Yesterday it was "acorns". We have a huge basket oak over the house and deck. The acorns are falling like hail! Dad asked me what all those "things" were on the deck. When I said "acorns", he said "no, no, I know what acorns look like. Those are something else."
Here we go again...
I assured him that they were acorns, they were falling from an oak tree, and oaks make acorns. "From tiny acorns, mighty oak trees grow", and all that... In return I get "I know what acorns look like and those aren't acorns, and that's not an oak tree."
Well of course they're acorns, and it is an oak tree. I let it go because I don't want to upset him and in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter. But acorns are one of the first seeds children learn to recognize and since elderly people remember older memories better than new ones, it really surprised me. Dad ought to remember acorns. Its like forgetting what grass is, or a bicycle, or a mailbox. Some things just seem so basic.
Today, he raised the issue again and was insistent about it. He kept fussing about them not being acorns and it not being an oak tree. He tends to do this when I'm busy, of course. He can watch TV for a couple hours and be nearly absent, but when something gets at him, he doesn't care what I'm doing.
So I lowered the book on him. Literally. I went out and pulled a leaf off the tree (one branch is in reach of a corner of the deck). I grabbed an intact acorn. I got out my Petersons Tree Guide. I opened it to the white oak page and showed him the picture of the basket oak leaf, the acorn associated with it, the actual leaf from the tree, and the actual acorn from the tree. I showed him that the page said "acorn". He had to allow that "those things" appeared to be acorns and that the leaf seemed to be from the picture I showed him.
I'm not trying to be mean... But there is a deeper issue here. As Dad's memory fades and he loses track of what things are, I need him to trust me on things. If he can't trust me that an acorn is a acorn, what is he thinking when I discuss his finances? Is he secretly thinking that I am stealing his hard-earned money but that just what happens when you are old? When I give him his daily prescribed pill with dinner, is he (or will he soon be) worried that I am poisoning him?
The acorn thing is just symbolic of where things are going.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
Dad and Cat
Dad has always claimed that he doesn't really like cats.
HAH!
I looked out the window today and Dad was on the deck looking out toward the back. Iza was sitting up on the rail right next to him. And Dad reached over to scritch her. Not "scratch", "scritch", he knows how to do it right. But by the time I got the camera, they had separated.
But the special thing was later, after dinner. Dad sat in his usual chair, and had to evict Iza from it to sit down. Iza is getting used to that routine and doesn't complain as much as she used to.
The special part is that she stood up next to him and hopped up!!! First time she has really done that, though she has made a couole of tries before.
This time she curled up on his lap. The pictures show it all. Don't mind the uneven photography; I had to try some different settings to get a few good ones. The point is that Iza curled up on Dad's lap and he enjoyed it, stroking her furs "just right".
He's a natural cat person, even if he WON'T admit it...
Super-special picture!
And Dad seemed thrilled...
And "thank you Iza". You'll get extra treats later...
I switched to non-flash so as not to disturb them.
Maybe my discussions with Dad about the wonderment of having a wild animal happy on your lap have had an affect...
Dad fell asleep stroking Iza!
HAH!
I looked out the window today and Dad was on the deck looking out toward the back. Iza was sitting up on the rail right next to him. And Dad reached over to scritch her. Not "scratch", "scritch", he knows how to do it right. But by the time I got the camera, they had separated.
But the special thing was later, after dinner. Dad sat in his usual chair, and had to evict Iza from it to sit down. Iza is getting used to that routine and doesn't complain as much as she used to.
The special part is that she stood up next to him and hopped up!!! First time she has really done that, though she has made a couole of tries before.
This time she curled up on his lap. The pictures show it all. Don't mind the uneven photography; I had to try some different settings to get a few good ones. The point is that Iza curled up on Dad's lap and he enjoyed it, stroking her furs "just right".
He's a natural cat person, even if he WON'T admit it...
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Not About Dad
Well, I don't want to go on and on about Dad. He still asks strange questions and makes no sense sometimes, but let me leave that alone for today.
I DO still have a life, and things to do all my own. Projects especially. The house is 26 years old, and now that some things like roof and siding have just been replaced, I can go on to other maintenance issues.
The framed raised garden beds are 20+ years old and are falling apart. The deck is 20+ years old and, well "not falling apart", but was never great or "to code". I started flooring the attic 15 years ago and only did half of it (the other half had electric wires resting on the joists and I never could quite decide what to do about that). My utility trailer has exterior plywood sides but they are rotting.
So there are those things that I have put off in favor of the larger needs. Now it is time for those smaller ones.
I've designed new framed garden beds. They will be wider and higher (15' H x 4' x 8' instead of 10" H x 3' x 8'), have 6" of sheet metal flat on the bottom to stop grass growing up against them (for easier mowing), and have boards on the top edges for sitting. With 4" x 4" posts along the outsides to suport the board on the sides and on the top.And I will be cutting down some trees to allow for more sunlight on the garden. I regret losing the trees, but I have too much shade as the trees have grown taller for 26 years.
The trailer will get higher sides, and a solid bottom. And of ACQ treated plywood. The previous plywood rotted to fast and the bottom was boards with gaps. I had to keep using tarps to keep compost and sand from falling through.
The attic came back to my attention when I had to "duck walk" across 30' of joists when the roof started leaking to place collection pans under the leaks. I've figured out how to avoid the electrical wires of the joists without making them inaccessible for repairs. I have 1" x 2" x 8' boards that I will cut into 6" lengths. I'll screw those on top on the joists next to the wires and along the outer edges of where plywood can be screwed in place on top. That may not be clear... I'm raising the plywood just above the wires on the joists, but using screws so the plywood can be removed if there is a need to get at the electrical wires.
I need a new compost bin, too. The old one is in shade (it wasn't in the shade when I built it), was too small, has no top to keep varmints out, and leans over badly. It wasn't my best design... So I am designing a better one. Larger, more air circulation, tops, in sunlight. I drew up a framed hardware screen panel 4' x 4', and I will just make 6 of them to attach to sturdy 4" x 4" posts set in the ground, hinged on the front and top.
There are other projects too, but those should take a few months, LOL!
I DO still have a life, and things to do all my own. Projects especially. The house is 26 years old, and now that some things like roof and siding have just been replaced, I can go on to other maintenance issues.
The framed raised garden beds are 20+ years old and are falling apart. The deck is 20+ years old and, well "not falling apart", but was never great or "to code". I started flooring the attic 15 years ago and only did half of it (the other half had electric wires resting on the joists and I never could quite decide what to do about that). My utility trailer has exterior plywood sides but they are rotting.
So there are those things that I have put off in favor of the larger needs. Now it is time for those smaller ones.
I've designed new framed garden beds. They will be wider and higher (15' H x 4' x 8' instead of 10" H x 3' x 8'), have 6" of sheet metal flat on the bottom to stop grass growing up against them (for easier mowing), and have boards on the top edges for sitting. With 4" x 4" posts along the outsides to suport the board on the sides and on the top.And I will be cutting down some trees to allow for more sunlight on the garden. I regret losing the trees, but I have too much shade as the trees have grown taller for 26 years.
The trailer will get higher sides, and a solid bottom. And of ACQ treated plywood. The previous plywood rotted to fast and the bottom was boards with gaps. I had to keep using tarps to keep compost and sand from falling through.
The attic came back to my attention when I had to "duck walk" across 30' of joists when the roof started leaking to place collection pans under the leaks. I've figured out how to avoid the electrical wires of the joists without making them inaccessible for repairs. I have 1" x 2" x 8' boards that I will cut into 6" lengths. I'll screw those on top on the joists next to the wires and along the outer edges of where plywood can be screwed in place on top. That may not be clear... I'm raising the plywood just above the wires on the joists, but using screws so the plywood can be removed if there is a need to get at the electrical wires.
I need a new compost bin, too. The old one is in shade (it wasn't in the shade when I built it), was too small, has no top to keep varmints out, and leans over badly. It wasn't my best design... So I am designing a better one. Larger, more air circulation, tops, in sunlight. I drew up a framed hardware screen panel 4' x 4', and I will just make 6 of them to attach to sturdy 4" x 4" posts set in the ground, hinged on the front and top.
There are other projects too, but those should take a few months, LOL!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Dadisms
The continuing voyage of Mark and Dad (and 3 cats) through the changing universe of ElderHeisenbergish uncertainty. Stardate 2012.10.16...
SOCIAL SECURITY CARD - When getting Dad's 2011 Social Security payment tax document, I found a place to get replacement social security cards. I lost mine years ago (lost wallet). So I downloaded the form twice. One for me and one for Dad. I asked him (then) and he wanted a new one. When I got around to filling out the form for Dad, I didn't have all the information. I had no idea where Dad was born! And it asked his parents' SSA numbers which I didn't have, plus needed Dad's birth certificate (which I couldn't find. So I waited until we sat down to pay his next bill (that focuses his mind on documents).
We paid his FL house electric bill today (house still unsold because Dad WAY overvalues it) and I brought out the replacement SSA form. He decided he didn't want a new one because his was "in great shape".
I challenged him to show it to me, because I hadn't seen one in his wallet. I should know better...
He spent an hour fumbling through his wallet (stopping to shave for 15 minutes in the middle), and FINALLY came out with his Medicare card. Well, it does have his SS# on it. I went around and around with him about that NOT being his SS card. He said it was the original SSA card and I pointed out that Medicare didn't exist when he was issued his SSA card! Blank stare...
Eventually, he refused to sign the replacement card form and I shredded it (there was personal information I had filled out). THEN, he says, "well, there are some other cards in my jewelry box".
Other cards? After 5 months of asking about cards? Argh. Well, he went and brought them out. Most were useless cards. Old hunting license, golf club membership from 20 years ago, etc, AND a beat-to-death SSA card.
So he said "see, I TOLD you I had it"! This after insisting over and over that his Medicare card WAS his SSA card... Well, at least we found it. And it IS beaten all up and not very readable. So he decided he could use a replacement after all (because I suggested that his beaten-up card was historical and should be saved while he used a replacement card for "everyday".
Now I have to find the replacement card form again because he REALLY wants one now... LOL! I'll do that happily...
2011 TAX FORMS - I've been struggling to get replacement forms for Dad's 2011 taxes (overdue as of yesterday). I had sorted out ALL the documents he said he had months ago, found his tax preparer a while ago and contacted them about missing documents, and gotten a list of documents the tax folks still needed. The problem was that Dad seems to have decided back in March that most documents were just "trash" and he stopped keeping them.
I value govt workers. Thet do the best they are allowed to do. I was one of them. But I can see why some people don't like govt agencies. I went NUTS trying to find how to get replacement 2011 tax forms for SSA and OPM annuity tax forms. It took weeks.
When I needed the same from 2 banks and one investment firms, they emailed the documents to me the same day.
I don't want to blame the govt workers because they are constrained by laws passed by Congress to protect private information and businesses can just send it to anyone immediately*. But the last documents I will get are govt ones.
Dad is convinced I am wasting time by not just using last year's numbers (which he also doesn't have because they seemed not worth keeping at the time), He doesn't believe that false numbers are worse than no numbers. He might be right; I doubt the IRS will throw a 90 year old guy in prison for filing taxes a month late, or even assign penalties (the tax preparers say penalties are also very unlikely given his age).
But he drives me nuts with the irrationality. I know he isn't to blame. I can see he is doing the best he can. I bite my tongue a lot and sit patiently for an hour while he fusses through things most times. OK, I invent excuses to leave the table (bathroom, mail, cats, laundry).
WHERE DAD LIVES - Dad has lived in 4 places in the past 32 years. One is here, for 5 months. The others are almost completely lost to him. Vague memories if specific facts are mentioned.
There's more, but I'll save it. This is getting too long... And the one most lost to him is the immediately previous one. If Dad went to assisted living (not that he will be any time soon) he would not recall living with me after about a month...
* All the businesses needed was an account number I could have gotten from a neighbor's trash and an old guy who claimed to be Dad on the telephone. The govt agencies practically needed a life history and fingerprints. Think about that when you complain about govt...
SOCIAL SECURITY CARD - When getting Dad's 2011 Social Security payment tax document, I found a place to get replacement social security cards. I lost mine years ago (lost wallet). So I downloaded the form twice. One for me and one for Dad. I asked him (then) and he wanted a new one. When I got around to filling out the form for Dad, I didn't have all the information. I had no idea where Dad was born! And it asked his parents' SSA numbers which I didn't have, plus needed Dad's birth certificate (which I couldn't find. So I waited until we sat down to pay his next bill (that focuses his mind on documents).
We paid his FL house electric bill today (house still unsold because Dad WAY overvalues it) and I brought out the replacement SSA form. He decided he didn't want a new one because his was "in great shape".
I challenged him to show it to me, because I hadn't seen one in his wallet. I should know better...
He spent an hour fumbling through his wallet (stopping to shave for 15 minutes in the middle), and FINALLY came out with his Medicare card. Well, it does have his SS# on it. I went around and around with him about that NOT being his SS card. He said it was the original SSA card and I pointed out that Medicare didn't exist when he was issued his SSA card! Blank stare...
Eventually, he refused to sign the replacement card form and I shredded it (there was personal information I had filled out). THEN, he says, "well, there are some other cards in my jewelry box".
Other cards? After 5 months of asking about cards? Argh. Well, he went and brought them out. Most were useless cards. Old hunting license, golf club membership from 20 years ago, etc, AND a beat-to-death SSA card.
So he said "see, I TOLD you I had it"! This after insisting over and over that his Medicare card WAS his SSA card... Well, at least we found it. And it IS beaten all up and not very readable. So he decided he could use a replacement after all (because I suggested that his beaten-up card was historical and should be saved while he used a replacement card for "everyday".
Now I have to find the replacement card form again because he REALLY wants one now... LOL! I'll do that happily...
2011 TAX FORMS - I've been struggling to get replacement forms for Dad's 2011 taxes (overdue as of yesterday). I had sorted out ALL the documents he said he had months ago, found his tax preparer a while ago and contacted them about missing documents, and gotten a list of documents the tax folks still needed. The problem was that Dad seems to have decided back in March that most documents were just "trash" and he stopped keeping them.
I value govt workers. Thet do the best they are allowed to do. I was one of them. But I can see why some people don't like govt agencies. I went NUTS trying to find how to get replacement 2011 tax forms for SSA and OPM annuity tax forms. It took weeks.
When I needed the same from 2 banks and one investment firms, they emailed the documents to me the same day.
I don't want to blame the govt workers because they are constrained by laws passed by Congress to protect private information and businesses can just send it to anyone immediately*. But the last documents I will get are govt ones.
Dad is convinced I am wasting time by not just using last year's numbers (which he also doesn't have because they seemed not worth keeping at the time), He doesn't believe that false numbers are worse than no numbers. He might be right; I doubt the IRS will throw a 90 year old guy in prison for filing taxes a month late, or even assign penalties (the tax preparers say penalties are also very unlikely given his age).
But he drives me nuts with the irrationality. I know he isn't to blame. I can see he is doing the best he can. I bite my tongue a lot and sit patiently for an hour while he fusses through things most times. OK, I invent excuses to leave the table (bathroom, mail, cats, laundry).
WHERE DAD LIVES - Dad has lived in 4 places in the past 32 years. One is here, for 5 months. The others are almost completely lost to him. Vague memories if specific facts are mentioned.
There's more, but I'll save it. This is getting too long... And the one most lost to him is the immediately previous one. If Dad went to assisted living (not that he will be any time soon) he would not recall living with me after about a month...
* All the businesses needed was an account number I could have gotten from a neighbor's trash and an old guy who claimed to be Dad on the telephone. The govt agencies practically needed a life history and fingerprints. Think about that when you complain about govt...
Saturday, October 13, 2012
More Sads and Confusions
I should mention that I'm grateful for all the recommendations from readers/friends/family. They are all good, but all situations and personalities are different so some fit with Dad and I better than others. For example, respite care is suggested often, and I don't really need respite care yet. I will one day, but I can get away for a couple of hours at a time now because Dad can take care of himself for hours at a time. I can go grocery shopping, work on the computer, or spend time out in the yard without much problem. So I'm not desperate for small amounts of time "off" yet.
The meal preparation, laundry, and cleaning is not a problem either. I like to cook and have always spent time on it for myself. Cooking for two is not much extra work. Although I will say that preparing meals on a set schedule is new to me (and annoying). I've always been an "eat when hungry" person, plus its never bothered me to skip a meal when I was busy. With Dad, I MUST make lunch at noon and dinner at 6. That part's hard, but not something I'm willing to hand off to a professional.
Perhaps the best routine gain Dad has from living here is the food. When I picked up Dad in FL in May, I discovered he was living on hot dogs, frozen fish and ice cream. Now he has a healthy cereal for breakfast (his effort not mine), a sandwich of home-made bread, some meat, lettuce, and onions, with sliced tomato, carrot sticks, radish, and a pickle on the side. Dinner is some few ounces of fresh meat with lots of veggies over rice or spaghetti, tossed salad, green veggie, and potato or corn. He wants sweet stuff for dessert (and gets some) but I get a lot of fresh fruit into him too.
Cleaning is different. As a bachelor, I don't clean like my mother did. But from seeing Dad's place in FL, I clean a bit more than he did. I watched him clean a table once and some dishes once, and there is no way I will let him do that again. If he cleans something, I thank him and then clean it properly later when he isn't paying attention. The weird thing is that I would clean MORE often, but he wants to "help" and that is worse than doing it myself.
Laundry is not much more than just for me. Like many old folks, Dad wears the same clothes too long. Well, its not like he works up a sweat sitting in a chair watching TV all day, but I image that dead skin cells add up. I change outfits every day; Dad would wear them for a week. Its not TOO hard to remind him that he wore "those clothes" for 3 days. I do my own laundry often enough that I can "offer" to do his at the same time.
Memory-Fail example: EVERY time I mention laundry, Dad wants to accompany me down to the basement to see how the washer and dryer work. He never recalls that he has done that every week for 5 months... Sometimes I get off easy when he allows me to "just wash his". There is a reason his laundry hamper is in the main bathroom. So I can see that it gets fuller and when he has run out of clean underwear...
And I should admit right out that I don't have Dad here because I am lonely (as Dad [and some friends] sometimes imagines). I LOVED living alone (with the cats of course). And I look forward to living alone again some day. I understand that it won't be this year. It may not be next year (but that will be stretching my perseverance thin). Dad is here because I was told he could no longer live on his own, The day poop dribbles out the bottom of his pants and he doesn't notice, he will discover assisted living facilities. I am many things, but I am not a bodily nurse. I don't have the stomach for it. If I see a kid throw up on TV, I throw up. There are things I can do and things I can't. Its all I can do to flush the toilet when Dad forgets to (which is always now).
I'm doing this because it is required, I am the best child to live with at this specific time, and I don't know how to get out of it.
I get Dad now because my sister Susan and I agreed years ago that she would take Mom and I would take Dad if one or the other needed elder care. Sexism makes sense sometimes. 50/50 chance, and I lose. Thats normal for me.
No, the new stuff I intended to write about was about Dad's mental lapses. The above was just all an indroduction to why the physical stuff wasn't that important but the mental stuff was.
As Arlo Guthrie said, "Ive gone on for 20 minutes, I can go on for another 20 minutes. I'm not proud. OR tired." Or something like that...
Today Dad forgot how to count money. I saw him take cash out of his wallet, and he started writing down numbers on post-it sheets. I knew what he was trying to find out. How much cash he had.
It deeply saddens me that he could not add OR count. He tried counting directly and came up with different numbers. He tried listing the amounts of the individual bills. He kept coming up with different numbers.
I like it when Dad gets obsessed with things because it keeps him harmlessly occupied. Watching golf, listening to silly Fox News, reading the new privacy documents from his credit card company, deciding what to do with the address labels that all charity groups send. When he gives up, I explain them in simple words and trash them (well, I save the address labels; he likes those).
But back to the money-counting. Dad can't count money annynore. He confuses the denomination with the quantity of them. He wrote down 10 lists of bills. Every one was wrong. The specific falure is that he writes $20 no matter how many of the 20s there are. He can count the other bills right.
My frustration is when he can't THINK straight. Thats what drives me crazy. I cant blame him, but it still makes things so hard for me.
Dad was always factually-oriented. So am I. But he is losing it SO badly and SO fast.
We were watching a show about dinosaurs after dinner. He said (as he so often does lately) "they don't know the size of those reptiles. They could be ten times or one tenth that size". I mentioned that "they" have the bones. Dad said "yeah, but they still can't tell"! He dismisses everything that he does not know for sure himself.. OK, he ALWAYS has, but he's getting WORSE.
He confuses me. When I said "but they have the bones", he didn't care. The fact had no importance to him. He has lost all analysis ability. And THAT'S what is hardest for me to deal with. The loss of mental existence.
He exists physically, he can walk (and better with the cane we bought last week). But his mind is going, and that is the part I am struggling with.
He thought Sarah Palin was in the vice presidential debates this year. When I said she was 4 years ago he said I was "all wet". He thought Reagan was president. Then he thought McCain lost, but not Palin as VP. Then he decided he wasn't sure who McCain's VP was. Maybe Romney.
Anything I say is wrong. I should ignore that but I can't. My whole life has been factually oriented.
Time to start ignoring everything Dad says, isn't it? But how? I need to talk to him because he talks to me. I don't know how to ignore him.
The meal preparation, laundry, and cleaning is not a problem either. I like to cook and have always spent time on it for myself. Cooking for two is not much extra work. Although I will say that preparing meals on a set schedule is new to me (and annoying). I've always been an "eat when hungry" person, plus its never bothered me to skip a meal when I was busy. With Dad, I MUST make lunch at noon and dinner at 6. That part's hard, but not something I'm willing to hand off to a professional.
Perhaps the best routine gain Dad has from living here is the food. When I picked up Dad in FL in May, I discovered he was living on hot dogs, frozen fish and ice cream. Now he has a healthy cereal for breakfast (his effort not mine), a sandwich of home-made bread, some meat, lettuce, and onions, with sliced tomato, carrot sticks, radish, and a pickle on the side. Dinner is some few ounces of fresh meat with lots of veggies over rice or spaghetti, tossed salad, green veggie, and potato or corn. He wants sweet stuff for dessert (and gets some) but I get a lot of fresh fruit into him too.
Cleaning is different. As a bachelor, I don't clean like my mother did. But from seeing Dad's place in FL, I clean a bit more than he did. I watched him clean a table once and some dishes once, and there is no way I will let him do that again. If he cleans something, I thank him and then clean it properly later when he isn't paying attention. The weird thing is that I would clean MORE often, but he wants to "help" and that is worse than doing it myself.
Laundry is not much more than just for me. Like many old folks, Dad wears the same clothes too long. Well, its not like he works up a sweat sitting in a chair watching TV all day, but I image that dead skin cells add up. I change outfits every day; Dad would wear them for a week. Its not TOO hard to remind him that he wore "those clothes" for 3 days. I do my own laundry often enough that I can "offer" to do his at the same time.
Memory-Fail example: EVERY time I mention laundry, Dad wants to accompany me down to the basement to see how the washer and dryer work. He never recalls that he has done that every week for 5 months... Sometimes I get off easy when he allows me to "just wash his". There is a reason his laundry hamper is in the main bathroom. So I can see that it gets fuller and when he has run out of clean underwear...
And I should admit right out that I don't have Dad here because I am lonely (as Dad [and some friends] sometimes imagines). I LOVED living alone (with the cats of course). And I look forward to living alone again some day. I understand that it won't be this year. It may not be next year (but that will be stretching my perseverance thin). Dad is here because I was told he could no longer live on his own, The day poop dribbles out the bottom of his pants and he doesn't notice, he will discover assisted living facilities. I am many things, but I am not a bodily nurse. I don't have the stomach for it. If I see a kid throw up on TV, I throw up. There are things I can do and things I can't. Its all I can do to flush the toilet when Dad forgets to (which is always now).
I'm doing this because it is required, I am the best child to live with at this specific time, and I don't know how to get out of it.
I get Dad now because my sister Susan and I agreed years ago that she would take Mom and I would take Dad if one or the other needed elder care. Sexism makes sense sometimes. 50/50 chance, and I lose. Thats normal for me.
No, the new stuff I intended to write about was about Dad's mental lapses. The above was just all an indroduction to why the physical stuff wasn't that important but the mental stuff was.
As Arlo Guthrie said, "Ive gone on for 20 minutes, I can go on for another 20 minutes. I'm not proud. OR tired." Or something like that...
Today Dad forgot how to count money. I saw him take cash out of his wallet, and he started writing down numbers on post-it sheets. I knew what he was trying to find out. How much cash he had.
It deeply saddens me that he could not add OR count. He tried counting directly and came up with different numbers. He tried listing the amounts of the individual bills. He kept coming up with different numbers.
I like it when Dad gets obsessed with things because it keeps him harmlessly occupied. Watching golf, listening to silly Fox News, reading the new privacy documents from his credit card company, deciding what to do with the address labels that all charity groups send. When he gives up, I explain them in simple words and trash them (well, I save the address labels; he likes those).
But back to the money-counting. Dad can't count money annynore. He confuses the denomination with the quantity of them. He wrote down 10 lists of bills. Every one was wrong. The specific falure is that he writes $20 no matter how many of the 20s there are. He can count the other bills right.
My frustration is when he can't THINK straight. Thats what drives me crazy. I cant blame him, but it still makes things so hard for me.
Dad was always factually-oriented. So am I. But he is losing it SO badly and SO fast.
We were watching a show about dinosaurs after dinner. He said (as he so often does lately) "they don't know the size of those reptiles. They could be ten times or one tenth that size". I mentioned that "they" have the bones. Dad said "yeah, but they still can't tell"! He dismisses everything that he does not know for sure himself.. OK, he ALWAYS has, but he's getting WORSE.
He confuses me. When I said "but they have the bones", he didn't care. The fact had no importance to him. He has lost all analysis ability. And THAT'S what is hardest for me to deal with. The loss of mental existence.
He exists physically, he can walk (and better with the cane we bought last week). But his mind is going, and that is the part I am struggling with.
He thought Sarah Palin was in the vice presidential debates this year. When I said she was 4 years ago he said I was "all wet". He thought Reagan was president. Then he thought McCain lost, but not Palin as VP. Then he decided he wasn't sure who McCain's VP was. Maybe Romney.
Anything I say is wrong. I should ignore that but I can't. My whole life has been factually oriented.
Time to start ignoring everything Dad says, isn't it? But how? I need to talk to him because he talks to me. I don't know how to ignore him.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
More Confusions
I brought Dad to Walmart to pick up the prescriptions for high cholesterol and Vitamin D yesterday. The drugs came with papers describing problems. I should have hidden those!
He spent several HOURS reading them over and over.
The basic instructions were VERY simple. Take ONE provostatin pill daily. Take ONE Vit D pill weekly. Not 2 daily, not 2 weekly. Yet he sat reading the fine print accompanying the pills for HOURS.
The problem seems to be that he has two other meds . He hasn't taken them in the 5 months he's been here, but NOW, he wants to take them. On the advice of a DR he hasn't seen in 2 years. And for problems the new DR doesn't see...
I should steal the old pills, right?
Actually, I need to call the new DR and ask about the old pills.
But I need to set up a scheduke for the new pills. No way Dad will remember to take that weekly pill. And there are other things that need to be done. Weekly showers, daily water drinks.
So have an idea. Weekly pill and weekly shower - Friday night. Daily pill at lunch with a full glass of water.
And he chose a cane. Walmart had 2 basic canes in the store. There are many better ones online and I found a place that had many to choose from locally . He refused to visit the "many cane" place.
On the other hand, the one he chose is good enough. He walks better already (when he uses it). Getting him to keep the cane around is hard.
He fell 3 times this week without the cane. He didn't with it. But he doesn't want to use it.
That drives me nuts.
He spent several HOURS reading them over and over.
The basic instructions were VERY simple. Take ONE provostatin pill daily. Take ONE Vit D pill weekly. Not 2 daily, not 2 weekly. Yet he sat reading the fine print accompanying the pills for HOURS.
The problem seems to be that he has two other meds . He hasn't taken them in the 5 months he's been here, but NOW, he wants to take them. On the advice of a DR he hasn't seen in 2 years. And for problems the new DR doesn't see...
I should steal the old pills, right?
Actually, I need to call the new DR and ask about the old pills.
But I need to set up a scheduke for the new pills. No way Dad will remember to take that weekly pill. And there are other things that need to be done. Weekly showers, daily water drinks.
So have an idea. Weekly pill and weekly shower - Friday night. Daily pill at lunch with a full glass of water.
And he chose a cane. Walmart had 2 basic canes in the store. There are many better ones online and I found a place that had many to choose from locally . He refused to visit the "many cane" place.
On the other hand, the one he chose is good enough. He walks better already (when he uses it). Getting him to keep the cane around is hard.
He fell 3 times this week without the cane. He didn't with it. But he doesn't want to use it.
That drives me nuts.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Sister Visit
My sister Susie and hubbie Walt visited Saturday. Naturally, I never thought to take pictures. Well, it's always so busy and good when they visit, I forget.
They loved the new look of the house. I asked Susie for her opinion about what color to paint the garage and front doors (the siding is gray/green and the shutters darker green. I was thinking the doors should match the shutters. Susie has great color sense. Florist experience, and she has a Martha Stewart tendency (a good thing - you should see her house). She said leave them white, so I will. The more I picture the green vs white doors, the more I like the white.
I cooked a chicken and extra parts in the slow smoker. It turned out great (for once - I get lucky sometimes). Susie brought a potato salad that was oddly familiar. I make mine spicy and vinegary. Susie said it was Mom's old recipe. The dressing is mayo with powdered mustard and a bit of catalina dressing. Ahh, a touch of flavor and memory from my youth! I will sure make it that way next time...
I love Susie and Walt. Even if they weren't related, I would love to have them as next door neighbors. I mean, if they were strangers and moved next door, we would be friends. And I bet ours cats would get used to each other too.
[Marley - No we WOULDNT!] Quiet Marley! Yes you would. Because the fence would be down between our yards and you would get used to each other. Lucy is NOT evil!
Anyway. it was a great family visit, and Dad and I are going to visit Susie at Thanksgiving. Dad doesn't know that yet. There is no point in telling him until a a day before. Eldercare sometimes means just announcing things suddenly. LOL!
[Ayla: Well, we all hid unner the bed fer a reason] Yeah, you are are all CHICKENS. Susie and Walt are "cat people". You should have come out and got scritchies. THEY know how to do them too, you know.
[Yeah but...] Treat time! All come out to the kitchen... [YAY!]
Whew! But the visit was great and it was so nice to see family again...
They loved the new look of the house. I asked Susie for her opinion about what color to paint the garage and front doors (the siding is gray/green and the shutters darker green. I was thinking the doors should match the shutters. Susie has great color sense. Florist experience, and she has a Martha Stewart tendency (a good thing - you should see her house). She said leave them white, so I will. The more I picture the green vs white doors, the more I like the white.
I cooked a chicken and extra parts in the slow smoker. It turned out great (for once - I get lucky sometimes). Susie brought a potato salad that was oddly familiar. I make mine spicy and vinegary. Susie said it was Mom's old recipe. The dressing is mayo with powdered mustard and a bit of catalina dressing. Ahh, a touch of flavor and memory from my youth! I will sure make it that way next time...
I love Susie and Walt. Even if they weren't related, I would love to have them as next door neighbors. I mean, if they were strangers and moved next door, we would be friends. And I bet ours cats would get used to each other too.
[Marley - No we WOULDNT!] Quiet Marley! Yes you would. Because the fence would be down between our yards and you would get used to each other. Lucy is NOT evil!
Anyway. it was a great family visit, and Dad and I are going to visit Susie at Thanksgiving. Dad doesn't know that yet. There is no point in telling him until a a day before. Eldercare sometimes means just announcing things suddenly. LOL!
[Ayla: Well, we all hid unner the bed fer a reason] Yeah, you are are all CHICKENS. Susie and Walt are "cat people". You should have come out and got scritchies. THEY know how to do them too, you know.
[Yeah but...] Treat time! All come out to the kitchen... [YAY!]
Whew! But the visit was great and it was so nice to see family again...
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Back To Dad...
This is probably repetitive, but Dad is getting worse. I don't mean to say that I expected him to get better, but in good weeks he stays at least the same. This was not one of those weeks.
I'm almost feeling bad writing about his problems. Those who are experiencing elder care (spouse or child) already know how the weeks go, and those who don't can't quite understand it. But the last week has gone downhill, and I have to write about it. Nothing especially "horrible". It just the increasing confusion that makes things so difficult.
I'm not sure whether I imagined this in a dream or whether I saw it in print somewhere, but I have this image of a 1 panel cartoon with a grampa, a middle-age adult, and and a baby. Each has a thought balloon...
The middle-age adult's says "they are driving me crazy". The Grampa's says "I'm getting worse". The baby's says "I'm going to get more able".
I'd rather have the baby, but I have the Grampa, and I didn't get to choose.
Lest you think that this middle-aged adult doesn't know what babies are like, I do. I was the eldest child and my youngest sister was born when I was 15. Guess who was the constant babysitter? I'll bet I changed more diapers and cleaned more bottoms than many fathers. Not "all" but "many"...
Dad is more confusing almost every day. I both wish and don't wish that he would reach the point where I can't care for him
1. The "wish" part comes from the way he is so confused sometimes that he confuses ME and I don't know how to respond. I would love to be relieved of the confusion. The simplest things are baffling him, and he seeks explanations. I give them as simply as I can, of course, but simple isn't always complete and he can still detect that "sometimes".
An example: It is the time of year here when days stay warm but nights get cold. I am used to turning on the heat at night and the AC in the day to keep the house between 7 and 73 year-round (yes, I'm a temperature wimp - I have a very precise comfort zone). Outside, temp variations are broad because there is wind and open air. Outside, I am happy between 60 and 80.
Anyway, Dad has insisted that the floor vents in his bedroom and the TV room (where he spends ALL day) be blocked "from that damned freezing air". Which worked well all Summer... But now the temperatures fluctuate. Yesterday, he called me in to look at the floor. He was horrified to find COLD AIR pouring up from the vent!
There was a reason. The day before, I advised Dad that I was turning on the heat at night so he wouldn't feel too cold. But that he would have to replace the closed vent cover in the daytime when the AC came one cuz it got over 80 degrees. He said he understood that. But he forgot that of course.
Tonight, we had the exact same discussion, and he (angrily) said he understood the vent had to be changed each day, Tomorrow, we will have the same discussion again, because he won't recall any of it (and more importntly, won't understand WHY the vent has to be changed to suit his comfort zone. I understand that he will NEVER remember about the vent... I accept it. But it drives me nuts to explain the same thing day after day.
2. The "don't wish" part is that I don't want Dad to lose his mind. I am used to him being angrily conservative while I am unapologetically progressive (not always "liberal", there's a difference). But him being "nuts" (technical term, LOL) is very different. He asks me the weirdest things sometimes.
Is the chicken cooked?
Do you have a sandwich for yourself? (He has the other half of our mutual lunch sandwich - It's a big loaf).
Same with giving him a half a peach after a meal. "Do you have some for yourself?" (Yes I have the other half and its on the plate right next to me).
Are you having dinner too? (seeing two chicken thighs cooked and one on each of our plates).
He won't eat a snack of potato chips if he doesn't see some on my plate.
But those are the minor examples.
He knocked on my bedroom door last night at 3 am and asked if I was warm enough. Warm enough? I was sweating from the heat of 73. And at 3 am? And does he not think I can mange the temperture of the house? HE can't. He has no idea how the thermostat works.
He asks the same questions EVERY day. Did I get enough sleep? Am I hungry? Do I see a groundhog outside? Did I hear someone knocking at the door? Have I washed? Can I hear the TV?
He's basically insane. I sleep well; if I'm hungry, I eat; If I'm cold, I wear warmer clothes (he doesn't), if someone knocks at the door, I will answer it (seldom happens), I wash my hands a dozen times a day (cleaning kitty litter boxes or handling raw meat). I can hear the TV across the house at the volume Dad needs it at. I think he thinks I am a child again.
I have learned to answer most of his questions YES/NO. Explanations beyond that baffle him. Two thoughts in one sentence is one more than he can follow.
This is too long a post, but it is not long enough to express all my confusions with Dad...
Here is Dad complaining of being cold. Wearing shorts and the thinnest possible knit shirt...
I CANNOT get him to wear a long sleeve shirt and long pants! Sometimes he will put on a windbreaker jacket, which is utterly weird!
I'm almost feeling bad writing about his problems. Those who are experiencing elder care (spouse or child) already know how the weeks go, and those who don't can't quite understand it. But the last week has gone downhill, and I have to write about it. Nothing especially "horrible". It just the increasing confusion that makes things so difficult.
I'm not sure whether I imagined this in a dream or whether I saw it in print somewhere, but I have this image of a 1 panel cartoon with a grampa, a middle-age adult, and and a baby. Each has a thought balloon...
The middle-age adult's says "they are driving me crazy". The Grampa's says "I'm getting worse". The baby's says "I'm going to get more able".
I'd rather have the baby, but I have the Grampa, and I didn't get to choose.
Lest you think that this middle-aged adult doesn't know what babies are like, I do. I was the eldest child and my youngest sister was born when I was 15. Guess who was the constant babysitter? I'll bet I changed more diapers and cleaned more bottoms than many fathers. Not "all" but "many"...
Dad is more confusing almost every day. I both wish and don't wish that he would reach the point where I can't care for him
1. The "wish" part comes from the way he is so confused sometimes that he confuses ME and I don't know how to respond. I would love to be relieved of the confusion. The simplest things are baffling him, and he seeks explanations. I give them as simply as I can, of course, but simple isn't always complete and he can still detect that "sometimes".
An example: It is the time of year here when days stay warm but nights get cold. I am used to turning on the heat at night and the AC in the day to keep the house between 7 and 73 year-round (yes, I'm a temperature wimp - I have a very precise comfort zone). Outside, temp variations are broad because there is wind and open air. Outside, I am happy between 60 and 80.
Anyway, Dad has insisted that the floor vents in his bedroom and the TV room (where he spends ALL day) be blocked "from that damned freezing air". Which worked well all Summer... But now the temperatures fluctuate. Yesterday, he called me in to look at the floor. He was horrified to find COLD AIR pouring up from the vent!
There was a reason. The day before, I advised Dad that I was turning on the heat at night so he wouldn't feel too cold. But that he would have to replace the closed vent cover in the daytime when the AC came one cuz it got over 80 degrees. He said he understood that. But he forgot that of course.
Tonight, we had the exact same discussion, and he (angrily) said he understood the vent had to be changed each day, Tomorrow, we will have the same discussion again, because he won't recall any of it (and more importntly, won't understand WHY the vent has to be changed to suit his comfort zone. I understand that he will NEVER remember about the vent... I accept it. But it drives me nuts to explain the same thing day after day.
2. The "don't wish" part is that I don't want Dad to lose his mind. I am used to him being angrily conservative while I am unapologetically progressive (not always "liberal", there's a difference). But him being "nuts" (technical term, LOL) is very different. He asks me the weirdest things sometimes.
Is the chicken cooked?
Do you have a sandwich for yourself? (He has the other half of our mutual lunch sandwich - It's a big loaf).
Same with giving him a half a peach after a meal. "Do you have some for yourself?" (Yes I have the other half and its on the plate right next to me).
Are you having dinner too? (seeing two chicken thighs cooked and one on each of our plates).
He won't eat a snack of potato chips if he doesn't see some on my plate.
But those are the minor examples.
He knocked on my bedroom door last night at 3 am and asked if I was warm enough. Warm enough? I was sweating from the heat of 73. And at 3 am? And does he not think I can mange the temperture of the house? HE can't. He has no idea how the thermostat works.
He asks the same questions EVERY day. Did I get enough sleep? Am I hungry? Do I see a groundhog outside? Did I hear someone knocking at the door? Have I washed? Can I hear the TV?
He's basically insane. I sleep well; if I'm hungry, I eat; If I'm cold, I wear warmer clothes (he doesn't), if someone knocks at the door, I will answer it (seldom happens), I wash my hands a dozen times a day (cleaning kitty litter boxes or handling raw meat). I can hear the TV across the house at the volume Dad needs it at. I think he thinks I am a child again.
I have learned to answer most of his questions YES/NO. Explanations beyond that baffle him. Two thoughts in one sentence is one more than he can follow.
This is too long a post, but it is not long enough to express all my confusions with Dad...
Here is Dad complaining of being cold. Wearing shorts and the thinnest possible knit shirt...
Monday, September 24, 2012
The New Outside, 6
Well, here it is all done. The gutter guys were in and out so fast, I
hardy got any pictures (and I was pretty worn out by that time).
The house looks GREAT!
The neighbors have commented on it (favorably).
I am thrilled!
See the downspouts? I have 6" gutters and downspouts, and a gutter cover that will keep leaves out (finally).
And
this siding is smoother than the old siding. No place for mildew to
get into for a long, long time. A lot easier to keep clean!
And something else. The workers were very careful about my plants all around the house. Very little damage. I watched them moving the ladders around, and they really worked to not damage them. That matters.
I will be giving them an "A" rating all the way on Angies List.
And something else. The workers were very careful about my plants all around the house. Very little damage. I watched them moving the ladders around, and they really worked to not damage them. That matters.
I will be giving them an "A" rating all the way on Angies List.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
The New Outside, 5
The New Siding (finally):
They worked on the front first. That went slow because of all the windows. They were VERY careful about fitting the siding around those...
It was the same on the back. More windows...
The sides went a LOT faster. No windows, LOL! But the angles for the roof took time. They were VERY careful about THAT too. In fact, one guy did all the angle werk. He seemed to be a specialist in a couple other parts of the job too. And maybe they do the sides last because its easier to measure the amount of siding still needed. That seemed to be a concern (but they had leftover siding they left with me).
I know the siding loks a bit gray, but it is greener than in the pictures. Maybe because it was cloudy.
They worked on the front first. That went slow because of all the windows. They were VERY careful about fitting the siding around those...
Saturday, September 22, 2012
The New Outside, 4
So, he first thing they did was start puting new soffit on the undersides of the eaves.
I was surprised at how much work was involved. They did more than the original builder did! They added anchor strips and checked for it being level in all 3 directions. I enjoyed listening to them calling the measurements down to the guy doing the cutting. "5 4 3" is 5 feet 4 and 3/8 inches. No wasted words, LOL!
The results looked great! (This is before they screwed the outside edge to the bottom of the overhang). But I don't have a good picture of that.
The results looked great! (This is before they screwed the outside edge to the bottom of the overhang). But I don't have a good picture of that.
Friday, September 21, 2012
The New Outside, 3
The House, stripped of the old siding...
And the new underlayment/insulation on.
Unlike the original builder, they covered every square inch with insulation.
End of first day...
They arrived the next morning, when the new siding was to be delivered. It wasn't. They did what they could, waiting. There were some soffits still to be removed, and electrics (like my motion detector lights over the front door) to be detached and capped off for safety.
But the new siding still wasn't delivered. They called about it and were told it wouldn't be there til after noon, so they left.
But the delivery came immediately. A delivery driver called in sick, but an office guy loaded up a pickup and drove it over. Fortunately, the siding guys saw it coming into the neighborhood and followed it back here.
So they unloaded...
And they went right to work! YAY!!!
Unlike the original builder, they covered every square inch with insulation.
End of first day...
They arrived the next morning, when the new siding was to be delivered. It wasn't. They did what they could, waiting. There were some soffits still to be removed, and electrics (like my motion detector lights over the front door) to be detached and capped off for safety.
But the new siding still wasn't delivered. They called about it and were told it wouldn't be there til after noon, so they left.
But the delivery came immediately. A delivery driver called in sick, but an office guy loaded up a pickup and drove it over. Fortunately, the siding guys saw it coming into the neighborhood and followed it back here.
So they unloaded...
Thursday, September 20, 2012
The New Outside, 2
The debris was amazing!
They cleaned everything up every day.
They could have waited to the end of the work. I would have thought that OK. But they like to leave the place clean every day.
I was impressed! They are professionals, and have pride in their work.
I was impressed! They are professionals, and have pride in their work.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
The New Outside, 1
OK, I took enough pictures of the changing of the outside of the house, so I an sure going to show them!
This is how bad the siding looked. It got so abraded in 26 years that the mildew couldn't be blasted off with housewash spray and pressuse rinse. It would look good for a month, then mildew grew again (the front faces north, so no sunlight to kill mildew).
I tried sprays, I tried mopping, I gave up. Vini, Vica, Surrendre! And 26 years of blue was enough anyway.
"There is a time, (turn turn turn)
To have a new look (turn turn turn)
To have another color, under the sun."
"A time for a change,
A time for new,
A time for color other than blue,
A time to re-flect a new clean of viewing."
So the guys are stripping the old siding off. They really knew their business. Without words, they moved together or apart to do the job perfectly!
I knew the house was built badly just by living here. But I learned new shortcuts about it when the old siding was pulled off. See the raw plywood? That was all supposed to have been covered with insulation. It wasn't. But when the house was buit in 1986, I could only visit on weekends. I didn't see that part done poorly.
The new work was what the old work SHOULD have been. Insulation put on every square foot. And the guys tapped every spot to make sure that they nailed not just into the sheathing, but the interior wall studs for greater strength.
They did such GREAT work. Watching them measure the flashings around the windows (as they took the old stuff OFF was wonderful. They checked the levels of all windows several tines before they attached anchors for the new trim and siding.
I knew as I watched them merely REMOVE the siding, that they knew what they were doing!
This is how bad the siding looked. It got so abraded in 26 years that the mildew couldn't be blasted off with housewash spray and pressuse rinse. It would look good for a month, then mildew grew again (the front faces north, so no sunlight to kill mildew).
I tried sprays, I tried mopping, I gave up. Vini, Vica, Surrendre! And 26 years of blue was enough anyway.
"There is a time, (turn turn turn)
To have a new look (turn turn turn)
To have another color, under the sun."
"A time for a change,
A time for new,
A time for color other than blue,
A time to re-flect a new clean of viewing."
I knew the house was built badly just by living here. But I learned new shortcuts about it when the old siding was pulled off. See the raw plywood? That was all supposed to have been covered with insulation. It wasn't. But when the house was buit in 1986, I could only visit on weekends. I didn't see that part done poorly.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Dad
Dad:
I mentioned last time that "Dad is losing his mind first (though physical incompetence is catching up rapidly)." Dad thinks his biggest problems are that he can't get his feet to move easily, that he forgets individual words, and that he doesn't get much sleep.
If only he knew... He can't move his feet because his weight is planted firmly on both of them. He can't do the "shift weight to one foot, fall forward slightly, and swing the unweighted foot forward" that is walking. When I suggest a cane, he refuses saying it wouldn't help. When I suggest he just try a simple piece of closet pole (no cost involved) as a quick test, he refuses. He has two walkers; one a 4 wheel type that can be a simple pushable wheelchair, the other a dedicated walker with 2 wheels in front for pushing. He looks at thos every couple dsys, but will not try them out.
I understand why. In the immediate sense, using them is the final surrender to old age. In an indirect sense, Mom used a walker, then went to assisted living, then died. Using a walker would be an acceptance of the sequence.
It sure makes life awkward though. He is SO slow moving through the house without support! Fortunately, the living area of the house has a circular design, so I can always go around him by walking through the other rooms. Its usually much faster.
I don't want these posts about Dad's problems to seem like criticism or humor. Yes, I sometimes fail to understand how he can think or do something so obviously non-sensical, and yes, I often make light of some really difficult conversations or actions. Frustration slips in between the lines sometimes. I'm doing this partly as a record of events, and partly so that others may see these things developing with their own elderly parents and understand its not unique. There are patterns...
The latest...
1. Dad has been either putting used food dishes in the sink or washing them and puting them in the dishwasher for months. Today, he suddenly asked where to put ihis used coffee cup because the dishwasher was running. I said "in the sink". In the sink was a small tupperware container with a few small cat food bowls soaking in soapy water. He said the sink was "full". When I said there was plenty of room in the sink, he tried to push the coffee cup into the full tupperware container. Seeing his confusion, I said to just put the coffee cup next the the container and I would take care of it.
2. Sometimes before Noon, Dad will ask if I plan to make lunch that day. Not that I've ever not made him lunch. But lately, the conversation goes either of two directions.
A. Version one, when I present him with his sandwich and pickle/chips/carrotsticks/etc, he asks if I have made one for myself too. Its an odd question because I make one large sandwich (my bread loaves are large) and cut it in half for each of us. If there is one half a sandwich, there must be a 2nd half.
B. Version two, when he sees me making our lunch sandwich, he asks "are you making one for me too"? Again, 4 months, and I have never failed to make his sandwich. Now, that could be an attempt at humor. But humor has certain inflections and facial expressions designed to clue us in on a joke. He looks slightly woried, so its not that. He's actually worried I won't feed him.
3. The yellow box on the toolshed... Dad is constantly asking me weird questions about things he thinks he sees outside. Today, he asked what "that yellow box on the side of the toolshed was". He described where it was by referencing parts of the shed and giving directions from those. I can usually figure out what he is looking at. Never mind that IF there was a yellow box attached to the toolshed (150' away) , I would surely know about it... If a sparrow fell on the roof, I would notice. I can see when there is a hummingbird at the feeder on the toolshed. There was no yellow box on the toolshed. None. At all.
4. Dishwasher... If you or I were visiting a friend and added dinner plates to the dishwasher helping to clean up, we would notice the the host placed plates in one area, bowls in another, glasses in another, etc. Dad can't see patterns anymore. He puts stuff in the dishwasher anywhere (when he tries) randomly. I don't mind that much, but when he catches me rearranging things, he acts disrespected. He nests spoons together, too (dangerous). My point is that he can't detect patterns or organizations, and he was an engineer. Among the many abilities he has lost, his sense of logical organization may be the saddest.
5. Did you notice details in the picture of Dad outside at the top? He complains about being cold in the house, wearing shorts and a thin golf shirt. I keep the house at 74F (too warm for me too cold to him). But I have learned to wear shorts and light shirts to adjust as best I can (my perfect temperature is 70). Notice that ir was 82F outside. Dad put on a sweater to go outside in warmer temperature! When he came back inside, he took the sweater OFF and complained about being cold again.
You know, he used to live in NH. He knows how to dress for the cold. He just WON'T anymore. I bought 3 nice light long sleeved shirts today. Technically, they are for me. But maybe I can get Dad to try wearing them.
I can't believe its only been 4 months, it seems like Dad has been here a year...
I mentioned last time that "Dad is losing his mind first (though physical incompetence is catching up rapidly)." Dad thinks his biggest problems are that he can't get his feet to move easily, that he forgets individual words, and that he doesn't get much sleep.
If only he knew... He can't move his feet because his weight is planted firmly on both of them. He can't do the "shift weight to one foot, fall forward slightly, and swing the unweighted foot forward" that is walking. When I suggest a cane, he refuses saying it wouldn't help. When I suggest he just try a simple piece of closet pole (no cost involved) as a quick test, he refuses. He has two walkers; one a 4 wheel type that can be a simple pushable wheelchair, the other a dedicated walker with 2 wheels in front for pushing. He looks at thos every couple dsys, but will not try them out.
I understand why. In the immediate sense, using them is the final surrender to old age. In an indirect sense, Mom used a walker, then went to assisted living, then died. Using a walker would be an acceptance of the sequence.
It sure makes life awkward though. He is SO slow moving through the house without support! Fortunately, the living area of the house has a circular design, so I can always go around him by walking through the other rooms. Its usually much faster.
I don't want these posts about Dad's problems to seem like criticism or humor. Yes, I sometimes fail to understand how he can think or do something so obviously non-sensical, and yes, I often make light of some really difficult conversations or actions. Frustration slips in between the lines sometimes. I'm doing this partly as a record of events, and partly so that others may see these things developing with their own elderly parents and understand its not unique. There are patterns...
The latest...
1. Dad has been either putting used food dishes in the sink or washing them and puting them in the dishwasher for months. Today, he suddenly asked where to put ihis used coffee cup because the dishwasher was running. I said "in the sink". In the sink was a small tupperware container with a few small cat food bowls soaking in soapy water. He said the sink was "full". When I said there was plenty of room in the sink, he tried to push the coffee cup into the full tupperware container. Seeing his confusion, I said to just put the coffee cup next the the container and I would take care of it.
2. Sometimes before Noon, Dad will ask if I plan to make lunch that day. Not that I've ever not made him lunch. But lately, the conversation goes either of two directions.
A. Version one, when I present him with his sandwich and pickle/chips/carrotsticks/etc, he asks if I have made one for myself too. Its an odd question because I make one large sandwich (my bread loaves are large) and cut it in half for each of us. If there is one half a sandwich, there must be a 2nd half.
B. Version two, when he sees me making our lunch sandwich, he asks "are you making one for me too"? Again, 4 months, and I have never failed to make his sandwich. Now, that could be an attempt at humor. But humor has certain inflections and facial expressions designed to clue us in on a joke. He looks slightly woried, so its not that. He's actually worried I won't feed him.
3. The yellow box on the toolshed... Dad is constantly asking me weird questions about things he thinks he sees outside. Today, he asked what "that yellow box on the side of the toolshed was". He described where it was by referencing parts of the shed and giving directions from those. I can usually figure out what he is looking at. Never mind that IF there was a yellow box attached to the toolshed (150' away) , I would surely know about it... If a sparrow fell on the roof, I would notice. I can see when there is a hummingbird at the feeder on the toolshed. There was no yellow box on the toolshed. None. At all.
4. Dishwasher... If you or I were visiting a friend and added dinner plates to the dishwasher helping to clean up, we would notice the the host placed plates in one area, bowls in another, glasses in another, etc. Dad can't see patterns anymore. He puts stuff in the dishwasher anywhere (when he tries) randomly. I don't mind that much, but when he catches me rearranging things, he acts disrespected. He nests spoons together, too (dangerous). My point is that he can't detect patterns or organizations, and he was an engineer. Among the many abilities he has lost, his sense of logical organization may be the saddest.
5. Did you notice details in the picture of Dad outside at the top? He complains about being cold in the house, wearing shorts and a thin golf shirt. I keep the house at 74F (too warm for me too cold to him). But I have learned to wear shorts and light shirts to adjust as best I can (my perfect temperature is 70). Notice that ir was 82F outside. Dad put on a sweater to go outside in warmer temperature! When he came back inside, he took the sweater OFF and complained about being cold again.
You know, he used to live in NH. He knows how to dress for the cold. He just WON'T anymore. I bought 3 nice light long sleeved shirts today. Technically, they are for me. But maybe I can get Dad to try wearing them.
I can't believe its only been 4 months, it seems like Dad has been here a year...
Friday, September 14, 2012
Dementia?
I thought I knew what dementia meant. I thought it was about forgetting things. I thought if someone had it REAL bad they tended to wander away or forget who you were and that was Alzheimer's.
Well I was wrong. I didn't realize the degree of unreasonable self-orientation involved in dementia!
I've gotten used to Dad breaking in with a trivial question involving past or future events while I am trying to get dinner on the table. I am used to him bugging me about having lunch ready promptly at noon and dinner at 6 pm. He was ALWAYS fussy about schedules.
I am used to him complaining unsensibly. If the TV shows a poor news video, he complains that my (Big Screen HD Plasma 1080) TV is poor quality. If there isn't anything he wants to watch, he complains I have a poor cable system (1,000 and "57 channels and nothings on"...). The sink water doesn't get hot immediately.
My favorite last week was that he needed a calendar because he couldn't tell what day it was. He couldn't figure out why looking at a calendar wouldn't tell him what day it was.
But today was a new low. I don't mean that he said he had another family for a decade or that I wasn't his son. Not THAT level.
But... I have people here putting new siding on the house. Its noisy work, and they have a job to do. Dad is normally happy watching Fox News and listening to the talking heads. I've been mostly staying outside watching them work (its fascinating), and I make sure to ask Dad how things are going every hour or so.
Well, apparently Fox News was replaying a speech by Paul Ryan and all the hammering annoyed him. When I came in, Dad was ANGRY. "They should have stopped all the hammering during his speaking (sic), out of respect"!
Me: "What?!?
Dad: "They should have stopped when someone important was speaking"!
Me: "Dad, they have a job to do. They have a schedule".
Dad: "It was disrespectful"!
Me: "Dad, you're being unreasonable. They didn't know someone was speaking and they wouldn't stop working if they did. I don't care if a politician is speaking. Most of the world wouldn't care. People have to keep doing their jobs.
Dad: "YOU'RE NOT UNDERSTANDING ME! THIS WAS IMPORTANT"!
US: (Some repetitive back-and-forth angry/calming words)
Me: "Dad, please sit down, watch your political TV. I'm busy!" (leaves house)
I was completely surprised by the whole event. I accept the daily forgetfulness, I accept his confusion about bills, etc (and I can deal with that); but I hadn't seen the irrationality involving a real-time event on such a personal level before. And it wasn't at sundown...
Mom became physically unable while still mentally competent. Dad is losing his mind first (though physical incompetence is catching up rapidly).
More about all that next time.
Monday, September 10, 2012
This Day
No terrible act is remembered forever in history. But I will remember THIS day 11 years ago all MY life.
December 7, 1941 is etched in my memory, though I was not alive them. I know it from history, but what was recent history to me when I aged enough.
November 22, 1963 is part of my childhood memory as a day of great sadness. I remember looking up at the public address system of the school when it was announced that the President had been killed. The PA box was blonde wood, rounded square shaped, slightly wider at the top than the bottom, with brown cloth covering the speaker. You remember the strangest things sometimes.
I was older of course on 9-11. The day started with an announcement on the radio about a small plane crashing into a World Trade Center Building. I mentioned it in passing to my supervisor. The next few reports made it seem worse.
Then I felt a THUMP under my feet at 9:37. I didn't know that the Pentagon had been struck. But I realized after that, that I had felt the strike. I happened to look at my watch. Seared in memory.
My govt office had some Emergency Management functions, so there was a special TV in a conference room. Most of us ended up in there. I was out on the roof at the time the first Tower went down, so I didn't see it in real time.
I saw the 2nd Tower go down though. Most thought it a replay of the 1st Tower, but I saw the difference and called attention to it. We all stared in horror.
There are evil vicious cruel acts occurring all over the world on a daily basis. Victims have their lives shattered every day. No one is free of them. I will not make guesses on "worst".
There are reasons given for all destructive killing acts. Most of them are pathetically weak. But some are more unsensible and evil than others.
I have a background in history. Phenomenally and nearly innumerable horrible acts abound through the ages. Pol Pot, Nazis, Colonialism, Inquisitions, Witch-Burnings, European Christian Crusades, Islamist invasions, Mongol and Hun attacks, Viking slaughters, and back on through the lost times of history. No age is free of vicious and pointless deaths.
But I will remember 9-11 all my life with a line I read in the book 'Dune'. "Never forgive, never forget".
But I should. When I read about some cultural group angry about something that happened 500 years ago, I have to wonder about the "never forgetting" part. There was the December 7th attack, but we think of Japan as an ally now. As Germany is a democracy now, as is Italy. Forgiveness is possible.
There may be a day when I will forgive the Islamists for the 9-11 attack.
But today is not that day.
December 7, 1941 is etched in my memory, though I was not alive them. I know it from history, but what was recent history to me when I aged enough.
November 22, 1963 is part of my childhood memory as a day of great sadness. I remember looking up at the public address system of the school when it was announced that the President had been killed. The PA box was blonde wood, rounded square shaped, slightly wider at the top than the bottom, with brown cloth covering the speaker. You remember the strangest things sometimes.
I was older of course on 9-11. The day started with an announcement on the radio about a small plane crashing into a World Trade Center Building. I mentioned it in passing to my supervisor. The next few reports made it seem worse.
Then I felt a THUMP under my feet at 9:37. I didn't know that the Pentagon had been struck. But I realized after that, that I had felt the strike. I happened to look at my watch. Seared in memory.
My govt office had some Emergency Management functions, so there was a special TV in a conference room. Most of us ended up in there. I was out on the roof at the time the first Tower went down, so I didn't see it in real time.
I saw the 2nd Tower go down though. Most thought it a replay of the 1st Tower, but I saw the difference and called attention to it. We all stared in horror.
There are evil vicious cruel acts occurring all over the world on a daily basis. Victims have their lives shattered every day. No one is free of them. I will not make guesses on "worst".
There are reasons given for all destructive killing acts. Most of them are pathetically weak. But some are more unsensible and evil than others.
I have a background in history. Phenomenally and nearly innumerable horrible acts abound through the ages. Pol Pot, Nazis, Colonialism, Inquisitions, Witch-Burnings, European Christian Crusades, Islamist invasions, Mongol and Hun attacks, Viking slaughters, and back on through the lost times of history. No age is free of vicious and pointless deaths.
But I will remember 9-11 all my life with a line I read in the book 'Dune'. "Never forgive, never forget".
But I should. When I read about some cultural group angry about something that happened 500 years ago, I have to wonder about the "never forgetting" part. There was the December 7th attack, but we think of Japan as an ally now. As Germany is a democracy now, as is Italy. Forgiveness is possible.
There may be a day when I will forgive the Islamists for the 9-11 attack.
But today is not that day.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Dadisms
Salad dressing is "paste".
The cats are "dogs" and they (2 female 1 male) are all "he".
Paper clips are "safety pins". Or do I have that backwards? He wanted safety pins for his pajamas and saw paper clips, thinking they were safety pins.
Any pile of brown leaves in the back yard is a "groundhog".
The paperclip/safetypin one was the strangest this week. He came out looking for safety pins. He said he had seen 2 on the dining room table. For those of you with organized rooms and lifestyles, I should mention that our "dining table" is only partially for eating at. Its also our general desk for bills and newspapers, etc. So after Dad fussed around with his bills and seemed to be trying to attach them together, it occurred to me that Dad might actually be looking for paperclips, of which there ARE 2 on the table, but hidden behind the napkins.
So I picked them up and showed them, asking if these were what he was looking for. He said "yes" so I dropped the matter. For a minute...
He WAS actually looking for safety pins, and thought the paperclips WERE safety pins. 5 minutes of awkward discussion followed. Wherein I finally learned that he really DID want 2 safety pins for his pajamas, and he was convinced that the 2 paperclips I showed him were what he needed. I'm used to him getting the wrong word for things, but not the wrong actual object!
The low point of the discussion was DAD: "I've been alive a lot longer than you, and I know what a safety pin is (looking at the paperclips)!
OOO-KAY... He finally mentioned there were safety pins on the pajamas in his hamper. So I got them and he went off and did whatever he wanted the safety pins for (I haven't asked - YET).
Thats when I noticed his toenails are all about an inch long... I hadn't seen him barefoot. Got to do something about that, since I guess he can't reach his feet anymore. I don't mind clipping them for him, but you would think he would have mentioned it before. Or not. I'm still learning to be a caretaker.
Its all quite confusing. Every day is a new learning experience. In one way, that's good for me; new challenges are good for the mind. Clipping Dad's toenails might not be quite the mental experience I would choose. But what needs to be done WILL be done...
Well, some day I may have to help him wash in the tub or even wipe his butt. I can wait... Computer games are a sufficient mind challenge for now. But it seems I'll be getting different challenges than I expected soon.
The cats are "dogs" and they (2 female 1 male) are all "he".
Paper clips are "safety pins". Or do I have that backwards? He wanted safety pins for his pajamas and saw paper clips, thinking they were safety pins.
Any pile of brown leaves in the back yard is a "groundhog".
The paperclip/safetypin one was the strangest this week. He came out looking for safety pins. He said he had seen 2 on the dining room table. For those of you with organized rooms and lifestyles, I should mention that our "dining table" is only partially for eating at. Its also our general desk for bills and newspapers, etc. So after Dad fussed around with his bills and seemed to be trying to attach them together, it occurred to me that Dad might actually be looking for paperclips, of which there ARE 2 on the table, but hidden behind the napkins.
So I picked them up and showed them, asking if these were what he was looking for. He said "yes" so I dropped the matter. For a minute...
He WAS actually looking for safety pins, and thought the paperclips WERE safety pins. 5 minutes of awkward discussion followed. Wherein I finally learned that he really DID want 2 safety pins for his pajamas, and he was convinced that the 2 paperclips I showed him were what he needed. I'm used to him getting the wrong word for things, but not the wrong actual object!
The low point of the discussion was DAD: "I've been alive a lot longer than you, and I know what a safety pin is (looking at the paperclips)!
OOO-KAY... He finally mentioned there were safety pins on the pajamas in his hamper. So I got them and he went off and did whatever he wanted the safety pins for (I haven't asked - YET).
Thats when I noticed his toenails are all about an inch long... I hadn't seen him barefoot. Got to do something about that, since I guess he can't reach his feet anymore. I don't mind clipping them for him, but you would think he would have mentioned it before. Or not. I'm still learning to be a caretaker.
Its all quite confusing. Every day is a new learning experience. In one way, that's good for me; new challenges are good for the mind. Clipping Dad's toenails might not be quite the mental experience I would choose. But what needs to be done WILL be done...
Well, some day I may have to help him wash in the tub or even wipe his butt. I can wait... Computer games are a sufficient mind challenge for now. But it seems I'll be getting different challenges than I expected soon.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Roof Replacement
Well, it sure got noisy around here today. Last week, a branch fell and poked a small hole in the roof, so I had a person come out to take a look at it. He did a quick patch job, but we discussed a fuller replacement job because the "20 year" shingles were 26 years old. I found him on Angie's List and he had top ratings in every category, so I decided to get a quote for replacing the shingles. roofing paper, and any plywood sheathing that needed it in his opinion.
And since the vinyl siding was the same age, and abraded by weather to the point were even pressure cleaning it every few months left it dirty and ugly, I got a quote for new siding and gutters with covers.
The roof work was done today. The crew did a thorough efficient job and the crew manager explained what they were doing every step of the way. The siding has to wait about a week, because the trim color I selected had to be special ordered.
There really isn't too much to show about a roof job. It's too flat (and high) to get any really good pictures.
It was amazing watched them go up and down the ladder, walk along the edge of the roof, toss stuff up to the roof from the ground, etc, though.
Here is a guy shoving plywood sheathing up a ladder. I would have difficulty just carrying the plywood on the ground!
And if I was the guy on the top, there is NO possibility I could get it the rest of the way up.
So "let it rain"!
I can't wait for the new siding and covered gutters...
And since the vinyl siding was the same age, and abraded by weather to the point were even pressure cleaning it every few months left it dirty and ugly, I got a quote for new siding and gutters with covers.
The roof work was done today. The crew did a thorough efficient job and the crew manager explained what they were doing every step of the way. The siding has to wait about a week, because the trim color I selected had to be special ordered.
There really isn't too much to show about a roof job. It's too flat (and high) to get any really good pictures.
It was amazing watched them go up and down the ladder, walk along the edge of the roof, toss stuff up to the roof from the ground, etc, though.
I can't wait for the new siding and covered gutters...
Monday, August 27, 2012
Ack. Roof Problem!
You never know when you will discover a house problem. I happened to reach for a book on the top shelf of the bookcase, and a "wrong" image caught my eye. You live in a house for 26 years and you know every square inch of it...
There was a slightly off-color spot on the living room ceiling. I looked at it a few minutes, then backed away across the room. A 3' area sagged about an inch. I got up into the attic...
The attic is not my favorite area. I always expect that hornets will have moved in, or squirrels, or knife-wielding people with masks. Its been a year at least since I was up there. Its "The Land of Old Boxes and Junk". Ayla loves to climb ladders, and even she won't go up there!
Years ago, I put plywood sheets down on the center of the attic. I meant to do the other half, but there were problems with wiring going over the joists and I put it off. I should have finished the work.
Because when I got up there and crab-walked over the joists to where the possible leak was, I found one! One drop per minute while it was raining yesterday. When the rain stopped, so did the drips.
So I looked around for a wide pan to catch the drips so they wouldn't soak the plaster ceiling any more. I found an unused cat litter pan in the basement and went back in the attic with a piece of plywood scrap to span the joists to support the pan to collect the drips.
You know how, any time you find a good solution, a better comes to mind after? I was looking around for a large wide container to catch drips and settled on a kitty litty pan. Well, when I went to bed that night, I was staring at a HUGE plastic storage bin that would hold about 20 gallons!
I'm usually smarter than that about thinking of the best things to use. But fortunately the rain is stopped for a week, so the need to get back up into the attic with the larger container is delayed.
I had a roofing expert come to the house today. He was REALLY NICE! He got up on the roof, examined the spot, and saw that a tree branch had fallen onto the roof and punctured the plywood slightly. Small hole, slow leak. Ans his best guess that even a hurricane (like Isaac) coming up through the Southeast US IF it hit maryland on the way east, wouldn't fill the pan. So I'm OK.
But that means a roof job. It's 26 years old. I had been planning to replace it anyway. 20 year guarantee and lasting 26 years is "OK".
But the roof isn't the only problem. The cheap vinyl siding is about worn out. It was "builders grade", and that is about as poor as it gets. But I didn't know anything about that stuff 26 years ago. It needs to be replaced too. It is so abraded by weather that the surface is rough and grows mold and mildew rampantly. It stayed clean for 13 years, so I cleaned it. Then it only stayed clean for 3 years and I cleaned it. Then it only stayed clean 1 years. Then 6 months. Now it can't stay clean of mold and mildew on the north side of the house at all. So I need new vinyl siding.
So I have added new siding to the roof job (he does both). I'm not going to be "the blue house" anymore. We are changing to a slightly greyish green with darker green trim and "heather" shingles.
I couldn't expect it all to last forever. Well, actually, I didn't expect to live in this "starter house" for 26 years. But here I am and I don't plan to move just yet.
I'm glad I have savings, I can write a check for the whole work... On the other hand, that's 80% of the checking account. But the house is going to look a WHOLE lot better in a couple weeks and I'm not touching the savings account at all.. Happily, the inside is in great condition.
Its time to have some work done on the house...
Things are going to be VERY NOISY here for 3 days in a week from now...
There was a slightly off-color spot on the living room ceiling. I looked at it a few minutes, then backed away across the room. A 3' area sagged about an inch. I got up into the attic...
The attic is not my favorite area. I always expect that hornets will have moved in, or squirrels, or knife-wielding people with masks. Its been a year at least since I was up there. Its "The Land of Old Boxes and Junk". Ayla loves to climb ladders, and even she won't go up there!
Years ago, I put plywood sheets down on the center of the attic. I meant to do the other half, but there were problems with wiring going over the joists and I put it off. I should have finished the work.
Because when I got up there and crab-walked over the joists to where the possible leak was, I found one! One drop per minute while it was raining yesterday. When the rain stopped, so did the drips.
So I looked around for a wide pan to catch the drips so they wouldn't soak the plaster ceiling any more. I found an unused cat litter pan in the basement and went back in the attic with a piece of plywood scrap to span the joists to support the pan to collect the drips.
You know how, any time you find a good solution, a better comes to mind after? I was looking around for a large wide container to catch drips and settled on a kitty litty pan. Well, when I went to bed that night, I was staring at a HUGE plastic storage bin that would hold about 20 gallons!
I'm usually smarter than that about thinking of the best things to use. But fortunately the rain is stopped for a week, so the need to get back up into the attic with the larger container is delayed.
I had a roofing expert come to the house today. He was REALLY NICE! He got up on the roof, examined the spot, and saw that a tree branch had fallen onto the roof and punctured the plywood slightly. Small hole, slow leak. Ans his best guess that even a hurricane (like Isaac) coming up through the Southeast US IF it hit maryland on the way east, wouldn't fill the pan. So I'm OK.
But that means a roof job. It's 26 years old. I had been planning to replace it anyway. 20 year guarantee and lasting 26 years is "OK".
But the roof isn't the only problem. The cheap vinyl siding is about worn out. It was "builders grade", and that is about as poor as it gets. But I didn't know anything about that stuff 26 years ago. It needs to be replaced too. It is so abraded by weather that the surface is rough and grows mold and mildew rampantly. It stayed clean for 13 years, so I cleaned it. Then it only stayed clean for 3 years and I cleaned it. Then it only stayed clean 1 years. Then 6 months. Now it can't stay clean of mold and mildew on the north side of the house at all. So I need new vinyl siding.
So I have added new siding to the roof job (he does both). I'm not going to be "the blue house" anymore. We are changing to a slightly greyish green with darker green trim and "heather" shingles.
I couldn't expect it all to last forever. Well, actually, I didn't expect to live in this "starter house" for 26 years. But here I am and I don't plan to move just yet.
I'm glad I have savings, I can write a check for the whole work... On the other hand, that's 80% of the checking account. But the house is going to look a WHOLE lot better in a couple weeks and I'm not touching the savings account at all.. Happily, the inside is in great condition.
Its time to have some work done on the house...
Things are going to be VERY NOISY here for 3 days in a week from now...
Computer Games
I love playing people at board/card games. And the only way to do it these days is by computer. My favorite games are Risk, Scrabble, Hearts, and Backgammon.
A place to play is pogo.com. Not a recommendation, just where I play. You get an avatar to represent you, and I got it uo to 800,000 points. And got really annoyed that I was staying up late at nights to play.
So I cancelled my account.
Oh was I regretful... And I couldn't get it back. So a few months ago, I started again from ZERO!
This week, I reached 1,000,000 points.
Just before...
And just after...
Yeah, that's my avatar. Indiana Jones hat and camo outfit. Suits me just fine, and I actually wear that stuff IRL. LOL!
I think that "84%" means percentile of all scores. Which is good I suppose for a casual player. The serious players play every night for a few hours. I'm not obsessed; I just like to play once a week.
Now that I have my million (and lots of players have WAY more than that), I want to earn enough points to add a cat to my avatar and stay above 1M! I mean, what am I without a cat? So I better go play more now. I think I need 25,000 to get my cat.
A place to play is pogo.com. Not a recommendation, just where I play. You get an avatar to represent you, and I got it uo to 800,000 points. And got really annoyed that I was staying up late at nights to play.
So I cancelled my account.
Oh was I regretful... And I couldn't get it back. So a few months ago, I started again from ZERO!
This week, I reached 1,000,000 points.
Just before...
Now that I have my million (and lots of players have WAY more than that), I want to earn enough points to add a cat to my avatar and stay above 1M! I mean, what am I without a cat? So I better go play more now. I think I need 25,000 to get my cat.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Dadisms
I hope it is alright to find some slight humor in the Dadisms I get day-to-day. I don't mean great laughs; sometimes humor is the better alternative to crying.
1. Dad has been seeing the progress of Tropical Storm (possibly to be Hurricane) Isaac down around Cuba via the TV reports. WHILE I was trying to finish cooking dinner (of course, his timing is always wretched), he suddenly had urgent concerns that we should prepare for power outages.
Dad: We need to get ready for power outages.
Mark: Why?
Dad: The Hurricane...
Mark: We are not threatened by a hurricane.
Dad: No, it will be here tonight, we have to get ready.
[Ok, now I could have gone 2 ways here, and I actually did think about it. I could have said, "yes, I will get the candles out and and fill clean bottles with fresh water". But I'm obsessed with reality. So it progressed like this]...
Mark: Dad, the hurricane isn't a hurricane yet, it is about a week away from us if it even comes NEAR us, we won't lose power, and if we DO, the food is good for a day in the freezer, and I will cook the fresh meat on the grill to save it.
Dad: You're not listening to me, the hurricane is coming tonight and the power will be out for days.
Mark: I'm listening to you but you're wrong. 1. The power doesn't go out here because the cables are underground. 2. I've lived here for 26 years and the power has never gone off for more than 2 hours, a one-off equipment failure in non-storm times. 3. The storm is 1500 miles away, 5 days, and IF it comes through here it will only be a day of steady drizzle, which I would VERY much like. 4. If the absolutely bizarre worst happened, I would simply put you in the front seat of the car and the cats (in PTUs) in the car and we would stay a few days out of state on our credit cards...
Dad: But...
Mark: Get out of the kitchen and let me finish cooking dinner! I will deal with the Hurricane problem RIGHT after dinner!!!
Dad is getting more uncertain about where he is living. I suppose he thinks he was in Florida for some of the discussion (but he knows Maryland for other parts). It seems the concept of geographical distance is becoming harder for him to recall. He really thinks the Tropical Storm Isaac is very close to us (in Maryland).
I don't want to ignore his concerns, but when they are non-sensical and I'm trying to get all the parts of dinner cooked at the same time, I just don't HAVE time for his confusions.
2. The groundhog sightings... I caged a groundhog on July 17th and relocated it. Since that time, Dad has claimed to see a groundhog in the back yard every single day. It is always a pile of dead leaves or a dark spot on the shed foundation. Every day, I have to walk outside and point to the spot he is convinced there is a groundhog and show him that there isn't one.
Repeated errors in seeing groundhogs every day doesn't bother him a bit. So when he stated AGAIN that there was a groundhog out back, I hesitated to even look. But he said there was one running around, no doubt this time, I looked. Yes there was.
I set up the live cage, trapped it in an hour and relocated it later.
But here's the thing. He said it was weird to get one just 2 days after the last one. Um, it was 4 weeks ago. Dad insisted it was only 2 days. I showed him the picture from the last time (July 17/18). He said that was the first one this year. Dad wasn't even HERE then.
His time-memory of current events is completely shot. He can't remember simple things one day to the next. I have a really hard time dealing with this. I have a better-than-average memory for events than most people. I have a worse-than-average about "people-things", so I'm not claiming anything special. Meaning, I can remember buying things better than I can who I was talking to when I bought the item. Many people have the opposite memory, and I envy them in that quite often.
But Dad insisted I relocated a groundhog only 2 days before the last one, and it was 4 weeks...
3. Dad gives me instructions befitting a child more and more often these last couple of weeks. I'm not sure how to say he is "reverting to adulthood". Parenthood of a child, I guess... I announced the other night that I was going to bed early because I had stayed up late the night before. He told me to make sure I "used the facilities" before I went to bed. You tell a 5 year old that.
When I make a meal, he sometimes asks "do you have enough for yourself"? Well, considering the fact that I make dinners and divide them with what my grandmother used to call "the miking eye" (meaning micrometer precision) IN HIS PRESENCE, that is always a bit disturbing.
Every single night, we eat dinner and he eats at the table (because it doesn't wobble when he cuts his meat ineptly) and I eat on a TV tray so I can (briefly) watch a science DVD in peace and no "they can't know THAT" comments from Dad. Every meal, toward the END of the meal, he always asks "Do you want more salt or more butter"? Next week, he may be asking me if I need help cutting up my food.
He clearly thinks of me as a child needing help. I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't for the fact that he has always treated me that way, and I've always been the independent one of the kids... I DO NOT understand this particular oddity on Dad's part.
*SIGH*
1. Dad has been seeing the progress of Tropical Storm (possibly to be Hurricane) Isaac down around Cuba via the TV reports. WHILE I was trying to finish cooking dinner (of course, his timing is always wretched), he suddenly had urgent concerns that we should prepare for power outages.
Dad: We need to get ready for power outages.
Mark: Why?
Dad: The Hurricane...
Mark: We are not threatened by a hurricane.
Dad: No, it will be here tonight, we have to get ready.
[Ok, now I could have gone 2 ways here, and I actually did think about it. I could have said, "yes, I will get the candles out and and fill clean bottles with fresh water". But I'm obsessed with reality. So it progressed like this]...
Mark: Dad, the hurricane isn't a hurricane yet, it is about a week away from us if it even comes NEAR us, we won't lose power, and if we DO, the food is good for a day in the freezer, and I will cook the fresh meat on the grill to save it.
Dad: You're not listening to me, the hurricane is coming tonight and the power will be out for days.
Mark: I'm listening to you but you're wrong. 1. The power doesn't go out here because the cables are underground. 2. I've lived here for 26 years and the power has never gone off for more than 2 hours, a one-off equipment failure in non-storm times. 3. The storm is 1500 miles away, 5 days, and IF it comes through here it will only be a day of steady drizzle, which I would VERY much like. 4. If the absolutely bizarre worst happened, I would simply put you in the front seat of the car and the cats (in PTUs) in the car and we would stay a few days out of state on our credit cards...
Dad: But...
Mark: Get out of the kitchen and let me finish cooking dinner! I will deal with the Hurricane problem RIGHT after dinner!!!
Dad is getting more uncertain about where he is living. I suppose he thinks he was in Florida for some of the discussion (but he knows Maryland for other parts). It seems the concept of geographical distance is becoming harder for him to recall. He really thinks the Tropical Storm Isaac is very close to us (in Maryland).
I don't want to ignore his concerns, but when they are non-sensical and I'm trying to get all the parts of dinner cooked at the same time, I just don't HAVE time for his confusions.
2. The groundhog sightings... I caged a groundhog on July 17th and relocated it. Since that time, Dad has claimed to see a groundhog in the back yard every single day. It is always a pile of dead leaves or a dark spot on the shed foundation. Every day, I have to walk outside and point to the spot he is convinced there is a groundhog and show him that there isn't one.
Repeated errors in seeing groundhogs every day doesn't bother him a bit. So when he stated AGAIN that there was a groundhog out back, I hesitated to even look. But he said there was one running around, no doubt this time, I looked. Yes there was.
I set up the live cage, trapped it in an hour and relocated it later.
But here's the thing. He said it was weird to get one just 2 days after the last one. Um, it was 4 weeks ago. Dad insisted it was only 2 days. I showed him the picture from the last time (July 17/18). He said that was the first one this year. Dad wasn't even HERE then.
His time-memory of current events is completely shot. He can't remember simple things one day to the next. I have a really hard time dealing with this. I have a better-than-average memory for events than most people. I have a worse-than-average about "people-things", so I'm not claiming anything special. Meaning, I can remember buying things better than I can who I was talking to when I bought the item. Many people have the opposite memory, and I envy them in that quite often.
But Dad insisted I relocated a groundhog only 2 days before the last one, and it was 4 weeks...
3. Dad gives me instructions befitting a child more and more often these last couple of weeks. I'm not sure how to say he is "reverting to adulthood". Parenthood of a child, I guess... I announced the other night that I was going to bed early because I had stayed up late the night before. He told me to make sure I "used the facilities" before I went to bed. You tell a 5 year old that.
When I make a meal, he sometimes asks "do you have enough for yourself"? Well, considering the fact that I make dinners and divide them with what my grandmother used to call "the miking eye" (meaning micrometer precision) IN HIS PRESENCE, that is always a bit disturbing.
Every single night, we eat dinner and he eats at the table (because it doesn't wobble when he cuts his meat ineptly) and I eat on a TV tray so I can (briefly) watch a science DVD in peace and no "they can't know THAT" comments from Dad. Every meal, toward the END of the meal, he always asks "Do you want more salt or more butter"? Next week, he may be asking me if I need help cutting up my food.
He clearly thinks of me as a child needing help. I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't for the fact that he has always treated me that way, and I've always been the independent one of the kids... I DO NOT understand this particular oddity on Dad's part.
*SIGH*
Monday, August 20, 2012
A Day In The Life...
I had a busy day. Now, I'm not trying to compare MY busy to others. I'm retired and until Dad moved in 3 months ago today, I lived alone. So some people are busy 25 hours a day, 8 days a week and I wasn't one of them.
But, for me, it was busy. I got up at 10 am. That would seem luxurious, but it was only 7 hours sleep because I was up late on the computer. The only "me" time I get is after Dad goes to bed at 11:30. So I stay up late a lot more often than I used to. After the usual getting showered and dressed stuff:
1. Fed the cats.
2. Made lunch (fancy sandwiches with crudites, as usual).
3. Read the whole newspaper.
4. Took the newest captured groundhog to a relocation site.
5. Grocery-shopped
6. Farm market-shopped.
7. Let the cats outside for 30 minutes while accompanying them around the yard.
8. Brushed the sticky-seeds out of their fur after coming in.
9. Mixed dough in the bread machine for making dinner rolls.
10. Marinated pork chops in minced fresh garlic/ginger/basil/sage leaves.
11. Pressed down dinner roll dough lightly on silpat to even thickness and allow rising.
12. Started breadloaf in breadmachine.
13. Played with cats 15 minutes.
14. Prepared dinner. Cut tops of green beans, made salad, cooked potato, cooked corn. All fresh. Coated pork chops with home-made "shake&bake".
15. Just as everything is almost cooked, Dad insists he must fill up the salt and pepper shakers which I do not realize yet). Typical confusing conversation ensues: D: Where is the salt and pepper? Me: On the table. D: I can see that! Me: What??? D: I need the salt! Me: (I check the table, there is salt and pepper there), its right there. D: Where is YOUR salt? Me: Its in the grinders, but don't ask me this NOW, I'm cooking.
He likes salt and pepper shakers, I like grinders. His salt and pepper shakers were only 25% full and it distressed him, so he "needed to get then refilled at once". I was busy trying to get everything out of the oven and stovetop pans and he has to worry about that RIGHT THEN?
This is a habit of his I am discovering. He bothers people with time-consuming trivial matters when they are most busy. I guess that is "passive-aggressive". Thinking back, I see that has been a lifelong habit of minor manipulation. When I was a teen, I enjoyed the process of making meals. I used to send time with Mom in the kitchen being useful at small stuff (peeling carrots, chopping lettuce for salads, etc). I recall Dad coming in and asking odd questions even then.
I have always had a fine relationship with both my parents, in their own special ways, but now I have more sympathy for Mom at those times. Of course, each had their own individual ways to annoy too, but I learned to deal with those. But I've got Dad's all day these days...
I ordered him OUT OF THE KITCHEN and told him I would deal with the salt&pepper crisis later. He is not used to that. Well, we are BOTH on a learning curve...
16. We had a fine dinner of baked breaded pork chops, salad, corn on the cob, baked potato (OK, M/V potato, but there's not much difference) and green beans overcooked as he likes them.
17. Cut the risen dinner roll dough into squares and set them in the oven to bake. Recipe says 30 minutes, but they came out hard last time. Made it 25 minutes.
18. Took the bread machine dough out to remove the mixer handle before baking. This really helps. If I take the loaf out with the handle in it, it tears a chunk of bread out of the bottom. More timing effort, but better results.
19. Put the dough back in the breadmachine to finish "loafing". Dad loves my bread (so does everyone). Adding garlic powder, onion powder and a lot of oregano, and using beer in place of water really makes great bread!
Oops, be right back, I just heard the TV go to a color signal, which means that Dad is losing the nightly struggle with the remote control...
OK, I fixed that (again).
20. Took the breadloaf out to cool and started the mixer going for more chocolate chip cookies. Dad has both a sweet tooth and a starch tooth. Cookies, coffeecake, potatoes, bread. He can eat spaghetti with bread and a potato, and cookies for dessert. I suppose that, at his age, it doesn't really matter.
21. Played "toss mousies" with Iza while I ate dinner. She loves that. She attacks them fiercely, and often fetches them back to me.
22. Dad can't stay away from Fox News.
23. Put half the dinner rolls in a plastic food bag on the counter, the other half in a okastic food bag in the freezer.
24. Dad will be wanting a bowl of ice cream soon. I try to get him to eat fresh fruit, but that was never something he got used to.
25. Cleaned the litter boxes.
26. The rest of the night: Visit cat blog friends, make tomorrow's post, email those who have written, listen unhapily to Fox News on the TV from 3 rooms away (Dad is hard of hearing).
27. Just before going to bed, feed the cats.
28. After going to bed, sleep with cats...
Tomorrow, repeat again and again and again...
But, for me, it was busy. I got up at 10 am. That would seem luxurious, but it was only 7 hours sleep because I was up late on the computer. The only "me" time I get is after Dad goes to bed at 11:30. So I stay up late a lot more often than I used to. After the usual getting showered and dressed stuff:
1. Fed the cats.
2. Made lunch (fancy sandwiches with crudites, as usual).
3. Read the whole newspaper.
4. Took the newest captured groundhog to a relocation site.
5. Grocery-shopped
6. Farm market-shopped.
7. Let the cats outside for 30 minutes while accompanying them around the yard.
8. Brushed the sticky-seeds out of their fur after coming in.
9. Mixed dough in the bread machine for making dinner rolls.
10. Marinated pork chops in minced fresh garlic/ginger/basil/sage leaves.
11. Pressed down dinner roll dough lightly on silpat to even thickness and allow rising.
12. Started breadloaf in breadmachine.
13. Played with cats 15 minutes.
14. Prepared dinner. Cut tops of green beans, made salad, cooked potato, cooked corn. All fresh. Coated pork chops with home-made "shake&bake".
15. Just as everything is almost cooked, Dad insists he must fill up the salt and pepper shakers which I do not realize yet). Typical confusing conversation ensues: D: Where is the salt and pepper? Me: On the table. D: I can see that! Me: What??? D: I need the salt! Me: (I check the table, there is salt and pepper there), its right there. D: Where is YOUR salt? Me: Its in the grinders, but don't ask me this NOW, I'm cooking.
He likes salt and pepper shakers, I like grinders. His salt and pepper shakers were only 25% full and it distressed him, so he "needed to get then refilled at once". I was busy trying to get everything out of the oven and stovetop pans and he has to worry about that RIGHT THEN?
This is a habit of his I am discovering. He bothers people with time-consuming trivial matters when they are most busy. I guess that is "passive-aggressive". Thinking back, I see that has been a lifelong habit of minor manipulation. When I was a teen, I enjoyed the process of making meals. I used to send time with Mom in the kitchen being useful at small stuff (peeling carrots, chopping lettuce for salads, etc). I recall Dad coming in and asking odd questions even then.
I have always had a fine relationship with both my parents, in their own special ways, but now I have more sympathy for Mom at those times. Of course, each had their own individual ways to annoy too, but I learned to deal with those. But I've got Dad's all day these days...
I ordered him OUT OF THE KITCHEN and told him I would deal with the salt&pepper crisis later. He is not used to that. Well, we are BOTH on a learning curve...
16. We had a fine dinner of baked breaded pork chops, salad, corn on the cob, baked potato (OK, M/V potato, but there's not much difference) and green beans overcooked as he likes them.
17. Cut the risen dinner roll dough into squares and set them in the oven to bake. Recipe says 30 minutes, but they came out hard last time. Made it 25 minutes.
18. Took the bread machine dough out to remove the mixer handle before baking. This really helps. If I take the loaf out with the handle in it, it tears a chunk of bread out of the bottom. More timing effort, but better results.
19. Put the dough back in the breadmachine to finish "loafing". Dad loves my bread (so does everyone). Adding garlic powder, onion powder and a lot of oregano, and using beer in place of water really makes great bread!
Oops, be right back, I just heard the TV go to a color signal, which means that Dad is losing the nightly struggle with the remote control...
OK, I fixed that (again).
20. Took the breadloaf out to cool and started the mixer going for more chocolate chip cookies. Dad has both a sweet tooth and a starch tooth. Cookies, coffeecake, potatoes, bread. He can eat spaghetti with bread and a potato, and cookies for dessert. I suppose that, at his age, it doesn't really matter.
21. Played "toss mousies" with Iza while I ate dinner. She loves that. She attacks them fiercely, and often fetches them back to me.
22. Dad can't stay away from Fox News.
23. Put half the dinner rolls in a plastic food bag on the counter, the other half in a okastic food bag in the freezer.
24. Dad will be wanting a bowl of ice cream soon. I try to get him to eat fresh fruit, but that was never something he got used to.
25. Cleaned the litter boxes.
26. The rest of the night: Visit cat blog friends, make tomorrow's post, email those who have written, listen unhapily to Fox News on the TV from 3 rooms away (Dad is hard of hearing).
27. Just before going to bed, feed the cats.
28. After going to bed, sleep with cats...
Tomorrow, repeat again and again and again...
Friday, August 17, 2012
Dad, Claiming He Is COLD!
This is the clothes that Dad wears.
This is the clothes that Dad wears when he says he is "TOO COLD" in the house.
Note the thin top shirt, not even with an undershirt. Note the thin shorts. Note the socks even pushed down to the shoes!
This is the thermostat in the house in the house that Dad claims is TOO COLD.
And it is 80 in his bedroom and in the TV room... And he complains about THAT. But wait, when it is 80 in his bedroom he is happy, and when it is 80 in the TV room, it is "too cold?!
This is what I have to wear every day to keep from melting to death... Short pants...
Short sleeves...
And I sweat in bed every night...
This is no way to live... But the alternative is to walk around nekkid, an no one wants THAT!
This is the clothes that Dad wears when he says he is "TOO COLD" in the house.
This is the thermostat in the house in the house that Dad claims is TOO COLD.
This is what I have to wear every day to keep from melting to death... Short pants...
This is no way to live... But the alternative is to walk around nekkid, an no one wants THAT!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
August Meteor Showers!
And I can't see them AGAIN this year. Its all overcast. I'm a bit conflicted by that. First, the clouds are there because we got a decent rainfall this evening, and we sure needed THAT! 1 1/4" of rain in the past 2 days, and that's about the best since April. Second, the temperature dropped to 70 (briefly) during the daylight, and I haven't felt THAT outside for months.
But I love astronomy. When I moved here 26 years ago, I could occasionally see the milky way, and seeing the constellations was routine. Over the years, light pollution and general haze has eliminated the milky way from home "seeing" (astronomese for "good viewing) , and it is a rare night when the constellations are clear. About 2 months ago, I was taking the recycling bins to the street when I realized that the stars were quite visible. I don't know "why", just one of those things.
I stayed out for an hour just "seeing". I even noticed one star that shouldn't have been there in a constellation. I went to the computer to see if there was a new nova star, and discovered it was Jupiter. So I went back out and looked around a bit. Sure enough, I found Mars and another planet (Saturn I suppose, because Venus would have been closer to the sun).
It made me think back to a camping trip to Canada in 1980 (or thereabouts). The first night, the stars shone madly and the milky way was vivid. The other nights were overcast. Well, at least I saw that one night.
Can you imagine what the night sky must have looked like "only" a few centuries ago? Absolutely ablaze with stars! No wonder our ancestors saw images among them, there were SO MANY more stars visible. I envy that so much.
But to get back to the beginning (meteor showers, remember?), tonight was the night to see the Perseid meteor shower. And it is predicted to be one of the better years for it (about 100 meteors per hour). I won't see it, and it is probably near it peak about know. I am covered with clouds...
There are only a few major meteor showers each year, and even those have really good years only every few/many years.
Sorry, that's a bit confusing. We see meteor showers at the same times every year because the Earth passes through the same point as some cometary debris orbit at the same time every year. Meaning that the cometary debris that we call meteors intersects Earth orbit the same time every year, but the debris is not spread out along the orbit uniformly. So some years, we hit denser patches of debris than in other years. Those times can be spectacular. But you can't see them if there are clouds; and this year, for me, there are clouds.
You know what frustrates me most? MOST years, the sky is overcast here on the best meteor nights. I feel cursed sometimes. Its all random, of course, but I still fell unlucky about meteor showers. I'll have to go look at OTHER people's images of the meteors tomorrow on websites. Well, at least there is that. But it's not the same as real seeing. And I miss real seeing...
But I love astronomy. When I moved here 26 years ago, I could occasionally see the milky way, and seeing the constellations was routine. Over the years, light pollution and general haze has eliminated the milky way from home "seeing" (astronomese for "good viewing) , and it is a rare night when the constellations are clear. About 2 months ago, I was taking the recycling bins to the street when I realized that the stars were quite visible. I don't know "why", just one of those things.
I stayed out for an hour just "seeing". I even noticed one star that shouldn't have been there in a constellation. I went to the computer to see if there was a new nova star, and discovered it was Jupiter. So I went back out and looked around a bit. Sure enough, I found Mars and another planet (Saturn I suppose, because Venus would have been closer to the sun).
It made me think back to a camping trip to Canada in 1980 (or thereabouts). The first night, the stars shone madly and the milky way was vivid. The other nights were overcast. Well, at least I saw that one night.
Can you imagine what the night sky must have looked like "only" a few centuries ago? Absolutely ablaze with stars! No wonder our ancestors saw images among them, there were SO MANY more stars visible. I envy that so much.
But to get back to the beginning (meteor showers, remember?), tonight was the night to see the Perseid meteor shower. And it is predicted to be one of the better years for it (about 100 meteors per hour). I won't see it, and it is probably near it peak about know. I am covered with clouds...
There are only a few major meteor showers each year, and even those have really good years only every few/many years.
Sorry, that's a bit confusing. We see meteor showers at the same times every year because the Earth passes through the same point as some cometary debris orbit at the same time every year. Meaning that the cometary debris that we call meteors intersects Earth orbit the same time every year, but the debris is not spread out along the orbit uniformly. So some years, we hit denser patches of debris than in other years. Those times can be spectacular. But you can't see them if there are clouds; and this year, for me, there are clouds.
You know what frustrates me most? MOST years, the sky is overcast here on the best meteor nights. I feel cursed sometimes. Its all random, of course, but I still fell unlucky about meteor showers. I'll have to go look at OTHER people's images of the meteors tomorrow on websites. Well, at least there is that. But it's not the same as real seeing. And I miss real seeing...
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Random Odd Stuff... Luna Moth: Mylar balloons last a long time. These arrived May 21st and are still floating. American Atheist Necklace....
