But Dad can now fall out of bed. Happened last night for the first time. I was just sitting here typing at 4 am (I take free time when I can find it and I wasn't tired) and there came a THUMP from Dad's bedroom. I ran straight over, to find him on hands and knees on the floor.
Its awkward trying to get Dad up. I'm not trained at it. I could just lift him up brute force, but that's not what he needs...
I learn gradually (maybe as slow as a giant tortise walks). He wants help to let himself get himself up onto the bed again. Pride matters. But he knows what he needs to do better than I do, and that matters too. He says he gets cramps when I lift him myself, for example.
I can't tell what he feels when I try to lift him. If he says lifting him my way causes muscle cramps, I have to believe him.
Are there classes I can attend for this stuff? He weighs more than I do. I know emergency techniques. I could get him upon my back and carry him out of the house if needed even if it hurt him. But him as dead-weight on the floor, non-emergency, baffles me.
I am sure I am doing all this elder care stuff wrong. I thought common sense would get me through these stages. I THOUGHT I was smart enough (and able enough) to know what to do when the falling-down stages happened. Apparently, I'm not.
And I should have known. Years ago, a friend did that cartoonish unbelievably stupid "foot on the boat and foot on the dock while the boat moved away thing". Yes, he fell in the water. But I could NOT get him onto the pier again. He was just too heavy. OK, if it had been ME, I would have just heaved myself up on the dock and never mind that it wouldn't have happened to me in the first place. But I'm not a total klutz like my friend.
Dad is now officially a klutz. Its not his fault, he can't help being old. But he is and I have to deal with that now.
The point is that Dad was dead weight and I couldn't begin to lift him without cramps on his part. You don't realize what lifting dead weight is until you fail at it...
8 comments:
Oh Mark. What an awful feeling. I'd start with a local hospital and ask if they have any classes or resources. Fingers crossed.
Plus, it can take two people to properly lift someone. Agree with Jan to ask at the hospital or with your doctor. Plus the time may come sooner, rather than later that he will need professional care 24/7.
Other resources: nearby nursing home; they train their aides to lift, they may be willing to help, even if it's just to have you spend a couple hours with a nurses' aide learning the mechanics of lifting.
Nearby firehouse; if they have EMTs on hand, they might be willing to give you a quick course in lifting, as well.
Body dynamics are important, knowing how to position yourself as well as your father can make it a whole lot easier, less painful, and with lowered risks of injury to you both.
There *are* classes, but the ones I know of have an end goal of certification and take time...plus you'd be stuck going over things you don't want or really need to know.
My sister wound up calling the EMTs for many of my dad's falls. They got billed for it, but when a 180 pound man is wedged between a toilet and a wall and you're a 140 pound female, help is often required.
Red Cross might have one day classes, even basic first aid classes teach how to lift an injured person unless they've changed the classes drastically since I took them. Nursing homes or even physical therapists might be a good source of information. Rehab nursing homes would be a good bet.
I don't know about cramps, but I know that being lifted can lead to fingers pressing in on muscles or soft places and it does hurt, maybe that feels like cramps. As much as you can, try to keep your hands flat, dont use fingers and thumbs.
When my great gramma was failing, the rehab nursing home had her start wearing a woven belt all the time, they could grip that and it didn't seem to dig in too badly.
I don't know the weight difference, but if he puts his arms around your neck and you hug him around the waist, you can hold up enough of his weight that he should be able to shuffle his feet under himself, from a kneeling position.
Sorry, I dont mean to go on and on. This is just bringing back memories of my great gramma.
Oh, I should add. A hospital type bed with rails might be a good investment. it was for us. We rented it from a medical supply house.
Oh Mark - my heart goes out to you. You are doing a wonderful job. Lifting a human that is dead weight is very very hard. My husband and I tried to lift his petite mother when she was ill, it was extremely hard. You have been given many suggestions so far, I'm afraid I don't have any to add to this except "don't be too hard on yourself - you are duing a great job at something you have never had any training for or experience with.
Has he been checked to make sure he's not having little strokes that cause him to fall? Physical therapy would be good because that would help to increase his balance.
The idea of a belt or a harness of some kind is a good one and so is the hospital bed with rails - I have a couple of elderly friends who kept falling out of bed, so that's what their families did. Helped a lot - although if he has to get up frequently in the night, it might be kind of inconvenient - did you say he wouldn't use a walker? Maybe it's time to head that direction - It would keep him steady while he gets his wits about him and then he could walk without it.
The main thing is to not injure your own back because then you'd really be "in a world of hurt" so to speak.
Good luck! T.
Mark - American Red Cross runs classes and prints training materials in Family Caregiving that you might find helpful. There's one on "Posiitoning and Helping Your Loved One Move". The class details are at:
http://www.redcross.org/take-a-class
and the booklet can be purchased from:
https://www.shopstaywell.com/OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte_arr.jsp?section=15384&item=17474&JServSessionIdrootistore2=shios0ebj3.olbOpR9zawTNr65TrQjGp2TxpQOUtxCLbx0Ka0--&dbprod_prod=Sq9bAVmzd69KsB22KlQWhWxU:S&dbprod_prod_pses=ZG7FCB37D59562B899877FD1F615CCC32C875047E943D88233FEF48F2D4A2A5E2E676D847942DE15FEA6695B4408AEF67EBFBE26909E912F0A24D73D3D73864AA4
Megan
Sydney, Australia
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