (for the higher interest). Yeah, that's 3 banks, but they would be separated by type of accounts and I can keep THAT straight. Plus new accounts get me a clean start so that I can start balancing his checkbook and entering his earned interest monthly. Right now, he just trusts the monthly bank statements to be accurate.
And I'm still trying to get his older records sorted out (mostly looking for 2011 tax information). So after the new mail was taken care of, we spent another hour+ as we went through the remaining ones in his duffel bag (his version of a file cabinet drawer).
Dad keeps stuff in old envelopes chronologically. Worse, its chronologically by date of receipt, not the month it actually applies to. So an amendment to his 2008 taxes is with Oct 2011 stuff because thats when it was processed. And the Oct 2011 envelope has his property tax voucher in with bank statements, PR junk from a bank, and donations for the month, etc. ARGHHH!
He can't understand why I want to sort documents by company and subject... I'd understand if he could find any documents with his system, but he can't. And I have to be able to find his documents.
His wallet is another scrambled mess. There aren't many cards in it, but they are all just stacked together. HE can't find anything in it when he needs to, and objects if I try to find anything. For example, finding his Social Security card or credit card takes forever. Not because he has so many cards in the wallet, but because he keeps them (deliberately) packed into just a couple plastic holders (all the others are broken on the sides). I'd LIKE to get him a new wallet with new cardholders for each card, but he won't spend the money for one OR allow me to just buy one. He wants his OLD wallet, broken as it is...
I'm hoping to get a chance to buy him a new wallet for Fathers Day and HOPE he will use it. One nice plastic holder for each card he has in the old wallet.
I understand his concerns about keeping records the way he is accustomed to. I really do; changes in personal organization are difficult. But his way doesn't work for HIM either anymore and I'M the one who has to find records now.
I also know that I need to make changes slowly so that Dad can get used to them (in reality, "slowly" so that he has SOME illusion of control).
I think the hardest part of all this is that I'm not dealing with a child. I'm dealing with a person who knows he is an adult but COMPREHENDS like a child. A child doesn't know or care about records and forms. An adult does. Dad KNOWS that these documents are important (and quite frankly, HIS). While he knows that he can't understand them anymore, he can't stop trying. THAT'S the Sisyphean hill we labor against every day...
Dad's fading mental abilities are the rock he is trying to push uphill. But I'M the one doing most of the pushing and I have to keep running around him awkwardly to get a good grip on the rock. When he asks the same set of questions about "settled" actions for the 3rd or 4th time, the rock slips downhill a bit and I have to get the rock uphill a bit further than it was when we started the day.
The rock will get bigger and heavier as time goes on and Dad has greater difficulties in understanding things. I expect it, and I'll deal with it as best I can. Because there will come a day when Dad no longer even tries to manage his affairs. That will be a more difficult day. Easier in the sense of "just handling his bills myself", but harder in that I will be watching my Dad fading from this world...
Mark
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Living With Dad, 6
Wow, Dad got up at 2 am and turned on the TV to watch Fox News for about 10 minutes. Then went back to bed. I guess I better start documenting his activities. Because I'll forget them and it may become important some day.
Last night, he suddenly started asking where his wine was. I thought he meant his vermouth because he calls that white wine. Well, I suppose it is, but he insisted he had a bottle of red wine in the fridge.
He did not have a bottle of red wine in the fridge. He has never had a bottle of red wine in my fridge. He doesn't even LIKE red wine. I think there was a very old bottle of red wine in his fridge in FL. He is forgetting where he is again, in time AND space.
He usually has these confused moments around sundown. Travis at HealthSouth said its actually CALLED "Sundowner". I'm getting to avoid asking difficult questions at sundown. He gets very confused then. And its so weird! One moment he is acting fairly normal, then like a light switch turned off, he make no sense. I need to look this up. Maybe there are ways I can help him around this daily confusion.
It is hard watching this happen.
I'm tempted to go through the rest of the documents in his duffel bag. It would be so easy for ME to do it. But I won't. It matters that he sees every document, even if it is so slow. *sigh*
Dad complained about the sheets on the bed. I washed/dried them last night and made his bed. No static either. He says he itches. Well I can't get him to shower more than once a week, of COURSE he itches. Am I supposed to drag him into the shower? I would if I should. Should I?
Last night, he suddenly started asking where his wine was. I thought he meant his vermouth because he calls that white wine. Well, I suppose it is, but he insisted he had a bottle of red wine in the fridge.
He did not have a bottle of red wine in the fridge. He has never had a bottle of red wine in my fridge. He doesn't even LIKE red wine. I think there was a very old bottle of red wine in his fridge in FL. He is forgetting where he is again, in time AND space.
He usually has these confused moments around sundown. Travis at HealthSouth said its actually CALLED "Sundowner". I'm getting to avoid asking difficult questions at sundown. He gets very confused then. And its so weird! One moment he is acting fairly normal, then like a light switch turned off, he make no sense. I need to look this up. Maybe there are ways I can help him around this daily confusion.
It is hard watching this happen.
I'm tempted to go through the rest of the documents in his duffel bag. It would be so easy for ME to do it. But I won't. It matters that he sees every document, even if it is so slow. *sigh*
Dad complained about the sheets on the bed. I washed/dried them last night and made his bed. No static either. He says he itches. Well I can't get him to shower more than once a week, of COURSE he itches. Am I supposed to drag him into the shower? I would if I should. Should I?
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Living With Dad, 5
Today's (long-avoided) challenge was to start sorting through Dad's collection of documents. He DOES have some documents in envelops, but they are more chronological than organized by subject. I set up file folders a few days ago and took opportunities to let him see those (familiarity helps), but he hasn't liked the idea. Maybe he hated files in his career job, too.
So I started slowly a couple days ago. Loose documents and new mail showed up, so I showed him how I was putting those in the new file folders. And there are a couple of CDs he wanted to cash in, so I typed letters to the banks (at their instruction) and had him sign the letters. He fusses that the post office won't return the envelopes to him unless his name was on the return address, so I made him his own set of sticky-back address labels! That made him feel better.
He even walked the envelopes out to the mailbox himself. He didn't complain TOO much about that, so I got him to sit down at the table today to start sorting through the duffel bag of documents. Most are copies of bill statements that have been paid. He didn't want to keep those, yet he had them back through 2010. I let HIM put those in the special "document trash box" I set up (with a big label he can read so that he remembers what it is for. Plus, a special box will let me sort through it after he goes to bed so I can make sure nothing stays in there that he should keep.
It IS very frustrating sometimes. He looks at old phone bills and throws them in the trash box, then will look at the next old phone bill and dither about it for several minutes. I am patient and explain the same thing over and over when he feels uncertain and forgetful. Meanwhile, I go through dozens of other "same old bills" in 2 minutes.
We found many investment accounts I did not know about, so I made many new folders. The "filing-by-subject" idea confuses him. These days, he thinks in terms of "degree of importance" and wants to keep those most "important" things together. It doesn't matter to him that one document is a birth certificate and the next is a certificate of deposit; those are both "important". It takes some effort to convince him to let me put his (and Mom's) birth certificates in one folder and the CDs from the banks in separate bank folders. He is CONVINCED they will be lost among the folders.
Later, I asked him to name anything he wanted to get his hands on. He said "CDs", I produced them immediately (showing him the file folders). Naturally, he still doubts the filing system. I understand why; its not HIS system. But I'M the one who will have to find documents...
We found last year's tax form, and we found a lot of 2011 tax documents. He hasn't filed his 2011 tax forms. I'll have to make a few calls Monday. His last year's tax form preparer first, to see what they did for this year's tax form before he seems to have lost track of not filing them. They seem to have done some preliminary work. And we will NEED an expert in both Florida taxes forms and NH tax forms. I can't do those!
I'll have to go to the IRS/FL/NH websites to see about filing for an extention forgiveness due to "medical problems". This is going to be a BIG MESS. But we'll get through it...
And have the duffel bag and a whole briefcase are yet to go through! I can't WAIT to see what I discover next in those. Dad was worn out going through 2/3 of the duffel bag of documents!
I am getting along. My usual routines are all shot to hell and back, but I'm being flexible about it. Fortunately, Fox News and The Golf Channel are good Dad-sitters. He can watch them all day (though I get him up and about a few times and keep some conversations going about the shows. And I get him out on the deck (and yard sometimes) for change of scenery and some exercise.
I get out to the garden. I planted beans, cukes, and transplanted some basil seedlings today. The tomatoes and bell peppers are doing well. The cats are doing well (Dad responds to the cats well). I make some time on the computer (obviously), but I can't take my time at it as well as BD (Before Dad).
The first 2 weeks, I spent all my time around Dad as if he was a guest so that when he wanted anything I was there. I'm getting a little used to leaving him alone for some time, and I have been talking to him about treating this as his own home. At first, if he wanted some potato chips as a snack, he would ask me. I THINK I've convinced him that he can just go get anything he wants anytime at all, even in the middle of the night. I understand his reluctance (I think). If he just "gets" food, it means he lives here, and he still wants to think this is just temporary. After a few more weeks, he will forget he lived anywhere else recently. I'm serious, he is already forgetting living in FL. He barely recalls staying in the rehab hospital for 2 weeks just 4 weeks ago.
And let me say that I sometimes repeat myself here. Between this blog, emails to friends and family, and discussions with various businesses, I sometimes lose track of what I have said to who, when. So forgive me things I've already mentioned.
Life goes on. but it isn't always a straight line. There are sometimes dips in the road. LOL!
But we are managing, and that's the important thing.
So I started slowly a couple days ago. Loose documents and new mail showed up, so I showed him how I was putting those in the new file folders. And there are a couple of CDs he wanted to cash in, so I typed letters to the banks (at their instruction) and had him sign the letters. He fusses that the post office won't return the envelopes to him unless his name was on the return address, so I made him his own set of sticky-back address labels! That made him feel better.
He even walked the envelopes out to the mailbox himself. He didn't complain TOO much about that, so I got him to sit down at the table today to start sorting through the duffel bag of documents. Most are copies of bill statements that have been paid. He didn't want to keep those, yet he had them back through 2010. I let HIM put those in the special "document trash box" I set up (with a big label he can read so that he remembers what it is for. Plus, a special box will let me sort through it after he goes to bed so I can make sure nothing stays in there that he should keep.
It IS very frustrating sometimes. He looks at old phone bills and throws them in the trash box, then will look at the next old phone bill and dither about it for several minutes. I am patient and explain the same thing over and over when he feels uncertain and forgetful. Meanwhile, I go through dozens of other "same old bills" in 2 minutes.
We found many investment accounts I did not know about, so I made many new folders. The "filing-by-subject" idea confuses him. These days, he thinks in terms of "degree of importance" and wants to keep those most "important" things together. It doesn't matter to him that one document is a birth certificate and the next is a certificate of deposit; those are both "important". It takes some effort to convince him to let me put his (and Mom's) birth certificates in one folder and the CDs from the banks in separate bank folders. He is CONVINCED they will be lost among the folders.
Later, I asked him to name anything he wanted to get his hands on. He said "CDs", I produced them immediately (showing him the file folders). Naturally, he still doubts the filing system. I understand why; its not HIS system. But I'M the one who will have to find documents...
We found last year's tax form, and we found a lot of 2011 tax documents. He hasn't filed his 2011 tax forms. I'll have to make a few calls Monday. His last year's tax form preparer first, to see what they did for this year's tax form before he seems to have lost track of not filing them. They seem to have done some preliminary work. And we will NEED an expert in both Florida taxes forms and NH tax forms. I can't do those!
I'll have to go to the IRS/FL/NH websites to see about filing for an extention forgiveness due to "medical problems". This is going to be a BIG MESS. But we'll get through it...
And have the duffel bag and a whole briefcase are yet to go through! I can't WAIT to see what I discover next in those. Dad was worn out going through 2/3 of the duffel bag of documents!
I am getting along. My usual routines are all shot to hell and back, but I'm being flexible about it. Fortunately, Fox News and The Golf Channel are good Dad-sitters. He can watch them all day (though I get him up and about a few times and keep some conversations going about the shows. And I get him out on the deck (and yard sometimes) for change of scenery and some exercise.
I get out to the garden. I planted beans, cukes, and transplanted some basil seedlings today. The tomatoes and bell peppers are doing well. The cats are doing well (Dad responds to the cats well). I make some time on the computer (obviously), but I can't take my time at it as well as BD (Before Dad).
The first 2 weeks, I spent all my time around Dad as if he was a guest so that when he wanted anything I was there. I'm getting a little used to leaving him alone for some time, and I have been talking to him about treating this as his own home. At first, if he wanted some potato chips as a snack, he would ask me. I THINK I've convinced him that he can just go get anything he wants anytime at all, even in the middle of the night. I understand his reluctance (I think). If he just "gets" food, it means he lives here, and he still wants to think this is just temporary. After a few more weeks, he will forget he lived anywhere else recently. I'm serious, he is already forgetting living in FL. He barely recalls staying in the rehab hospital for 2 weeks just 4 weeks ago.
And let me say that I sometimes repeat myself here. Between this blog, emails to friends and family, and discussions with various businesses, I sometimes lose track of what I have said to who, when. So forgive me things I've already mentioned.
Life goes on. but it isn't always a straight line. There are sometimes dips in the road. LOL!
But we are managing, and that's the important thing.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Living With Dad, 4
Lucidity comes and goes, but some subjects are more confusing for him than others. Yesterday, we were talking about a few events from years past and he remembers them, providing rich accurate details. Yet today, we were filling out a customer survey from the rehab hospital he was in for 2 weeks in May and he can barely recall the stay there.
I knew, abstractly, that old memories can be recalled easier than new ones in elder parents, but seeing the actuality of it is jarring sometimes. And I am comfortable helping him relive the things he CAN remember. It gives him something unconfusing to talk about and me something unconfusing to listen to. And I find out a few things I never knew before.
Like that HE was golfing friends with the fathers of a couple of high school acquintances. How come we never got together even on the golf course as Fathers and Sons? Well, I knew that Dad never connected HIS friendships with MINE, but you would think that would have happened even by accident occasionally. Ah, well, mysteries abound around Dad now and in the past.
The main thing is the present. Today's adventure was some bills he had to pay. Property taxes for the coming annual year for 2 condos he rents out. Payment was straightforward and he understood what the payments were for. In spite of that, it took 45 minutes of care to get the checks written and registered and put in envelopes.
It will be no surprise to people with elderly parents, but he dithers over every little detail, and usually the same details several times. I could have done the whole thing in 3 minutes, but it is important to him that he do these things as long as he can, so I spend the time.
One big problem he has is writing. He can barely sign his name, so writing out the details of a check is a BIG DEAL for him. I finally realized that I could (legally, I hope) write out the check as long as he signed it. So I did the complicated parts and he signed them after I showed him how each check matched up with the details on the tax bills. It even distressed him to use one of MY return address stickers on the envelope. I had to assure him several times that the return address sticker was only for the mailbox to return a misaddressed envelope to, NOT the person sending the envelope. But I will make him his OWN address labels tomorrow (I have a program and stick forms for that).
Then there was the bank statement. He was sure it was a bill at first and was distressed at the large dollar amounts on it. I went through that with him line by line and showed him the same amounts in his checkbook register. He can pay bills and keep track in his check register, but can't understand them weeks later. I asked him about balancing his checkbook, but he said he trusts his bank statement. I balance mine each month, but I have to admit that I have never found a statement in error in 40 years, so he may have a point. Still, I will take a look at his bank statements to make sure there are no charges he didn't authorize. "Accurate balances" is not the same as "authorized charges". Dad tends to think charity requests (for good public services like fire and police) are "bills", and I need to make sure that they aren't abusing his support with repeated withdrawals from ONE donation.
Fortunately, I have made many file folders for his use. He didn't like the file folders, preferring his "own system" (randomly stacked documents in a duffel bag, a briefcase, and a tote bag). I made the file folders with bright yellow post-it notes stapled to the tops. I'll make nice file labels when I know which ones he actually needs, but he can read the neon-yellow post-it labels clearly. I have a file drawer emptied just for his use when all is settled, but for now they are in a box on the table.
After objecting to file folders for 2 weeks, he surprisingly did not object when I stuck his property tax statements (marked "PAID" in big letters) into a folder labeled "PROPERTY TAXES" and his bank X statement into a folder labeled "BANK X". He hates changes, but understands order "after the fact"...
I think that I can finally get him to allow me (with his oversight) to sort out his duffel bag and briefcase documents. I've been working up to this slowly for 2 weeks, and my patience is finally paying off. Some children, I think, get impatient and just unilaterally DO THINGS for their elderly parents. I want to keep Dad mentally involved in all his financial processes, even if he doesn't really understand what they are. I'd rather explain and show things several times then make him feel out of control of his life.
And then there was the medications... Oh that must be one of the most difficult parts. I have little experience with medications. I just don't need any. So I have to research each and every pill bottle I find. Between the rehab hospital OTC meds and the several prescription meds I found today (when Dad said he had none, I spent time on the internet. I won't describe the meds in detail for his personal privacy, but there are some he was supposed to be taking for months and hasn't. Dad says a 2nd (unnamed) doctor daid not to take them. I doubt that.
So tomorrow, I have to find a good doctor and arrange a "from scratch" physical and med regimen that I can talk to the doctor about. Heck, I need a permanent primary doctor myself, so I will try to find the same one for both of us. We are BOTH seniors now. I've read that the best thing for both of us aging guys is a male internist/geriatrics doctor about 5 years out of medical school. Angie's List, here I come! Well, AL got us a great dentist...
Food is still working well here. Dad eats anything, but fortunately, I love to cook from scratch and have a naturally healthy diet (the old fashioned kind of "some" meat, several veggies and a couple glasses of red wine). I wish I could get Dad to stop demanding a potato and white bread with each meal, but be thing at a time. Maybe I can convince him that sweet potatoes are "potatoes". But he is already eating better here than even at the hospital (they overcooked all his veggies, I sampled them). I steam mine.
I want Dad to gain some weight, but not as fat. So I make meals of (for example) a marinated baked chicken thigh with a tossed salad with carrot and tomato, a green veg and a orange/yellow veg (and dammit a half a potato). He wants cake and ice cream for dessert, but I've been adding some fresh fruit slices to that and he DOES dutifully eat everything on his plate.
Thankfully, he doesn't miss having a car. He doesn't wander. He knows where he is in terms of the house, though he isn't always sure of what State he is in and confuses past residences. FL is becoming a vague memory. He doesn't seem to have any signs of Alzheimers, but some of early Parkinson's (repetitive foot-tapping and hand tremors, and he has the shuffle-foot problem where he can't LIFT a foot enough to START walking most times).
On the positive side, that means he can't raise his feet enough to step on the cats... The cats appreciate that. OK, just a little humor there.
He is close to falling over often, but he is aware of the problem well enough that he walks very carefully with support structures (tables, chairs) in sight at all times. And many times he can walk very confidently. I'm not sure what to make of that. Just this morning, he suddenly got up, walked down the inside stairs and the outside steps and got the newspaper. He walked quite confidently! So THAT comes and goes too.
I still haven't figured out how to resolve the thermostat problem. Dad wants it at 78, I want it at 70. Its set at 74. I have to admit, I am adjusting to the warmer temperature. But Dad still complains about being cold all the time. I've gone to wearing shorts and the lightest shirts I have every day, so there isn't much more I can do. Yet Dad insists on wearing light pants and a light knit short-sleeve shirt (without even an undershirt). And complains!
I gave him a couple of old long sleeve shirts, but he complains they are "heavy". Well, yeah, he's not used to those. Well, I'M not used to shorts either. I work outside in the gardens a lot on my knees and my knees are complaining as if I was suddenly going barefoot on rough ground. I'm drawing line on the temperature. Dad has to learn to wear warmer clothes!
He doesn't seem to understand anything between light short-sleeve shirts and sweaters. I offerred light long-sleeved shirts, but he doesn't like them. I think it's the wrist cuffs that feel odd to him.
Any suggestions?
And to anyone who has read this far down through this very lengthy post, THANK YOU!
I knew, abstractly, that old memories can be recalled easier than new ones in elder parents, but seeing the actuality of it is jarring sometimes. And I am comfortable helping him relive the things he CAN remember. It gives him something unconfusing to talk about and me something unconfusing to listen to. And I find out a few things I never knew before.
Like that HE was golfing friends with the fathers of a couple of high school acquintances. How come we never got together even on the golf course as Fathers and Sons? Well, I knew that Dad never connected HIS friendships with MINE, but you would think that would have happened even by accident occasionally. Ah, well, mysteries abound around Dad now and in the past.
The main thing is the present. Today's adventure was some bills he had to pay. Property taxes for the coming annual year for 2 condos he rents out. Payment was straightforward and he understood what the payments were for. In spite of that, it took 45 minutes of care to get the checks written and registered and put in envelopes.
It will be no surprise to people with elderly parents, but he dithers over every little detail, and usually the same details several times. I could have done the whole thing in 3 minutes, but it is important to him that he do these things as long as he can, so I spend the time.
One big problem he has is writing. He can barely sign his name, so writing out the details of a check is a BIG DEAL for him. I finally realized that I could (legally, I hope) write out the check as long as he signed it. So I did the complicated parts and he signed them after I showed him how each check matched up with the details on the tax bills. It even distressed him to use one of MY return address stickers on the envelope. I had to assure him several times that the return address sticker was only for the mailbox to return a misaddressed envelope to, NOT the person sending the envelope. But I will make him his OWN address labels tomorrow (I have a program and stick forms for that).
Then there was the bank statement. He was sure it was a bill at first and was distressed at the large dollar amounts on it. I went through that with him line by line and showed him the same amounts in his checkbook register. He can pay bills and keep track in his check register, but can't understand them weeks later. I asked him about balancing his checkbook, but he said he trusts his bank statement. I balance mine each month, but I have to admit that I have never found a statement in error in 40 years, so he may have a point. Still, I will take a look at his bank statements to make sure there are no charges he didn't authorize. "Accurate balances" is not the same as "authorized charges". Dad tends to think charity requests (for good public services like fire and police) are "bills", and I need to make sure that they aren't abusing his support with repeated withdrawals from ONE donation.
Fortunately, I have made many file folders for his use. He didn't like the file folders, preferring his "own system" (randomly stacked documents in a duffel bag, a briefcase, and a tote bag). I made the file folders with bright yellow post-it notes stapled to the tops. I'll make nice file labels when I know which ones he actually needs, but he can read the neon-yellow post-it labels clearly. I have a file drawer emptied just for his use when all is settled, but for now they are in a box on the table.
After objecting to file folders for 2 weeks, he surprisingly did not object when I stuck his property tax statements (marked "PAID" in big letters) into a folder labeled "PROPERTY TAXES" and his bank X statement into a folder labeled "BANK X". He hates changes, but understands order "after the fact"...
I think that I can finally get him to allow me (with his oversight) to sort out his duffel bag and briefcase documents. I've been working up to this slowly for 2 weeks, and my patience is finally paying off. Some children, I think, get impatient and just unilaterally DO THINGS for their elderly parents. I want to keep Dad mentally involved in all his financial processes, even if he doesn't really understand what they are. I'd rather explain and show things several times then make him feel out of control of his life.
And then there was the medications... Oh that must be one of the most difficult parts. I have little experience with medications. I just don't need any. So I have to research each and every pill bottle I find. Between the rehab hospital OTC meds and the several prescription meds I found today (when Dad said he had none, I spent time on the internet. I won't describe the meds in detail for his personal privacy, but there are some he was supposed to be taking for months and hasn't. Dad says a 2nd (unnamed) doctor daid not to take them. I doubt that.
So tomorrow, I have to find a good doctor and arrange a "from scratch" physical and med regimen that I can talk to the doctor about. Heck, I need a permanent primary doctor myself, so I will try to find the same one for both of us. We are BOTH seniors now. I've read that the best thing for both of us aging guys is a male internist/geriatrics doctor about 5 years out of medical school. Angie's List, here I come! Well, AL got us a great dentist...
Food is still working well here. Dad eats anything, but fortunately, I love to cook from scratch and have a naturally healthy diet (the old fashioned kind of "some" meat, several veggies and a couple glasses of red wine). I wish I could get Dad to stop demanding a potato and white bread with each meal, but be thing at a time. Maybe I can convince him that sweet potatoes are "potatoes". But he is already eating better here than even at the hospital (they overcooked all his veggies, I sampled them). I steam mine.
I want Dad to gain some weight, but not as fat. So I make meals of (for example) a marinated baked chicken thigh with a tossed salad with carrot and tomato, a green veg and a orange/yellow veg (and dammit a half a potato). He wants cake and ice cream for dessert, but I've been adding some fresh fruit slices to that and he DOES dutifully eat everything on his plate.
Thankfully, he doesn't miss having a car. He doesn't wander. He knows where he is in terms of the house, though he isn't always sure of what State he is in and confuses past residences. FL is becoming a vague memory. He doesn't seem to have any signs of Alzheimers, but some of early Parkinson's (repetitive foot-tapping and hand tremors, and he has the shuffle-foot problem where he can't LIFT a foot enough to START walking most times).
On the positive side, that means he can't raise his feet enough to step on the cats... The cats appreciate that. OK, just a little humor there.
He is close to falling over often, but he is aware of the problem well enough that he walks very carefully with support structures (tables, chairs) in sight at all times. And many times he can walk very confidently. I'm not sure what to make of that. Just this morning, he suddenly got up, walked down the inside stairs and the outside steps and got the newspaper. He walked quite confidently! So THAT comes and goes too.
I still haven't figured out how to resolve the thermostat problem. Dad wants it at 78, I want it at 70. Its set at 74. I have to admit, I am adjusting to the warmer temperature. But Dad still complains about being cold all the time. I've gone to wearing shorts and the lightest shirts I have every day, so there isn't much more I can do. Yet Dad insists on wearing light pants and a light knit short-sleeve shirt (without even an undershirt). And complains!
I gave him a couple of old long sleeve shirts, but he complains they are "heavy". Well, yeah, he's not used to those. Well, I'M not used to shorts either. I work outside in the gardens a lot on my knees and my knees are complaining as if I was suddenly going barefoot on rough ground. I'm drawing line on the temperature. Dad has to learn to wear warmer clothes!
He doesn't seem to understand anything between light short-sleeve shirts and sweaters. I offerred light long-sleeved shirts, but he doesn't like them. I think it's the wrist cuffs that feel odd to him.
Any suggestions?
And to anyone who has read this far down through this very lengthy post, THANK YOU!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Living With Dad, 3
Helpful arrangements done today...
1. Got him to sort through 10 pairs of really cheap sunglasses to choose 2 to put in the car and 1 to keep for walking onto the deck (he seems to be very light sensitive, so that means I need to get him an eye exam). But we got rid of 7 cheap giveaway sunglasses that he couldn't part with before (because they were free).
2. My 2 TV-watching chairs (swivel/rockers) were difficult for Dad to stand up from. I cut a piece of 1/4" plywood to fit the springs and wrapped it in a towel (to keep the plywood from cutting the cloth over the springs) and he got up out of the chair a LOT easier.
3. Set up file folders for his documents. Next step is convincing him to allow me to put his documents IN them. One step at a time...
4. Convinced Dad to let me count the antibiotic pills the dentist prescribed. I know he considers that a statement that he isn't taking them as often as he should, but I know he isn't. I just have to prove it to him.
5. Did MY laundry and then convinced him to allow me to do HIS. He wants to do his laundry in plain water in the bathroom sink (obviously not clean enough). I had some work to convince him that I would just do all of his at once in one load and NOT mix it up with mine.
6. Got tennis balls and cut them open just enough to push them onto the non-wheeled bottoms of his new walker-helper.
Well, just imagine the tennis balls on the non-wheel legs. I don't have time these days to photoshop pictures much. LOL! He didn't like the idea before I did it. Now he does.
I'm learning to do good ideas even when Dad doesn't like the ideas at first. So, I'm learning to just DO things.
7. I've learned that Fox TV and The Golf Channel will keep Dad happy all day. I'm MSNBC and The Science Channel, so we'll see how long I can last on just a couple hours of those per day.
8. I'm giving Dad simple things to do around the house. Its hard to find them, but he keeps asking. He can make a salad for dinner and set out the forks and spoons. That keeps him happy he can help.
9. I wish I could get him to clean the cat litter boxes... (Joke!)
10. I made him a list of the channel numbers of his favorite channels. Fox TV, Golf Channel, CNN, etc. That helps him a lot; he thinks Fox TV is the absolute truth in all matters.
1. Got him to sort through 10 pairs of really cheap sunglasses to choose 2 to put in the car and 1 to keep for walking onto the deck (he seems to be very light sensitive, so that means I need to get him an eye exam). But we got rid of 7 cheap giveaway sunglasses that he couldn't part with before (because they were free).
2. My 2 TV-watching chairs (swivel/rockers) were difficult for Dad to stand up from. I cut a piece of 1/4" plywood to fit the springs and wrapped it in a towel (to keep the plywood from cutting the cloth over the springs) and he got up out of the chair a LOT easier.
3. Set up file folders for his documents. Next step is convincing him to allow me to put his documents IN them. One step at a time...
4. Convinced Dad to let me count the antibiotic pills the dentist prescribed. I know he considers that a statement that he isn't taking them as often as he should, but I know he isn't. I just have to prove it to him.
5. Did MY laundry and then convinced him to allow me to do HIS. He wants to do his laundry in plain water in the bathroom sink (obviously not clean enough). I had some work to convince him that I would just do all of his at once in one load and NOT mix it up with mine.
6. Got tennis balls and cut them open just enough to push them onto the non-wheeled bottoms of his new walker-helper.
I'm learning to do good ideas even when Dad doesn't like the ideas at first. So, I'm learning to just DO things.
7. I've learned that Fox TV and The Golf Channel will keep Dad happy all day. I'm MSNBC and The Science Channel, so we'll see how long I can last on just a couple hours of those per day.
8. I'm giving Dad simple things to do around the house. Its hard to find them, but he keeps asking. He can make a salad for dinner and set out the forks and spoons. That keeps him happy he can help.
9. I wish I could get him to clean the cat litter boxes... (Joke!)
10. I made him a list of the channel numbers of his favorite channels. Fox TV, Golf Channel, CNN, etc. That helps him a lot; he thinks Fox TV is the absolute truth in all matters.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Living With Dad, 2
It's an adventure without end (well, yes there will be and end, but you know what I mean). Sometimes he is lucid, other times he makes no sense. Sometimes he remembers details of events from years ago, sometimes he isn't sure whether we had dinner.
It is taking a whole new way of discussing things for me. The best way I can describe it is a spiral. I start a subject that needs to be discussed (like "bank accounts"). Dad takes the subject in directions I can not anticipate ("checkbook" becomes "old checks from investments that he has cashed and stashed in an old checkbook cover"). The conversation may take an hour and look like this:
I start on the outside and slowly narrow the terms as he understands them until I get a little closer each few minutes. I ask a question and see how that processes. Then I adjust the terms in other words to get closer to the fact that I need to get from him. It can be "difficult" sometimes.
I sometimes succeed to some degree, sometimes entirely, but usually only in part. Last night's discussion was about bank accounts. He says he has many, but I can't pin him down on what kinds and what banks. And it's not his fault; he doesn't know himself.
There IS slow progress. I have figured out that he has 3 banks. I haven't been able to figure out which banks have what kinds of accounts because he wont let me look through his "checkbooks" (which have no blank checks or deposit slips, just old used ones) and his actual documents are in a duffel bag of unorganized papers.
I want to set up a file drawer of folders for him (well, for ME actually), but he thinks that is "too complicated". I may just have to stay up after he goes to bed and sort out documents all over the living room and just DO IT! It makes me uncomfortable to act so unilaterally, but I guess I have to stop thinking of him as a functioning adult.
Apparently, I have to become "Mom/Financial Manager/Dad" to my child-father... I CAN, it just takes some relational adjustments.
Mom died in 2010, but she was mentally alert, so I don't even have her last days as an example. Dad is more physically able, but is slowly failing mentally. I have NO experience with that up close.
I'm learning fast, I'm patient, and I've lived a rather flexible lifestyle for years. It helps that I'm retired, have no financial problems, and plenty of time to help Dad. But dementia is a cruel thing.
The good news is that Dad eats about anything Standard American (as do I, except fish), and I enjoy cooking. So he is eating a lot better here than at his home (hot dogs and cereal, it seems). He is able to prepare the dinner salad while I make the rest of the meal (a meat, green veg, yellow/orange veg, and he MUST have a potato).
The bad news is that he is confused (mostly) away from the house. Examples:
When we packed up his clothes, we missed the laundry hamper. He only had 2 pair of "tighty-whiteys" here. And he didn't tell me. So I found out today and we went shopping. He found the boy's underwear aisle and I couldn't get him out of it. He just kept looking at the boy's stuff. So I fund his size and brand 2 aisles over (after some effort - Walmart doesn't stock much of that "old guy underwear anymore). He spent 10 minutes searching through boy underwear for his size. He didn't want to stop even when I brought him the kind he wanted. And he had been washing his only 2 pairs of underwear in the bathroom sink!
Shopping for tub attachments to help him shower, we went to Home Depot. We found a side tub handle and a tub bench for him to sit on. Since it was for him, he paid. Or tried to. He kept trying to use him AARP Membership card to pay. He INSISTED it was a credit card (well, it DID have a mag-strip). I knew he had a real credit card, but he would NOT let me just get it out of his wallet. Instead, the poor clerk and I had to wait while he searched and examined every shopper card, drivers license, etc he could find.
I have been explaining to MANY people lately that Dad is "old and having problems" so that they understand... To a person, they have all understood and been patient.
Dad is considerate of the cats. He warns them when he is approaching, and when they sometimes don't move, he bends over carefully and scratches them nicely. He says he likes only dogs, but I think he just won't admit he likes cats too. He IS kindly to pets.
So things are getting settled slowly here. MY bedroom is a clutterred mess because everything "stored" that was in Dad's new bedroom is now in my computer room and bedroom. I'll sort all that out later. Half the battle is getting Dad used to some new places to keep his stuff, and the other half is getting him to remember where that is. I know it will take time, and he IS trying his best.
I got him to a dentist today for a bad tooth. He couldn't understand why Angie's List was better than just picking a name out of the phone book, but he DID like the dentist I found. Next week's medical challenge is finding an internist/geriatrics doctor for him.
Can't wait to find out what the next surprises will be...
It is taking a whole new way of discussing things for me. The best way I can describe it is a spiral. I start a subject that needs to be discussed (like "bank accounts"). Dad takes the subject in directions I can not anticipate ("checkbook" becomes "old checks from investments that he has cashed and stashed in an old checkbook cover"). The conversation may take an hour and look like this:
I sometimes succeed to some degree, sometimes entirely, but usually only in part. Last night's discussion was about bank accounts. He says he has many, but I can't pin him down on what kinds and what banks. And it's not his fault; he doesn't know himself.
There IS slow progress. I have figured out that he has 3 banks. I haven't been able to figure out which banks have what kinds of accounts because he wont let me look through his "checkbooks" (which have no blank checks or deposit slips, just old used ones) and his actual documents are in a duffel bag of unorganized papers.
I want to set up a file drawer of folders for him (well, for ME actually), but he thinks that is "too complicated". I may just have to stay up after he goes to bed and sort out documents all over the living room and just DO IT! It makes me uncomfortable to act so unilaterally, but I guess I have to stop thinking of him as a functioning adult.
Apparently, I have to become "Mom/Financial Manager/Dad" to my child-father... I CAN, it just takes some relational adjustments.
Mom died in 2010, but she was mentally alert, so I don't even have her last days as an example. Dad is more physically able, but is slowly failing mentally. I have NO experience with that up close.
I'm learning fast, I'm patient, and I've lived a rather flexible lifestyle for years. It helps that I'm retired, have no financial problems, and plenty of time to help Dad. But dementia is a cruel thing.
The good news is that Dad eats about anything Standard American (as do I, except fish), and I enjoy cooking. So he is eating a lot better here than at his home (hot dogs and cereal, it seems). He is able to prepare the dinner salad while I make the rest of the meal (a meat, green veg, yellow/orange veg, and he MUST have a potato).
The bad news is that he is confused (mostly) away from the house. Examples:
When we packed up his clothes, we missed the laundry hamper. He only had 2 pair of "tighty-whiteys" here. And he didn't tell me. So I found out today and we went shopping. He found the boy's underwear aisle and I couldn't get him out of it. He just kept looking at the boy's stuff. So I fund his size and brand 2 aisles over (after some effort - Walmart doesn't stock much of that "old guy underwear anymore). He spent 10 minutes searching through boy underwear for his size. He didn't want to stop even when I brought him the kind he wanted. And he had been washing his only 2 pairs of underwear in the bathroom sink!
Shopping for tub attachments to help him shower, we went to Home Depot. We found a side tub handle and a tub bench for him to sit on. Since it was for him, he paid. Or tried to. He kept trying to use him AARP Membership card to pay. He INSISTED it was a credit card (well, it DID have a mag-strip). I knew he had a real credit card, but he would NOT let me just get it out of his wallet. Instead, the poor clerk and I had to wait while he searched and examined every shopper card, drivers license, etc he could find.
I have been explaining to MANY people lately that Dad is "old and having problems" so that they understand... To a person, they have all understood and been patient.
Dad is considerate of the cats. He warns them when he is approaching, and when they sometimes don't move, he bends over carefully and scratches them nicely. He says he likes only dogs, but I think he just won't admit he likes cats too. He IS kindly to pets.
So things are getting settled slowly here. MY bedroom is a clutterred mess because everything "stored" that was in Dad's new bedroom is now in my computer room and bedroom. I'll sort all that out later. Half the battle is getting Dad used to some new places to keep his stuff, and the other half is getting him to remember where that is. I know it will take time, and he IS trying his best.
I got him to a dentist today for a bad tooth. He couldn't understand why Angie's List was better than just picking a name out of the phone book, but he DID like the dentist I found. Next week's medical challenge is finding an internist/geriatrics doctor for him.
Can't wait to find out what the next surprises will be...
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Tom Swifties
Forgive me, I thought of one tonight. "context"
"I'll go stop the prisoners from sending short emails said Tom, contextually". LOL!
I kill myself sometimes...
"I'll go stop the prisoners from sending short emails said Tom, contextually". LOL!
I kill myself sometimes...
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Living With Dad
This is going to be an adventure I am barely prepared to take.
The Background:
Mom died in 2010 from old age and Parkinson's at 84. Her body failed while her mind was still capable. She hated that, and I understand. I miss her. Dad is the reverse. He's old physically, but shuffles around just fine. He does just fine with physical activities like setting the table for meals, personal things, dressing, etc. It's his mind that is going.
He is lucid for periods; remembering investments, family, and events. Then, suddenly cannot recall where he is, who I am, or where any of his investments are. At those times, anything I tell him is forgotten immediately and asked again in a few minutes.
Now:
I and my siblings live in MD. Dad lived in FL. My brother Matt and I flew down May 18, packed all the documents, personal affects, and clothes into Dad's car. Matt drove Dad's packed car to my house. Dad transferred his car title to Matt and Matt drove home in the car. Dad (briefly?) understood that he could drive a car safely any more.
So Dad is here now with all the stuff we could fit into the car. And into a standard bedroom. It can't hold all his stuff. I have some ideas about helping with that (shallow bookcase so he can stack his folded clothes where he can see them - seemingly important to him), a shallow secretary desk with a drawer for his checkbooks and will (important to him), and a tall narrow dresser (space is limited).
My immediate concerns are to get his clothes sorted into 3 piles. Summer wear, Winter wear, and Never wear. He has enough clothes for 5 people! Most, he would never have any occasion to wear. He DOESN'T need 10 pairs of golf pants, for example.
But also, because he feels cold all the time here, he sure doesn't need the 10 pairs of shorts or the short sleeve shirts. Those have to go to Goodwill. The hardest part is getting him to wear long sleeve pants and shirts. He puts on 3 short sleeve shirts and complains his arms are cold!
I told him that he can put on warmer clothes, but I can't wear much less clothes than I do. He doesn't quite grasp that concept. Basically, he wants the thermostat at 85 (in shorts) and I want it at 70. In between is no good because I melt into a pool of sweat at 72. I want to buy him long sleeved knit shirts tomorrow.
The good news is that he loves my cooking. I'm always been a "fresh-food", pork or chicken/veggie stir fry type, with baked chicken thighs, and the occasional steak type. With salads and lots of veggies. He seems to like that too.
Sadly, he LOVES bread. I think he was making whole meals of bread before I got him up here. On the good side, I make great bread and he likes it. And he is enjoying having salad and meat with his bread. I'm taking the meals one day at a time while I figure out what he likes that is healthier. I did get him to agree to start taking my own regular "Men+50 multivitamin today (doctors orders).
My own diet is basically some meat, lots of veggies, a tossed salad, 2 glasses of red wine, and mixed fresh fruit for "dessert". I haven't introduced the fresh fruit yet, but we are going grocery shopping together tomorrow and I'll see what interests him there. Irrelevant in a way, since I will be buying a variety for myself anyway. But I need to find what HE likes.
The cats will be a problem. He hates cat fur around his bedroom. I mean, he likes cats "OK" but hates fur. So far, we are keeping his bedroom door shut all day, but that won't last. Dad forgets about the door. They had a cat until about 2000, but dad doesn't remember. MY view is that cat fur isn't fatal, but it seems to bother his (oddly variable) sense of cleanliness.
We'll work that out...
There are still 5 bags of Dad's clothes down in the basement. He thinks he has sorted through ALL his clothes. Tomorrow will be another surprise for him. Sorting confuses him. So I think I will do it directly from the bags in the basement. My idea is to present him with types of clothes (long pants, short pants, long sleeve shirts, short sleeve shirts, etc. Then ask to him to choose the best 7 of each that fits. He understands that some of his clothes should go to charity. 90%, actually, but I won't tell him THAT (because it would seem giving "away" too much". I will have him fill a box of clothes that don't fit (most of them) and remove them each day. He will forget about those each time, I think And when I present him with a bunch of donation tax reductions, he will think that grand.
Other than that, he is doing well. More next time...
The Background:
Mom died in 2010 from old age and Parkinson's at 84. Her body failed while her mind was still capable. She hated that, and I understand. I miss her. Dad is the reverse. He's old physically, but shuffles around just fine. He does just fine with physical activities like setting the table for meals, personal things, dressing, etc. It's his mind that is going.
He is lucid for periods; remembering investments, family, and events. Then, suddenly cannot recall where he is, who I am, or where any of his investments are. At those times, anything I tell him is forgotten immediately and asked again in a few minutes.
Now:
I and my siblings live in MD. Dad lived in FL. My brother Matt and I flew down May 18, packed all the documents, personal affects, and clothes into Dad's car. Matt drove Dad's packed car to my house. Dad transferred his car title to Matt and Matt drove home in the car. Dad (briefly?) understood that he could drive a car safely any more.
So Dad is here now with all the stuff we could fit into the car. And into a standard bedroom. It can't hold all his stuff. I have some ideas about helping with that (shallow bookcase so he can stack his folded clothes where he can see them - seemingly important to him), a shallow secretary desk with a drawer for his checkbooks and will (important to him), and a tall narrow dresser (space is limited).
My immediate concerns are to get his clothes sorted into 3 piles. Summer wear, Winter wear, and Never wear. He has enough clothes for 5 people! Most, he would never have any occasion to wear. He DOESN'T need 10 pairs of golf pants, for example.
But also, because he feels cold all the time here, he sure doesn't need the 10 pairs of shorts or the short sleeve shirts. Those have to go to Goodwill. The hardest part is getting him to wear long sleeve pants and shirts. He puts on 3 short sleeve shirts and complains his arms are cold!
I told him that he can put on warmer clothes, but I can't wear much less clothes than I do. He doesn't quite grasp that concept. Basically, he wants the thermostat at 85 (in shorts) and I want it at 70. In between is no good because I melt into a pool of sweat at 72. I want to buy him long sleeved knit shirts tomorrow.
The good news is that he loves my cooking. I'm always been a "fresh-food", pork or chicken/veggie stir fry type, with baked chicken thighs, and the occasional steak type. With salads and lots of veggies. He seems to like that too.
Sadly, he LOVES bread. I think he was making whole meals of bread before I got him up here. On the good side, I make great bread and he likes it. And he is enjoying having salad and meat with his bread. I'm taking the meals one day at a time while I figure out what he likes that is healthier. I did get him to agree to start taking my own regular "Men+50 multivitamin today (doctors orders).
My own diet is basically some meat, lots of veggies, a tossed salad, 2 glasses of red wine, and mixed fresh fruit for "dessert". I haven't introduced the fresh fruit yet, but we are going grocery shopping together tomorrow and I'll see what interests him there. Irrelevant in a way, since I will be buying a variety for myself anyway. But I need to find what HE likes.
The cats will be a problem. He hates cat fur around his bedroom. I mean, he likes cats "OK" but hates fur. So far, we are keeping his bedroom door shut all day, but that won't last. Dad forgets about the door. They had a cat until about 2000, but dad doesn't remember. MY view is that cat fur isn't fatal, but it seems to bother his (oddly variable) sense of cleanliness.
We'll work that out...
There are still 5 bags of Dad's clothes down in the basement. He thinks he has sorted through ALL his clothes. Tomorrow will be another surprise for him. Sorting confuses him. So I think I will do it directly from the bags in the basement. My idea is to present him with types of clothes (long pants, short pants, long sleeve shirts, short sleeve shirts, etc. Then ask to him to choose the best 7 of each that fits. He understands that some of his clothes should go to charity. 90%, actually, but I won't tell him THAT (because it would seem giving "away" too much". I will have him fill a box of clothes that don't fit (most of them) and remove them each day. He will forget about those each time, I think And when I present him with a bunch of donation tax reductions, he will think that grand.
Other than that, he is doing well. More next time...
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Post Mother's Day
I couldn't say it on the day. Missing Mom for the 2nd Mother's Day now... I guess it won't get any worse, but it won't get any better either..
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Planning For Dad
I have a new bed bought and the new guest room all cleaned out for it. I have the travel plans all set. I have the never-ending kibble feeder cleaned and ready. There are normally 4 litterboxes and I have 4 more cleaned and ready for fresh litter. There are water bowls and a big bubbler water bowl ready to be set on the floor
The cats will only be left for 2.5 days. Sometime this month (I do not know when - depends on Dad's rehab report at the hospital), I will be gone for 2.5 days.
Dad will be here for "X" years until he needs better help than I can give. But the exact day is not yet known. It won't be THIS night, or tomorrow, so I will waste off tonight with playing Risk and Scrabble online. Because I think it will be a weird week getting Dad up here with me, and I deserve a blow-off night.
I expect to get up about 2 PM tomorrow. LOL!
I go to pick up Dad's new bed ("firm" as he likes it) on Tuesday. It only took an hour at a local bed store to get the best combination of bedframe, foundation and mattress that matched what he is used to (and I don't want to change what he is used to). And it wasn't terribly expensive ($700 all told) and its hard to get a decent one less than that. He will be a bit annoyed that the headboard and footboard seem "fancy and expensive", but it was the simplest one I could find in "twin" size, so he should like that. He's miserly, and hates any spending. But it was the simplest one I thought he would be comfortable in.
So I am set for him at least 2 weeks ahead of arrival.
Watching the cats adjust to Dad will be interesting. Fortunately, he only shuffles his feet, so he won't be stepping on him. And quite frankly, if they can't stay out of his way when he shuffles his feet along, it THEIR problem. Seriously, if they can get stepped on by Dad shuffling his feet slowly, they deserve it.
The whole group of us 3 children are participating in getting Dad from FL to MD, each doing some part with their own abilities. That's the good thing.
Brother Matt doesn't mind driving, Sister Susan is good at emptying old houses for sale, and I am good at planning trips, arranging to shut off services, etc. And I'll be having Dad here which will be a lot of daily personal effort.
This will be the biggest change in my life in 30 years...
The cats will only be left for 2.5 days. Sometime this month (I do not know when - depends on Dad's rehab report at the hospital), I will be gone for 2.5 days.
Dad will be here for "X" years until he needs better help than I can give. But the exact day is not yet known. It won't be THIS night, or tomorrow, so I will waste off tonight with playing Risk and Scrabble online. Because I think it will be a weird week getting Dad up here with me, and I deserve a blow-off night.
I expect to get up about 2 PM tomorrow. LOL!
I go to pick up Dad's new bed ("firm" as he likes it) on Tuesday. It only took an hour at a local bed store to get the best combination of bedframe, foundation and mattress that matched what he is used to (and I don't want to change what he is used to). And it wasn't terribly expensive ($700 all told) and its hard to get a decent one less than that. He will be a bit annoyed that the headboard and footboard seem "fancy and expensive", but it was the simplest one I could find in "twin" size, so he should like that. He's miserly, and hates any spending. But it was the simplest one I thought he would be comfortable in.
So I am set for him at least 2 weeks ahead of arrival.
Watching the cats adjust to Dad will be interesting. Fortunately, he only shuffles his feet, so he won't be stepping on him. And quite frankly, if they can't stay out of his way when he shuffles his feet along, it THEIR problem. Seriously, if they can get stepped on by Dad shuffling his feet slowly, they deserve it.
The whole group of us 3 children are participating in getting Dad from FL to MD, each doing some part with their own abilities. That's the good thing.
Brother Matt doesn't mind driving, Sister Susan is good at emptying old houses for sale, and I am good at planning trips, arranging to shut off services, etc. And I'll be having Dad here which will be a lot of daily personal effort.
This will be the biggest change in my life in 30 years...
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Slightly Good News
The rehab hospital has been approved by Medicare to keep Dad in physical therapy for another week, so there is time to plan things better. Yay! I got the old guest room (recently storage room) cleaned out today. Major work. And I had the entire guest room closet filled with "stuff". I got that all moved to otgher rooms and the attic. Lots of old junk to the landfill (but a lot to the recycling center too). I could have done that years ago, but I'm a man~ana type. when it comes to household stuff.
I figured out the logistics of the move last night as I was trying to fall asleep. And, nicely, it still all made sense in the morning. So its a plan.
It's "one day at a time" now... I don't know how things will work out with Dad living here with me. I'll do the best I can. We might just get along fine, we might not. Only time will tell.
But I want to give him the best last days that I can. That means a lot of adjustments; I'll make those adjustments. Until I can't help him enough anymore. Then it will have to be an "assisted living facility". And eventually a hospice center nearby where we kids can visit him often. We are all going there someday. But I will do what I can in the meantime.
I figured out the logistics of the move last night as I was trying to fall asleep. And, nicely, it still all made sense in the morning. So its a plan.
It's "one day at a time" now... I don't know how things will work out with Dad living here with me. I'll do the best I can. We might just get along fine, we might not. Only time will tell.
But I want to give him the best last days that I can. That means a lot of adjustments; I'll make those adjustments. Until I can't help him enough anymore. Then it will have to be an "assisted living facility". And eventually a hospice center nearby where we kids can visit him often. We are all going there someday. But I will do what I can in the meantime.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Elder Care For Dad
Well, Dad turned 90 in April, and he's not doing too well. Basically healthy, for sure, but old age is getting a grip. He has to shuffle his feet to walk, can't make turns well, and falls sometimes.
He fell and hurt his head in two places last week. He drove himself to a hospital, which was apparently a harrowing trip. It is very fortunate he did not injure himself or others on that trip. He has been treated and is currently undergoing rehab treatment for balance exercises. But he must not drive again, and he really can't take care of himself anymore. He seems willing to stay in the rehab hospital until I can bring him here.
I will be bringing him here to live with me in the next month or so. So I will be gone for a week at some point, though I won't specify exactly when. I'll leave a few scheduled posts in the meantime, and let you know when I am back.
The neighbors will all know when I am away and will be watching the house closely. They will be advised that there are NO plans for ANYONE to visit and to call the police IMMEDIATELY if anyone shows up attempting to enter the house!
I will hate this trip. I hate travelling. I haven't travelled by plane since before 9-11 and worry about the restrictions. But it has to be done.
The difficult part is that he does not want to move. He's fighting it, but weakening as he discovers how having others provide better meals and help him get around IS rather nice. He HAS to have someone like me to watch over him and feed him well. Wish me the best of luck. It is possible that I will fly back home alone, but I will drag him out of his house short of legal kidnapping.
I'm working out a step-by-step list for all the things that need to be done to get Dad here...
He fell and hurt his head in two places last week. He drove himself to a hospital, which was apparently a harrowing trip. It is very fortunate he did not injure himself or others on that trip. He has been treated and is currently undergoing rehab treatment for balance exercises. But he must not drive again, and he really can't take care of himself anymore. He seems willing to stay in the rehab hospital until I can bring him here.
I will be bringing him here to live with me in the next month or so. So I will be gone for a week at some point, though I won't specify exactly when. I'll leave a few scheduled posts in the meantime, and let you know when I am back.
The neighbors will all know when I am away and will be watching the house closely. They will be advised that there are NO plans for ANYONE to visit and to call the police IMMEDIATELY if anyone shows up attempting to enter the house!
I will hate this trip. I hate travelling. I haven't travelled by plane since before 9-11 and worry about the restrictions. But it has to be done.
The difficult part is that he does not want to move. He's fighting it, but weakening as he discovers how having others provide better meals and help him get around IS rather nice. He HAS to have someone like me to watch over him and feed him well. Wish me the best of luck. It is possible that I will fly back home alone, but I will drag him out of his house short of legal kidnapping.
I'm working out a step-by-step list for all the things that need to be done to get Dad here...
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Doing Useful Stuff, 5
The trees drop branches, I cut down weedy saplings, I trim desirable trees, some shrubs need severe pruning each year. It adds up to a large brushpile.
So I finally piled all the debris into the hauling trailer and brought it to the County landfill. It was 8 feet high in the trailer. After tying it down tight with ropes, I crushed it down to 6' high. And delivered it. Not as trash, but as compostable material. You see, the County here has a huge composting area. They pile all the organic debris into rows 20 feet high and a football field long.
In return, County residents can obtain "mulch" (more like halfway between shredded bark and compost) for free). They will even use a bucketloader to fill trailers or pickup trucks for residents for free on Saturdays. Its not quite either, but it IS free.
I usually shovel it out of the trailer into a pile, use a mulch-fork to take out the large parts to use as real mulch, then let the smaller stuff compost (covered by a tarp) to become soil amendment. Between moisture, time, ants, worms, heat, and microbes, it is really good stuff after a full year.
So it is really a "give raw material this year" and "get back a useful product the next". And free, did I mention that? LOL! Free is good...
So I finally piled all the debris into the hauling trailer and brought it to the County landfill. It was 8 feet high in the trailer. After tying it down tight with ropes, I crushed it down to 6' high. And delivered it. Not as trash, but as compostable material. You see, the County here has a huge composting area. They pile all the organic debris into rows 20 feet high and a football field long.
In return, County residents can obtain "mulch" (more like halfway between shredded bark and compost) for free). They will even use a bucketloader to fill trailers or pickup trucks for residents for free on Saturdays. Its not quite either, but it IS free.
I usually shovel it out of the trailer into a pile, use a mulch-fork to take out the large parts to use as real mulch, then let the smaller stuff compost (covered by a tarp) to become soil amendment. Between moisture, time, ants, worms, heat, and microbes, it is really good stuff after a full year.
So it is really a "give raw material this year" and "get back a useful product the next". And free, did I mention that? LOL! Free is good...
Monday, April 30, 2012
Doing Useful Stuff, 4
My back yard has a lot of mature trees, and a lot of volunteer saplings grow as a result. Vines keep growing all the time, and I am constantly fighting wild ("mock") strawberries. I deliberately left half of it "semi-wild". Well, I'm not the typical suburban yard-like-a-pool-table-top with bits of shrubs and flowers type.
So there is always SOMETHING invading the more domesticated parts of the back yard. Today, I finally got tired of the wild blackberries infesting the astilbe section of the flowerbed. No, they aren't blackberries worth eating. They are small, seedy, and hard as dry raisins.
So... I got out my poacher's shovel (a curved shovel with a blade only a few inches wide but 12" long - so named for digging up valuable wild plants with the least soilball for transport). Its a really nice tool for digging up deep-rooted weeds among close-planted desirable plants.
An hour later, I had a nice pile of brambles. I had to work at getting as much of the roots as possible without killing the astilbe and baptisia. The astilbe are well-grown, but the baptisia are just sending up shoots (they are rather like hostas shoots at emergence). I still snapped a few baptisia shoots in the process, but was relieved to discover that each of the 6 plants had at least 6 more shoots emerging.
And there is not a briar/bramble to be found in THAT section...
I rewarded myself by standing on the deck with a beer, and classical music on the radio while I contemplated what best to do tomorrow. And I admired the pile of brambles. I sure wish I could have had the cats outside with me. I miss that.
Tinkerbelle (1982? to 1999), Skeeter (1992 to 2008), and LC (1993 to 2010) were always outside with me. Tink and LC went over the fence routinely and sometimes stayed out for the night, but they always ran home in the morning. Skeeter seldom left the yard (crawled through a rabbit trench under the fence a couple of times and then hated it cuz he couldn't find his way back and would moan on the other side until I removed a fence board to give him a return point).
When Ayla stayed out several nights because of "in heat" and then Marley jumped the fence, I had to stop their outside fun. And there are owls around now at night and they didn't used to be around here.
I think I need to make the under-the-deck patio area a "catio".
So there is always SOMETHING invading the more domesticated parts of the back yard. Today, I finally got tired of the wild blackberries infesting the astilbe section of the flowerbed. No, they aren't blackberries worth eating. They are small, seedy, and hard as dry raisins.
So... I got out my poacher's shovel (a curved shovel with a blade only a few inches wide but 12" long - so named for digging up valuable wild plants with the least soilball for transport). Its a really nice tool for digging up deep-rooted weeds among close-planted desirable plants.
An hour later, I had a nice pile of brambles. I had to work at getting as much of the roots as possible without killing the astilbe and baptisia. The astilbe are well-grown, but the baptisia are just sending up shoots (they are rather like hostas shoots at emergence). I still snapped a few baptisia shoots in the process, but was relieved to discover that each of the 6 plants had at least 6 more shoots emerging.
And there is not a briar/bramble to be found in THAT section...
I rewarded myself by standing on the deck with a beer, and classical music on the radio while I contemplated what best to do tomorrow. And I admired the pile of brambles. I sure wish I could have had the cats outside with me. I miss that.
Tinkerbelle (1982? to 1999), Skeeter (1992 to 2008), and LC (1993 to 2010) were always outside with me. Tink and LC went over the fence routinely and sometimes stayed out for the night, but they always ran home in the morning. Skeeter seldom left the yard (crawled through a rabbit trench under the fence a couple of times and then hated it cuz he couldn't find his way back and would moan on the other side until I removed a fence board to give him a return point).
When Ayla stayed out several nights because of "in heat" and then Marley jumped the fence, I had to stop their outside fun. And there are owls around now at night and they didn't used to be around here.
I think I need to make the under-the-deck patio area a "catio".
Friday, April 27, 2012
That Collapsed Storm Drain
Well darn, I thought I had posted this 2 weeks ago, but I saw it was just sitting in "draft" mode...
It lasted 25 years with flood waters pounding it from almost ALL of the rainwater that ran down from the upslope neighborhood of about 1 square mile.
It finally fell apart.
Well, there it was all fallen down. "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up". So I called it into the County Maintenance office as a safety hazard that children might fall into. They came RIGHT out and surrounded by this "child-proof safety fence", LOL! Yeah, THAT will keep the kids away for SURE.
Well, better than nothing, I suppose. More impressive, they returned in only 3 weeks to do the actual full repair. I was expecting more like 4-6 months. My County is not rich, and I'm sure scattered odd repairs are not their favorite ways to spend tax money. But they did a really good job.
The first person examined the entire structure. He decided it needed complete rebuilding. I asked him about that and he pulled out 1 brick and broke it in half with his bare hands. Yup, it needed new (and better) brickwork. And he said he didn't get any extra money for recommending full rebuilds.
Here is the finished product. I asked the guys rebuilding it if I could take a picture of them, and they said they would rather I didn't. So OK. Its not like taking pictures of my cats, who don't have a choice.
But they did good work!
They said the bricks were stronger and the morter more waterproof, so the storm drain might outlast me.
It lasted 25 years with flood waters pounding it from almost ALL of the rainwater that ran down from the upslope neighborhood of about 1 square mile.
It finally fell apart.
Well, there it was all fallen down. "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up". So I called it into the County Maintenance office as a safety hazard that children might fall into. They came RIGHT out and surrounded by this "child-proof safety fence", LOL! Yeah, THAT will keep the kids away for SURE.
The first person examined the entire structure. He decided it needed complete rebuilding. I asked him about that and he pulled out 1 brick and broke it in half with his bare hands. Yup, it needed new (and better) brickwork. And he said he didn't get any extra money for recommending full rebuilds.
Here is the finished product. I asked the guys rebuilding it if I could take a picture of them, and they said they would rather I didn't. So OK. Its not like taking pictures of my cats, who don't have a choice.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Doing Useful Stuff, 3
Biannual Trash Dump:
I visit the landfill twice a year. I recycle and compost so much that I seldom have anything for the trash collectors to haul away. Maybe 1 bag per month. And since I have to pay private trash collectors at least $40 per month, that's not a good deal.
And since what IS trash isn't organic, it doesn't smell. So it can sit in bag in the garage for 6 months.
The kitty litter is the bulk of my other trash. I can't compost THAT! But with the scoopable litter in plastic bags in the plastic tubs the litter comes in makes a good storage. I can wait on that too. Seriously, the scoopable litter in the plastic tubs it comes in DOESNT cause any odor. To me anyway.
So I filled up the car with the tubs of used kitty litter and the bags of clean trash and drove to the landfill.
I can't BELIEVE I didn't take pictures of the SUV all filled up this time... This isn't the picture from THIS year, but it is about the same amount.
The difference is that I learned that if I could put it all in the back of the car, I could pay just a flat fee of $5 for the whole load. A trailer MUST be paid by weight (and that weight cost $10-$15) So I do that by carload now.
Now I start another 6 months kitty litter and uncompostable, unrecyclable trash collection in the garage. LOL!
I visit the landfill twice a year. I recycle and compost so much that I seldom have anything for the trash collectors to haul away. Maybe 1 bag per month. And since I have to pay private trash collectors at least $40 per month, that's not a good deal.
And since what IS trash isn't organic, it doesn't smell. So it can sit in bag in the garage for 6 months.
The kitty litter is the bulk of my other trash. I can't compost THAT! But with the scoopable litter in plastic bags in the plastic tubs the litter comes in makes a good storage. I can wait on that too. Seriously, the scoopable litter in the plastic tubs it comes in DOESNT cause any odor. To me anyway.
So I filled up the car with the tubs of used kitty litter and the bags of clean trash and drove to the landfill.
I can't BELIEVE I didn't take pictures of the SUV all filled up this time... This isn't the picture from THIS year, but it is about the same amount.
Now I start another 6 months kitty litter and uncompostable, unrecyclable trash collection in the garage. LOL!
Doing Useful Stuff 2, Planting Tomatoes
Planted tomatoes. Heirlooms. Can't wait for the ripe ones.
First, dug nice wide holes with a post-hole digger... 4 per box.
The hole is deeper than it looks. They are a foot deep.
Scatter some 2-6-6 organic slow release fertilizer and some pulverized eggshells (for calcium) in the bottom. Lay the rootball in, add soil and some more fertilizer and eggshell. Fill it up
Tomato seedling looks happy but floppy from the handling (yes they react to handling).
Add a short stake and a plant clip to hold it upright.
Put a 5 gallon bucket over the seedling...
Put a Wall O' Waters around the bucket...
Put the pointy nozzle on the hose...
And fill up the tubes. 1/2 at first for balance, then 2/3 to hold the teepee upright on its own after you pull the bucket up and out....
Strange as it may seem, the cooling water at night actually releases heat into the center. The inside is 20F warmer than outside. I've measured it! That's great on the occasionally cool nights that drop to 40sF, but the main advantage is that it keeps the soil around the roots warm. That really matters more. The soil temperature stays around 60F.
First, dug nice wide holes with a post-hole digger... 4 per box.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Earth Day
OOPS! I missed it yesterday somehow...
So, Happy Earth Day, Earth. Thanks for supporting all of us another year.
It was probably not a coincidence that I saw my first hummingbird of the year Sunday morning!
So, Happy Earth Day, Earth. Thanks for supporting all of us another year.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Doing Useful Stuff, 1
A series of daily stuff...
Sorted out and filed 2 years of bills and documents... It was a pile 2 feet high.
Sorted out and filed 2 years of bills and documents... It was a pile 2 feet high.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Small Victory
I lost a frame screw from my eyeglasses 2 weeks ago. I looked all over the area where the lens fell out. No luck.
Fortunately, I always have 2 pairs of glasses. So I replaced the lens and wrapped rubber bands around it to hold it in place until I passed the eyeglass shop. But I kept not stopping (mostly because I always had food that would spoil quickly and the eyeglass place is S-L-O-W).
So today, I was typing at the computer and suddenly my attention was drawn to a tiny object... The missing frame screw!!! Hurray!
So I took out my set of jewelers screwdrivers and went about replacing the screw. Damn, I just couldn't get it started. Not by hand and not by screwdriver. I even put a magnet on the screwdriver to hold the screw to the tip. No luck for 15 damn minutes! I kept thinking the starter hole OUGHT to be unthreaded and the lower one threaded to tighten the screw.
I FINALLY got it started and screwed it in place. Took off the rubber band... And the frame popped right open again. Damn, damn, damn!
Then I noticed the screw on the OTHER side went in from bottom to top. The BOTTOM is unthreaded. Ohhh...
15 seconds later, I had the screw tightened. I checked the other screw; it was still tight.
But then I checked the other set of glasses (which, of course, I had been wearing). BOTH screws were loose.
I have a reason to mix up a small amount of epoxy for another reason soon. I guess I will loosen each frame screw just a bit and use a toothpick to add a tiny dab before I retighten then. I've had to do that before and it works great.
Granted I have reading glasses, so I put them on and take them off frequently, but do other people have this same problem with eyeglass frame screws falling out? Have you thought of some good solution other than epoxy?
Fortunately, I always have 2 pairs of glasses. So I replaced the lens and wrapped rubber bands around it to hold it in place until I passed the eyeglass shop. But I kept not stopping (mostly because I always had food that would spoil quickly and the eyeglass place is S-L-O-W).
So today, I was typing at the computer and suddenly my attention was drawn to a tiny object... The missing frame screw!!! Hurray!
So I took out my set of jewelers screwdrivers and went about replacing the screw. Damn, I just couldn't get it started. Not by hand and not by screwdriver. I even put a magnet on the screwdriver to hold the screw to the tip. No luck for 15 damn minutes! I kept thinking the starter hole OUGHT to be unthreaded and the lower one threaded to tighten the screw.
I FINALLY got it started and screwed it in place. Took off the rubber band... And the frame popped right open again. Damn, damn, damn!
Then I noticed the screw on the OTHER side went in from bottom to top. The BOTTOM is unthreaded. Ohhh...
15 seconds later, I had the screw tightened. I checked the other screw; it was still tight.
But then I checked the other set of glasses (which, of course, I had been wearing). BOTH screws were loose.
I have a reason to mix up a small amount of epoxy for another reason soon. I guess I will loosen each frame screw just a bit and use a toothpick to add a tiny dab before I retighten then. I've had to do that before and it works great.
Granted I have reading glasses, so I put them on and take them off frequently, but do other people have this same problem with eyeglass frame screws falling out? Have you thought of some good solution other than epoxy?
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Good Things Happening, Part 2
THE CRAZY NEIGHBORS: This time they have actually moved away! Even the outside stuff is gone. The BBQ grill, the tarp covering the front of the motorcycle shed that FIG used as a minor repair shop (I had no problem with that), and the kiddie pool in the back yard is gone. There is NOTHING about them left behind this time.
They have actually left.
They brought out the worst in me, but also some best.
The worst is that I reacted to FIG and SNG (Fat Idiot Guy and Stupid Nutso Girl). I almost got in trouble with the police because I yelled at THEM to stop yelling outside at 3 am. Well, maybe I deserved that. To be fair, I'm not even sure the police knew I yelled at them, they just asked me some questions about the neighbors. But I felt guilty.
---------------------
YOU KNOW YOU HAVE CRAZY NEIGHBORS WHEN:
1. They scream obscenely at each other every Saturday night (in warm weather) at 3 am.
2. One drives the only car away,
3. With the infant in it,
4. And with the only cell phone,
5. And the other jumps in front of the car,
6. Until pushed forward too much,
7. And then lays down in the middle of the street screaming for an hour,
8. Until she comes to your door begging you to call the police,
9. And you do,
10. And they come when the guy gets back and haul him off to jail for a few days,
11. And they both HATE you for doing that,
12. And she comes over the next day to beg for a cigarette,
13. And FIG gives you the "evil eye" while you are just mowing the lawn,
14. And you begin to wonder who owns that rental place so that you can complain,
15. Or maybe even buy it to get rid of them because it wouldn't be THAT bad a deal,
16. And warm weather comes again and they start the screaming raging arguments again.
---------------------
And then they ACUALLY move away... Hal A Luliah!
They have actually left.
They brought out the worst in me, but also some best.
The worst is that I reacted to FIG and SNG (Fat Idiot Guy and Stupid Nutso Girl). I almost got in trouble with the police because I yelled at THEM to stop yelling outside at 3 am. Well, maybe I deserved that. To be fair, I'm not even sure the police knew I yelled at them, they just asked me some questions about the neighbors. But I felt guilty.
---------------------
YOU KNOW YOU HAVE CRAZY NEIGHBORS WHEN:
1. They scream obscenely at each other every Saturday night (in warm weather) at 3 am.
2. One drives the only car away,
3. With the infant in it,
4. And with the only cell phone,
5. And the other jumps in front of the car,
6. Until pushed forward too much,
7. And then lays down in the middle of the street screaming for an hour,
8. Until she comes to your door begging you to call the police,
9. And you do,
10. And they come when the guy gets back and haul him off to jail for a few days,
11. And they both HATE you for doing that,
12. And she comes over the next day to beg for a cigarette,
13. And FIG gives you the "evil eye" while you are just mowing the lawn,
14. And you begin to wonder who owns that rental place so that you can complain,
15. Or maybe even buy it to get rid of them because it wouldn't be THAT bad a deal,
16. And warm weather comes again and they start the screaming raging arguments again.
---------------------
And then they ACUALLY move away... Hal A Luliah!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Good Things Happening
I have to say that I am pleased this past week.
FIRST, the storm drain on the property line collapsed last month and I called it in for a repair. Well, I don't mean that I was pleased it collapsed, but that the Count responded in 2 days with some surrounding warning tape. So at least they reacted fast.
Then only a couple days later, a crew of bricklayers came out. They tore down the existing brick structure, loaded it into a pickup very cleanly, then started rebuilding the whole thing. I was amazed and pleased!
I only went out and bothered them with questions twice. I've learned a few things over the years. Guys who cut down trees are daredevils and love to show of. Guys who lay bricks carefully don't.
They made a small dam on rocks and soil and put a sump pump in the pool. The sump pump led across my lawn to another storm drain, so the worksite stayed dry.
I looked at the work after they left. The brickwork wasn't very level. But it was lower in the center where the water would drain in, so I assume that was deliberate. But is was level on the other side where water drains in, so I'm not sure. It is interesting trying to figure out which side was done wrong, if either was. The level side is against a solid brick wall downward whereas the lowered center side falls into the open pipe. There MAY be a reason for that.
Quite frankly, I don't want to attend "storm drain school" to figure it out. LOL!
But there was wet cement on the bottom of the storm drain and they left a gas electrical engine running to keep the water away for a while. That makes sense. But the gas engine ran out at 7:20 PM and I went out to look. The water was slowly topping the soil dam and reaching the storm drain. I was wondering whether to call the County when some guys came by in a County pickup truck.
I mentioned it had just stopped and they said they had estimated it wrong. The water was taking away some of the concrete. But they said they could pull it all up and do the base concrete again. They were CLOSE, but the job won't be "the best".
On the other hand, the previous build lasted 25 years and I won't be around to worry about it in another 25.
SECOND, The Crazy Neighbors. More about them next time...
FIRST, the storm drain on the property line collapsed last month and I called it in for a repair. Well, I don't mean that I was pleased it collapsed, but that the Count responded in 2 days with some surrounding warning tape. So at least they reacted fast.
Then only a couple days later, a crew of bricklayers came out. They tore down the existing brick structure, loaded it into a pickup very cleanly, then started rebuilding the whole thing. I was amazed and pleased!
I only went out and bothered them with questions twice. I've learned a few things over the years. Guys who cut down trees are daredevils and love to show of. Guys who lay bricks carefully don't.
They made a small dam on rocks and soil and put a sump pump in the pool. The sump pump led across my lawn to another storm drain, so the worksite stayed dry.
I looked at the work after they left. The brickwork wasn't very level. But it was lower in the center where the water would drain in, so I assume that was deliberate. But is was level on the other side where water drains in, so I'm not sure. It is interesting trying to figure out which side was done wrong, if either was. The level side is against a solid brick wall downward whereas the lowered center side falls into the open pipe. There MAY be a reason for that.
Quite frankly, I don't want to attend "storm drain school" to figure it out. LOL!
But there was wet cement on the bottom of the storm drain and they left a gas electrical engine running to keep the water away for a while. That makes sense. But the gas engine ran out at 7:20 PM and I went out to look. The water was slowly topping the soil dam and reaching the storm drain. I was wondering whether to call the County when some guys came by in a County pickup truck.
I mentioned it had just stopped and they said they had estimated it wrong. The water was taking away some of the concrete. But they said they could pull it all up and do the base concrete again. They were CLOSE, but the job won't be "the best".
On the other hand, the previous build lasted 25 years and I won't be around to worry about it in another 25.
SECOND, The Crazy Neighbors. More about them next time...
Friday, March 30, 2012
My Crazy Neighbors, Part 2
Oh this is even better than I hoped! The trailer is back this morning and filled with even the recycling bins. Who needs to take recycling bins when they leave? They are free anywhere you move to.
Weirder yet, that may be the house heat pump in the trailer too. Well, might as well steal everything when you are a deadbeat. LOLOL! I'm surprised not to see the refrigerator and stove, but then I wasn't watching all night. Maybe they already moved those out. Rich theft for evil renters.
This just gets worse and worse.
The high hilarity point was watching FIG and his Dad trying to haul the trailer of furniture out yesterday. FIG put the hitch side right next to the mailbox. DUH, ya cant attach it and get it out easily that waythat way...
FIG and Dad finally did get Dad's pickup to the trailer hitch. That's where the fun began. They could manage to pull the pickup forward without hitting the mailbox. I was falling on the floor laughing. It was SO obvious it would be easy to just back the trailer off the yard.
But I've offerred advice before and got a crashing F*** Y** reply, so I just treated it as a bad reality TV show (but one I watched).
FIG and Dad manuvered the pickup and trailer in all the possible wrong ways to get it around the mailbox. I coukd have moved the triler backwards and gotten around the mailbox in 2 minutes. Their solution? Beat the mailbox post out of the ground.
I'm sorry, you can't invent stuff like this. At least, I couldn't. I watched them struggle for at least 20 minutes, turning the pickup wheels the wrong way EVERY single time. You had to see it to believe it.
They both seem to be rather mechanically competent otherwise. Fig repaired "stuff", his Dad casually added flares to his concrete driveway and built a rather nice toolshed in the back yard. But, oh don't I wish I had a good camcorder... I'd have a million hits by now. My guess is that they understand machines but failed 10th grade geometry.
I might live in the USA's weirdest neighborhood. My next door neighbor guy had an affair with the wife the next house over. His wife left him, her husband left her, and she killed herself in the house. The guy abandoned the house, but comes by once a month to mow the lawn. He busted the fence gate up one day and it remains broken a year later. The cuckholder guy only comes to the house when his daughter has to stay with him for the weekend... I hear her laughing with neighborhood friends, so THATS good.
I wonder what SHE thinks sometimes, though.
The neighbors on the other side were always quiet, but strange too. The guy built a half a garage and then stopped for 10 years. Then he finished it suddenly and they left. The new neighbors are strange. The woman has bright red hair and wears the same black dress every day when outside (well, maybe she has a closet full of them). The guy only comes out once every few weeks to mow the lawn. They have a dog that seems to get out once a week, so I can only imagine that they have a dirt basement and clean poop a lot.
I need to move!
Weirder yet, that may be the house heat pump in the trailer too. Well, might as well steal everything when you are a deadbeat. LOLOL! I'm surprised not to see the refrigerator and stove, but then I wasn't watching all night. Maybe they already moved those out. Rich theft for evil renters.
This just gets worse and worse.
The high hilarity point was watching FIG and his Dad trying to haul the trailer of furniture out yesterday. FIG put the hitch side right next to the mailbox. DUH, ya cant attach it and get it out easily that waythat way...
FIG and Dad finally did get Dad's pickup to the trailer hitch. That's where the fun began. They could manage to pull the pickup forward without hitting the mailbox. I was falling on the floor laughing. It was SO obvious it would be easy to just back the trailer off the yard.
But I've offerred advice before and got a crashing F*** Y** reply, so I just treated it as a bad reality TV show (but one I watched).
FIG and Dad manuvered the pickup and trailer in all the possible wrong ways to get it around the mailbox. I coukd have moved the triler backwards and gotten around the mailbox in 2 minutes. Their solution? Beat the mailbox post out of the ground.
I'm sorry, you can't invent stuff like this. At least, I couldn't. I watched them struggle for at least 20 minutes, turning the pickup wheels the wrong way EVERY single time. You had to see it to believe it.
They both seem to be rather mechanically competent otherwise. Fig repaired "stuff", his Dad casually added flares to his concrete driveway and built a rather nice toolshed in the back yard. But, oh don't I wish I had a good camcorder... I'd have a million hits by now. My guess is that they understand machines but failed 10th grade geometry.
I might live in the USA's weirdest neighborhood. My next door neighbor guy had an affair with the wife the next house over. His wife left him, her husband left her, and she killed herself in the house. The guy abandoned the house, but comes by once a month to mow the lawn. He busted the fence gate up one day and it remains broken a year later. The cuckholder guy only comes to the house when his daughter has to stay with him for the weekend... I hear her laughing with neighborhood friends, so THATS good.
I wonder what SHE thinks sometimes, though.
The neighbors on the other side were always quiet, but strange too. The guy built a half a garage and then stopped for 10 years. Then he finished it suddenly and they left. The new neighbors are strange. The woman has bright red hair and wears the same black dress every day when outside (well, maybe she has a closet full of them). The guy only comes out once every few weeks to mow the lawn. They have a dog that seems to get out once a week, so I can only imagine that they have a dirt basement and clean poop a lot.
I need to move!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
My Crazy Neighbors
I know I wrote about thinking my crazy neighbors across the street were moving out last December (and it turned out to be only the Mother of the crazy guy), but I have real hope now! I call the crazy guy FIG (Fat Idiot Guy). He seems to be married or otherwise "attached to" SNG (Stupid Nutso Girl). There are also1 or two other guys and/or gals living there at various times. FIG is the son of the guy next door.
FIG and SNG have raging screaming relationship arguments outside late at night. One time he pushed her off the street with his car when she tried to stop him from leaving. Another time, she asked me to call the police because he had taken the only telephone. She's not quite normal either; she drags furniture into the street when she is angry and throws clothes into the drainage easement. Just last week, she dragged some piece of furniture to the Dad's yard (where he burns brush) and set it on fire. The laughing was a bit scary.
They are the only problems though. The few times I've talked to the others living there, it's fine, even if they seem to change every few months.
Last December, it was a pickup truck of furniture being removed. And then the house was dark a week, so I really thought they had left. But as I said above, it was just FIG's Mom fleeing the insanity.
But TODAY!!! Ah, it is more serious moving. And better yet, it involves FIG's stuff. I have great hopes this time.
1. The previous renter built a motorcycle shed at the end of the driveway. It is about 6' wide and deep, but with a front overhang and no front. A bit odd, but I guess it protected his motorcycle sufficiently for him. Well, the first thing FIG did was attach a heavy tarp across the front. It seems he did appliance repairs in there. Today, he took it down!
2. He loaded up his trailer a week ago. Bedframe, mattress, easy chair, tire, tools, trashcans, and (of all things) a kiddie pool I've seen him lay in.
3. His Dad came over to help, and no one else did.
4. Several different cars were there during the day and different people loaded boxes into different cars. None of the cars seemed filled, so I don'r think it was a group effort to move everyone together to the same place. Looks like Splitsville to me!
5. Both FIG and SNG dragged some small pieces of furniture over to FIG's Dad's driveway. Not enough to move in with, but maybe a few things he could use that they couldn't in some new place.
6. In the past couple of months, I've seen some well-dressed middle-aged guy banging on the front door (and none of their friends use the front door). I think he is the owner looking for rent money.
7. If the stuff in Fig's trailer was going to the landfill (he did leave the furniture in the trailer out in the rain for a few days (see 2), he sure spent a lot of time dumping it. I know where the landfill is and how long it would take to get there, unload, and return. He took an extra hour, which suggests he was moving it to a new residence. Maybe the stuff was all plastic. I didn't go look.
8. Even in the dark (as I type) cars are pulling up, loading only a few boxes, and driving away. Maybe there were a lot more people living there than I realized. Or maybe they are taking stuff away as fast as it is packed.
I normally do not concern myself overly with my neighbors. Oh, I'm "the helpful guy next door" when anyone needs any help. I bring over my extension ladder when someone needs to clean their gutters, I'll lend my lawnmower when someone's breaks, help with advice on planting flowers for novices, help kids get a ball out of the stormdrain, collect the newspapers when some is on vacation, etc. But I'm not the "hey, c'mon over for a BBQ tomorrow" type.
So these odd folks across the street are the only people I have had the least bit of trouble with in the 25 years I've lived here.
But I REALLY hope this time they are moving away.
FIG and SNG have raging screaming relationship arguments outside late at night. One time he pushed her off the street with his car when she tried to stop him from leaving. Another time, she asked me to call the police because he had taken the only telephone. She's not quite normal either; she drags furniture into the street when she is angry and throws clothes into the drainage easement. Just last week, she dragged some piece of furniture to the Dad's yard (where he burns brush) and set it on fire. The laughing was a bit scary.
They are the only problems though. The few times I've talked to the others living there, it's fine, even if they seem to change every few months.
Last December, it was a pickup truck of furniture being removed. And then the house was dark a week, so I really thought they had left. But as I said above, it was just FIG's Mom fleeing the insanity.
But TODAY!!! Ah, it is more serious moving. And better yet, it involves FIG's stuff. I have great hopes this time.
1. The previous renter built a motorcycle shed at the end of the driveway. It is about 6' wide and deep, but with a front overhang and no front. A bit odd, but I guess it protected his motorcycle sufficiently for him. Well, the first thing FIG did was attach a heavy tarp across the front. It seems he did appliance repairs in there. Today, he took it down!
2. He loaded up his trailer a week ago. Bedframe, mattress, easy chair, tire, tools, trashcans, and (of all things) a kiddie pool I've seen him lay in.
3. His Dad came over to help, and no one else did.
4. Several different cars were there during the day and different people loaded boxes into different cars. None of the cars seemed filled, so I don'r think it was a group effort to move everyone together to the same place. Looks like Splitsville to me!
5. Both FIG and SNG dragged some small pieces of furniture over to FIG's Dad's driveway. Not enough to move in with, but maybe a few things he could use that they couldn't in some new place.
6. In the past couple of months, I've seen some well-dressed middle-aged guy banging on the front door (and none of their friends use the front door). I think he is the owner looking for rent money.
7. If the stuff in Fig's trailer was going to the landfill (he did leave the furniture in the trailer out in the rain for a few days (see 2), he sure spent a lot of time dumping it. I know where the landfill is and how long it would take to get there, unload, and return. He took an extra hour, which suggests he was moving it to a new residence. Maybe the stuff was all plastic. I didn't go look.
8. Even in the dark (as I type) cars are pulling up, loading only a few boxes, and driving away. Maybe there were a lot more people living there than I realized. Or maybe they are taking stuff away as fast as it is packed.
I normally do not concern myself overly with my neighbors. Oh, I'm "the helpful guy next door" when anyone needs any help. I bring over my extension ladder when someone needs to clean their gutters, I'll lend my lawnmower when someone's breaks, help with advice on planting flowers for novices, help kids get a ball out of the stormdrain, collect the newspapers when some is on vacation, etc. But I'm not the "hey, c'mon over for a BBQ tomorrow" type.
So these odd folks across the street are the only people I have had the least bit of trouble with in the 25 years I've lived here.
But I REALLY hope this time they are moving away.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Planting Peas
My technique is to soak the peas a day, drain the water, and let them sprout. The ones that sprout after several days are the ones that get planted! It works great. 100% germination.
Only 2 days later, the 1st stems are emerging from the soil. I can't wait to pick the first snow peas of the year. They are stringless and SO sweet.
I'll toss them with some thinly cut pork, some pineapple, and some chile peppers. Oh man are those gonna be GREAT!
Only 2 days later, the 1st stems are emerging from the soil. I can't wait to pick the first snow peas of the year. They are stringless and SO sweet.
I'll toss them with some thinly cut pork, some pineapple, and some chile peppers. Oh man are those gonna be GREAT!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Those Winter Weeds
I have awful winter weeds. I can never get them pulled up in time to stop the new seeds setting in the soil.
I almost got them this year. I got about half of them pulled up before the seeds were falling off the flowerheads. So half the flowerbed should be clear next Spring. I hope to get THOSE next year.
I AM slowly catching up with them. One whole 3rd of the flowerbed has none this year. I got another 3rd before the seeds developed. Next year, the last, I hope.
I almost got them this year. I got about half of them pulled up before the seeds were falling off the flowerheads. So half the flowerbed should be clear next Spring. I hope to get THOSE next year.
I AM slowly catching up with them. One whole 3rd of the flowerbed has none this year. I got another 3rd before the seeds developed. Next year, the last, I hope.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Those Spring Peepers
I got them good this year! Last year, I put plastic sheeting over the small pond. Well, the pond is close to my bedroom window, and the few peepers call enough to keep me up at night. 1,000 peepers is OK, but 5 aren't. The 5 peep randomly but distinctly. So I cover the pond.
This year, I covered it with row cower fabric. It lets air to the pond, but keeps the peepers out. HURRAY!
The peepers are all screaming their throats off across the street in the swamp, and that is just fine. Doesn't bother me. But none can get in the pond under my window and that is good too.
This year, I covered it with row cower fabric. It lets air to the pond, but keeps the peepers out. HURRAY!
The peepers are all screaming their throats off across the street in the swamp, and that is just fine. Doesn't bother me. But none can get in the pond under my window and that is good too.
Monday, March 12, 2012
The Sky
I took the recycling bins out tonight. And looked up into the sky. There isn't usually much to see there around here. Too much light pollution...
But I was surprised to SEE better than I have in years. Orion was at midpoint, and clearer than usual. Ursa Major was obvious, Cassiopeia was clear. So I stood and looked, shielding my eyes from neighbors floodlights as best I could.
I could even see the rabbit below Orion! Lookin further, I found the Pleiedes. I havent seen them in years. What REALLY surprised me were the 2 bright spots in the West. I KNOW there arent bright stars there. I guessed at Venus, but it seemed too far off the ecliptic. And that red spot over to the East HAD to be Mars.
It was Venus. And next to it was Jupiter. And that WAS Mars. I checked the sky map.
Best "seeing" I've had in years. I sat outside for an hour... Damn, I better learn how to use those lenses on the telescope!
But I was surprised to SEE better than I have in years. Orion was at midpoint, and clearer than usual. Ursa Major was obvious, Cassiopeia was clear. So I stood and looked, shielding my eyes from neighbors floodlights as best I could.
I could even see the rabbit below Orion! Lookin further, I found the Pleiedes. I havent seen them in years. What REALLY surprised me were the 2 bright spots in the West. I KNOW there arent bright stars there. I guessed at Venus, but it seemed too far off the ecliptic. And that red spot over to the East HAD to be Mars.
It was Venus. And next to it was Jupiter. And that WAS Mars. I checked the sky map.
Best "seeing" I've had in years. I sat outside for an hour... Damn, I better learn how to use those lenses on the telescope!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Thankful Tuesday
I made it to 74 today! I'm thankful... Tonight will be Ribeye steak for me and real chicken for The Mews (they don't like steak ...
-
I think I have it figured out now. I needed basic frame strength (cubes) plus top support (arches with a ridgepole) for shedding rain and s... -
I like to plant Pansies in the Fall. I replace the dead Tomatos and deck pot flowers with them most years. Best deal I found was 12-packs ...