email: cavebear2118 AT verizon DOT com

Saturday, May 31, 2014


I got an email from Sister saying the doctors guessed Dad would die early this evening.  He hasn't, and I'm not surprised; he is tenacious...

My siblings and close in-laws have been holding vigil when they can.  But Dad is in a coma and he's not aware of their presence and they have jobs. And I am hours away.  There is little good I could do there, so there isn't much point in driving there.   He might not make it until I arrive, or he could live a week.

My understanding of Mom's death was she was aware right to the last moment.  It mattered that Dad was right with her all that time.  But this is not one of those times.

I have written the obituary.  That was singularly weird.  I probably won't write another in my entire life.  I think it is a good one, but not adequate for his total existence.  So I've written a longer post to place here after he dies.  Its not like there will be anything new to add in a few days if he lives longer.  He;s in a kidney-failure coma after all.

He was a special person to ME because he was my Dad, but he was a pretty unusual person on his own, so he deserves more than just an obituary notice.  We weren't identical people (well some Fathers/Sons are, (and they worry me)) but most aren't.

I expect The Call Sunday, but if Dad wants to stay around a few more days, I won't be terribly surprised.  He never gave up easy about anything.

I've spent hours tonight unspooling his life as I know it.  And its not like he told me everything.  But I'll mention the good things I know.

Everyone deserves that!


Katnip Lounge said...

You'll both be in my thoughts...peace, for you and your Dad.

Megan said...

Thinking of you Mark.

My father's death last year was expected - although right at the end, he decided to soldier on for some days beyond the doctors' expectations, and I put that down to his being stubborn and just wanting to demonstrate that he was a bit different from the norm.

In the weeks leading up to his death, my mother got him talking a lot about highlights of his life - and during one visit, he told me in great detail about his only hole in one on the golf course, which he achieved in his early 20s. I'd NEVER heard him mention it before - and yet here he was saying that it was a highlight of his life! What's more, I wasn't aware that he'd ever played much golf and the chap he was playing with that day he (and my mother) described as being 'like a brother' to him - but I'd only rarely heard his name mentioned during my lifetime, and that wasn't because there'd been a dreadful falling out or anything.

Reflection is a blessing.

I wrote a fairly humorous piece about my father for publication in the Sydney Morning Herald (the major daily) after his death, but I chickened out and didn't show it to my mother for her consideration. Instead, she organised publication of the usual bland announcement. It wasn't a big deal, but I regret not asking my mother for approval to publish my piece, as I felt that it was much more the kind of thing that he would have wanted.


Fuzzy Tales said...

Sending universal Light and "prayers" to you both. Hugs from me and purrs from the boys.


I am very sorry to hear this about your Dad. I know you are a very practical man, and with his age and condition there was no place to build to. Losses no matter how they come are a major passage. I hope his journey is swift and he eases off to his new destination. Peace and prayers to you and your family.

Derby, Ducky said...

{{HUGS}}, will be thinking of you.

Thumper said...

Tons o'Mojo for your dad, hoping his passing is easy and on his own terms, and for your family. I know what staring down this barrel feels like, and it's a peculiar sort of surreal I don't wish on anyone.