A Small Dinner Party

"Ding-Dong"  Oh hello, thank you so much for coming!  For everyone's convenience, I have set the Einstein time-converter to 5:30 pm local time whenever you arrive and I think the Heisenberg stabilizer is on (but you can never really be sure about that).  It is so nice to meet you; please come in.  You are JUST on time.

The appetizer table is there on the right.  There are stuffed celeries, marinated mushrooms, several cheeses and crackers, and some lemony-dill cucumber slices. 

On the left, there are small glasses of various liqueurs (Pomegranate, Razzleberry, and Triple Sec), a pitcher of Bloody (well, V8) Marys, a pitcher of old-fashions, and bottled water (note the lime and lemon twists in the bowl there).  There is also green tea on the warmer and I have plenty steeping in the kitchen.  Choose a glass that suits your fancy.  It is seldom I get to put out all those odd glasses, so feel free to experiment.  Have some tea in a martini glass or liqueur in a teacup.  It's a relaxed event.

Dinner will start in about 30 minutes, so feel free to mingle, talk, toss cat treats or toys, etc.  It's OK to wander through the kitchen too.  I already have the herbed saffron rice and sauce and salad prepared, so I only have to saute the shrimp and asparagus.  I can even talk while doing that.

Please let me know if the music is too quiet.  I didn't want it to be too loud for talk or too quiet to enjoy.

Dear friends, dinner is SERVED... Now, who would like some wine?  And with THIS dish, it can be anything.  I have zinfandel and riesling, and Megan has brought an Australian wine!

For dessert, we have an assortment of Lindor chocolates and some Van Otis Swiss Fudge.  Plus Tina has brought a smoked Salmon Cheesecake!

There are also bowls of cat treats and toys for tossing to any of the Mews who venture out among us, and Iza is showing off her tummy and rolling skills...

[Oops, the smoked salmon cheesecake has been moved the the appetizer table]

Good Day Outside

I love days where I alternate yardwork and relaxation on the deck!

I decided that the Spring Peepers were done with courtship for the year and removed the landscape cloth over the top of the small pond (3'x5').  I had covered it one year with clear plastic to keep the Peepers away, but the airtight conditions produced a horrible-looking purple algae and I had to take the entire thing apart and clean it.  I lost the 3 goldfish in it too.  So I'm careful about that now.  The landscape cover allows air movement.  The new goldfish have been doing fine for several years since.

And, as I am lucky about some things, the take-apart of the algaed pond was good.  The roots of the potted pond plants had nearly filled the pond and I spent hours cutting them apart in cold water.  Now I know to lift all the pots each Springs and cut the roots back to the pot confines.  Time to do that again soon.

So, after hanging the landscape fabric up to dry (after blasting it with high pressure hose water to remove accumulated plant material), carrying the 4"x4"x8' post it was draped over back to the woodshed, and stacking all the bricks I had used to keep the edges down (those Peepers will find any loose spot to crawl into the pond and croak all night), I leaned on the deck rails and looked around the backyard.

I found the next project right at my elbow!  There is a large container pot (2' square) that I planted 5 oriental lilies in 4 or 5 years ago, and they are exploding with shoots.  I'll have to give the container a lot of fertilizer with so many plants, but the first priority was to make a support for them.  Last year, they flopped all over the edges.  I went and picked out 4 3' stakes from the garden shed and set about tying twine arounfd them at 2 heights.  I will make sure to brush the growing stems inside the twine "fence" each few days until they are all above the height and can't fall over over.

The lily container is set about 6' upwind from where I usually stand on the deck.  At peak bloom, the scent can be almost overwhelming (but very appreciated).  This Fall, I really need to cut the stems short, tip the whole container out and try to separate the individual plants.  If that doesn't work, I will have to use the digger knife (think of something between a steak knife and a pruning saw) and cut the soil cube into a 4x4 grid.  Then I'll plant 4 back in the container to grow again and the rest in the sunniest parts of the yard.

So then a rested on the deck and had a beer.

Then I decided that the grass was long enough and dry enough to mow.  I keep the mower at 3.5 ".  That's the healthiest height for my fescue turfgrass.  High grass means deeper roots, which means less watering.  And higher grass height shades out most weeds.  And, by the way, leave the grass clippings on your lawn where they fall (unless you mow them all into the middle of the lawn where they will smother a patch of grass).  In THAT case you have to make a final mowing pass to spread the clippings out a bit.

So after mowing the yard, I went back up onto the deck for more downtime and another beer.  Don't worry, that beer was 2 hours later.  And since I had the Mews in the house while I mowed (I have a horror of very unlikely accidents) I let them out again.  Marley was especially anxious.  I think he would like to live outside in nice weather.  Iza ran out next (I left the screen door open a cat-width).  Ayla came out and in and out and in briefly.

I wish I knew what scares Ayla about being outside these days lately.  She used to want to be outside (and up it trees).  She is twitchy outside all the time.  Well, interestingly, a hawk shot through the yard (first I've seem in years while I was watching the backyard from the deck.  Maybe she had a close call with one.  Whatever, I an willing to just give her attention in the relative safety of the deck when she is willing to come out.  I blame Iza and Marley a bit on this too,  They really do chase her like she is a squirrel when they are all outside.  But, on the other hand, Ayla runs for the fence top when she is out alone, so I'm not REALLY sure what she is thinking.

After the cats were out and running around (more on Marley later), I looked around more and thought "oh, I can put the rain gauge out again, no more freezing temperatures.  I couldn't find it.  I looked "everywhere".  Well, of course, not "everywhere" because I would have found it.  So then I looked in other places.  No luck.  I did the scanning search of the basement (looking every foot in sequence with an image of the item in mind,  No Luck.  I went out and searched the equipment shed.  I went and checked the garden shed.  I searched the basement 2 more times.

I did some more useful stuff and deliberately ignored the rain gauge.  You know how, when you stop thinking of the name of a person, it suddenly comes to you?  I suddenly had an image of the rain gauge sitting on the kitchen pantry floor along with other upright objects like the fire extinguisher, some thermoses, some bottle brushes, etc.  And there it was!  Memory is amazing.  It fails so badly and it works so well.

I decided that earned a 2nd beer and more time on the deck deciding what to do next.  Ans you know what I did?  I went out to remove that one small annoying fallen branch that has been intruding in my view of the backyard for weeks.  It looked reachable from the deck.  It wasn't.  So I found a stick I could break off into a hooked tip and started trying to pull it loose.  It wouldn't fall.   I felt a bit like a lab chimp trying to get a banana hanging from a string on the ceiling, LOL!

So I stopped and looked at the way the branch was hanging.  A 4" fork of the fallen branch was in the tree branch.  So I needed to LIFT the branch off the hook.  No sooner realized than done.

Wow, I'm smarter than a chimp.  LOL!

So I called the Mews inside.  They all ran in willingly.  Dinnertime always makes them respond to calling inside.  I gave them dinner (Wellness chicken, a favorite), I made my dinner (my rule, they eat before I do), and I played tossed treats and mousies while I ate.  Tonight's TV was Planet Earth.  I haven't watched that for a while.

It was a good day!

ARRRGH!

You ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do ANYTHING right?  I sure had "that" day both Wednesday  AND Thursday, LOL!

First I posted my own post on the Mews's blog, and they really clawed up my ankles for it.  I had to give them extra treats to calm them down.

Then, I tried to move the post to MY blog, intending to delay it a day, but I managed to just hit "publish" without remembering that.  So I deleted it to reschedule it.

Then, somehow, I managed to put the re-do it ON THE MEWS' BLOG AGAIN!  Thankfully, they didn't see THAT (I would have had to break out the HAM in payment).  It's OK, they won't see THIS; they never read MY blog.

I finally got it all straightened out (I think).  All I can imagine is that the freedom from responsibility for Dad made me temporarily "hasty".  I trust I am over it now (or at least soon).

My apologies for all the confusion.  I know that some RSS feeds show all the posts even though they have been deleted.  Rebooting personal programming in 3... 2... 1...

Freedom, Redone 3

OK, first of all, I accidentally posted this on the Mews' blog and they raised a hissy-fit about it (even Marley), so I had to move it to MY blog (here).  In fact, high-level compensation negotiations resulted in the Mews getting a whole handful of treats this morning AND I had to skip breakfast.  Personally, I think they could have held out for HAM, but I didn't tell them I had some.  Second, These are events from yesterday, but I already had a post up for yesterday and didn't want to bury it.  Third, because some of my friends were kind enough to leave comments and they (the comments, not my friends) will disappear as I move this post, I am adding those comments to the end (blue).

My watch battery died just about on schedule.  And few things will get me to go RIGHT OUT like getting a replacement for that.  Having a non-working watch on my wrist drives me nuts.  So I go to this one jeweler all the time for it.  The guy always remarks that he hasn't seen one of "those" old watches in decades (Dad bought it for me when I was 15).  I never remind him that I have come in there for a new battery every year for 10 years.

They lost one of the pins and suggested I buy a new one.  No way.  They lost it, they replace it.  They do that almost every time.  I think they just want to sell watch pins.  You would think the floor should be covered in lost watch pins...

I have a velcro strap for the watch and it is most convenient for me that it connects in a particular direction.  Apparently, it is not the way most watchmakers naturally orient it.  I told the clerk not to reverse it, but they did anyway.  So I had to hand the watch back and tell them to reverse it. They grumbled as usual. 

It's a technical thing.  The velcro band has to go through a skinny rectangle loop.  Pushing at it on the far side of my wrist just doesn't work.  Pushing it against my body works well.  Yes, it is opposite the way other straps work.  But the jeweler ALWAYS reverses it.  I go through this every time.

Well, the watch is working again and oriented correctly for me.  I'm happy.

Sister emails that she is going nuts getting Dad the stuff he wants and talking to him at visits.   Well, "welcome to my (former) world".  No evil laughs, but some moderate chuckles...  She really didn't believe what I told her about Dad before.  I feel like a climate-warming advocate whose critics are suddenly shocked that their pet polar bear is suddenly walking through slush instead of solid ice...

But you know what I enjoyed about going out to get the watch battery?  I didn't have to tell anyone were I was going or when I would be back.

I skipped lunch today just because I COULD and made dinner at 8 pm just because I COULD.  Freedom is wonderful.  It's 5:30 am now  (just because I CAN stay up late again with music on loud) and I may just not go to bed tonight (just because I can) again or go to bed now and get up at 2 pm tomorrow if I want to..

Its just damn FREEDOM...

 Previous comments...

[Fuzzy Tales] I chuckled over this...Not because I've yet had to deal with having an aging parent live with me, but just because, when my ex and I divorced, the freedom to come and go as I pleased was so fantastic. Even now, 12+ years later and on my own still, I revel in it. Well, except I do work full time. But my "off" time is my own and it's something I still appreciate.  So enjoy it fully! :-)

[The Florida Furkids] Enjoy your freedom (and your watch!)

[Megan] It's good to stop and appreciate the little things in life! LOL

[Katie Isabella] I hear ya, Mark... 

[Sparkle] WHAT?! You don't tell the kitties where you are going or when you'll be back?! How will they know when to expect you?

[Shaggy and Scout] The kitties don't care which way the watch goes as long as the pettings aren't delayed.  You sound like a kid in his first year of college with new found freedom! It's hard not to say "I told you so" isn't it.

[Brian] Hey, us cats always have the freedom to not give a hoot about anything if we want! 

I had a personally awful experience with Canon Customer Service, so I would never buy their products again myself.

An Informal Dinner Engagement

Megan left a comment last Thursday that included "The tribe of women who are planning to move in to enjoy your cooking now that you're Dad has moved have asked me to ask you what day next week it would suit you best for us all to arrive. Don't go to too much trouble - no need to re-decorate or anything. Just a thorough spring clean, vases of fresh flowers and a stock of chocolates will be enough. LOL".

Well, the new oven arrived last week and I have tested it out and Spring-cleaning will take a while, but I can do a decent general cleaning in a couple of days.  But for planning purposes, let's say Monday 29th.  I will still have some of the front yard fragrant daffodils to place in vases then.

Now as to the food:  I don't often make appetizers, but I think I can manage some peeled celery stuffed with chive cream cheese and some marinated mushrooms.  For the main dish, how about stir-fried shrimp and asparagus in a mild horseradish/wine sauce over herbed saffron rice, and a heart of buttercrunch lettuce salad with cucumbers and cherry tomatoes with fresh Italian dressing?

For desserts, I have Tollhouse cookies, Lindor dark chocolate truffles, Lindor extra dark chocolate truffles, and Van Otis assorted Swiss fudge.  Which to choose... Wait, we will have one of each!  I hope Old Vine Zinfandel is satisfactory in the wine department.  If not, I always keep some semi-dry Riesling in the wine cooler too.  It off-sets the sweetness of chocolate well.

For background music, I suggest classical (Ravel, Debussy, and Prokofiev), but I also have 60s/70s Broadway musicals, Simon&Garfunkel, or Chariots of Fire and Tubular Bells if your tastes run in that direction.  There is some older jazz and swing music around too.

As it will be strictly an early evening social supper, casual (but appropriate) dress is suggested.  We are not formal here.  Attention to the Mews is not only permitted but encouraged and a bowl of cat treats will be available for tossing to them for mutual enjoyment.  Iza has offered to conduct personal Garden Tours for any guests who wish to arrive early for that purpose.

I had a personally awful experience with Canon Customer Service, so I would never buy their products again myself.

Yesterday Yardwork

OK, the first thing I decided to do was get rid of the dandelions.  I have one of those forked dandelion diggers, but the height was uncomfortable and it is too small to get at the roots accurately.  But I also have a 2' handled mattock! 

It sure works better than those dandelion forks!  I spent an hour chopping deep to cut the roots.  Most will die from lack of leaves.  Some will survive, but I will just go around the yard and chop them deep again.  They will die eventually.  It was actually easier than spraying with herbicides.  Those would kill all the lawn crocuses anyway.

I set up the 4 way hose controller too.  The green hose reaches to the lawn around the back of the house, the black one connects to some drip irrigation hoses in the flowerbeds, the red one goes along the fence to the back gardens, and the jet nozzle is great for cleaning stuff.

The apples are flowering.  They will produce many apples.  I wont get any.  The squirrels will take most of them green.  I think I may just remove them. But I could put some boards across the top and drape chicken wire over them.  That would keep the squirrels out and still let the bees in to pollinate the flowers (I think).

One of the 3 pressure-treated posts on the 20 year old garden trellis broke last winter.  It rotted finally at ground level.  It was set in cement, so it would take hours to dig up.  I pounded in a metal pipe instead.  I intend to make a left-rotated "T" shape |-- wood construction and drill a hole through it to set over the pipe.  Don't worry if it doesn't make sense.  It does and I'll show a picture later.   I plan to take all the posts out in the fall and use pipes to support the trellis instead.

You see a lot of vines growing in at the beds.  They come from the neighbors yard.  I will HAVE to use herbicides to kill the ones in my yard and spray through the fence to beat them back a bit.  I've tried digging them up but they seem to have deep roots and are extremely invasive.  My neighbor won't notice; he doesn't actually live there anymore.  He lives with his girlfriend elsewhere (a sad tale of infidelity, suicide and a broken home).

The next project is replacing the rotting wood sides of my hauling trailer...

And I want to raise a complaint.  I bought a new Canon camera in February.  The battery has never lasted more then 3 days (about 50 shots) before needing recharging.  I merely asked them for a replacement battery.  They refuse.  After some extremely unsuccessful and unfriendly emails with Canon, I promised them I would mention their unfriendly customer relations on my blog.  So I will do that.  Often.

DON'T BUY ANYTHING FROM CANON!  THEIR CUSTOMER SERVICE SUCKS.

Dad at the "Home"

Well, it's been 4 days now since Dad left.  Brother has visited once and Sister a couple of times.  They say he is settling in well and talking to the other residents.

The Washington Post newspaper had a good series of articles about elder dementia.  Things like (paraphrased) my elderly mother said she saw giraffes in the yard and when we suggested maybe she saw some deer, said I know what giraffes look like.  Then they pointed out that asking detailed question sometimes helps the false memory fade quickly.  Like "which way were they going, what were they eating, etc".  Not "no. you didn't see any giraffes".  Which is what I was doing.  I sure wish I'd known that a few months ago. 

But one of the articles was about a lady visiting her elder mom and the Mom recognized her name and even introduced her to some other residents by full name and even nickname, whish reassured the daughter that she was recognized.  They went outside and were joined by another resident.  They talked awhile and the daughter got up to look at the flowers.  She overheard the other resident ask her mom who she (daughter) was.  The mom said "some lady from church".

That's when you know it really doesn't matter if you don't visit anymore...

The lady in the article mentioned that if your elder has a bad hip, the Dr hands you a pamphlet; if your elder needs a walker, they hand you a pamphlet; but if your elder is demented, they don't have a pamphlet.  She said she sure could have used a pamphlet!  I sure could have used a pamphlet too.  But you all helped, and there WAS the internet for some research.  Your help mattered more.

So when Sister visited Dad yesterday and she mentioned how I had provided his favorite snacks and such, and he couldn't remember being here, I wasn't completely caught by surprise.  I thought it might be a month before he forgot being here, but 4 days?  Wow.

I don't think there is any need for me to visit Dad in the future.  I don't mean it as annoyed that he doesn't remember me, I just recognize that his memory of his time here (and me) is out of his memory now and that it is a natural progression of his dementia.  His life will be moment-to-moment from here on out to his end.  I accept that and it does not make me feel badly about him or myself.  I am just glad that we got him into professional care at literally the Exact Right Day.  There is something to be said for the random events in the universe acting in your favor occasionally.

OK, well, with all that past, I had a good day in the yard!  But I think I will save that for tomorrow.  I'll just end this with pictures of Dad...

His place in FL, completely forgotten after a few months.

Dad when he first arrived here. Moderately sensible.

He even allowed Iza up on his lap.  But he stopped allowing that very suddenly.

He mostly dozed through the days after that.  And, no, not a stroke.

Became less aware of his surroundings...

He always did love bread for some reason.  He admired this perfectly-cooked loaf and wanted to show it off.  He often spoke of his Mom baking bread, so I'm sure it was a good memory.  He liked that the bread was warm too.

He began to complain about Iza liking to get too close to him (as she does all people) in Winter. That's where he really began to fall apart mentally.

And, again, Dad going into Sister's car to go the the assisted living facility...

After a year of wearing thin shirts that were too light for the house temperature (74F), he suddenly began wearing clothes that were too warm for the temperature (76F and humid).

I guess I'm pretty much saying goodbye to him now.  If I visited him now, he would probably think I was "some guy from the hardware store" and I probably don't need to drive 90 miles to hear that.  I will love him as he was years ago, and with the best parts of the last year when his memory temporarily worked, and the memory that I did my part in his final year or so.  I have formally passed Dad off to the care of Sister and the assisted living care facility.

Sister will let me know how his days go and when his final days approach.  I will be there at the end if there is at least 2 hours notice.  I expect that, one of these days, he simply won't wake up.  That's sure not the worst way to go.

Tomorrow, I get back to reporting on yard and house projects, and I'm already on my way!  I got some good things done today and will report on them tomorrow.

Some Improvements

I had a "Noon to 4" appointment for the new oven to be delivered.  Would you believe they called at 10:30 am and said they would arrive in 30 minutes?  No?  Well they did!  They came in, measured the space (better to know if there was an error before they brought the new one in, I suppose), took the old one out, and brought in the new one.

They set it in place, but it was an inch below the countertop, so I insisted they pull it back out and raise the levelers at the bottom.  I understand that their only desire is to get in and out as fast as possible, but I'll be living with the thing another 15 years, LOL!  So they did that.  Then I slapped a spirit level on the top and it was a bit high in the back.  So they raised the front a bit more.  Then, I pulled on the back and it seemed to wobble just a little.  They pulled on the bottom and it didn't.  We realized it the the hinged stovetop that was moving slightly so they tightened it a bit.

It's worth being a bit fussy sometimes!

So now I have a working oven again.

Wow, when they said it was "black" I didn't realize HOW black!  My old one was "black" too, but it had a white top.

Isn't it nice to have an oven looking so clean?

BTW, you notice that the bottom rack looks a bit thick and complicated?  It pulls out on rollers!  Is that neat or what?  Tomorrow, I'll see how accurate the temperature setting is using my good oven thermometers.  The old one was 20F off and I always had to keep that in mind.  I hope one is really accurate.

The other nice change is the new integrated stereo amplifier (from my POV, it means it controls whether you are listening to CDs or radio).  The old one had a volume control problem.  You had to really fuss with it to get both speakers working, it would suddenly change on its own, and the speakers sounded fuzzy.  So I searched on Amazon.com for a replacement and couldn't figure out what to replace it with.

Do you remember that old commercial where a guy sits back in his recliner and turns on his fancy superstereo and his hair blows back from the volume?  I'm not that guy.  I bought a modest bundled system in a cabinet 35 years ago.  I did add a CD player a decade ago, but I really don't understand the components.  I want to just press a CD or tuner button and hear something clearly.

So I took a trip to Best Buy so I could actually talk to someone.  And yes, if I go to a store and get good advice, that's where I purchase.  So I explained that the volume control was broken, that the speakers might be bad AND I wanted to combine the stereo system with the cable TV.  The guy there recommended that I get a new amp that could process the cable TV, and see if the speakers were good through that.  Good honest person!

There were 2 Pioneer amps he showed me.  One at $349 and one at $499.  When I asked him what the difference was, he said the expensive one was the newer year model and the difference was "entirely cosmetic".  Wow...  I'm surprised he can keep his job.  I'll have to go back and fill out one of those "good employee cards".

So I got the amp and spent an hour installing it.  Not the amp's fault, I had to rearrange the holding racks in the cabinet (and I pulled out that useless cassette deck).  One thing I DON'T like about it is that the component control is a dial that offers everything from the usual stereo choices to DVD to internet radio settings (and I don't even KNOW what "BD" means, except I'm pretty sure it is NOT that guy in Doonesbury).  I'd rather have dedicated buttons like on the old one.  But since this thing does a dozen things, that would start to be a lot of buttons.

Still, this new component may pull me (not exactly kicking and screaming) into the 21st century.  I have the HDTV,  the amp is internet-ready, etc.  If I connect the TV to the stereo and put a wireless connection on it with a wireless keyboard, I could do a lot of surfing right there at the TV.  I might even look into streaming TV.

But mainly, it was nice to discover that my old DCM speakers are just fine.  I put on Pictures at an Exhibition (Mussorgsky).  It sounded great!  My hair even blew back just a little... ;)

I think I'll try Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida later, followed by Jesus Christ:  Superstar.  It's been a year since I could listen to stuff like that.

UPDATE:  It occurs to me I should mention brands and model numbers, just in case anyone wants to know.  The oven is a GE JBS35 30" electric coil model, the top rated one by Consumer Reports and sure not the priciest one listed. (wow look at those smoothtop and induction ones!)  And since I have not the remotest connection to GE, I hope Consumer Reports won't mind me mentioning that.  If they do, I'll edit it to say that "a highly regarding CONSUMER magazine REPORTS that it was top rated in its category", LOL!  I am very dedicated to Consumer Reports ratings.  They and Angie's List have never failed me yet.

The integrated stereo amplifier is a Pioneer VSX-42, for whatever that is worth.  Evidently, stereo systems are so antiquated that Consumer Reports doesn't even rate them anymore.  I couldn't even find any in the last 3 years of their buying guide.  But it seems to be a good one even though the newer 2013 one is the old one with a fancier digital display.  

And I couldn't get my old tuner to work with the new amp.  It seems to have a tuner built in, but I LOVE the old one with its dedicated preset buttons.  Well, I unplugged the old tuner and plugged in the FM antenna that came with the new amp.  Voila!  Music!  I still want to figure out how to use the old tuner though. 

Bye Bye Dadio

Yesterday...

Well, my sister and BIL picked up Dad and all his stuff today. I had all his stuff packed.

Dad put on a warm shirt "because its cold out there".  It was 76 and humid...

BIL secures all the stuff.  We had to redo it because of Dad's rollercart.

Dad leaves the house ad Sister escorts Dad along the sidewalk.

Dad inspects the packing job and makes suggestions.

Dad finally gets in the car...

And then they all wave goodbye.  Dad waved behind the back window, but you can't see him.

And away they went...

I'm sad that that Dad is going to the final assisted living place.  So is he.  But he beat the odds, you know?  Not everyone reaches 91. He is proud of that, and I understand.  If I live another 28 years, I'll be his age.  I see my future in his stay with me.

Dad and I hugged before he got in the car.  We cried a bit.  Well, it was a serious year he stayed here, and I will never forget it.  But he knows what his future is, and so do I.

He is suffering dementia, but he's not stupid.  He KNOWS he doesn't understand things well anymore.  He KNOWS he forgets things.  Deep in his mind, he knows that things he thinks happen aren't accurate.  He's said so, he's talked of it.  As crazy and frustrating our discussions were at times, I understand how desperately he was trying to hang on to reality.  And I know that he appreciates that I was trying to help him there.  He said so, and I'm going to believe it.  For the rest of my life...

The last moments we were together alone, he thanked me for taking such good care of him the past "couple months".  Well, it was 11 months, but it wasn't a time to quibble.  I know he meant "a long time".  Sons and Fathers sometimes get awkward speaking to each other.

The assisted living facility is where he won't be challenged about time and accuracy of memories (which I did far too often).  They will know how to speak to him in only the present tense and avoid all the inconvenient discussions of the past that I could not avoid at times.

In the past year, I learned some things about his life that I never really knew before.  He did more civilian stuff in WWII than I realized.  Like building ships.  He had a patent on a gadget once.  He was a real mechanical engineer.  I knew some of that vaguely. but in our times, Dads didn't really bother to explain their careers to the kids.  That is precious.  He may have learned a few things about me, too.  Like I "know science stuff", that I'm a (sort of) writer (he read a couple short stories I got published in a semi-vanity press and said "your mother said you wrote good stuff, but I had never read them before (meaning that he didn't care for it himself, but was impressed I wrote it) and that was good enough for me.  He has admired all the daffodils he saw this last month that I planted in past years.  He was never here at this time of year before.  He said, "you care about beauty, like your Mom".

And he said he was surprised I like Escher prints (4 hanging on the walls the whole year).  Very "engineerish" he said.

I think it was all a final compliment as he left.  Things he never said to me before.  At 62, I don't really need validation. But I don't mind it either.  You probably can't ever not like validation from your Dad.

He will be a "resident", not a parent, at the assisted living facility.  Someone they will care for and not challenge sometimes in frustration as I sometimes did.  They will not care about (or know about) the parent/child dynamics.  And that will be good for him.  Dad will end his days only around people  like him to talk to and a staff dedicated to just taking care of him. 

And now I have to figure out what to do with this blog...

Vote for the best thing...

1.  Keep talking about Dad (what little I learn).
2.  Get back to the pre-Dad yardwork and house projects.
3.  Get WAY back and become a liberal political pest.

Moving Day Minus One

 Oops, this was supposed to be posted yesterday.  So pretend it was and I'll put up today's post tomorrow...

It felt strange packing up Dad's stuff today.  It wasn't that there was all that much (there wasn't - he came up here with what fit in a sedan and he is leaving with less), it was the act of preparing to have him leave tomorrow.

I'm a bit torn about the whole thing.  Sometimes he refers to me "kicking him out", which is not very nice.  But I understand that he would very much prefer to remain in a regular house with a family member.  Moving in with a bunch of strangers has to be scary.

At the same time, he generally understands that he needs more professional care (if not today, then soon).  Sometimes I too wish that I could take care of him for longer (to delay this inevitable final move).  But I can tell that I can't take care of him much longer without turning myself into a full time nurse and I don't have the training or experience to do it much longer anyway.  Heck, I can't even simply pick him up when he falls.

I'm not feeling exactly guilty.  Indeed, I will be relieved to be free of the responsibility.  I will be relieved to not have to be around the house as much as possible, to not have to explain why I am leaving it and for how long and why.  I will enjoy being able to just go outside without worrying he will fall and hurt himself while I'm out.

I am relieved that he is taking this change in his life as well as he is.  When I first talked to him about assisted-care living, he said he didn't think I could make him leave.  I envisioned having to nearly carry him to the car and driving him away screaming he was being kidnapped (as he nearly did when my brother and I moved him from FL to here).  At least now, he seems quietly resigned to the necessity of the move.  He also understands that this move will eventually end in hospice care at the "end".

But it will feel odd not to have him here.  I'll have to re-learn my old habits.  I'll be eating WHEN I feel like it, eating WHAT I feel like, going out WHEN I want, staying up as LATE as I feel like, getting up WHEN I feel like, etc.  I may even start playing golf and going fishing again.  I didn't do those last things the year before he arrived, but for the last year I felt like I couldn't, which is a big difference.

I will focus on the thoughts that he will have better personal care and more companionship.  I will focus on the thought that, after a couple of weeks, he will actually be happier in assisted care (something I have been told by many to be "almost universally" true.  I will focus on the thought that, after a month or so, he will forget he was ever here (his memory of his place in FL was gone after only 3 months and his memory is much worse now).  Very soon, his memories will be only day-to-day and of events decades ago.  His recent past will just be absent.

There is most of the family nearby where he is moving.  I will probably visit every month.  The day he doesn't remember who I am, I will stop visiting.  I won't be visiting for my benefit. I don't have to see him to love him as my Dad.

He will eventually forget being here and who I am.  But I will remember this past year...

Dad

I brought Dad to the geriatric Dr for a brief exam and getting the assisted living place medical evaluation form filled out.  He says Dad is care level 1 (least care).  The TB test results won't be known til Weds.  If he has a lump a the site of the shot, it's positive.  Extremely unlikely though. 

Dad's blood pressure is 130/70.  Might be better than mine.  But his heart skips occasionally.  Dr says Dad is in really good "condition for his condition".  Well, yeah, he's 91 this month.  You can't escape old age.  He could maybe take an 81mg aspirin daily.  But it was barely recommended.  Almost 50-50.

So Dad has had a Dr exam, an eye exam, and a some slight dental work.  He has some new clothes that fit him, new socks, and I am getting his prescriptions filled fully for another month and some new underwear.  I got him to try on an old pair of my suspenders last evening, and he LOVES them!  Well I have had them for 20 years because I love them.  Neither of us have a real waist, and Dad has been pulling up his pants for  month now.  He showed the first "plumbers butt" yesterday, so the timing is perfect.  Suspenders are great.

Sister and Hubby are coming down Thursday.  Their pickup has a cover and tie downs and space behind the front seats inside for loose items.  That relieves some of my concerns about tying small boxes down in the back.  The move will go wonderfully.

I can't wait for the new stove to be delivered.  I made pork stew and it took hours in the microwave.  Cooked the pork last night, but the potatoes, carrots, celery, beans, and bell peppers tonight.  The hardest part was making the "sauce" (cornstarch slurry, chicken buillion paste, herbs).  The M/W is faster for what fits in it, but an oven is better for large amounts.  I was a bit nervous about how it was all coming out.  I have never made a stew in the M/V.  But it turned out rather good.  Not "best" but OK.  One thing I have learned about chicken thighs and pork shoulders; they don't overcook easily.

I did learn that my personal dry rub for pork misses something without the meat being smoked.  It was a bit on the too-sweet side.

Thinking about packing Dad's stuff...