I had a bad dream the other night. It went like this...
I'm Watching All Of You and I Am Not Thrilled...
There is too much senseless fighting going on. Please stop that now... I don't want to have to say it loud by throwing lightning and stuff around. Or asteroids. The dinosaurs got me ticked off and look where they are now. It shouldn't be necessary for me to repeat myself. I'm not ready to do that again just yet, but keep in mind that I always have a few in orbit aimed at you that I deflect when I'm feeling happy.
And I'm not feeling my happiest lately...
I'm not upset that you have different religions; I can deal with that. To Me, that's just different songs on the same theme. Go enjoy the different songs. Hey, I don't even mind the non-believers; their songs are good too. A few humanists aren't going to upset MY applecart.
What bothers ME is the way you have been murdering each other in more and more efficient and cruel ways lately. That is NOT what I intended. In fact, it makes me very sad. And when I'm sad, I tend to flick asteroids at the planet. I DON'T like people who murder others.
I'd hate to have to start again. The primates were the best new possibilities, and look at you all! Shame! I might have to give herbivores another try. Rabbits maybe. Or Squirrels. I do have a fondness for things that jump in trees. Like you primates once did.
I think the mistake was to let you go from flint tools to nuclear weapons. I was busy elsewhere and I should have eliminated radioactive stuff from the planet. I don't know, you would have found it elsewhere anyway, so maybe it is best now. Still, you are doing all the wrong things with it. It's an ENERGY source people!
It is supposed to get you from oil to solar, and you went and made a WEAPON of it. Even I didn't think you would do THAT. I mean really, who is THAT stupid? Well, you are...
So, here's what I suggest.
1. Stop the religious warfare. You are all the same to me, so just get along more peacefully. You are all talking to the same Being and I really don't care about the details. Just get along. And stop hassling the atheists. THEY are MY children too.
2. Disassemble all the nuclear weapons. Your only going to hurt yourselves eventually, and I wont promise to stop you. I have no objection to personal or collective suicide. You have more free will than you think. I've bailed you people out a couple of times and sometimes my attention is elsewhere.
3. Fix up your food supply. You are all getting careless about it and nothing is more important than safe food.
4. Except water. The oceans are vast, but not infinite. I arranged it so the oceans were undrinkable for a reason. There is plenty of fresh water if you stop polluting it.
5. And stop getting down on Darwin. Who do you think arranged for Natural Selection in the first place? ME. And yes, the Earth is billions of years old. I know; I caused it. I caused Natural Selection the same way I caused gravity. Darwin (and Wallace) among you all merely noticed it first. If they hadn't, someone else would have. I love it when you people figure out some of my original rules...
6. I think you know the rest of the rules for peaceful living. Enough of you have done a good job elucidating them through the centuries. I didn't even have to help them. Don't steal, don't murder, don't covet, etc. That's why I like you creatures; you're the first ones on Earth who figured those things out. I have other favorites on other planets who have done the same or are about to, but don't get jealous. MY love is infinite. Few of them look anything like you do, but don't worry, you are all lovable in MY eyes. And they worry about that too.
But I've flicked another asteroid in your direction, just in case you fail. You won't see it coming in time; I'LL make sure of that. But I'LL send it into the Sun if you improve. I'M not into local floods and fires any more. There are too many of you for that. Asteroids are the way to go for now. And if you solve that problem, I have gamma ray bursts on the way...
So get together and STOP FIGHTING!
That was one scary dream. But maybe we should try to help each other out and stop fighting. Hmmm?