Tap, tap tap... I shouldn't have let it in. Tap, tap, tap. Tap tap tap...
It's like the story of The Telltale Heart. That relentless tapping coming down the hallway.
I can't stand it. It's from the elder. Coming tapping, tapping, tapping down the hall.
To me. There is no escaping it when the tapping comes down the hall...
The tapping of the cane lasts 10 minutes. 10 relentless minutes... Its like Chinese Water Torture...
Its the dreaded elderly Dad coming tap, tap, tapping toward my computer room at the far end of the house. The long endless tapping of the cane through the seemingly endless hallway. Dreadful, like a heart beating too slowly, like a too-loud clock, like a moonbeam crepping slowly across a window. Relentless in the approach...
And FINALLY, a forehead shows up in the doorway. "Are you there", he asks knowing full well that I am. "Are you going to be in there all night" and he knows I will be. Because I prefer to be on the computer rather than sit my butt in front of the TV all day and night like he does. He doesn't understand anything better do do than sit his butt in the chair in front of the TV.
I spend my whole cleaning house, taking care of the cats, talking to him, repairing things, talking to him, doing yardwork, talking to him, making meals, talking to him, grocery-shopping, running errands for his medications, etc, etc, etc etc, etc, etc, etc. And he just wants me to sit and watch TV with him all day every day and can't imagine why I wouldn't. Well, there aren't 30 hours in a day, and I have a life of my own. Not that Dad thinks so. What I do seems of no value to him.
Well, he's nuts!
When we disagree on facts, he is always wrong. He can't help but be at 90. His mind isn't working well. And I mean the simplest of facts. Day, date, time, game scores. He can't see anything straight these days.
My sister says to let everything go, pretend he is right, just toss it off. That's not me; I can't. I don't have the "family experience" to do that.
The problem is that he isn't yet nuts enough to require an assisted-living facility. And that's why I am going nuts...
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Dad Here
Well, it looks like I am stuck with Dad until he is utterly unable to be cared for by me. Sister has been avoiding finding a place for him near her and I understand now that she REALLY does plan to leave the area when she retires in a year. So it IS best that he be HERE or in a place nearby.
I was hoping to get out of this relationship, but I'm the only one he has left.
That realization is hard. I don't hate him, but I don't like him much either. And I don't say that because he is batty (though he is); its the day to day living that makes it hard. I lived on my own for 30 years and the change is so hard.
When he watches Fox News, he thinks it is like the word of god. He says "damn right" sometimes and I look at him with dropped jaw. He really does think that most of the people in the US are "MOOCHERS"! I pointed out to him that Romney meant me and him because we get a Federal Govt retirement, and it just went right over his head...
Its going to be a really hard year or so before Father Time catches up with him... But he is here and for his "long haul".
I'll try not to mention it often...
I was hoping to get out of this relationship, but I'm the only one he has left.
That realization is hard. I don't hate him, but I don't like him much either. And I don't say that because he is batty (though he is); its the day to day living that makes it hard. I lived on my own for 30 years and the change is so hard.
When he watches Fox News, he thinks it is like the word of god. He says "damn right" sometimes and I look at him with dropped jaw. He really does think that most of the people in the US are "MOOCHERS"! I pointed out to him that Romney meant me and him because we get a Federal Govt retirement, and it just went right over his head...
Its going to be a really hard year or so before Father Time catches up with him... But he is here and for his "long haul".
I'll try not to mention it often...
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Almost Entirely Back!
It is funny now, after all the problems are solved. But it wasn't before that.
I was frustrated when I first hooked up the new Mac Mini. No monitor picture... And that was the same problem I had a week ago. Not knowing the cable lingo made it hard. The old Mac Mini had two ports labeled with a "monitor" symbol. The new one didn't. Just one labeled HDMI (which I understand, having an HDMI TV) and one I didn't labeled "Thunderbolt". Thunderbolt did match the plug I had on the VGA-to-monitor cable, so I tried it. Nothing.
Why does this sort of thing only happen after business hours when I can't call anyone? And please don't say just go online; the monitor wasn't working, LOL! So I struggled with things all night. And I mean "all night" I went to bed at 9 am.
Who knew that the FOURTH time I re-plugged the monitor cable in it would work just fine? I try things over and over again because I really don't know what else to do. And sometimes it works.
So there I was at 4 am with a working computer. I tried to play a game of cribbage at pogo.com. No luck, just endless "loading". After that, I did what any annoyed and frustrated person would do who smokes and drinks. I went out ant bought a pack of cigs from the all-night 7-11 and poured myself a glass of wine when I got back. Surely the problems would resolve themselves after my punishing myself with drugs...
No.
This morning, I called the computer repair shop and asked for help. The guy who answered the phone seemed knowledgeable. He directed me to the "About The Mac" click and asked me to read what it said. When I got to memory (not RAM) it said 512 MB. Yes, "512 MB". He said, "well there's your problem, you didn't get enough storage". I said the Mac Mini ONLY comes in 512 GB or 1 TB. He said I should have gotten the 512 GB drive and I could come in for an upgrade.
I was annoyed by that, but thought for a minute and decided that was preposterous. NOBODY offers a 512 MB drive any more! So I told him so and asked if there was someone more knowledgeable I could speak to. He got all huffy about THAT and said he would have someone call me back.
Two hours later, I got a call back. The guy said the 512 MB was just the graphics memory and I had a full 512 GB hard drive. So we proceeded to go through the system to prove it. I really DO have 512GBs. Which is fine because I had only used 100GB on the old computer.
It turned out that I didn't have the new Java script needed. I HAD downloaded that at the computer's request the night before, but nothing had happened. OK, usually, you have to download those files and then install them. But since there was no file to open in the downloads folder, I assumed it self-opened (which seemed a process improvement).
No.
It saved to my documents folder for some reason. With the computer guys help, I found it and installed it. Problem solved. I asked who the previous guy (the idiot) was and the person I was talking to wouldn't say. But, as the problems were solved I let it go. I assume the first guy is a relative of the owner of the shop, LOL!
I had 200 emails to read... I think I'll go watch TV for an hour (Rachel Maddow on MSNBC) and come back later to start visiting the cats' friends...
Computers are maddening. I know enough to use them and figure out some problems, but not enough to solve the weird problems.
I was frustrated when I first hooked up the new Mac Mini. No monitor picture... And that was the same problem I had a week ago. Not knowing the cable lingo made it hard. The old Mac Mini had two ports labeled with a "monitor" symbol. The new one didn't. Just one labeled HDMI (which I understand, having an HDMI TV) and one I didn't labeled "Thunderbolt". Thunderbolt did match the plug I had on the VGA-to-monitor cable, so I tried it. Nothing.
Why does this sort of thing only happen after business hours when I can't call anyone? And please don't say just go online; the monitor wasn't working, LOL! So I struggled with things all night. And I mean "all night" I went to bed at 9 am.
Who knew that the FOURTH time I re-plugged the monitor cable in it would work just fine? I try things over and over again because I really don't know what else to do. And sometimes it works.
So there I was at 4 am with a working computer. I tried to play a game of cribbage at pogo.com. No luck, just endless "loading". After that, I did what any annoyed and frustrated person would do who smokes and drinks. I went out ant bought a pack of cigs from the all-night 7-11 and poured myself a glass of wine when I got back. Surely the problems would resolve themselves after my punishing myself with drugs...
No.
This morning, I called the computer repair shop and asked for help. The guy who answered the phone seemed knowledgeable. He directed me to the "About The Mac" click and asked me to read what it said. When I got to memory (not RAM) it said 512 MB. Yes, "512 MB". He said, "well there's your problem, you didn't get enough storage". I said the Mac Mini ONLY comes in 512 GB or 1 TB. He said I should have gotten the 512 GB drive and I could come in for an upgrade.
I was annoyed by that, but thought for a minute and decided that was preposterous. NOBODY offers a 512 MB drive any more! So I told him so and asked if there was someone more knowledgeable I could speak to. He got all huffy about THAT and said he would have someone call me back.
Two hours later, I got a call back. The guy said the 512 MB was just the graphics memory and I had a full 512 GB hard drive. So we proceeded to go through the system to prove it. I really DO have 512GBs. Which is fine because I had only used 100GB on the old computer.
It turned out that I didn't have the new Java script needed. I HAD downloaded that at the computer's request the night before, but nothing had happened. OK, usually, you have to download those files and then install them. But since there was no file to open in the downloads folder, I assumed it self-opened (which seemed a process improvement).
No.
It saved to my documents folder for some reason. With the computer guys help, I found it and installed it. Problem solved. I asked who the previous guy (the idiot) was and the person I was talking to wouldn't say. But, as the problems were solved I let it go. I assume the first guy is a relative of the owner of the shop, LOL!
I had 200 emails to read... I think I'll go watch TV for an hour (Rachel Maddow on MSNBC) and come back later to start visiting the cats' friends...
Computers are maddening. I know enough to use them and figure out some problems, but not enough to solve the weird problems.
Back Online!
I'm back, but don't tell the cats. I want the Golden Oldies Week to use up the preset posts.
But the computer problem was serious. In spite of my taking the cover off the old Mac Mini and looking for any sign of wine spill damage (none visible), there was some on the hard drive and some port according to the repair guys. Enough so that the Mac Repair Shop said it needed more work than a new one would cost. I have some doubts, but I don't have the expertise to argue with them or repair it myself.
Well, 3 years for computer isn't TOO bad ...
I talked to the repair guys and am not much more knowledgeable than when I started. They were able to transfer my old hard drive to the new computer (so why wasn't it able to work in my Mini Mac)? But there are times to surrender. I now have a replacement (essentially identical to the old one). That's OK. The old one had 500GB and I only used 100, so the same is just fine.
The interesting thing is that I was using the old Mac DeskPro and found iPhoto pictures on it that I had deleted on the Mac Mini in 2010. I copied them over to the new computer with a flash drive in a new-named file.
I copied them to the new computer to a new file named "iPhoto2", but I can't seem to merge the files. I'm afraid to just copy the old file into the new one in case it just overwrites the new file and overwrites all the new photos. Any advice would be great. For what is worth, I have the entire new iPhoto pictures saved on an external backup drive, so I probably can't lose them.
I checked my Google Reader. 226 posts to read! And 150 emails! That will take a few days! LOL!
But the computer problem was serious. In spite of my taking the cover off the old Mac Mini and looking for any sign of wine spill damage (none visible), there was some on the hard drive and some port according to the repair guys. Enough so that the Mac Repair Shop said it needed more work than a new one would cost. I have some doubts, but I don't have the expertise to argue with them or repair it myself.
Well, 3 years for computer isn't TOO bad ...
I talked to the repair guys and am not much more knowledgeable than when I started. They were able to transfer my old hard drive to the new computer (so why wasn't it able to work in my Mini Mac)? But there are times to surrender. I now have a replacement (essentially identical to the old one). That's OK. The old one had 500GB and I only used 100, so the same is just fine.
The interesting thing is that I was using the old Mac DeskPro and found iPhoto pictures on it that I had deleted on the Mac Mini in 2010. I copied them over to the new computer with a flash drive in a new-named file.
I copied them to the new computer to a new file named "iPhoto2", but I can't seem to merge the files. I'm afraid to just copy the old file into the new one in case it just overwrites the new file and overwrites all the new photos. Any advice would be great. For what is worth, I have the entire new iPhoto pictures saved on an external backup drive, so I probably can't lose them.
I checked my Google Reader. 226 posts to read! And 150 emails! That will take a few days! LOL!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Offline (Sort Of)
My Mac Mini died a few days ago. A minor matter of a toppled glass of wine... It didn't seem to hit the computer, but when I picked it up to clean under it, it stopped sending to the monitor. I hoped it was the exposed adaptor cable (insulation loose at one end and split at the other - its old). I spent Friday trying to get a replacement adaptor cable, and by the time I did, and tried it out, it was too late to get the Mac Mini to a repair shop (they are few and far between around here).
Since the only "near" repair shop for Apples is closed weekends, it probably doesn't matter. I'll be delivering it Monday morning. It will probably take 2 days to clean and/or repair, so I am mostly off-line until then.
How am I online now, you ask? I still have my old Mac Deskpro. It can do a little bit of work still (like access my blog account). It's mostly an expensive doorstop these days, but I'm glad I kept it around.
It was great at it's time... TWO 2GB hard drives and whatever passed for serious RAM and processors in 2006.
I can't get email on it because both it is set up for an ISP I no longer use AND the memory is too little for my current system. When it failed in 2010, I COULD have seriously upgraded it after thorough cleaning and parts replacement. EXCEPT that the failure was due to cigarette smoke accumulation (causing overheating) and Apple repair shops will not clean a computer with that problem. "TOXIC ENVIRONMENTAL HAZARD", according to Apple policy. It would have been nice if they had advised me of that when I bought it. Yeah, I know, "serves me right for smoking"...
PC repair stores don't care about that. They used to just clean my old PCs and replace the overworked fan. If you smoke and are considering buying Apple products, be aware of that.
The Mac Minis don't work the same way as large desktop units. I don't know why. Maybe they use flash drives and no fan. All I know is that after 3 years, when I took the Mac Mini cover off (an adventure in itself) it looked sparkly-clean.
I'm not defending smoking, I'm ready to quit. But it IS interesting that PC repair shops are all independent and THEY will clean any smoker's PC while Apple stores (with a virtual monopoly on repairs) will not. Its their right to do so...
Forgive the minor rant. I'm conflicted between my desire to have a computer cleaned and repaired, and my understanding that smoke debris is probably not the best thing to have to clean out. I'm just annoyed all over again about the $3,500 Mac Deskpro doorstop that's been sitting around for years. But I AM glad I kept it around. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to even post this.
PS - If you are very anti-smoking and want to tell me how bad it is, please don't. I already agree with you. Seriously, I feel stupid enough about smoking as it is. And I am at the point where I really WILL stop.
Since the only "near" repair shop for Apples is closed weekends, it probably doesn't matter. I'll be delivering it Monday morning. It will probably take 2 days to clean and/or repair, so I am mostly off-line until then.
How am I online now, you ask? I still have my old Mac Deskpro. It can do a little bit of work still (like access my blog account). It's mostly an expensive doorstop these days, but I'm glad I kept it around.
It was great at it's time... TWO 2GB hard drives and whatever passed for serious RAM and processors in 2006.
I can't get email on it because both it is set up for an ISP I no longer use AND the memory is too little for my current system. When it failed in 2010, I COULD have seriously upgraded it after thorough cleaning and parts replacement. EXCEPT that the failure was due to cigarette smoke accumulation (causing overheating) and Apple repair shops will not clean a computer with that problem. "TOXIC ENVIRONMENTAL HAZARD", according to Apple policy. It would have been nice if they had advised me of that when I bought it. Yeah, I know, "serves me right for smoking"...
PC repair stores don't care about that. They used to just clean my old PCs and replace the overworked fan. If you smoke and are considering buying Apple products, be aware of that.
The Mac Minis don't work the same way as large desktop units. I don't know why. Maybe they use flash drives and no fan. All I know is that after 3 years, when I took the Mac Mini cover off (an adventure in itself) it looked sparkly-clean.
I'm not defending smoking, I'm ready to quit. But it IS interesting that PC repair shops are all independent and THEY will clean any smoker's PC while Apple stores (with a virtual monopoly on repairs) will not. Its their right to do so...
Forgive the minor rant. I'm conflicted between my desire to have a computer cleaned and repaired, and my understanding that smoke debris is probably not the best thing to have to clean out. I'm just annoyed all over again about the $3,500 Mac Deskpro doorstop that's been sitting around for years. But I AM glad I kept it around. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to even post this.
PS - If you are very anti-smoking and want to tell me how bad it is, please don't. I already agree with you. Seriously, I feel stupid enough about smoking as it is. And I am at the point where I really WILL stop.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
I've Had Better Days
I don't mean anything serious went bad. No family problems, no accidents, no injuries. But you know how some days just go "off"...
Yesterday started well. I slept well after getting up at dawn for the tree removal crew the day before, and got up early enough to make Dad and myself an actual breakfast omelet (with sauted red and green bell peppers, onion, mushroom, and cheese), toasted english muffins, bacon, and cottage-fried potatoes. He usually eats cereal because I tend to sleep late. So when I'm up early, I try to give him a change of pace.
I knew I had a vet appointment for Marley to get a 2nd of 3 shots for "something". All the cats shots seem to have similiar initials. But I had other shopping to do and enough time, so off I went.
A foot-pedal compost can for Dad (to make it easier) and a wooden toast tong so Dad can get those small english muffins out - after I saw him get at one with a fork), kitty litter at Petsmart, an ATM visit, and then a trip through WalMart!
I was looking for camo jeans (no luck), rechargeable batteries (got them), calendars (got them), candy/tea/V8 (got them), locktite screw-holder (no luck), and aquarium fish (thereby hangs the tale)...
I'm not sure how to say this. I know some people are not as capable as others and have some difficulties in life. I understand that, and I am patient. I have had friends and relatives in my younger years like that. I was the kid who told the other kids to calm down (or back off) around other kids who had problems.
The local Walmart has this one guy who works in the pet department. He tries well, but he is slow to do things. Walmart does not make it easier for him. They put several kinds of fish in the same aquarium, they don't put pictures of the fish on the labels and its seems they don't provide any training at catching fish in aquariums.
I have dealt with the guy before. I stay polite and patient. I know he is doing the best he can. I had an appointment to bring Marley to the Vet at 3 pm, but it was only 2 pm, and I had some other things to buy. I got him to write down the 3 fish I wanted. 6 tiger barbs, 6 serpa tetra, and one small plecostomus. I made sure he saw which fish they were.
He got the tiger barbs just fine, so I went to finish my shopping.
10 minutes later, he was struggling to get the serpa tetra. They are coralish-orangy-colored and were in a tank of several kinds of black fish. He kept taking black fish out of the tank. I suggested several easier ways of getting them, but he didn't understand what I suggested. My brain was screaming "just take the net and get them", but I waited. And waited. And waited. It took 35 minutes!!! I felt sorry for him, but I didn't know what to do. I could have netted all the fish in 3 minutes.
Exactly when he was done, another guy in the pet dept called out to him "you need some help?" and "hope you didn't kill any this time". I felt very bad. So after I got my fish, I went over to the guy and asked him why he didn't volunteer to help the other guy when he first saw he was having trouble. He said it was funny watching him. I said it wasn't funny to ME!
I'm not pure on this. I just wanted to get my cheap fish from Walmart and get the heck out of the store as fast as possible and put them in the quarantine tank to see if they are healthy after a week.
But the delay meant I was seriously behind schedule getting Marley to the vet. When I got home, I had to toss the bag of new fish into the main aquarium to stay warm. get out the cat carrier, and get Marley into it.
Naturally, he had to see me take out the cat carrier and he hid. I HATE sitting around the vet office. If you are late, you have to sit around through 2 more appointments. So I got after Marley aggressively. By the time I got ahold of him and him into the carrier, we were BOTH seriously aggravated. Marley clawed me good on the neck...
I gave Marley extra attention last night. But I wonder if that guy at Walmart will be getting any attention. He needs it.
*Sigh*
My new fish seem OK in the quarantine tank. Marley has calmed down and is back looking for scritchies and chin rubs. Dad is happily watching a replay of the golf tournament he watched this past weekend. I am managing my odd household...
Yesterday started well. I slept well after getting up at dawn for the tree removal crew the day before, and got up early enough to make Dad and myself an actual breakfast omelet (with sauted red and green bell peppers, onion, mushroom, and cheese), toasted english muffins, bacon, and cottage-fried potatoes. He usually eats cereal because I tend to sleep late. So when I'm up early, I try to give him a change of pace.
I knew I had a vet appointment for Marley to get a 2nd of 3 shots for "something". All the cats shots seem to have similiar initials. But I had other shopping to do and enough time, so off I went.
A foot-pedal compost can for Dad (to make it easier) and a wooden toast tong so Dad can get those small english muffins out - after I saw him get at one with a fork), kitty litter at Petsmart, an ATM visit, and then a trip through WalMart!
I was looking for camo jeans (no luck), rechargeable batteries (got them), calendars (got them), candy/tea/V8 (got them), locktite screw-holder (no luck), and aquarium fish (thereby hangs the tale)...
I'm not sure how to say this. I know some people are not as capable as others and have some difficulties in life. I understand that, and I am patient. I have had friends and relatives in my younger years like that. I was the kid who told the other kids to calm down (or back off) around other kids who had problems.
The local Walmart has this one guy who works in the pet department. He tries well, but he is slow to do things. Walmart does not make it easier for him. They put several kinds of fish in the same aquarium, they don't put pictures of the fish on the labels and its seems they don't provide any training at catching fish in aquariums.
I have dealt with the guy before. I stay polite and patient. I know he is doing the best he can. I had an appointment to bring Marley to the Vet at 3 pm, but it was only 2 pm, and I had some other things to buy. I got him to write down the 3 fish I wanted. 6 tiger barbs, 6 serpa tetra, and one small plecostomus. I made sure he saw which fish they were.
He got the tiger barbs just fine, so I went to finish my shopping.
10 minutes later, he was struggling to get the serpa tetra. They are coralish-orangy-colored and were in a tank of several kinds of black fish. He kept taking black fish out of the tank. I suggested several easier ways of getting them, but he didn't understand what I suggested. My brain was screaming "just take the net and get them", but I waited. And waited. And waited. It took 35 minutes!!! I felt sorry for him, but I didn't know what to do. I could have netted all the fish in 3 minutes.
Exactly when he was done, another guy in the pet dept called out to him "you need some help?" and "hope you didn't kill any this time". I felt very bad. So after I got my fish, I went over to the guy and asked him why he didn't volunteer to help the other guy when he first saw he was having trouble. He said it was funny watching him. I said it wasn't funny to ME!
I'm not pure on this. I just wanted to get my cheap fish from Walmart and get the heck out of the store as fast as possible and put them in the quarantine tank to see if they are healthy after a week.
But the delay meant I was seriously behind schedule getting Marley to the vet. When I got home, I had to toss the bag of new fish into the main aquarium to stay warm. get out the cat carrier, and get Marley into it.
Naturally, he had to see me take out the cat carrier and he hid. I HATE sitting around the vet office. If you are late, you have to sit around through 2 more appointments. So I got after Marley aggressively. By the time I got ahold of him and him into the carrier, we were BOTH seriously aggravated. Marley clawed me good on the neck...
I gave Marley extra attention last night. But I wonder if that guy at Walmart will be getting any attention. He needs it.
*Sigh*
My new fish seem OK in the quarantine tank. Marley has calmed down and is back looking for scritchies and chin rubs. Dad is happily watching a replay of the golf tournament he watched this past weekend. I am managing my odd household...
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Tree Removal
Well, the tree removal crew finally arrived this morning. Considering that the first scheduled day was about 50 degrees and the second scheduled day was 45, I think they regretted their delays. When they arrived, it was only 18 degrees and never got above 24! And some wind whipped up after a couple of hours.
It got off to a bad start! The plan was for them to drive the grinder machine into the back yard (which I have done with my car several times) to leave me the chips/sawdust in large piles in the corner of the yard and the the center near the pond. The first would decompose to compost after a couple of years and the second I would spread around about 4" deep to suppress grass. But the estimator failed to consider that their truck was 2 feet wider than my SUV!
So they went to back it onto the front lawn as far as possible. Damn that grinder machine is heavy! The wheels sank up to the rim and they had to pull it back to the street. The lawn is easily repairable, but the crew was sad. Instead of having to haul the pieces of 8 trees about 30 yards, they had to haul them 60 yards! It also meant I wouldn't have the chips, but the price was the same either way.
But they got going with the job and everything went fine after that.
I didn't take pictures of the trees falling (they don't come out well). But I did take some of the stump grinder they brought in for the fallen tree's stump. It doesn't LOOK all that impressive.
The stump DID look impressive, front
And back.
After they smoothed the pile it left, it looked like this. Like it was never there...
I had them leave the other stumps because the surrounding areas were covered with emerging daffodils and they would have been decimated. The stumps will rot (and they don't bother me).
I sure hope the additional sunlight will be worth it!
It got off to a bad start! The plan was for them to drive the grinder machine into the back yard (which I have done with my car several times) to leave me the chips/sawdust in large piles in the corner of the yard and the the center near the pond. The first would decompose to compost after a couple of years and the second I would spread around about 4" deep to suppress grass. But the estimator failed to consider that their truck was 2 feet wider than my SUV!
So they went to back it onto the front lawn as far as possible. Damn that grinder machine is heavy! The wheels sank up to the rim and they had to pull it back to the street. The lawn is easily repairable, but the crew was sad. Instead of having to haul the pieces of 8 trees about 30 yards, they had to haul them 60 yards! It also meant I wouldn't have the chips, but the price was the same either way.
But they got going with the job and everything went fine after that.
I didn't take pictures of the trees falling (they don't come out well). But I did take some of the stump grinder they brought in for the fallen tree's stump. It doesn't LOOK all that impressive.
And back.
But the grinder did the job. That wheel has teeth around it and edges on both sides. It swings back and forth and just pulverizes the wood and dirt a few inches at a time.
I had them leave the other stumps because the surrounding areas were covered with emerging daffodils and they would have been decimated. The stumps will rot (and they don't bother me).
Friday, January 18, 2013
Getting Stuff Done
I try to do something useful around the house or yard every day. I don't mean routine house duties like daily/weekly cooking, cleaning, laundry. More like some specific project, and it doesn't have to be major; like cleaning out a whole closet, washing all the windows, organizing the basement workbench, inventorying my garden seeds to order replacements, weeding a section of the flowerbeds, etc.
Being retired tempts one into an "I'll do it tomorrow" attitude, and I found myself slipping into that 2 years ago. And I will admit then when I get a really major thing done, I may take the rest of the week off (like when I had a new roof put on one week and new siding the next week).
A good example is when I collected stem cuttings of my butterfly bush, my Catnip plant, and a Wave Petunia last month. Most of them are growing and I will have some great replacement plants this Spring.
So I was pleased to get projects done yesterday and today.
Yesterday, I managed my new seed order. I have a system for storing seeds. Years ago, I obtained plastic vials to store seeds in. I drilled holes in a piece of plywood to hold them, and wrote numbers on the vials with a marker. A sheet of paper identifies all the vials by number, seed, and year. I keep the tray of vials in a basement refrigerator (along with bulk foods and beer). So, yesterday, I took out the tray, added the new seeds to empty vials, and updated my list. I nearly lost my list one year, so now I print three copies. One goes in the seed tray, one in a looseleaf garden journal, and one in the index card box that has my planting/transplanting schedule by weeks from last frost date.
Today, I heard a weather report that suggested we would be getting 3-6" of snow tomorrow. Three Winters ago, we had 3 major snowstorms adding up to almost 4'. That Spring, I bought a good snowblower (on sale cheaper then). I assembled it, added gas/oil and tested it. It ran well. Then it sat. Never got any snow worth even removing since. But I left the little bit of gas in there...
So I was doubtful it would run today. I had to re-read the manual, added new gas, checked the oil, etc. It took a few tries, but it started. I ran it 5 minutes to make sure it was working well, turned it off, let it cool down, and set it in the garage ready for use.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow... I'm ready (so I bet it doesn't snow, LOL!). But it was a good satisfying project for the day.
Tomorrow, the project is all errands. New fish for the aquarium, a few hardware supplies, pick up shortened pants from a tailor, bring unliked catfood to a donation center, etc. Friday will be a recycling day. I have 300 pounds of used kitty litter, boxes and newspapers, uncompostable trash, and bags of plastic.
I figure that getting one useful thing done each day adds up, and I intend to make this a productive year!
Being retired tempts one into an "I'll do it tomorrow" attitude, and I found myself slipping into that 2 years ago. And I will admit then when I get a really major thing done, I may take the rest of the week off (like when I had a new roof put on one week and new siding the next week).
A good example is when I collected stem cuttings of my butterfly bush, my Catnip plant, and a Wave Petunia last month. Most of them are growing and I will have some great replacement plants this Spring.
So I was pleased to get projects done yesterday and today.
Yesterday, I managed my new seed order. I have a system for storing seeds. Years ago, I obtained plastic vials to store seeds in. I drilled holes in a piece of plywood to hold them, and wrote numbers on the vials with a marker. A sheet of paper identifies all the vials by number, seed, and year. I keep the tray of vials in a basement refrigerator (along with bulk foods and beer). So, yesterday, I took out the tray, added the new seeds to empty vials, and updated my list. I nearly lost my list one year, so now I print three copies. One goes in the seed tray, one in a looseleaf garden journal, and one in the index card box that has my planting/transplanting schedule by weeks from last frost date.
Today, I heard a weather report that suggested we would be getting 3-6" of snow tomorrow. Three Winters ago, we had 3 major snowstorms adding up to almost 4'. That Spring, I bought a good snowblower (on sale cheaper then). I assembled it, added gas/oil and tested it. It ran well. Then it sat. Never got any snow worth even removing since. But I left the little bit of gas in there...
So I was doubtful it would run today. I had to re-read the manual, added new gas, checked the oil, etc. It took a few tries, but it started. I ran it 5 minutes to make sure it was working well, turned it off, let it cool down, and set it in the garage ready for use.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow... I'm ready (so I bet it doesn't snow, LOL!). But it was a good satisfying project for the day.
Tomorrow, the project is all errands. New fish for the aquarium, a few hardware supplies, pick up shortened pants from a tailor, bring unliked catfood to a donation center, etc. Friday will be a recycling day. I have 300 pounds of used kitty litter, boxes and newspapers, uncompostable trash, and bags of plastic.
I figure that getting one useful thing done each day adds up, and I intend to make this a productive year!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Washed Out
Good Grief! The tree company called and cancelled the scheduled work for today. It's drizzling, and they don't climb up wet trees... We rescheduled for next Monday.
Yeah I know, it's a safety issue...
Yeah I know, it's a safety issue...
Monday, January 14, 2013
Yard Work
This will be a busy week (by my standards). I'm completely taking apart my existing aquarium and cleaning it to start new after giving away my 10" plecostomus catfish (see yesterday's post).
Tuesday, a tree removal company (that I have good past experience with) is coming to remove the huge fallen tree in the backyard and 7 others that are starting to shade my garden. I spent hours Sunday preparing a corner of the backyard and 2 other area to receive all the ground-up tree chips. It will take several years for them to decompose, but I will have year's worth of great compost after that.
Yes, the tree company would haul the tree-chips away for free to the landfill (or maybe for sale somewhere, but I hate to waste organic material. Eight trees will make several impressive piles and I expect that they will start to steam in the winter as they begin to break down. And, for sure, I won't have to buy any mulch for the flowerbeds for many years!
I sure got plenty of winter exercise! The corner of the backyard where most of the chips will go used to be where I stored firewood. It was so long ago that I had to push over old rotten wood and pry out cinder blocks buried in the ground from where I had upright P-T 2x4s to hold the firewood in place. Carrying 10 cinder blocks 50' each is serious exercise when you are 62. And then there were all the 12' 2x4s that supported the firewood across the cinder blocks
Plus, I moved stored hoses, removed hose supports, moved various planting buckets that have been sitting around for years, put boards over the pond runway so they wont puncture holes in it by walking on it or dropping tree parts on it (that liner is expensive), marked out areas where the tree removal crew shouldn't drag logs through (where plants were still underground but labels were above). LOL, I even found my old compost sifter box and pried it out of the vines.
You never realize how much clutter you have around the yard until someone else is coming over to do something in it...
Three hours of heavy work! I need them to move one bench that is too heavy for me to move alone, but other than that, I'm ready for them to arrive Tuesday at 7:30 am! I can hardly wait.
It will be worth it for the greater sunlight when it is done!
Tuesday, a tree removal company (that I have good past experience with) is coming to remove the huge fallen tree in the backyard and 7 others that are starting to shade my garden. I spent hours Sunday preparing a corner of the backyard and 2 other area to receive all the ground-up tree chips. It will take several years for them to decompose, but I will have year's worth of great compost after that.
Yes, the tree company would haul the tree-chips away for free to the landfill (or maybe for sale somewhere, but I hate to waste organic material. Eight trees will make several impressive piles and I expect that they will start to steam in the winter as they begin to break down. And, for sure, I won't have to buy any mulch for the flowerbeds for many years!
I sure got plenty of winter exercise! The corner of the backyard where most of the chips will go used to be where I stored firewood. It was so long ago that I had to push over old rotten wood and pry out cinder blocks buried in the ground from where I had upright P-T 2x4s to hold the firewood in place. Carrying 10 cinder blocks 50' each is serious exercise when you are 62. And then there were all the 12' 2x4s that supported the firewood across the cinder blocks
Plus, I moved stored hoses, removed hose supports, moved various planting buckets that have been sitting around for years, put boards over the pond runway so they wont puncture holes in it by walking on it or dropping tree parts on it (that liner is expensive), marked out areas where the tree removal crew shouldn't drag logs through (where plants were still underground but labels were above). LOL, I even found my old compost sifter box and pried it out of the vines.
You never realize how much clutter you have around the yard until someone else is coming over to do something in it...
Three hours of heavy work! I need them to move one bench that is too heavy for me to move alone, but other than that, I'm ready for them to arrive Tuesday at 7:30 am! I can hardly wait.
It will be worth it for the greater sunlight when it is done!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Pleco Has A New Home
The Plecostomus catfish has a new home now.
After the first round of emails on the Craiglist offer, I was pretty discouraged. The first person to respond said he would be over that night after work, then the 2nd night because he needed his big net and a plastic container for transport, then... nothing. The 2nd person also failed to reply a 2nd time after expressing great interest. The 3rd and 4th never replied when I asked if they were still interested.
So I posted a new offer on craigslist and received two emails. The first wrote like pet owners do, describing the large 210 gallon heated aquarium, the few large fish, the outside ponds and that there were only goldfish in the aquarium because they hate to leave them outside for the winter, the 2 dogs and 6 cats. She asked if she could steal enough water that the pleco was used to so that she could slowly add her aquarium water to a cooler to adjust it to any pH differences, etc. Hallmarks of a knowledgeable aquariast...
The 2nd person sent a picture of what was obviously an "for sale" empty pet store aquarium (in Dallas, based on the displays around it). I didn't even reply to THAT one, LOL! And there were more of the spammer hoax offers.
So the 1st person came by Saturday afternoon. I was comfortable with her the moment I saw her. She was wearing boots, twill workpants and an old parka, and asked if she was going to scare the kitties before she came in the house. She apologized to the pleco for scaring it before she went in with her large net, moved the net slowly, joked when I sucked a bit of water in my mouth starting the siphon, and talked to it as she put it in the cooler of my aquarium water. All good signs.
I think my pleco will have a much better time in her larger aquarium...
Today, I filled a smaller aquarium with some of the existing water and moved all the plants to a bucket and the small fish to the smaller aquarium so that I can clean the large one thoroughly. I'll add an extra 1" of aquarium gravel to set the plants in better, add new (aged) water, and set the smaller fish bak in after a couple days.
And then I'll go buy a young 1.5" pleco!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
My Big 10" Fish
Well, OK, the warm-water Plecostomus catfish/algae-eater is really 9.5", but I love it just the same. Sadly, it has gotten too big for my 30 gallon aquarium, so I offerred it free to "a good home" on Craigslist, asking for aquarium size and pictures of the new aquarium home.
What an adventure! I received 6 inquiries the first day. Only one sent a picture and said the aquarium was 150 gallons, but I saw goldfish in there. Still, it was in the house, so it couldn't be THAT cold. That person promised to come by Monday night, then Tuesday with a big net and transport box. Haven't heard from him since.
The 2nd person had a 125 gallon aquarium and "really been looking for" a large Pleco. 2 emails, no further response.
3rd admitted to having a large oscar that killed smaller plecos. Forget that!
2 others that haven't replied to requests for pictures of their aquarium.
Oh drat! The most promising person just replied "no longer interested". Sad...
And then there were the spam responses. They were hilarious AND pathetically easy to identify. They said they wanted a cuddly pet for their kids, and asked if it had gotten its shots. All said almost the exact same thing. Some sort of flash mob game, I suppose. Very strange.
But here I am now with my plecostomus, too big for the aquarium, and only one person left who might want it (I'm waiting for a reply).
I really care about the Pleco. Its somewhere between 12-15 years old and I got it as a baby at 1". And I KNOW that some person or business with a large display tank would love having this fish.
JUST got a reply from the best home. She wanted it for a friend's aquarium. Friend was too far to drive here and she won't drive into MD. I won't drive into VA.
I will put up a new ad on Craigslist tonight... I just want a better home for my Pleco.
What an adventure! I received 6 inquiries the first day. Only one sent a picture and said the aquarium was 150 gallons, but I saw goldfish in there. Still, it was in the house, so it couldn't be THAT cold. That person promised to come by Monday night, then Tuesday with a big net and transport box. Haven't heard from him since.
The 2nd person had a 125 gallon aquarium and "really been looking for" a large Pleco. 2 emails, no further response.
3rd admitted to having a large oscar that killed smaller plecos. Forget that!
2 others that haven't replied to requests for pictures of their aquarium.
Oh drat! The most promising person just replied "no longer interested". Sad...
And then there were the spam responses. They were hilarious AND pathetically easy to identify. They said they wanted a cuddly pet for their kids, and asked if it had gotten its shots. All said almost the exact same thing. Some sort of flash mob game, I suppose. Very strange.
But here I am now with my plecostomus, too big for the aquarium, and only one person left who might want it (I'm waiting for a reply).
JUST got a reply from the best home. She wanted it for a friend's aquarium. Friend was too far to drive here and she won't drive into MD. I won't drive into VA.
I will put up a new ad on Craigslist tonight... I just want a better home for my Pleco.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Football Playoff Game
Sometimes there are great players and great coaches. sometimes there are average players and average players. Sometimes both are awful.
Its been some years since I liked both the coaches and players of the Washington Redskins (PLEASE CHANGE THE TEAM NAME, IT'S EMBARRASSING). This year, there were both good coaches and players. The coaches and TWO rookies brought the team from 3-6 to 10-6, and got us into the playoffs.
I'm not a die-hard "homie". I can easily imagine a successful team I did not respect. Cheating coaches, hockey-style "injure-the-opponents" players, etc.
But this year looked good. TWO good rookie quarterbacks, a good rookie running backs, A good balance of defense/offense, a good balance of passes and runs, a great kicker... Clean imaginative play, hard-running, honest stuff, new ideas from coaches... I watched today's playoff game against the very talented Seattle Seahawks. Washington scored touchdowns on the first 2 possessions. I thought it would be a wonderful game.
I had my doubts about the wisdom of playing the #1 quarterback with a knee injury because a big part of his style was running the ball himself. The #2 quarterback had proven himself in 2 late season games. And then the further injury I was expecting...
I am disgusted! My concern about the quarterback was justified. You could see he could hardly run at all from the start.
I'm not disgusted because my team lost. It's the playoffs and there are no bad teams playing; someone has to lose each one. And when you get to one-game eliminations, its not even the "best" team that survives to the end.
What disgusts me is that the Washington coaches risked the future of one of the possible hall-of-fame quarterbacks as a rookie for one game. And I'll offer an analogy. The Washington Nationals baseball team have a potential hall-of-famer pitcher. They could have just used him up going for the World Series this past season. Instead, they used him carefully and stopped when they thought he had pitched enough. It cost them in the playoffs this year, but they knew they will have greater years ahead. And they will.
The Washington Redskins (PLEASE CHANGE THE NAME, IT'S EMBARRASSING) coaches rolled the dice and played their star injured quarterback almost the whole game, risking his future when they had a proven backup ready to go.
If they were afraid of putting in the #2 quarterback, well I never complain about protecting an injured player...
And THAT'S why I'm disgusted by the game...
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Pre-Gardening Season
I tried a few things last Fall. I waited until now to make sure they were working.
The first idea was to replace my aging butterfly bushes. I'd decided to try cloning the best one with stem-cuttings. I pruned it in the early fall, and it sent out new shoots as I expected. I cut them all off and set them into 6 cell-packs after pulling the lower leaves off and dipping the cut stems in rooting hormone. 10 of the 12 cuttings are growing well under my plant stand lights!
The second idea was to take a dozen catmint stems and root THEM. 10 out of 12 growing nicely there too!
The third idea was the best. I LOVE spreading petunias (aka "wave petunias"). I had 6 last year at a few $$ apiece. Sometimes they are wonderful. Last year was a hard year and they didn't grow well. So last Fall, I dug up the only survivor and put it in a pot under the grow lamps. Then I snipped off 12 stems and rooted them with rooting hormone powder (the stuff is AMAZING). Not only is the original plant blooming nicely, ten of the stems are growing as well. If they stay healthy, I will have 13 spreading petunia to plant in May!!!
I'm thrilled that these attempts are all working out!
The first idea was to replace my aging butterfly bushes. I'd decided to try cloning the best one with stem-cuttings. I pruned it in the early fall, and it sent out new shoots as I expected. I cut them all off and set them into 6 cell-packs after pulling the lower leaves off and dipping the cut stems in rooting hormone. 10 of the 12 cuttings are growing well under my plant stand lights!
The second idea was to take a dozen catmint stems and root THEM. 10 out of 12 growing nicely there too!
The third idea was the best. I LOVE spreading petunias (aka "wave petunias"). I had 6 last year at a few $$ apiece. Sometimes they are wonderful. Last year was a hard year and they didn't grow well. So last Fall, I dug up the only survivor and put it in a pot under the grow lamps. Then I snipped off 12 stems and rooted them with rooting hormone powder (the stuff is AMAZING). Not only is the original plant blooming nicely, ten of the stems are growing as well. If they stay healthy, I will have 13 spreading petunia to plant in May!!!
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Late December
I wish everyone a Happy Holiday. Mine was a few days ago, but that doesn't matter. I enjoyed it. This is for most of the rest of you.
May this be a day that stays in your heart the year-round. Holidays exist for reasons. We need times to reflect and think about what makes us a society. We have Christmas but also 4th of July. We have Easter, but also Thanksgiving Day.
We even have Groundhogs Day. Do you know why? It's the midwinter day... Please feel free to check your calendar.
All the oldest holidays have a reason. It doesn't matter that Christmas is a steal from the Winter Solstice, we ALL NEED a holiday at the shortest time of the year. It keeps our hopes alive of longer days to come and the annual promise of warmth and successful planting. We NEED that, because without the promise of new crops we would all die.
The lengthening days told our ancestors that there would come a time to sow the seeds again. Ritual days helped them to know when those seeding days would come, and to help us endure the hungry nights until then.
Some people grant the days of planting (and harvest) to deities. Others don't. But we have learned to plant seeds at the proper times, and historically, that was at certain holidays (and that was the reason for the holidays).
I wish you a Happy Solstice holiday for whatever reason you give it. I will celebrate it for the reasons our ancestors did.
A Happy Holiday to all for all reasons. May hope and promise of better days follow you all the days of your lives...
May this be a day that stays in your heart the year-round. Holidays exist for reasons. We need times to reflect and think about what makes us a society. We have Christmas but also 4th of July. We have Easter, but also Thanksgiving Day.
We even have Groundhogs Day. Do you know why? It's the midwinter day... Please feel free to check your calendar.
All the oldest holidays have a reason. It doesn't matter that Christmas is a steal from the Winter Solstice, we ALL NEED a holiday at the shortest time of the year. It keeps our hopes alive of longer days to come and the annual promise of warmth and successful planting. We NEED that, because without the promise of new crops we would all die.
The lengthening days told our ancestors that there would come a time to sow the seeds again. Ritual days helped them to know when those seeding days would come, and to help us endure the hungry nights until then.
Some people grant the days of planting (and harvest) to deities. Others don't. But we have learned to plant seeds at the proper times, and historically, that was at certain holidays (and that was the reason for the holidays).
I wish you a Happy Solstice holiday for whatever reason you give it. I will celebrate it for the reasons our ancestors did.
A Happy Holiday to all for all reasons. May hope and promise of better days follow you all the days of your lives...
Friday, December 14, 2012
Dad Again
Oops, I mentioned that Dad didn't remember to put butter on his potatoes, and it was rightly pointed out that it was a minor matter. I didn't explain well.
I had made shrimp and fish sticks for dinner and made cocktail sauce to go with them. And I provided Dad's daily potato and put out butter. He always puts butter on his potatoes (a family/cultural thing).
The other day, he couldn't remember what he usually puts on his potato! And he has been eating a potato with almost every meal for all his life. He has always put butter on them. (OK, sometimes there was probably gravy). But for the first time I know of, he couldn't connect butter with potatoes. Its just one more thing he is forgetting that I find hard to understand.
I would say that I am learning from Dad's experience what I will be forgetting myself one day, but obviously by that time, I won't be remembering these days myself either.
These posts are only helpful to other elderly caretakers, I suppose...
Dad has worse memory failures than butter on potatoes. He doesn't recall the daughter who died in 2010, he recall recall the least detail of the house he lived in before he moved in with me (and even that he just sold it 2 weeks ago - he seems to think he sold a rental condo in NH). He became annoyed at a tax bill from NH because "I never lived there" (he lived there for 25 years).
Sometimes he thinks he has lived with me for "may years" and sometimes he thinks "about a month". In practical terms, it doesn't really matter where he thinks he has lived before, but it does make it difficult getting him to pay bills and taxes regarding places he doesn't remember.
And something else I really need to explain for those of you who are just beginning to take care of an elder parent(s); they can remember things in detail one day and have no recollection of the same things the day after. Dad can describe his previous house in FL one day right down to the color of the carpets, and not remember ever living there the next day or week or sometimes in the same day.
Don't let it get you down when that happens. I am still struggling with that, but I AM learning.
Your elder parent has the memories of the hour or day FOR the hour or the day, and there isn't anything you or they can do to change it. (I keep reminding myself of that, I keep reminding myself of that, I keep reminding myself of that...) Doesn't help, I keep forgetting and expecting consistent memory or non-memory.
The fluctuations in memory are going to be what drives you the craziest. You never know what to expect for day, one hour, to another. It is for me at least.
Dad is also failing physically rather fast. A few months ago, he could walk in straight lines. A few weeks ago, he could walk in straight lines with a cane, but had trouble turning in any direction. Now it can take him 10 minutes to walk from the TV chair to the bathroom.
There are lots of turns involved, and he tends to freeze in place then. And he tends to freeze in place under doorless doorways. I don't mean there are doors involved, just that opening between rooms baffle him because there is some choice to be made as to where to go.
Any technology baffles him. The "elder-friendly" remote control doesn't help much. There are still too many choices. I am going to cover most of the buttons with opaque tape and see if that helps. That's a clue, "simplify everything". It won't help completely. Couple weeks ago, Dad was flicking light switches trying to get the drapes to close...
Your elder will eat less as time goes on, but get confused about whether he/she is gaining or losing weight. Dad equates tight waists on his pants with "eating too much", but he is eating less these days. And some random days he decides he is not eating enough and so needs ice cream. Hey, if Dad wants ice cream after dinner, that's fine with me. I always keep some available. But the confusion is that it has nothing to do with his weight.
Relations with older relatives will also be confusing. Dad says he calls one SIL (LOL! I had to stop and think of the term for the relation between Dad and one of my aunts) almost every week for the past months. I know he he hasn't because he can't figure out my phone. Yet even when I mention that, he remains convinced he calls her every week. He doesn't, because he CAN'T. So tomorrow, I will help him call her and HOPE that he makes some sense in the conversation. I MIGHT listen in with the aunt's permission.
Enough for today...
I had made shrimp and fish sticks for dinner and made cocktail sauce to go with them. And I provided Dad's daily potato and put out butter. He always puts butter on his potatoes (a family/cultural thing).
The other day, he couldn't remember what he usually puts on his potato! And he has been eating a potato with almost every meal for all his life. He has always put butter on them. (OK, sometimes there was probably gravy). But for the first time I know of, he couldn't connect butter with potatoes. Its just one more thing he is forgetting that I find hard to understand.
I would say that I am learning from Dad's experience what I will be forgetting myself one day, but obviously by that time, I won't be remembering these days myself either.
These posts are only helpful to other elderly caretakers, I suppose...
Dad has worse memory failures than butter on potatoes. He doesn't recall the daughter who died in 2010, he recall recall the least detail of the house he lived in before he moved in with me (and even that he just sold it 2 weeks ago - he seems to think he sold a rental condo in NH). He became annoyed at a tax bill from NH because "I never lived there" (he lived there for 25 years).
Sometimes he thinks he has lived with me for "may years" and sometimes he thinks "about a month". In practical terms, it doesn't really matter where he thinks he has lived before, but it does make it difficult getting him to pay bills and taxes regarding places he doesn't remember.
And something else I really need to explain for those of you who are just beginning to take care of an elder parent(s); they can remember things in detail one day and have no recollection of the same things the day after. Dad can describe his previous house in FL one day right down to the color of the carpets, and not remember ever living there the next day or week or sometimes in the same day.
Don't let it get you down when that happens. I am still struggling with that, but I AM learning.
Your elder parent has the memories of the hour or day FOR the hour or the day, and there isn't anything you or they can do to change it. (I keep reminding myself of that, I keep reminding myself of that, I keep reminding myself of that...) Doesn't help, I keep forgetting and expecting consistent memory or non-memory.
The fluctuations in memory are going to be what drives you the craziest. You never know what to expect for day, one hour, to another. It is for me at least.
Dad is also failing physically rather fast. A few months ago, he could walk in straight lines. A few weeks ago, he could walk in straight lines with a cane, but had trouble turning in any direction. Now it can take him 10 minutes to walk from the TV chair to the bathroom.
There are lots of turns involved, and he tends to freeze in place then. And he tends to freeze in place under doorless doorways. I don't mean there are doors involved, just that opening between rooms baffle him because there is some choice to be made as to where to go.
Any technology baffles him. The "elder-friendly" remote control doesn't help much. There are still too many choices. I am going to cover most of the buttons with opaque tape and see if that helps. That's a clue, "simplify everything". It won't help completely. Couple weeks ago, Dad was flicking light switches trying to get the drapes to close...
Your elder will eat less as time goes on, but get confused about whether he/she is gaining or losing weight. Dad equates tight waists on his pants with "eating too much", but he is eating less these days. And some random days he decides he is not eating enough and so needs ice cream. Hey, if Dad wants ice cream after dinner, that's fine with me. I always keep some available. But the confusion is that it has nothing to do with his weight.
Relations with older relatives will also be confusing. Dad says he calls one SIL (LOL! I had to stop and think of the term for the relation between Dad and one of my aunts) almost every week for the past months. I know he he hasn't because he can't figure out my phone. Yet even when I mention that, he remains convinced he calls her every week. He doesn't, because he CAN'T. So tomorrow, I will help him call her and HOPE that he makes some sense in the conversation. I MIGHT listen in with the aunt's permission.
Enough for today...
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Food Toppings and Hand Washing
Dad constantly surprises me these days. Mainly about things that I never thought anyone could get confused about.
Like butter... Dad's memory is weak about recent events but reasonably good about longer-ago events. Dad loves potatoes, and has been putting butter on them all his life. Until tonight, when he forgot (for the first time I am aware of).
I made shrimp and fishsticks, potatoes, green beans, and a salad. So I had cocktail and tarter sauce out long with the butter. For the past couple of months, he has asked me which of the sauces go with the fishsticks vs the shrimp, and I always tell him that either sauce if fine with either meat, just personal preference. I've gotten used to that question being asked every time.
But he couldn't figure out what he put on his potatoes? That is probably the most basic thing he has ever forgotten, because it goes so far back into his past. He remembered he wanted it on bread...
I'm glad his body is working better than his mind these days. Answering questions about what to put on potatoes is a lot easier than having to help with personal hygiene.
Hygiene is probably the next problem, though. I didn't hear sink water running the last time he used the bathroom. I think I won't be sharing bowls of chips or nuts in the future. Seriously, I know he washes his hands sometimes, but I think he is forgetting more often.
I'm not in the habit of doing this degree of monitoring an adult's personal practices. I can make meals, do laundry, give him his pills, arrange haircuts, write his bill checks for him to sign, arrange taxes, house sale, get him to a dentist or doctor, buy things he needs, etc, etc, etc.
But I can't do the more personal stuff...
Like butter... Dad's memory is weak about recent events but reasonably good about longer-ago events. Dad loves potatoes, and has been putting butter on them all his life. Until tonight, when he forgot (for the first time I am aware of).
I made shrimp and fishsticks, potatoes, green beans, and a salad. So I had cocktail and tarter sauce out long with the butter. For the past couple of months, he has asked me which of the sauces go with the fishsticks vs the shrimp, and I always tell him that either sauce if fine with either meat, just personal preference. I've gotten used to that question being asked every time.
But he couldn't figure out what he put on his potatoes? That is probably the most basic thing he has ever forgotten, because it goes so far back into his past. He remembered he wanted it on bread...
I'm glad his body is working better than his mind these days. Answering questions about what to put on potatoes is a lot easier than having to help with personal hygiene.
Hygiene is probably the next problem, though. I didn't hear sink water running the last time he used the bathroom. I think I won't be sharing bowls of chips or nuts in the future. Seriously, I know he washes his hands sometimes, but I think he is forgetting more often.
I'm not in the habit of doing this degree of monitoring an adult's personal practices. I can make meals, do laundry, give him his pills, arrange haircuts, write his bill checks for him to sign, arrange taxes, house sale, get him to a dentist or doctor, buy things he needs, etc, etc, etc.
But I can't do the more personal stuff...
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Small Victory, But Concerns
Dad got his last haircut in late August. He hates doing that, but I got him to go with me today.
I learned something about Dad today. He loves looking good. But he is also a cheap tightwad. Well, OK, I knew that before about his spendig on family, but I never knew about it regarding tipping.
He won't. The barber said it was $13 and Dad counted out 13 $1 dollar bills like it was pulling fingernails.
I had my haircut and I tipped the barber 15%. Dad didn't. So I slipped my friendly barber of many year another $2 as Dad left. I'll add that to Dad's monthly personal costs for the month. LOL!
But I hope I don't get like that when I get older...
Dad talked to my BIL Corey today. Dad has been paying for a portion of a grand-daughters college tuition.
But this time he didn't remember who she was. Or who her mother was (a daughter of Dad). Or who he talked to (the partner of my sister). Nothing.
And yet, he agreed to send a check, not knowing any of the people involved. It was a good reason to send a check, but a bad reason not knowing who he was talking to.
I think I better make sure to answer the phone every time. Dad is in the "sucker" range now.
I learned something about Dad today. He loves looking good. But he is also a cheap tightwad. Well, OK, I knew that before about his spendig on family, but I never knew about it regarding tipping.
He won't. The barber said it was $13 and Dad counted out 13 $1 dollar bills like it was pulling fingernails.
I had my haircut and I tipped the barber 15%. Dad didn't. So I slipped my friendly barber of many year another $2 as Dad left. I'll add that to Dad's monthly personal costs for the month. LOL!
But I hope I don't get like that when I get older...
Dad talked to my BIL Corey today. Dad has been paying for a portion of a grand-daughters college tuition.
But this time he didn't remember who she was. Or who her mother was (a daughter of Dad). Or who he talked to (the partner of my sister). Nothing.
And yet, he agreed to send a check, not knowing any of the people involved. It was a good reason to send a check, but a bad reason not knowing who he was talking to.
I think I better make sure to answer the phone every time. Dad is in the "sucker" range now.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Garden
I had a good day outside! Temps around 60 and sunny.
Today was the day for cutting down all the spent flower stems (that didn't have good seeds for the birds). I cut down the mums, the asters, the sedums, the other asters, the coneflowers, the monarda, the goldenrods, and the black-eyed susans. And I am leaving them in cages in the empty annual beds in case the birds can get something from them.
I filled the birdfeeder with sunflower seeds, the finch feeder with thistle, and set out suet. I have plans for a board to spread organic peanut butter on.
I swept the patio of blown-in leaves and dumped them on the lawn where I can shred them with the mower.
And I just stood outside looking at the yard. My yard. Lots of things still to do, but I was done for the day. The weather is supposed to be better the next few day. I'll be out there...
Today was the day for cutting down all the spent flower stems (that didn't have good seeds for the birds). I cut down the mums, the asters, the sedums, the other asters, the coneflowers, the monarda, the goldenrods, and the black-eyed susans. And I am leaving them in cages in the empty annual beds in case the birds can get something from them.
I filled the birdfeeder with sunflower seeds, the finch feeder with thistle, and set out suet. I have plans for a board to spread organic peanut butter on.
I swept the patio of blown-in leaves and dumped them on the lawn where I can shred them with the mower.
And I just stood outside looking at the yard. My yard. Lots of things still to do, but I was done for the day. The weather is supposed to be better the next few day. I'll be out there...
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Halalulieh!
This week, I got Dad's 2011 taxes finalized and sent. It was horrible. Dad seems to have decided last March that he didn't need to keep tax documents anymore. And I have spent months searching out all his investment companies and banks to get replacement documents. HE had no idea who they were, of course, but thank goodness for required quarterly statements and postal forwarding! I finally found them all and contacted them for replacement tax forms. Some needed several requests, but in the end, all were GOT!
AND I got the sales documents for Dad's house in FL signed, notarized, and witnessed. And FedEx'd to the realtor (an adventure in itself).
So, how did Dad thank me for these months of effort? He asked for a listing of all his funds. And then he quizzed me about how accurate they all were. Like I would know if the monthly or quarterly statements were lies?
*sigh*
I spent an hour sitting by his chair after dinner answering all his (often inane) questions patiently and repeatedly. Did I mention repeatedly? And repeatedly? And often?
He is SURE I missed some investment fund somewhere. I explained that all investment funds send regular statements of net worth, but he is sure there are some I haven't (had the wit) to find. Old people are maddening... And Dad is (and always has been) stupidly insulting.
But at least I have the taxes and house sale finished. Everything from here on out should be just repeated stupid questions and I spent years in my career answering repeated stupid questions.
I just never thought I would have to keep doing it after I retired...
AND I got the sales documents for Dad's house in FL signed, notarized, and witnessed. And FedEx'd to the realtor (an adventure in itself).
So, how did Dad thank me for these months of effort? He asked for a listing of all his funds. And then he quizzed me about how accurate they all were. Like I would know if the monthly or quarterly statements were lies?
*sigh*
I spent an hour sitting by his chair after dinner answering all his (often inane) questions patiently and repeatedly. Did I mention repeatedly? And repeatedly? And often?
He is SURE I missed some investment fund somewhere. I explained that all investment funds send regular statements of net worth, but he is sure there are some I haven't (had the wit) to find. Old people are maddening... And Dad is (and always has been) stupidly insulting.
But at least I have the taxes and house sale finished. Everything from here on out should be just repeated stupid questions and I spent years in my career answering repeated stupid questions.
I just never thought I would have to keep doing it after I retired...
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Busy After Thanksgiving?
I mentioned going grocery shopping previously, as that was about the least busy day of the year. I used to eagerly volunteer to work the day after because the commute was so easy. It was worth driving to and from work just for the pleasure of driving on nearly empty roads (and it always scored me major points in the office for "giving up" such a valued "off" day).
The regular commercial grocery store was indeed nearly deserted!
But I also shop at a strange local market. Its a butcher counter, a serious deli counter, a huge beer/wine/liqour room, and a small assortment of fresh produce at great prices.
I love the butcher counter. They have small packages of meats like any other place does, but they have whole big chunks of meats too. You want an entire filet mignon? They will trim it professionally and custom-cut it into steaks. Same with del monico, NY strip, or pork. They wold butterfly chicken breasts if I wanted one. And they have a dozen kinds of sausages. Its the only local place I can get a beef brisket or a whole pork butt.
The deli section is immense. I don't buy porcciutto often (and apparently can't spell it either LOL!), but they have 3 kinds! They sell several kinds of fresh turkeys and the line is out the door the few days before Thanksgiving Day.
I discovered Pomegranate liquor there too. Now I make what I call a "Cavebear Sling". Ice, 1 oz gin, 1 oz pomegranate liquor, 2 oz pomegranate juice, fill sling glass with ginger ale...
But I told you all that to tell you this...
The day after Thanksgiving is NOT a slack day there! They have their own Black Friday sales. They sell whole slabs of beef (whole, not cut). Delmonico for $2.88 per pound (just for example), and all meat is on supersale! People were in a frenzy. I despaired of getting just some regular meat for a few days of cooking (while my turkey thawed out.
But, you know how they used to say "get to know your butcher"? It works. The number I pulled was 12 down the line, but I have been comoaring gardening notes with her for 3 years. She saw me and asked what my number was. When I told her, she looked around and said "what do you need?" Fortunately, I just wanted a couple meals until the turkey thawed, so it was 2 chicken thighs and 2 hot italian sausages. But there was also some unindentified "pork roast" on supersale. I asked, but she didn't know exactly what cut it was either. I took one because it looked like it was good for stir-fries.
And I'm experienced at the place. Get the butcher number and go get a deli number at the same time. The deli turns over customers faster. My deli meat order was ready before the butcher order was.
If that last part doesn't make sense to you, you haven't shopped around here. Nick's of Clinton (existing only in Waldorf these days) is an unusual place. But I bet some NY folks are familiar with the idea. Other places too, but I only know this kind of place otherwise from visiting a friend in NYC.
The chicken was dinner tonite, the italian sausage will be dinner tomorrow, there will be a good pork strir-fry Sunday, and I will cook the turkey (I hope) on Monday.
Oh I STILL forgot why I mentioned all this! The people in the store filled shopping carts up COMPLETELY with MEAT! I've never seen that before in my life! Complete racks of "wholes" of several cuts of steaks, 10s of pounds of hamburger, 6 whole chickens. I can't even describe it all!
When things calm down the next time I shop there, I will ask them about it.
I WISH I had my camera with me...
The regular commercial grocery store was indeed nearly deserted!
But I also shop at a strange local market. Its a butcher counter, a serious deli counter, a huge beer/wine/liqour room, and a small assortment of fresh produce at great prices.
I love the butcher counter. They have small packages of meats like any other place does, but they have whole big chunks of meats too. You want an entire filet mignon? They will trim it professionally and custom-cut it into steaks. Same with del monico, NY strip, or pork. They wold butterfly chicken breasts if I wanted one. And they have a dozen kinds of sausages. Its the only local place I can get a beef brisket or a whole pork butt.
The deli section is immense. I don't buy porcciutto often (and apparently can't spell it either LOL!), but they have 3 kinds! They sell several kinds of fresh turkeys and the line is out the door the few days before Thanksgiving Day.
I discovered Pomegranate liquor there too. Now I make what I call a "Cavebear Sling". Ice, 1 oz gin, 1 oz pomegranate liquor, 2 oz pomegranate juice, fill sling glass with ginger ale...
But I told you all that to tell you this...
The day after Thanksgiving is NOT a slack day there! They have their own Black Friday sales. They sell whole slabs of beef (whole, not cut). Delmonico for $2.88 per pound (just for example), and all meat is on supersale! People were in a frenzy. I despaired of getting just some regular meat for a few days of cooking (while my turkey thawed out.
But, you know how they used to say "get to know your butcher"? It works. The number I pulled was 12 down the line, but I have been comoaring gardening notes with her for 3 years. She saw me and asked what my number was. When I told her, she looked around and said "what do you need?" Fortunately, I just wanted a couple meals until the turkey thawed, so it was 2 chicken thighs and 2 hot italian sausages. But there was also some unindentified "pork roast" on supersale. I asked, but she didn't know exactly what cut it was either. I took one because it looked like it was good for stir-fries.
And I'm experienced at the place. Get the butcher number and go get a deli number at the same time. The deli turns over customers faster. My deli meat order was ready before the butcher order was.
If that last part doesn't make sense to you, you haven't shopped around here. Nick's of Clinton (existing only in Waldorf these days) is an unusual place. But I bet some NY folks are familiar with the idea. Other places too, but I only know this kind of place otherwise from visiting a friend in NYC.
The chicken was dinner tonite, the italian sausage will be dinner tomorrow, there will be a good pork strir-fry Sunday, and I will cook the turkey (I hope) on Monday.
Oh I STILL forgot why I mentioned all this! The people in the store filled shopping carts up COMPLETELY with MEAT! I've never seen that before in my life! Complete racks of "wholes" of several cuts of steaks, 10s of pounds of hamburger, 6 whole chickens. I can't even describe it all!
When things calm down the next time I shop there, I will ask them about it.
I WISH I had my camera with me...
Friday, November 23, 2012
Turkeyless Thanksgiving Day, Sorta...
I bought a turkey today...
Dad and I were invited to have Thanksgiving Dinner at my sister's. I don't usually make a big deal out of holidays. Having lived alone for many years, I find they start to seem a bit pointless. But I do usually visit my sister on Thanksgiving every few years. In fact I probably like Thanksgiving most of all the holidays. When I was a younger adult, I enjoyed making a holiday dinner for my bachelor friends. New Year and Fourth of July are good ones for me, too.
So when my sister invited Dad and me this year, I thought it would be a good idea. I don't LIKE driving, especially on holidays, but Dad seemed interested and my sister thought it would be nice for the younger generation to see Dad (since he had been down in FL for 4 years).
But Dad's decisions are always temporary. A few days beforehand, I mentioned the trip again. That's usually the best way to keep him "on board". The trip suddenly seemed like a LOT to him. He asked what state she was in and what day we would have to leave. I explained it was only a 2 hour drive there and 2 hours back. He decided that was too much car time and decided not to go.
He may have been concerned about the "car time", which can be annoying in holiday traffic. He may have been concerned about a busy house with lots of noise and commotion. He may just have not wanted to leave the house (he hardly walks even a step outside much anymore).
So I expressed our regrets to my sister (his daughter of course, but that sounds oddly circular).
But it also meant no turkey on Thanksgiving Day. I would have needed to find a fresh turkey the day before Thanksgiving and I've gone grocery shopping that day before and try to avoid it. Fortunately, I had some Filet Mignon in the freezer, asparagus, and corn on the cob, so we did have a relatively "fancy" meal.
Which also leads to being happy to go grocery shopping today. I always figure that the day after Thanksgiving HAS to be about the slowest grocery store day of the year. And it was at the regular store. I never saw so many shopping carts available before, LOL!
I also bought a turkey. 88 cents per pound! Can anything be less in demand the day after Thanksgiving? Well, maybe champagne on Jan 2nd... But the turkey is frozen, so it will be a few days to thaw out. I'll do the basics. Mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing... Dad doesn't eat much at a time these days, so I can't go "whole hog" on it. But he will probably remember it as "Thanksgiving Dinner" for a few weeks.
The sad part is that after we had our steak dinner Thanksgiving Day evening, after we watched the parades on TV, after we watched a traditional football game, Dad asked me when Thanksgiving Day was going to be. I froze for a few seconds trying to think of what to say. I finally said "In just a few days, and I'll make your favorite stuff".
So, that's why I bought a turkey today...
Dad and I were invited to have Thanksgiving Dinner at my sister's. I don't usually make a big deal out of holidays. Having lived alone for many years, I find they start to seem a bit pointless. But I do usually visit my sister on Thanksgiving every few years. In fact I probably like Thanksgiving most of all the holidays. When I was a younger adult, I enjoyed making a holiday dinner for my bachelor friends. New Year and Fourth of July are good ones for me, too.
So when my sister invited Dad and me this year, I thought it would be a good idea. I don't LIKE driving, especially on holidays, but Dad seemed interested and my sister thought it would be nice for the younger generation to see Dad (since he had been down in FL for 4 years).
But Dad's decisions are always temporary. A few days beforehand, I mentioned the trip again. That's usually the best way to keep him "on board". The trip suddenly seemed like a LOT to him. He asked what state she was in and what day we would have to leave. I explained it was only a 2 hour drive there and 2 hours back. He decided that was too much car time and decided not to go.
He may have been concerned about the "car time", which can be annoying in holiday traffic. He may have been concerned about a busy house with lots of noise and commotion. He may just have not wanted to leave the house (he hardly walks even a step outside much anymore).
So I expressed our regrets to my sister (his daughter of course, but that sounds oddly circular).
But it also meant no turkey on Thanksgiving Day. I would have needed to find a fresh turkey the day before Thanksgiving and I've gone grocery shopping that day before and try to avoid it. Fortunately, I had some Filet Mignon in the freezer, asparagus, and corn on the cob, so we did have a relatively "fancy" meal.
Which also leads to being happy to go grocery shopping today. I always figure that the day after Thanksgiving HAS to be about the slowest grocery store day of the year. And it was at the regular store. I never saw so many shopping carts available before, LOL!
I also bought a turkey. 88 cents per pound! Can anything be less in demand the day after Thanksgiving? Well, maybe champagne on Jan 2nd... But the turkey is frozen, so it will be a few days to thaw out. I'll do the basics. Mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing... Dad doesn't eat much at a time these days, so I can't go "whole hog" on it. But he will probably remember it as "Thanksgiving Dinner" for a few weeks.
The sad part is that after we had our steak dinner Thanksgiving Day evening, after we watched the parades on TV, after we watched a traditional football game, Dad asked me when Thanksgiving Day was going to be. I froze for a few seconds trying to think of what to say. I finally said "In just a few days, and I'll make your favorite stuff".
So, that's why I bought a turkey today...
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Having to Smile Sadly When...
Dad...
1. Asks who is knocking at the door when I tap bowls into the trash.
2. Sees groundhogs outside where there are only piles of leaves.
3. Suddenly walks all around the house looking for me and forgets there is a basement.
4. Watches me making lunch (where I routinely make a large sandwich and cut it in a half for each of us) and asks (in seriousness) if one half is for him.
5. Shuffles in tiny tiny little foot movements, freezing in place a minute at a time, and thinks he is "w alking normally".
6. Needs to listen to the TV at volume 20, when 15 is normal, and then assumes that I can't hear it because his "hearing is excellent".
7. Thinks that walking to the bathroom and back is "good exercize".
8. Asks about the "explosion" when I drop a knife on the countertop. Yes that contradicts #6...
9. Asks for a calendar so he can tell what day of the week it is (think about that for a few minutes)...
10. Tells a cat to get off his chair and gets annoyed when they can't understand his words.
11. Doesn't undersand why not taking a shower once a month is a problem because "he doesn't do any work".
12. Believes in everything Fox News says because "they are the most-watch news show".
13. Worries hours about medicare statements that say "THIS IS NOT A BILL", because it might be a bill.
14. Asks how to open the drapes every afternoon this week, after I've shown him how to open them every day this week.
15. Can't use the very simplified TV remote I bought "specially for old folks" to change the volume. "Yes Dad, its that button labeled "volume".
16. Can't turn ON the TV with the simplified remote. I wrote on an index card for him. "Press PWR Button and wait until picture appears". He can't do that.
17. Flips deck light switch on and off rapidly hoping to get the drapes to open or close.
18. Calls all the cats "he" and "dogs".
19. Refuses to go to bed until I do. No "me" time. Sometimes I can pretend to go to bed then get on the computer if I am REAL quiet. I close the room door, open the window, and let in some wonderfully cool air...
20. HAS to have corn AND potato, AND bread with every meal. All those starches! But it probably doesn't make any difference at his age.
1. Asks who is knocking at the door when I tap bowls into the trash.
2. Sees groundhogs outside where there are only piles of leaves.
3. Suddenly walks all around the house looking for me and forgets there is a basement.
4. Watches me making lunch (where I routinely make a large sandwich and cut it in a half for each of us) and asks (in seriousness) if one half is for him.
5. Shuffles in tiny tiny little foot movements, freezing in place a minute at a time, and thinks he is "w alking normally".
6. Needs to listen to the TV at volume 20, when 15 is normal, and then assumes that I can't hear it because his "hearing is excellent".
7. Thinks that walking to the bathroom and back is "good exercize".
8. Asks about the "explosion" when I drop a knife on the countertop. Yes that contradicts #6...
9. Asks for a calendar so he can tell what day of the week it is (think about that for a few minutes)...
10. Tells a cat to get off his chair and gets annoyed when they can't understand his words.
11. Doesn't undersand why not taking a shower once a month is a problem because "he doesn't do any work".
12. Believes in everything Fox News says because "they are the most-watch news show".
13. Worries hours about medicare statements that say "THIS IS NOT A BILL", because it might be a bill.
14. Asks how to open the drapes every afternoon this week, after I've shown him how to open them every day this week.
15. Can't use the very simplified TV remote I bought "specially for old folks" to change the volume. "Yes Dad, its that button labeled "volume".
16. Can't turn ON the TV with the simplified remote. I wrote on an index card for him. "Press PWR Button and wait until picture appears". He can't do that.
17. Flips deck light switch on and off rapidly hoping to get the drapes to open or close.
18. Calls all the cats "he" and "dogs".
19. Refuses to go to bed until I do. No "me" time. Sometimes I can pretend to go to bed then get on the computer if I am REAL quiet. I close the room door, open the window, and let in some wonderfully cool air...
20. HAS to have corn AND potato, AND bread with every meal. All those starches! But it probably doesn't make any difference at his age.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Back To Dad
Well, it seems like I am talking about Dad almost all the time these past months. It IS the major focus of my life. I can't avoid it; just having another person in the house is strange. Having an adult who is becoming less able and more confusing is even stranger.
I understand, intellectually, that Dad is forgetting more and more things. But its the THINGS he is forgetting that are most confusing. I understand that older memories are more stable and new ones are iffy.
Last week, the sun started setting so that it shined on the chair he sits in and he wanted to close the drapes partially. I happened to walk into the room, and he was flicking the deck light switch on and off trying to get the drapes to close. I showed him the cord on the side that you pull to open/close the drapes. OK, he hadn't had to do that in months, maybe years (picturing his FL house).
The next day, I had to tell him again.
Today, he pointed to the toolshed in the house next door and asked when they built it. I said about 15 years ago. He said "No, this is new". I looked at it was the same old shed. It might have been a bit brighter from the lower angle of the sunlight. He said "NO, it wasn't there yesterday". I mentioned that he had looked at it a couple months before and asked me what that yellow box was attached to my shed, and that I had explained it was the neighbor's shed.
OK, so he forgot that and the different sunlight made it stand out more. But he said that he looks out that window every day and it wasn't there before. I said "Dad, I KNOW my yard and the views from it. That shed has been there many many years". He insisted it hadn't been there before.
Sigh... OK, I'm not the most diplomatic person in the world. I told him his memory was failing. I've been honest about things like that with Dad. Not to be cruel, but to be realistic. It seems important to me, as his caretaker, and for him, that he accepts that I am always going to be right on simple factual things. Things like day of the week, time to take pills (and whether he has or hasn't), when he needs to change his clothes, what he can safely do himself or not do, etc.
I also understand that trusting other people on factual stuff is hard for him. Even decades ago, in the prime of his life, he never thought ANYONE else was right about ANYTHING he didn't know personally. I used to spend a lot of time researching factual disagreements to prove him wrong. Me 100, Dad 0, and that never affected him in the least! He had that kind of selective memory that forgets all lost disagreements.
Could I have that same kind of selective memory? No. I remember all my mistakes all too well. I hate being factually wrong as much as Dad does but I acknowledge it and remember.
So when Dad got overly insistent that the neighbor toolshed had NOT been there a few days ago, I tried to relate the situation to the drapes (see above). I was direct about it. I simply asked Dad if he knew how to close the drapes to keep the sun out of his eyes in the afternoon. He looked at them, but he couldn't recall.
So I pointed out that he had asked me how to close the drapes every day the past week, and I had shown him every day the past week. That his short-term memory wasn't working as well as it used to. That he didn't remember seeing that neighbor's toolshed there while looking out the window previously. That he had to start trusting me on those simple things...
I'm not trying to score points against Dad. That's as pointless as beating your 5 year old at chess. It isn't a contest. Its about getting Dad to accept that he can't remember some kinds of things. Does he want to acknowledge that? Of course not. Neither would I. But can he accept that? I think he can.
I need him to trust me. Because as he gets less able, that is going to become more important for him than for me. When he gets too difficult to take care of (or live with), he is going to have to move to an assisted-living facility.
I haven't mentioned the idea ever. And I won't until I can't bear the situation any longer. I wouldn't ever threaten him with it or even hint at it. But I am always aware that the day will come. I will both hate that day, but also be relieved. I both love him and want to take care of him, but he s also driving me nuts and completely upending my life.
I hope you understand the conflict. I you do, then you've "been there". If not, I hope you get your turn taking care of an elder relative so that you will understand...
Its a valuable life experience.
I understand, intellectually, that Dad is forgetting more and more things. But its the THINGS he is forgetting that are most confusing. I understand that older memories are more stable and new ones are iffy.
Last week, the sun started setting so that it shined on the chair he sits in and he wanted to close the drapes partially. I happened to walk into the room, and he was flicking the deck light switch on and off trying to get the drapes to close. I showed him the cord on the side that you pull to open/close the drapes. OK, he hadn't had to do that in months, maybe years (picturing his FL house).
The next day, I had to tell him again.
Today, he pointed to the toolshed in the house next door and asked when they built it. I said about 15 years ago. He said "No, this is new". I looked at it was the same old shed. It might have been a bit brighter from the lower angle of the sunlight. He said "NO, it wasn't there yesterday". I mentioned that he had looked at it a couple months before and asked me what that yellow box was attached to my shed, and that I had explained it was the neighbor's shed.
OK, so he forgot that and the different sunlight made it stand out more. But he said that he looks out that window every day and it wasn't there before. I said "Dad, I KNOW my yard and the views from it. That shed has been there many many years". He insisted it hadn't been there before.
Sigh... OK, I'm not the most diplomatic person in the world. I told him his memory was failing. I've been honest about things like that with Dad. Not to be cruel, but to be realistic. It seems important to me, as his caretaker, and for him, that he accepts that I am always going to be right on simple factual things. Things like day of the week, time to take pills (and whether he has or hasn't), when he needs to change his clothes, what he can safely do himself or not do, etc.
I also understand that trusting other people on factual stuff is hard for him. Even decades ago, in the prime of his life, he never thought ANYONE else was right about ANYTHING he didn't know personally. I used to spend a lot of time researching factual disagreements to prove him wrong. Me 100, Dad 0, and that never affected him in the least! He had that kind of selective memory that forgets all lost disagreements.
Could I have that same kind of selective memory? No. I remember all my mistakes all too well. I hate being factually wrong as much as Dad does but I acknowledge it and remember.
So when Dad got overly insistent that the neighbor toolshed had NOT been there a few days ago, I tried to relate the situation to the drapes (see above). I was direct about it. I simply asked Dad if he knew how to close the drapes to keep the sun out of his eyes in the afternoon. He looked at them, but he couldn't recall.
So I pointed out that he had asked me how to close the drapes every day the past week, and I had shown him every day the past week. That his short-term memory wasn't working as well as it used to. That he didn't remember seeing that neighbor's toolshed there while looking out the window previously. That he had to start trusting me on those simple things...
I'm not trying to score points against Dad. That's as pointless as beating your 5 year old at chess. It isn't a contest. Its about getting Dad to accept that he can't remember some kinds of things. Does he want to acknowledge that? Of course not. Neither would I. But can he accept that? I think he can.
I need him to trust me. Because as he gets less able, that is going to become more important for him than for me. When he gets too difficult to take care of (or live with), he is going to have to move to an assisted-living facility.
I haven't mentioned the idea ever. And I won't until I can't bear the situation any longer. I wouldn't ever threaten him with it or even hint at it. But I am always aware that the day will come. I will both hate that day, but also be relieved. I both love him and want to take care of him, but he s also driving me nuts and completely upending my life.
I hope you understand the conflict. I you do, then you've "been there". If not, I hope you get your turn taking care of an elder relative so that you will understand...
Its a valuable life experience.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Post Election Thoughts, Part 2
The campaign money from anonymous sources is bad, but it didn't actually determine this year's election results overall. I expect there are a lot of millionaires and billionaires who would like to have their money back and will re-think contributing so generously next time.
But the real problem it modern politics is re-districting. That's the decisions that are made about the borders of districts in your state. You vote within your assigned district. In a very real sense, you are competing with all the other voters in your district to make YOUR vote count.
Let me give an example or two. If you are in a district that has an equal number of Republican and Democratic voters (and a smidgeon of 3rd party voters) your vote matters a LOT! It could be the ONE that decides a state or local election (rare, but it has happened). More possible, you and a few hundred voters make the difference in a state or local election. That really does happen more than you would think.
Statewide candidates come from local winners. National candidates come from Statewide winners. Presidential candidates are usually Governors or Senators and they almost all started in local elections. That local County Comissioner who won by 100 votes Tuesday may rise to the Senate or even President some day by that few 100 votes the first time.
Here is where the redistricting comes in. The winners want to get re-elected; they can't play in the game if they don't stay in the game. Did you know that district borders are NOT set in stone? They can be changed. And they GET changed. The winners get to redefine their voting districts almost at will (well, there are ballot questions, but they almost never lose). Their goal is to redefine their voting district to include as many of their own party/voters as possible. That insures that they will stay in office until they win a higher office or until their cold dead bodies are pried from their chairs.
In a general sense, I don't blame them. In the course of my office career, I had to defend "the existence of my job" through arguments and tactics I would not defend in my retired life. Every organism strives to live...
Originally in the US, voting districts were defined by close-knit communities, logical geographical boundaries, and county lines where possible. Then, some "genius" got the idea of arranging the voting districts to his benefit. His names was Gov Elbridge Gerry and he did this in 1812 in Massachusetts. To preserve his party control, he redrew the voting districts, one of which resembled a salamander.
The practice has continued for all the years, but with the advent of computers, has become much more precise and effective. Today, registered voters can be identified by party affiliation right down to street level, so Gerrymanderying is routine. It has even been beneficial to minority groups in the recent past.
But the process has gotten out of hand. The original idea of local campaigns was that several qualified individuals, all well known to the communities, would be considered, and one chosen. Today, routinely gerrymandered voting districts are arranged by incumbents to assure that they will seldom, if ever, lose office. Incumbency reigns supreme!
Gerrymandered voting districts means that each one is more and more of one party. And when the district is more one-party controlled, it encourages the kind of extremism we see today (on both sides). The only vote that matters is the one-party primary, and that encourages the candidates to take position on the far edges.
I suggest a solution. A simple one, just for discussion. I want a great big inked grid stamp. Allow some one person to push it down on the state map blindly. Demand that the PRIME PURPOSE of district borders be "political competitiveness". Then demand a NON-partisan committee to arrange adjustments according to general population evenness for voting districts in best alignment with that grid.
Honestly politically competitive voting districts in every state would go VERY far in eliminating the extremism of candidates and winners in both parties and promote political competition. I can't think of anything else that would improve US politics so immediately and positively.
But the real problem it modern politics is re-districting. That's the decisions that are made about the borders of districts in your state. You vote within your assigned district. In a very real sense, you are competing with all the other voters in your district to make YOUR vote count.
Let me give an example or two. If you are in a district that has an equal number of Republican and Democratic voters (and a smidgeon of 3rd party voters) your vote matters a LOT! It could be the ONE that decides a state or local election (rare, but it has happened). More possible, you and a few hundred voters make the difference in a state or local election. That really does happen more than you would think.
Statewide candidates come from local winners. National candidates come from Statewide winners. Presidential candidates are usually Governors or Senators and they almost all started in local elections. That local County Comissioner who won by 100 votes Tuesday may rise to the Senate or even President some day by that few 100 votes the first time.
Here is where the redistricting comes in. The winners want to get re-elected; they can't play in the game if they don't stay in the game. Did you know that district borders are NOT set in stone? They can be changed. And they GET changed. The winners get to redefine their voting districts almost at will (well, there are ballot questions, but they almost never lose). Their goal is to redefine their voting district to include as many of their own party/voters as possible. That insures that they will stay in office until they win a higher office or until their cold dead bodies are pried from their chairs.
In a general sense, I don't blame them. In the course of my office career, I had to defend "the existence of my job" through arguments and tactics I would not defend in my retired life. Every organism strives to live...
Originally in the US, voting districts were defined by close-knit communities, logical geographical boundaries, and county lines where possible. Then, some "genius" got the idea of arranging the voting districts to his benefit. His names was Gov Elbridge Gerry and he did this in 1812 in Massachusetts. To preserve his party control, he redrew the voting districts, one of which resembled a salamander.
It was dubbed a Gerrymander... The head, wings and feet were added for effect by a newspaper, but you can see where the image arose.
But the process has gotten out of hand. The original idea of local campaigns was that several qualified individuals, all well known to the communities, would be considered, and one chosen. Today, routinely gerrymandered voting districts are arranged by incumbents to assure that they will seldom, if ever, lose office. Incumbency reigns supreme!
Gerrymandered voting districts means that each one is more and more of one party. And when the district is more one-party controlled, it encourages the kind of extremism we see today (on both sides). The only vote that matters is the one-party primary, and that encourages the candidates to take position on the far edges.
I suggest a solution. A simple one, just for discussion. I want a great big inked grid stamp. Allow some one person to push it down on the state map blindly. Demand that the PRIME PURPOSE of district borders be "political competitiveness". Then demand a NON-partisan committee to arrange adjustments according to general population evenness for voting districts in best alignment with that grid.
Honestly politically competitive voting districts in every state would go VERY far in eliminating the extremism of candidates and winners in both parties and promote political competition. I can't think of anything else that would improve US politics so immediately and positively.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Post Election Thoughts, Part 1
I'm not saying this to be mean. It's because I think the country is best served by having 2 major parties with differences but close enough together that co-governance is workable.
The Republican party has been moving steadily to the right for a couple of decades. Over those years, they have managed to bring most of their constituency along with them. But groups have been falling (or jumping) off the wagon for years. The party has survived by improving the turnout of its base in recent elections. That can't continue; there are limits to the "turnout strategy". If ythey were to (impossibly) achieve 100% turnout in a shrinking base, where can they go in the future.
Extremism is a strength and a weakness. Yes, it improves the percentage of the turnout, but it increases the opposition turnout as well. There were some startling examples of the extremity in the Republican party this year. Looking back on the primary elections, it is clear that almost all of the candidates were actually to the left of the base. This drove all of them to make ever more extremist statements. Whoever the eventual nominee was to be, he was going to be dragging extremist views (and perhaps more importantly, soundbites) into the general election campaign.
The extremism also affects campaign planning. I saw an interview with some Republican strategist (forgive me I lost track of the name) who was genuinely shocked by the election results. He had watched all the Fox News channel discussions, he had followed the Rasmussen polls carefully. And they were WRONG! Shocked, he said, SHOCKED...
I hope I am not saying anything controversial here, but Fox News was created to be a media outlet for (and controlled by) conservative Republican views, unfiltered by standard mainstream news channels. The idea was originally proposed by top Republican strategist Roger Ailes to fellow Republican leaders in the 1990s. Guess who is the president of Fox News? Roger Ailes.
Equally, Rasmussen appears to be a polling company created to present positive Republican spin on voter preferences for the political benefits of influencing voters who can be swayed be wanting to support a "winner". They are politically (as opposed to professionally) convinced that Republican voters are under-represented in the mainstream neutral national polls. So they deliberately over-weigh their own Republican poll numbers to "correct" the perceived inequity.
So when Rasmussen gets ties, they increase the Republican support a few percentage points. If behind, they make it tied. If ahead, they make the Republican candidates more ahead. Their professional Republican customers know this, but then they believe it! So when Rasmussen said Romney/Ryan was ahead by 5% in most of the "swing states" where they were actually slightly behind, and had an even chance in other states where they were actually well behind, the Republican leadership and candidates acted on the Rasmussen polls and ignored ALL THE OTHER (more professional) polls.
The results were a substantial Presidential electoral defeat and shocking (to them) Senate and House defeats.
Next time: Why this is all happening...
[Disclaimer: I have an undergraduate degree in "Government and Politics" (with a minor in History - American Politics), but mostly, I have maintained a possibly unhealthy interest in the practices and strategies of modern political campaigns. My favorite book is 'They Also Ran' the story of the men who were defeated for the Presidency, Irving Stone]
The Republican party has been moving steadily to the right for a couple of decades. Over those years, they have managed to bring most of their constituency along with them. But groups have been falling (or jumping) off the wagon for years. The party has survived by improving the turnout of its base in recent elections. That can't continue; there are limits to the "turnout strategy". If ythey were to (impossibly) achieve 100% turnout in a shrinking base, where can they go in the future.
Extremism is a strength and a weakness. Yes, it improves the percentage of the turnout, but it increases the opposition turnout as well. There were some startling examples of the extremity in the Republican party this year. Looking back on the primary elections, it is clear that almost all of the candidates were actually to the left of the base. This drove all of them to make ever more extremist statements. Whoever the eventual nominee was to be, he was going to be dragging extremist views (and perhaps more importantly, soundbites) into the general election campaign.
The extremism also affects campaign planning. I saw an interview with some Republican strategist (forgive me I lost track of the name) who was genuinely shocked by the election results. He had watched all the Fox News channel discussions, he had followed the Rasmussen polls carefully. And they were WRONG! Shocked, he said, SHOCKED...
I hope I am not saying anything controversial here, but Fox News was created to be a media outlet for (and controlled by) conservative Republican views, unfiltered by standard mainstream news channels. The idea was originally proposed by top Republican strategist Roger Ailes to fellow Republican leaders in the 1990s. Guess who is the president of Fox News? Roger Ailes.
Equally, Rasmussen appears to be a polling company created to present positive Republican spin on voter preferences for the political benefits of influencing voters who can be swayed be wanting to support a "winner". They are politically (as opposed to professionally) convinced that Republican voters are under-represented in the mainstream neutral national polls. So they deliberately over-weigh their own Republican poll numbers to "correct" the perceived inequity.
So when Rasmussen gets ties, they increase the Republican support a few percentage points. If behind, they make it tied. If ahead, they make the Republican candidates more ahead. Their professional Republican customers know this, but then they believe it! So when Rasmussen said Romney/Ryan was ahead by 5% in most of the "swing states" where they were actually slightly behind, and had an even chance in other states where they were actually well behind, the Republican leadership and candidates acted on the Rasmussen polls and ignored ALL THE OTHER (more professional) polls.
The results were a substantial Presidential electoral defeat and shocking (to them) Senate and House defeats.
Next time: Why this is all happening...
[Disclaimer: I have an undergraduate degree in "Government and Politics" (with a minor in History - American Politics), but mostly, I have maintained a possibly unhealthy interest in the practices and strategies of modern political campaigns. My favorite book is 'They Also Ran' the story of the men who were defeated for the Presidency, Irving Stone]
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Election Results
Well, I'm pleased. I know some people won't be. In fact I'm sure some people will be positively angry. I've been on that side of the fence more often than not, so I know the feeling.
Fun Fact: Who was the last Republican elected president WITHOUT someone named Nixon or Bush on the ticket? (see end)
To a great extent, I'm SO glad that this election is just plain OVER! I'm sure there have been nasty, more negative campaigns, but I don't remember them. Hopefully, this election will teach us that anonymous money needs to be removed from political campaigns.
And maybe some degree of bipartisanship will now return to national politics...
(Fun Fact Answer: Herbert Hoover, 1929. Nixon was on the winning ticket in 1952, 1956, 1968 and 1972; a Bush was on the ticket in 1980, 1984, 1988, 2000, and 2004)
Fun Fact: Who was the last Republican elected president WITHOUT someone named Nixon or Bush on the ticket? (see end)
To a great extent, I'm SO glad that this election is just plain OVER! I'm sure there have been nasty, more negative campaigns, but I don't remember them. Hopefully, this election will teach us that anonymous money needs to be removed from political campaigns.
And maybe some degree of bipartisanship will now return to national politics...
(Fun Fact Answer: Herbert Hoover, 1929. Nixon was on the winning ticket in 1952, 1956, 1968 and 1972; a Bush was on the ticket in 1980, 1984, 1988, 2000, and 2004)
Sunday, November 4, 2012
You Can't Fall Off The Floor
But Dad can now fall out of bed. Happened last night for the first time. I was just sitting here typing at 4 am (I take free time when I can find it and I wasn't tired) and there came a THUMP from Dad's bedroom. I ran straight over, to find him on hands and knees on the floor.
Its awkward trying to get Dad up. I'm not trained at it. I could just lift him up brute force, but that's not what he needs...
I learn gradually (maybe as slow as a giant tortise walks). He wants help to let himself get himself up onto the bed again. Pride matters. But he knows what he needs to do better than I do, and that matters too. He says he gets cramps when I lift him myself, for example.
I can't tell what he feels when I try to lift him. If he says lifting him my way causes muscle cramps, I have to believe him.
Are there classes I can attend for this stuff? He weighs more than I do. I know emergency techniques. I could get him upon my back and carry him out of the house if needed even if it hurt him. But him as dead-weight on the floor, non-emergency, baffles me.
I am sure I am doing all this elder care stuff wrong. I thought common sense would get me through these stages. I THOUGHT I was smart enough (and able enough) to know what to do when the falling-down stages happened. Apparently, I'm not.
And I should have known. Years ago, a friend did that cartoonish unbelievably stupid "foot on the boat and foot on the dock while the boat moved away thing". Yes, he fell in the water. But I could NOT get him onto the pier again. He was just too heavy. OK, if it had been ME, I would have just heaved myself up on the dock and never mind that it wouldn't have happened to me in the first place. But I'm not a total klutz like my friend.
Dad is now officially a klutz. Its not his fault, he can't help being old. But he is and I have to deal with that now.
The point is that Dad was dead weight and I couldn't begin to lift him without cramps on his part. You don't realize what lifting dead weight is until you fail at it...
Its awkward trying to get Dad up. I'm not trained at it. I could just lift him up brute force, but that's not what he needs...
I learn gradually (maybe as slow as a giant tortise walks). He wants help to let himself get himself up onto the bed again. Pride matters. But he knows what he needs to do better than I do, and that matters too. He says he gets cramps when I lift him myself, for example.
I can't tell what he feels when I try to lift him. If he says lifting him my way causes muscle cramps, I have to believe him.
Are there classes I can attend for this stuff? He weighs more than I do. I know emergency techniques. I could get him upon my back and carry him out of the house if needed even if it hurt him. But him as dead-weight on the floor, non-emergency, baffles me.
I am sure I am doing all this elder care stuff wrong. I thought common sense would get me through these stages. I THOUGHT I was smart enough (and able enough) to know what to do when the falling-down stages happened. Apparently, I'm not.
And I should have known. Years ago, a friend did that cartoonish unbelievably stupid "foot on the boat and foot on the dock while the boat moved away thing". Yes, he fell in the water. But I could NOT get him onto the pier again. He was just too heavy. OK, if it had been ME, I would have just heaved myself up on the dock and never mind that it wouldn't have happened to me in the first place. But I'm not a total klutz like my friend.
Dad is now officially a klutz. Its not his fault, he can't help being old. But he is and I have to deal with that now.
The point is that Dad was dead weight and I couldn't begin to lift him without cramps on his part. You don't realize what lifting dead weight is until you fail at it...
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Problems With Standing Up
Dad has trouble getting up from chairs. I understand why. His balance isn't what it used to be and it takes strength to get up. I actually sat down in the same chair and made myself think of what's involved to do it. Not to be insulting, but Dad is making it harder than it needs to be.
First, he puts his feet too far forward. So he has to push himself up AND forward way more than he needs to. Second, he won't lean his body forward when he STARTS to stand up. He tries to start leaning back in the chair. I normally just watch and observe in case he starts to fall. He is very independent, and whatever he CAN manage to do is a good thing.
But a few days ago, I made him put his feet closer to the chair and slide his body forward in the chair so that his center of balance is closer to being over his feet to start with. It worked GREAT! He was thrilled. He forgot the next time. I reminded him. He forgot the next time, I reminded him again.
He will never remember that...
He will never remember that the same way he will never remember that I eat my dinner on a TV tray on front of the TV. The way that he will never remember that he gets TWO monthly statements from a bank because he has two accounts there (he always thinks they are duplicates). The same way he will never remember that he can't look at a calendar to tell what day of the week it is. The same way he can't look at a map and tell that a hurricane in Cuba isn't hitting us later that day. The same way he thinks he is living in FL (or PA, or NH or VA) but never in MD (where his is).
Helping him pay his bills is an exercise in frustration. It has been for months, but it is getting worse. I write out the checks and all he has to do is sign them. But he insists on entering them in his check register (well, at least he remembers that needs to be done). A few months ago, I did that with purpose. Last month, he did that when reminded. Today, he barely comprehends what to enter. I had to point out each white space today for check number, date, recipient, and amount. He still got some parts wrong.
I am going to have to take over with that completely... I hate the idea. It would make things simpler for ME, but its one of the few things Dad actually has left to do in important matters. If I could just pay Dad's bills myself it would be SO MUCH EASIER! For me, for sure, but for Dad too. He struggles to understand the simplest bills now. I know he doesn't want to give that up. But I also know it would be a lot easier on him. He HATES getting bills in the mail. He KNOWS they are confusing. But he can't get himself to ask me (a mere child, LOL) to do it.
Mark
First, he puts his feet too far forward. So he has to push himself up AND forward way more than he needs to. Second, he won't lean his body forward when he STARTS to stand up. He tries to start leaning back in the chair. I normally just watch and observe in case he starts to fall. He is very independent, and whatever he CAN manage to do is a good thing.
But a few days ago, I made him put his feet closer to the chair and slide his body forward in the chair so that his center of balance is closer to being over his feet to start with. It worked GREAT! He was thrilled. He forgot the next time. I reminded him. He forgot the next time, I reminded him again.
He will never remember that...
He will never remember that the same way he will never remember that I eat my dinner on a TV tray on front of the TV. The way that he will never remember that he gets TWO monthly statements from a bank because he has two accounts there (he always thinks they are duplicates). The same way he will never remember that he can't look at a calendar to tell what day of the week it is. The same way he can't look at a map and tell that a hurricane in Cuba isn't hitting us later that day. The same way he thinks he is living in FL (or PA, or NH or VA) but never in MD (where his is).
Helping him pay his bills is an exercise in frustration. It has been for months, but it is getting worse. I write out the checks and all he has to do is sign them. But he insists on entering them in his check register (well, at least he remembers that needs to be done). A few months ago, I did that with purpose. Last month, he did that when reminded. Today, he barely comprehends what to enter. I had to point out each white space today for check number, date, recipient, and amount. He still got some parts wrong.
I am going to have to take over with that completely... I hate the idea. It would make things simpler for ME, but its one of the few things Dad actually has left to do in important matters. If I could just pay Dad's bills myself it would be SO MUCH EASIER! For me, for sure, but for Dad too. He struggles to understand the simplest bills now. I know he doesn't want to give that up. But I also know it would be a lot easier on him. He HATES getting bills in the mail. He KNOWS they are confusing. But he can't get himself to ask me (a mere child, LOL) to do it.
Mark
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Ah, Dad...
I thought today was going to be the end of my struggles to finish up Dad's 2011 taxes. His tax prep firm (not as impressive as it sounds) thoughtfully filed an extension request in April when they realized they had stopped getting tax info from Dad. By the time I learned the forms hadn't been filed, it was July and I thought there was plenty of time. When I finally (it was like pulling teeth) got through Dad's records, I realized there were problems.
I sent all I could find to the tax prep firm, thinking they could get the missing stuff. A couple months later, I learned that WE had to get them (hey, MY taxes are simple and I'm not familiar with Dad's finances). They sent me a list of missing documents. Some of them were ones I was sure I had sent, so I concentrated on the ones I didn't know about. Some requests went unanswered. When it takes weeks to find out there was no response, that uses up a lot of weeks. 2 govt forms were to take 3-5 weeks for reply, so when they didn't show up... ARGH. Apparently website requests don't work very well.
By today, I had all the forms I thought were needed. "THOUGHT were needed" is the operative phrase here. After all was compiled, I discovered that the property tax payment receipts for 2 rental condos in NH were only HALF present. I pay my property taxes annually, and I had his condo tax forms for 2011. Even had it checked off the list. But HIS are twice a year and he didn't have the one for the 2nd half of 2011.
No problem, he writes a check for them, it will be in his checkbook. Now, understand that Dad doesn't actually balance his checkbook. He just writes in the dollar amount and trusts the bank to get it all right (and they do - I haven't found an error in a bank statement in my life). Except that he didn't write down the amount of the check in his register. 2 failures of that in the entire check register and THAT had to be one of them. OK, maybe no problem. I'll just look at his monthly bank statement and get the amount from there.
Right... No such luck. Dad thinks monthly statements aren't worth keeping for long. The check amount I needed was for November 2011. His records go back to December...
Three completely independent ways of getting one single dollar amount, and he has none of them.
Since he moved here in May, I have constantly fought with him about keeping financial documents. He doesn't like to "because the folders get too fat". He could live to 120 and not fill up the file drawer...
I know the check number of the missing property tax payment, and I called his bank to see if they will just tell me the amount over the phone. But that will be tomorrow at best. And now a stock form I got last month is missing. I may have left it on the table. In which case, Dad may have decided he didn't need it or stashed it in a folder somewhere. I'll have to search through his entirely unorganized folders and hope he didn't just trash it. It gets stranger than I can actually describe.
Did I mention that he has started putting grapes in his martinis. He is thinking of olives, I assume. Well, the grapes ARE green and round...
I sent all I could find to the tax prep firm, thinking they could get the missing stuff. A couple months later, I learned that WE had to get them (hey, MY taxes are simple and I'm not familiar with Dad's finances). They sent me a list of missing documents. Some of them were ones I was sure I had sent, so I concentrated on the ones I didn't know about. Some requests went unanswered. When it takes weeks to find out there was no response, that uses up a lot of weeks. 2 govt forms were to take 3-5 weeks for reply, so when they didn't show up... ARGH. Apparently website requests don't work very well.
By today, I had all the forms I thought were needed. "THOUGHT were needed" is the operative phrase here. After all was compiled, I discovered that the property tax payment receipts for 2 rental condos in NH were only HALF present. I pay my property taxes annually, and I had his condo tax forms for 2011. Even had it checked off the list. But HIS are twice a year and he didn't have the one for the 2nd half of 2011.
No problem, he writes a check for them, it will be in his checkbook. Now, understand that Dad doesn't actually balance his checkbook. He just writes in the dollar amount and trusts the bank to get it all right (and they do - I haven't found an error in a bank statement in my life). Except that he didn't write down the amount of the check in his register. 2 failures of that in the entire check register and THAT had to be one of them. OK, maybe no problem. I'll just look at his monthly bank statement and get the amount from there.
Right... No such luck. Dad thinks monthly statements aren't worth keeping for long. The check amount I needed was for November 2011. His records go back to December...
Three completely independent ways of getting one single dollar amount, and he has none of them.
Since he moved here in May, I have constantly fought with him about keeping financial documents. He doesn't like to "because the folders get too fat". He could live to 120 and not fill up the file drawer...
I know the check number of the missing property tax payment, and I called his bank to see if they will just tell me the amount over the phone. But that will be tomorrow at best. And now a stock form I got last month is missing. I may have left it on the table. In which case, Dad may have decided he didn't need it or stashed it in a folder somewhere. I'll have to search through his entirely unorganized folders and hope he didn't just trash it. It gets stranger than I can actually describe.
Did I mention that he has started putting grapes in his martinis. He is thinking of olives, I assume. Well, the grapes ARE green and round...
Monday, October 29, 2012
Dad vs The Hurricane
The newest surprise has been hurricane fears. It's happened before. Dad hears a weather forecast about a hurricane or other serious weather and wants to take immediate action. The problem is (among many, of course) that his sense of distance and time are pretty much all shot now.
One time last month, there was a tornado alert. The path was a good 30 miles away and no threat. But either "30 miles" seems "down the street" or he thinks tornados are very large. I can't tell by asking. But he wanted to know where we should seek shelter, what foods we should bring into a shelter, etc. I explained that the tornado THREAT was quite far away, and I did explain to him that the house shelter is under the basement stairs.
Its a reasonably good shelter, for not being constructed as one. The basement is cinderblock walls. The basement stairs go down from the front door. The space under the basement stairs is covered with 1/2" T1-ll plywood on one side and a heavy workbench on the other. I made a 2'x3' cutout in the T1-11 panel for access years ago. So an area about 4'Wx3'Hx8' (sloped under the stairs) is surrounded by heavy plywood, cinder blocks, cement steps, and stairs above. Not that I expect to ever need it (it was all happenstance of construction), but its nice to have. Still, it took a while to calm him down. Now his concern is that it might take too long to get into it, LOL!.
Hurricane threats aren't all THAT sudden, but I said I would drag him downstairs and into the basement shelter if necessary (with a smile in my voice) but such drastic steps won't be required.
It really started when I was smoking a pork shoulder on the deck on Friday. He came out and said my plans were about to be ruined. I asked why (looking at the sky for a thunderstorm). He said a hurricane was coming and would ruin the cooking. He said it was on the TV, so I went in to look. Hurricane Sandy was down level with Florida and about 500 miles east. Moving at about 4 miles per hour... I told him it was about 3 days away if it even came past us, but he didn't believe me. After all, CNN was warning about a hurricane and "it was close".
Actually, I was glad for that because I knew it wasn't an immediate threat. But Dad was convinced we were going to get hit by Hurricane Sandy that afternoon. Again the worries about power loss and no food. We had to make preparations for being without food and power for days, he insisted.
I went through the drill. We have underground cables and almost never lose power. We have plenty of food frozen and that will stay good at least a whole day. I have canned food. Potatoes and corn are good for days at room temperature and I could cook on the grill on the deck if we needed to (not that we would need to). Heck, if I had to, I could trap a few squirrels and cook them in the fireplace! I've skinned and cooked a few squirrels in my life. And the closet has a few weeks worth of cat food (for the cats).
Dad shouldn't be all that worried about hurricanes. He never had a traumatic experience with one (well, OK, he lost a boat to one in 1968, but it was never a personal threat). Its the developing fear of "threats" that I am seeing now. I do my best to make sure he feels secure and safe these days. There isn't much more I can do to convince him that I will take good care of him that I'm not already doing.
It saddens me that he does not trust me factually or in my judgement. I understand that he fears things that won't actually happen because he has difficulty understanding that a hurricane striking Cuba isn't going to strike us here in Maryland later that day. But I guess it is difficult for a parent to realize that a (adult) child is knowledgeable and experienced. Even when the "child" is 62. LOL!
Living with an elderly parent is a lot like living with a young child. Only opposite. They both don't have knowledge. The difference is that a child will slowly become more competent and an elderly parent will not. Its that "not" that is so hard to deal with.
Living with a child is (generally) seeing it learn. Living with an elder parent is seeing it forget. Watching the forgetting is very hard. Very frustrating. Very confusing. Children don't even notice a sound in the kitchen. A parent is in there, so it must be OK. Dad reacts to every strange sound. If a knife falls off the cutting board, he hobbles in and asks what that "explosion" was. If I tap the veggie scrap bowl into the compost can, he thinks someone is "banging on the door". Yet he can't hear the phone ring. I think he hears better when he is dozing off in his chair and a sound gets into a semi-dream.
I'd sure rather be raising a child with some promise for the future than dealing with an elder parent for whom things are only going to get worse... Knowing that things are only going to get more confusing in the coming months is sad.
I'm trying to get past arguing with him when he says things that don't make much sense. But he SEEMS rational most of the time. The change can happen without a sign one moment to the next. I have to "let go" (thank you Nellie's Mom) and not be corrective about the small things. That's going to be difficult. Father/Son dynamics, and all that.
I guess that, in this matter, the hurricane is a good thing. There ARE serious concerns that are not basically irrational, just mis-estimated in time and place. Well, better something real than him worrying about Black Helicopters and Aliens...
One time last month, there was a tornado alert. The path was a good 30 miles away and no threat. But either "30 miles" seems "down the street" or he thinks tornados are very large. I can't tell by asking. But he wanted to know where we should seek shelter, what foods we should bring into a shelter, etc. I explained that the tornado THREAT was quite far away, and I did explain to him that the house shelter is under the basement stairs.
Its a reasonably good shelter, for not being constructed as one. The basement is cinderblock walls. The basement stairs go down from the front door. The space under the basement stairs is covered with 1/2" T1-ll plywood on one side and a heavy workbench on the other. I made a 2'x3' cutout in the T1-11 panel for access years ago. So an area about 4'Wx3'Hx8' (sloped under the stairs) is surrounded by heavy plywood, cinder blocks, cement steps, and stairs above. Not that I expect to ever need it (it was all happenstance of construction), but its nice to have. Still, it took a while to calm him down. Now his concern is that it might take too long to get into it, LOL!.
Hurricane threats aren't all THAT sudden, but I said I would drag him downstairs and into the basement shelter if necessary (with a smile in my voice) but such drastic steps won't be required.
It really started when I was smoking a pork shoulder on the deck on Friday. He came out and said my plans were about to be ruined. I asked why (looking at the sky for a thunderstorm). He said a hurricane was coming and would ruin the cooking. He said it was on the TV, so I went in to look. Hurricane Sandy was down level with Florida and about 500 miles east. Moving at about 4 miles per hour... I told him it was about 3 days away if it even came past us, but he didn't believe me. After all, CNN was warning about a hurricane and "it was close".
Actually, I was glad for that because I knew it wasn't an immediate threat. But Dad was convinced we were going to get hit by Hurricane Sandy that afternoon. Again the worries about power loss and no food. We had to make preparations for being without food and power for days, he insisted.
I went through the drill. We have underground cables and almost never lose power. We have plenty of food frozen and that will stay good at least a whole day. I have canned food. Potatoes and corn are good for days at room temperature and I could cook on the grill on the deck if we needed to (not that we would need to). Heck, if I had to, I could trap a few squirrels and cook them in the fireplace! I've skinned and cooked a few squirrels in my life. And the closet has a few weeks worth of cat food (for the cats).
Dad shouldn't be all that worried about hurricanes. He never had a traumatic experience with one (well, OK, he lost a boat to one in 1968, but it was never a personal threat). Its the developing fear of "threats" that I am seeing now. I do my best to make sure he feels secure and safe these days. There isn't much more I can do to convince him that I will take good care of him that I'm not already doing.
It saddens me that he does not trust me factually or in my judgement. I understand that he fears things that won't actually happen because he has difficulty understanding that a hurricane striking Cuba isn't going to strike us here in Maryland later that day. But I guess it is difficult for a parent to realize that a (adult) child is knowledgeable and experienced. Even when the "child" is 62. LOL!
Living with an elderly parent is a lot like living with a young child. Only opposite. They both don't have knowledge. The difference is that a child will slowly become more competent and an elderly parent will not. Its that "not" that is so hard to deal with.
Living with a child is (generally) seeing it learn. Living with an elder parent is seeing it forget. Watching the forgetting is very hard. Very frustrating. Very confusing. Children don't even notice a sound in the kitchen. A parent is in there, so it must be OK. Dad reacts to every strange sound. If a knife falls off the cutting board, he hobbles in and asks what that "explosion" was. If I tap the veggie scrap bowl into the compost can, he thinks someone is "banging on the door". Yet he can't hear the phone ring. I think he hears better when he is dozing off in his chair and a sound gets into a semi-dream.
I'd sure rather be raising a child with some promise for the future than dealing with an elder parent for whom things are only going to get worse... Knowing that things are only going to get more confusing in the coming months is sad.
I'm trying to get past arguing with him when he says things that don't make much sense. But he SEEMS rational most of the time. The change can happen without a sign one moment to the next. I have to "let go" (thank you Nellie's Mom) and not be corrective about the small things. That's going to be difficult. Father/Son dynamics, and all that.
I guess that, in this matter, the hurricane is a good thing. There ARE serious concerns that are not basically irrational, just mis-estimated in time and place. Well, better something real than him worrying about Black Helicopters and Aliens...
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Random Odd Stuff... Luna Moth: Mylar balloons last a long time. These arrived May 21st and are still floating. American Atheist Necklace....
