Living With Dad, 10

I wonder how long it takes before I realize that asking Dad to make simple decisions is just wrong?  I really try to allow him to make as many decisions as he wants to.  He has preferences.  I eat my dinner in several bowls, Dad likes his food all in one large plate.  I like to eat dinner watching TV,  he likes to eat at a "proper table".  So I always try to ask him what he whats.

It never occurred to me that he doesn't WANT to (or really can't) make decisions.  I thought I was being considerate; I was making things hard for him.

He doesn't want to make decisions, and I have had a hard time grasping that.  I thought "deciding" small things for himself would be the last thing he would give up.  I was wrong...

Today, I was making the lunch sandwiches and Dad asked if he could help.  Of course I said "yes"!  Anything to make him feel useful (and, yes, I recognize a patronization about that).  But, for almost 2 months, we have had sandwiches for lunch on medium size plates.  One half a sandwich, with some pickle, carrot sticks, pickle, etc.  So Dad decided to get out the plates.  Coffee saucers...  Then said "How will we fit the potato chips on this"?  I said they wouldn't fit, so he brought out bowls.  I mentioned that he likes plates for his sandwich.

I should have shut up.  He got upset and said "I don't know what to use, I'll use whatever you tell me to use"!!!

He was right.  He is depending on me now to make even simple decisions for him.  And I didn't quite realize to what degree he was expecting/needing that.

He's my Dad.  I want him to make decisions for himself even if they are very minor decisions.  I guess I had in mind that it was GOOD for him to make some decisions.  Thinking back over the past few weeks, I realize he doesn't WANT me to ask him whether he wants green beans or broccoli with his dinner.  Even that decision is too challenging.

It's ironic.  I've lived my life making my own decisions, and deliberately NOT trying to influence other peoples' decisions (except in a few ways like politics I'll avoid here).  And now I'm being asked to do just that.

I mean all this just as an example.  I could have used towels in the bathroom, or which shoes to wear.

I guess I have to learn to JUST DO IT around Dad and trust to my judgement...

I Wonder...

I am not disrespecting my Dad or his aged condition.  But I have little experience with how memory fades as we age.  So I wonder what Dad is thinking most days.  Are his internal thoughts clear and his spoken statements unclear, or is he expressing the confusion in his mind accurately?

It matters.  If his internal thoughts are clear, then he knows what I say, what has happened in the recent past, and that he can't express those.  That would be horrible.  There are SOME signs of that, like when he is searching for a word and he KNOWS he isn't getting the right one or recognizes the names of investment companies when he receives mail.

But most of the time, it seems that he truly does not remember the recent past.  His 2 week stay at a rehab hospital in May is nearly a blank one.  He forgets events just passed.  He often cannot remember if he recently ate a meal.

Last night, we watched fireworks on TV.  Then a repeat of fireworks from 2005, and then 2009.  A mere half hour later, he decided to go to bed and asked me if I was going to stay to see if they showed fireworks eventually...

Some of the time, he makes sense in what he says.  He can discuss a few political events, some basic science remains, and he can mention basic gardening lore from 30 years ago (though no longer accurate).  But at least then he IS offerring the assumed correct practices from a time in his past.

He knows what he likes to eat.  When he moved here, I experimented with many basic meats and veggies.  He likes almost anything, and when he says that, I have the evidence in that he enjoyed the meal.  Yet...

Tonight, I cooked sausages.  Dad likes chicken, sausages and potatoes mostly.  Of course, I add a tossed salad, and a green and yellow/orange veggie.  He eats them dutifully.  I've cooked sausages about twice a week for the past 6 weeks.  Smothered in onions, or with tomato sauce, or with mustard, or with bell peppers.  He likes the bell peppers the best.

So imagine my surprise when he looked at a sausage yesterday and asked what it was.  I thought he meant the add-ons.  No, he didn't know what a SAUSAGE was.  Sorry, that confused me for a bit.  I actually had to explain what  sausage was!!!  He was like, "huh, that's weird".  He enjoyed it, but his lack of recall of the basic idea of "sausage" really threw me.

I should have been prepared for that.  The meal before, he looked at a baked chicken thigh and asked if that was "meat".  And he asked if the corn-on-the-cob, that we basically have every other day or so was "cooked".  Tonight, he asked if the chili was "hot".  Fortunately, I can usually guess correctly about unfinished sentences or ambiguous words.  Asking if he meant "spicy", he replied "yes, hot".  I assured him I don't make my chili really spicy.  But I have to guess a lot.

I don't know how he feels when I comlpete paused sentences or suggest words, but I THINK he is relieved when I guess right.

I'm struggling to understand his thinking process these days.  I mean that I understand he isn't thinking straight, but I'm not understanding when and where he "loses it".  He catches me by surprise so often.   One minute he makes general sense, the next minute makes NO sense.  Or he is good for a whole day an the next day he forgets where he is, who I am, and why he is HERE.

I'm told the daily confusion around sunset is called "Sundowner Syndrome", and Dad sure suffers from it.  After dinner, he says the oddest things.  I'm only now routinely thinking of the time of day when he gets weird.

On good days, he can recall his investment companies.  On bad days, he is completely baffled by a simple statement from one of his banks.  And the good days include when he isn't vaguely paranoid about "banks closing down to steal his money".

And then there are the Gold Commercials...  They use scare tactics, and Dad is starting to respond to that.  I tried to tell him that if the Gold Companies are suddenly selling gold, it means they (the professionals) figure the value of gold will go down.  But Dad thinks they are doing him a favor by offerring to sell gold!  I researched it and printed out a 30 year chart of the value of gold.  It goes up and down.  It took me 2 hours to convince Dad not to shift a lot of money to gold.


He wants to help prepare dinner, and I appreciate his desire to help; he's BORED.  But he stops in place so often that I can't work around him very well.  Small humor here:  Dad gets annoyed when Iza stands on the floor in his way and he shouts "Move you damn cat" (which he says more friendly than it sounds).  But I can't say the same to him when he freezes in a doorway and I have to walk the long way around the rooms to get to what I need to do.  AND that's when he doesn't call the cats "dogs".

Well at least he uses names of mammals.  When he starts referring to the cats as "spinach" I'll worry more.  Poor Iza, she is used to standing in front of me to get my attention.  I know to walk around her when I'm really busy, but Dad can't.  Changing direction is difficult for him.  He can't lean on one leg and lift the other in order to turn very well.
 
Dad's documents are the worst for him and me (and easiest for me if he didn't see them).  I've probably mentioned that before, so I won't go into details again.

And I haven't even started on his 2011 taxes yet.  Fortunately, he has an extension to October.  I thank his 2011 tax preparers for the extension.  When they saw that Dad stopped responding to their requests for documents, they understood what was happening and filed an extension request for him. 

I see a time coming when I can't help him any more, and it may be sooner than I wish.  Dad is getting worse weekly.  When it is daily, I'll have to consider the unmentionable (Assisted Living Facility).  Which I can mention here, but not to Dad.

ONE SAFELY HUMOROUS EVENT:  Today Dad got his first piece of direct junk mail at this new address (for him).  OK, Dad considered the offer seriously (and I explained why it wasn't a good offer), but I am still trying to figure out HOW Direct TV got his address here!  We haven't listed his address in any government or public documents.  We have done change of address forms for his banks and investment companies and public utilities.  Do such companies automatically sell "change of address" requests to advertisers?  Do they buy such information from the Post Office?  If so, things have gotten worse than I realized.  In spite of that, it was still rather funny to see the new address on junk mail...

Independence Day

I normally just observe it quietly, but I've been thinking about it more the past few years.   Maybe its because I got my degree in Government and Politics and minored in History (mostly English history).

I could just put up a big US Flag .jpeg, but I want to say more than that this year.

The US exists because of England.  We were a colony/colonies at first, but there were other colonies in North America from other European nations.  It was the English system of laws that got the colonies established as they were, when other nations failed at that. 

England (and eventually Great Britain) should be proud of its colonial offspring.  Yes, some things went imperfectly, and there were dark moments in history.  But England gave its colonies some special gifts.  Like political organization, merchant classes, a basic concept of "rule of law", an economic middle class, and business.

Few European nations managed that (yes, the Dutch etc).  But England had the combination of legal systems, economic systems, and social mobility that increased in what became the US.  I'm not forgetting our Canadian friends, but my point is about the US today.

We owe England a lot.  Yes there was the revolution, and the War of 1812 isn't a bright spot for anyone either.  Even in our terribly uncivil Civil War there were doubts about our relations.  But its been good, nay, "better than good" since then.  It would be hard to think of any 2 nations better friends over a century+ (and Australia and Canada). 

A few centuries from now, history will tell of the time of Great Britain, the US, Canada, and Australia as perhaps the greatest peacetime and wartime allies advancing democracy around the world.  It might be called Pax Americana, but it all came from England originally.

So I just want to say Thank You Britain on THIS day because I know where it all started...  Britain, your children owe you.

But, of course, I HAVE to show the flag, LOL...

Storms, 2

Oh well, I meant to add pictures to the post yesterday.  But I got up late and the pre-saved post was alreaddy there.  Then I needed to make lunch for Dad and me, feed the cats, get the mail, etc...

So here are the pictures...

I had almost no damage.  This fallen branch was annoying because I had to cut it to pieces to move it off my hosta bed.

But it sure wasn't serious.  I'm just glad that huge tree on the west of the house stayed tall again.  I probably will for another 50 years.  But it may fall next time.  You never know...

The branch was only twice the width of my shoe.

Ans it only fell 20'.  Here's where it broke off.  Its a weird black maple tree.  It grows from my neighbor's yard, but almost entirely over my yard.  The previous neighbors refused to pay to have it cut down (or even trimmed).  The new neighbors are well, "new" and I don't know them yet.

But THAT tree isn't threatening anything, so I will just let it be for now.

This picture is sort of a joke. I deliberately put the thermometer in the full afternoon sun.  I suppose the temperature is accurate for full afternoon sun.  On the other hand, I WAS out there in the full sun, and so were the plants.  I was watering the plants after cutting the fallen tree branch to manageable pieces.  I drank a quart of Gatorade while outside.  And plain water when I went inside!

My favorite HOT joke:  "It was SO hot, I saw a starving coyote chasing a terrified rabbit, and they were both walking"...

But seriously, we don't have month-long droughts here in JUNE.  July and August are the dry months here.  The unshaded lawn grass is already dormant and crunchy.  What are July and August going to be like?  I do not routinely water the lawn.  The grasses here go dormant in late Summer and the Fall rains bring them back to green until the next July.  But I may have to water the lawn this year.  Even the weeds in the lawn are dying, and I don't think the turf grass is as hardy as the weeds.

I've never seen it like this in early July.

STORMS!

Well, we have had some surprising stormy conditions here lately!  The first was Friday night.  For one thing, I didn't know it was coming.  We don't watch much live TV here (well, Fox and Golf channels, but they aren't big on local weather).  It was eerie.  Around 11 pm, Dad commented on how dead still it was outside.  And just then, "the train came through the station".

The wind suddenly whipped up to near hurricane level, the rain started, and the lights began flickering.  I'm not too worried about the lights because we have underground cables here; a power outage is rare and usually lasts only a few seconds to a few minutes.  Its been years since it was a whole hour.  I LOVE our underground cables!

But the rain started driving against the front windows higher up and harder than I can recall seeing even in the few hurricanes we get in MD.  Naturally, I had just noticed this past week that my back rain gutter was coming loose at one end.  These things never happen at the beginning of a drought, of course.  I'll have to arrange for a repair soon, but I'm sure gutter repair companies will be busy for the next month with damages from fallen tree branches.

The rain only lasted a short while, but we got 1/2" of rainfall.  I'm glad of that!  I would have liked more.  I've been watering selected parts of the gardens, but nothing beats rain falling everywhere.  Some long-established shrubs were wilting and the 1/2" of rain perked them right up.

There wasn't too much tree damage in the neighborhood.  After lesser winds, I've awakened to the sounds of chainsaws.  But I went out and found a dozen broken branches in the yard.  I collected them to bring then up front to pile in the utility trailer, when I realized I had walked RIGHT PAST a major tree branch fallen on the hosta bed, LOL!  I haven't moved it yet, its way too big for me to lift.  I'll have to haul out the chainsaw.

I have to laugh, of the entire neighborhood, I may be the only person having to use a chainsaw this weekend! 

It could always be worse.  One nice thing about my property is the huge mature oaks and sweetgums.  One bad thing is the huge mature oaks and sweetgums!  There is one old oak directly west of the house (from where the strongest winds come).  Every severe wind, I wait to hear it crack and fall onto the house.  I regret that I will have to have it cut down some day before it crashes onto the house.  I wonder if my insurance company will partially pay for preemptive tree-cutting?

Garden/Yard

Well, not everything here is "Dad".  I still work in the yard when I get the chance.  My latest project has been removing weedy tree saplings and brambles.

This is the debris...

The nastiest work was among the brambles.

They grab everything!  Clothes, socks, shoes, flesh...  I bled from many unexpected thorny encounters.  The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak.  Thorns beat skin almost every time.

But plants can't organize and move.  I can.  I won slowly (though painfully).  One square foot at a time...

I can imagine it from the bramble point of view.  "We tried to flee, but we were frozen in place as if stuck in the ground!  Closer and closer it came, our friends screaming as they were cut down mercilessly,  Finally, I was the only one left , I determined to defeat the terrible claws of the lopper, sure that my will would prevail.  Then it came.  The final contest arrived.  I willed my cells to..."

LOP!  The last dead bramble...

This is the view to the house from the toolshed..

Before...

And after...

Quite a difference!  I hate to say this, but I use Roundup.  Carefully, but not as the manufacturer recommends.  When I cut down the weedy tree saplings this time, I use a disposable brush and dab a bit of undiluted Roundup on the cut stump.  As Ripley said in 'Aliens' (I think, well, one of those), "Its the only way to be sure".

I should explain... The backyard is half mature trees and half open.  The half open part has my garden for 2/3s and a weird raised ridge between the trees and the garden.  It is slightly too sloped to mow easily, but mostly it has been taken over by english ivy.  I have no idea where the ivy came from, but it sure loves the ridge.

That ridge has always been a landscaping embarrassment.  I've tried to figure out what to do with it for 25 years and never come to a satisfactory conclusion.  Its just ugly, and I mean that in a "utility" sense.

It's too shaded for gardening and too sunlit for hostas.  It's too sloped to mow with the riding mower and my few attempts to use a regular gas manual mower have been exhausting.  Where there isn't english ivy, there is poison ivy and weedy saplings grow there happily.

When I stand out on my deck, the ridge is in the center of all I view.  It says "Oh try to dig me up.  I will outlast your puny pathetic personal muscular efforts; you are too old to defeat me now.  Remember when you tried to level off that ONE small hill of me?  You quit after only an hour.  You WIMP".   It says other things, but I can't repeat them in polite society.

I can either make my peace with the ridge or...  I can destroy it.  Yes, it is time to bring out the big gun.  An Excavator!  A PROFESSIONAL!  The ridge has to be leveled.  I realize that this is a personal fight with the local geography.  But while I'm generally inclined to let nature be nature, this ridge mocks me constantly.

I could have the ridge removed finally or move.

It goes, or I do...

It is going to go! Because I'M not.

Mark

Living With Dad, 9

What I miss about living alone...

1.  Listening to music.
2.  Watching cartoon shows. 
3.  Drinking too much once in a while. 
4.  Staying up all night sometimes. 
5.  Playing Risk, Scrabble, and Backgammon on the computer at game sites for hours.
6.  Standing out on the deck watching the wildlife and contemplating yardwork while drinking a beer.
7.  No criticism.  Dad is a natural critic. Well, he's an engineer.  His order of perfection in the universe is "A vague deity", surgeons, engineers, and then everyone else.  I'm in the "everyone else" category of course,  LOL!
8.  Staying cool (temperature-wise).  I have a high metabolism.  I'm comfortable at 68F.  Dad wants it at 85F.
9. Not ever watching Fox News. Dad thinks Fox News really IS "fair and balanced".
10.  Being sarcastic or making jokes.  Dad doesn't get jokes anymore..
11.  Being alone.
12.  Not getting really strange advice.  Like "you have too many cats", "you have too many flowerbeds",  or "you have too many books". 
13.  Keeping odd hours.
14.  Not having to explain anything to anyone.
15.  Arranging and keeping track of someone ELSE'S doctor/dentist appointments.

I'm making adjustments (and getting used to them).  Most of my old habits are arbitrary, so I can change them.  And I'm naturally flexible.  For example, I never used to eat meals on a schedule, but Dad does.  So now I eat lunch every day at noon and dinner at 6 pm.  It might even be good for me...

For the rest, time will solve those "problems" eventually.  I may even miss the changes to my lifestyle some day.

One day at a time...

Living With Dad, 8

Today is one month since Dad moved in.  Its gone a LOT better than I expected.  Which isn't to say "great", but you know what I mean.  It could be a whole lot worse.

Getting Dad up here was awkward, but my "too complicated" plans worked (thanks to my brother actually driving Dad from FL to MD over 2 days).  Settling Dad into the house was difficult at first.  Well, he went from a house of his own to a room of his own; that was hard for him.  Of course, he has the rest of THIS house now, and its bigger than his FL house.

Dad had a hard time getting used to the idea of being here as a resident, not a visitor.  I did too.  Nothing like (me) living alone for 28 years and then suddenly having a housemate!  I still haven't gotten used to having someone else around 24/7. 

The odd thing is that I've always been a happy loner, but I'm doing OK with Dad here.  I've always been good about adjusting to new situations.  Hmmm...  Let's correct that to "Ive always been good AT adjusting to new situations, even if I hate it and do it kicking and screaming at first".  Which of course, I couldn't do with Dad here being all concerned about this major change in his life.

So this was ONE time I surpressed the "kicking and screaming at first" and went straight to the acceptance part.  Well, I guess family matters.  I never had a family housemate since I left for college 44 years ago. 

Please don't take this wrong, but the idea that it is not permanent helps.  There will come a time when Dad needs professional full time care I can't provide.  It may not be all that long.  But it is uncertain.  He is both healthy and fading at the same time.  I don't know how to explain that (but of course, I will try anyway).

He is HEALTHY in that he has a good appetite, needs no personal hygiene assistance, can usually walk around on his own, and can deal with simple daily activities very well.  He can get in and out of the car, carry dishes to the table and back, help with some parts of the meals, etc.  When I say "healthy" I mean that his internal body (heart, lungs, etc) seems to be in good condition, and he is mentally able is daily things.

He is FADING in that he is having more difficulty getting STARTED walking around (his feet just won't go when he wants them to), is more hunched over, and possibly more forgetful than when he got here just a month ago.  When we were in FL, he could remember events of a week previous.  Now, a few days ago is beyond his recall.  So some things are fading in just a month, but other parts of his life are staying steady.

None of his doctors suggested Alzheimer's, and only one suggested "mild dementia".  I question the non-dementia part, though.  Its one thing not to remember what he had for dinner the day before (sometimes I have to think about that myself), but its another to not remember going in the car with me to deposit checks at his bank the previous day. 

He is generally happy...

He watches Fox News or golf most of the day, he enjoys my cooking (and he should - more on that below), and he has someone to talk to (Mom went into assisted care in 2009 and died in 2010).  I actually listen to him.  Its hard with old folks, but I register when he says anything and make sure I hear what he is saying and respond.  Even when it doesn't make sense at first. 

It helps that I have cats.  Don't laugh!  As parents always have an ear open to the sounds of children, I have always had a part of my mind attuned to the sounds of the cats.  That same part hears Dad all the time.  I can always stop what I'm doing and sit next to him to hear anything he wants to say.  And I suppose if I've done it for a month, I can do it for a year.

The hardest part is dealing with documents that come in the mail.  I've started just tossing the obvious junk mail, but most of his mail is uncertain as to importance.  I hate the advertising from established business arrangements most.  Some are important, some are junk, but they are all equally concerning to Dad.  I HAVE to let him open them.  I will NOT open any mail to him that might be important.  He has a right to his mail.

Even if it takes me an hour to convince him that some mail is not important and some is...

About the cooking...  In FL, Dad was living off (as far as I can tell by asking and by what was in his refrigerator/freezer) hotdogs, frozen fish filets, ice cream, and martinis.  It is very likely that the best thing the 2 weeks of rehab hospital gave him was balanced meals! 

And I've been doing that here.  That part is easy, I am just cooking the same stuff I normally eat, just twice as much.  Except that he MUST have a potato with each meal.  But basically, I have always had a meat, a green veg, an orange/yellow veg, a tossed salad, and sometimes a starch like spaghetti or rice.  Fresh fruits for dessert, though I kind of fell into a weakness for small slices of fancy cheescakes just before Dad arrived.

So we meet in the middle, sort of.  He has to get my good diet, but he also gets his ice cream for dessert and I get some fresh fruits into him with the ice cream.  I wish I could get him to eat more fruit.  He likes it well enough, but if he was ALMOST full and had a choice between ice cream and a good ripe peach, he'll go for the ice cream.  Well, he's 90, maybe I shouldn't worry about that so much.  If he made it to 90, ice cream probably ISN'T going to be what kills him!

Dad still does strange things.  Mostly "strange" because they are not what he did the day before.  I found a laundry hamper to fit in the main bathroom (he doesn't want it in his bedroom for some reason and the hamper in his FL house WAS in the bathroom).  And he usually puts his worn clothes in there.  But yesterday he "washed" his underpants in the sink and set them to dry over the air vent. 

Well, life with Dad isn't boring; there's always something new...

Mark

Garden

I get some time out in the garden.

Here is one of the tomato beds.  In front are bell peppers and basil.

Behind them are heirloom tomatoes.   In the blue tubs, I grow potatoes.  This year I have blue potatoes I found in a grocery store.  To harvest the potatoes, I just dump the tub out on a tarp.

 That's my first fruit of the year.

This is the hanging pot with the cherry tomato growing out the bottom.  It is growing up, but gravity will win.  Then I will pick cherry tomatoes as I walk past.

Here are the few Italian flat beans that grew.  I need to plant more   Only half grew.

And more cukes too.  Only half of THEM emerged.

Living With Dad, 7

Its the finances that are going to be the death of me.  Not costs, I mean the checks and bank statements, trash documents, etc.  Every single little document is a source of frustration.  We spent 1.5 hours deciding what to do with 1 received check, 2 change of address confirmations, a homeowner association board meeting notice, and a monthly investment statement.  It was maybe 10 minutes work for me if I got those myself.  But with the detailed explanations required for Dad, the repeat of the explanations a few minutes later, the backtracking after that, the filling out of a simple form and addressing of a simple envelope, and "the keeping of the documents", we used up 1.5 hours.

Dad is completely confused about his several banks with multiple accounts.  He considers each separate account "a bank" in conversation, which gets really confusing.  Fortunately, I have managed to eliminate one actual bank.  Every simplification helps.  A constant concern of his is bank failure and loss of his money (he is old enough to remember the bank failures of the Great Depression).  I explain that assets are federally insured, but Fox News reports and gold-seller advertisements all over TV have him worried.  I would like to get his checking and standard savings accounts into a local bank, a money market account into another, and some money into CDs at a credit union (for the higher interest).  Yeah, that's 3 banks, but they would be separated by type of accounts and I can keep THAT straight.  Plus new accounts get me a clean start so that I can start balancing his checkbook and entering his earned interest monthly.  Right now, he just trusts the monthly bank statements to be accurate.

And I'm still trying to get his older records sorted out (mostly looking for 2011 tax information).  So after the new mail was taken care of, we spent another hour+ as we went through the remaining ones in his duffel bag (his version of a file cabinet drawer).

Dad keeps stuff in old envelopes chronologically.  Worse, its chronologically by date of receipt, not the month it actually applies to.  So an amendment to his 2008 taxes is with Oct 2011 stuff because thats when it was processed.  And the Oct 2011 envelope has his property tax voucher in with bank statements, PR junk from a bank, and donations for the month, etc.  ARGHHH!

He can't understand why I want to sort documents by company and subject...  I'd understand if he could find any documents with his system, but he can't.  And I have to be able to find his documents.

His wallet is another scrambled mess.  There aren't many cards in it, but they are all just stacked together.  HE can't find anything in it when he needs to, and objects if I try to find anything.  For example, finding his Social Security card or credit card takes forever.  Not because he has so many cards in the wallet, but because he keeps them (deliberately) packed into just a couple plastic holders (all the others are broken on the sides).  I'd LIKE to get him a new wallet with new cardholders for each card, but he won't spend the money for one OR allow me to just buy one.  He wants his OLD wallet, broken as it is...

I'm hoping to get a chance to buy him a new wallet for Fathers Day and HOPE he will use it.  One nice plastic holder for each card he has in the old wallet.

I understand his concerns about keeping records the way he is accustomed to.  I really do; changes in personal organization are difficult.  But his way doesn't work for HIM either anymore and I'M the one who has to find records now.

I also know that I need to make changes slowly so that Dad can get used to them (in reality, "slowly" so that he has SOME illusion of control). 

I think the hardest part of all this is that I'm not dealing with a child.  I'm dealing with a person who knows he is an adult but COMPREHENDS like a child.  A child doesn't know or care about records and forms.  An adult does.  Dad KNOWS that these documents are important (and quite frankly, HIS).  While he knows that he can't understand them anymore, he can't stop trying.  THAT'S the Sisyphean hill we labor against every day...

Dad's fading mental abilities are the rock he is trying to push uphill.  But I'M the one doing most of the pushing and I have to keep running around him awkwardly to get a good grip on the rock.  When he asks the same set of questions about "settled" actions for the 3rd or 4th time, the rock slips downhill a bit and I have to get the rock uphill a bit further than it was when we started the day.

The rock will get bigger and heavier as time goes on and Dad has greater difficulties in understanding things.  I expect it, and I'll deal with it as best I can.  Because there will come a day when Dad no longer even tries to manage his affairs.  That will be a more difficult day.  Easier in the sense of "just handling his bills myself", but harder in that I will be watching my Dad fading from this world...

Mark

Living With Dad, 6

Wow, Dad got up at 2 am and turned on the TV to watch Fox News for about 10 minutes.  Then went back to bed.  I guess I better start documenting his activities.  Because I'll forget them and it may become important some day.

Last night, he suddenly started asking where his wine was.  I thought he meant his vermouth because he calls that white wine.  Well, I suppose it is, but he insisted he had a bottle of red wine in the fridge.

He did not have a bottle of red wine in the fridge.  He has never had a bottle of red wine in my fridge.  He doesn't even LIKE red wine.  I think there was a very old bottle of red wine in his fridge in FL.  He is forgetting where he is again, in time AND space.

He usually has these confused moments around sundown.  Travis at HealthSouth said its actually CALLED "Sundowner".    I'm getting to avoid asking difficult questions at sundown.  He gets very confused then.  And its so weird!  One moment he is acting fairly normal, then like a light switch turned off, he make no sense.  I need to look this up.  Maybe there are ways I can help him around this daily confusion.

It is hard watching this happen. 

I'm tempted to go through the rest of the documents in his duffel bag.  It would be so easy for ME to do it.  But I won't.  It matters that he sees every document, even if it is so slow.  *sigh*

Dad complained about the sheets on the bed.  I washed/dried them last night and made his bed.  No static either.  He says he itches.  Well I can't get him to shower more than once a week, of COURSE he itches.  Am I supposed to drag him into the shower?  I would if I should.  Should I?