Google Earth - Previous Residences

Do you ever use Google Earth to look at past places you've lived?  I do.  Because I wonder how things have changed.  Even when I was young, I recall the houses and yards.  Dad used to do a lot of work in the yard and I did in my own places later.

So I decided to actually look at each today and show the changes.  Some are minor, some are drastic.  I won't give details, who knows what SOME company might find useful, LOL!

1. It was a 2 story old house when I was there.  It has been utterly replaced.  The 20'x30' sandbox Dad built is gone.  The grape arbors are gone.  The outbuilding party building is gone.  The  field of wild blackberries (where we kids stuffed ourselves in Summer) is gone.  The slope where we sledded most Winter days is now full of trees.  

I drove past the old place in the early 80s on business in Boston.  I stopped and looked.  It was the same place.  I didn't go knock on the door.  I wish I had.  The owners might have been thrilled.  I really regret that.

The next place I lived was in Petersburg.  Quite a surprise moving from Massachusetts to Virginia in the late 50s.  We had to study Virginia History (mostly how evil the North was to the South).  We were the only kids in in school from "The North" and were not liked.

The house is the same.  Dad built a massive roof over the sunken patio using tranluscent plastic.  I see it is shingled now.  The part covered with trees in the right back used to be a putting green Dad set up (of golf Course quality).  Mom and Dad both loved golfing, so they practiced there often (drive for show, putt for dough).  There used to be a fence he built around the back yard and I see it has been replaced with shrubs.  Apparently the lawn has become Zoysia grass.  Awful stuff; green in Winter but brown in Summer.  The trees in center left cover what was the gravel driveway Dad and I build to Roman quality roads.  As a mechanical engineer, he never did things halfway (much to my dismay as a teen converted to serf labor).  There were gardens and borders of strawberries when we left.  Those are all gone now.

We moved to MD after that.  The house looks about the same.  My room (my first ever own room) is the left back window.  The yard is ruined though.   Dad and I and my brother spent a Summer building an below ground swimming pool from a massive kit when I was 15.  Worst Summer of my life!

Dad had some company dump 3 dumptruck loads of dirt in the back and then dig a pit to his specifications.  And he wasn't wasting any dirt.  He knew the dug-out dirt would match the slope he needed around the outside.  Engineers LOL...

I spent the Summer digging out soil to precise depths and tamping it down flat with a damned heavy flat weight.  My brother was younger, so not expected to do much except when Dad was there to guide him.  But I worked like a mule all Summer in the heat.

When the hole was to specifications, we had to install 4' sections of metal panels and drill holes in them for bolts.  Drilling through metal with a handheld drill is not easy.  Bits broke constantly.  But entually we had the steel panels assembled.  Then we had to backfill around the outsides.  Guess who did most of THAT?

Finally, we installed this HUGE plastic liner.  It was AWFUL.  It had to be slid along some plastic ribs inch by inch.  And we had to do it from above because you couldn't walk on the sand layer the liner would rest on.

Dad designed and built a diving board and a pool filter and skimmer.  Too tricky for me, really.  Then came the day when a water tanker arrived to fill the pool.  Dad was fanatic about angling the input pipes so as to not put pressure on the bottom (and well he should).

When it was filled, we had to wait 4 days for the water to get to ambient temperature.    We dove in, and I thought I would freeze to death.  I seldom went swimming in it and went off to college 3 years later only daring it in the heat of August.

And after Mom and Dad moved to NH, these people who bought the house filled the pool with dirt to bury it.  It was to left of the pin...

And not only that, they completely ersaded the garden and the landscaping.  The lower right of the house had a wonderful broad patch of boxwoods and butterfly bushes I had installed to get my Boy Scout Landscaping Badge.  If they wanted a yard like a pool table top, why didn't they just buy one?

After several apartments after college, I rented a house with a friend.  It was treeless except for an old apple tree.  I was experimentig with raised garden boxes. so I built a star-shaped one in the lower left, an octagonal one  on the opposite side of the sidewalk, planted marigolds along the sidewalk sides, removed the old apple tree (with the owners approval) and grew veggies there.

You can see the outline of the left star.  Just a few years ago, you could see the outline of the right octagon.  The trees have exploded into growth, hiding the old veggie garden.

So here I am in my Forever House.  There are fewer trees and greenery than this pictures shows.  A lot of that is wild underbrush and blackberries I cut down last fall.  The stuff at the bottom is a screened garden and 2 toolsheds.  The lower left is all cleared...

The good thing about this place is that if I ever leave it, I probably won't be capable of looking back at it...

Farewell John McCain

John McCain was not of my political party.  John McCain was not of my politics. 

But he was a unique person on the political landscape.  I admired him even when I disagreed with him (which was often).  But it wasn't "always" either.  And that "always" is the thing we have lost these days.  The ability to sometimes agree with people you normally disagree with is essential to democracy...

A Soviet Chess Grandmaster (I forgot who) once said "I sometimes forget my opponents have good ideas too".  That applies to politics too.  John McCain sometimes had "good ideas too".  He was a very good Senator, who spoke honestly and directly.  That is a quality we will all miss.

We will never know whether he would have been a good President.  He might have been a great one or a terrible one.   History suggests mavericks can go either way.  I've tried to think of when he would have been a better President than the person who won.  It's difficult.  He probably would have been the right person to campaign against Gore in 2000.  I would have been twisted in knots about that choice, and either would have been better than Bush.

In 2008, I was torn between McCain and Obama, but decided that Obama was likely better at organizing the office and managing the affairs of government.  It wasn't easy.  My heart was for McCain, my mind was for Obama.

The deciding factor was that McCain would bring the Republican party into power and I thought the Democrats would do better overall.  But it was very close.  Both men seemed honest, honorable, and thoughtful.  And Palin mattered.  It signaled to me he was a good Senator who maybe didn't have a great talent for choosing qualified people to work around him.  There is something to be said for getting good subordinate executive managers.   Just look at Trump for examples of that.

If it was "just the President", I would have gone with McCain, hoped that Obama would run again in 2016 with more Senate experience, and won then. 

But that is all water over the dam now.  We have lost a person who was so very honorable, brave, and willing to think for himself.  Yes, "honorable, brave, and willing to think" does not necessarily mean a great executive,  but it is probably better than the opposite.  We could sure use more people like him than fewer.

Farewell John McCain...

Holiday Decorating

I don't often decorate for holidays.  In fact, I don't usually pay much attention to them these days.  I don't have visitors, family is scattered, and former friends have gone their separate ways.

But sometimes,  I make an effort.  I used to get real trees to decorate, but that was a lot of effort.  Then I bought a very realistic artificial tree, but that was even more work than a real one (real ones at least come with branches in the right places).  Re-boxing the artificial tree was awkward.

So last year, I bought a 3' artificial tree on post-holiday clearance ($5).  How much trouble could a 3' tree be?  You pull it out of the box, the branches are on hinges and fall nicely into place, and you plug it in.  Right?

Wrong.  Somehow I missed seeing the "unlit" description on the box.  The DISPLAY model was beautifully lit, had realistic-looking needles, and was at least 2' wide at the bottom.  Out of the box, I saw no lights and it was a mass of wire branches you had to bend into shape.  The "needles" were flat shreds of green plastic. 

Well, at least it was cheap enough to just throw away after this one use.  Because I sure won't ever use it again!  But it IS this year's tree.  Next year, I will use the fancy 6' realistic artificial tree.  It's a little easier to set up actually, and sturdier.  In fact, the branches hold heavy decorations better.  It's the packing away back into the box that is harder and I even figured out how to do that easier sliding the 3 sections into large garbage bags to close up the hinged branches tightly.

But here is a picture of the existing one...

I am NOT impressed!

Late Hard Freeze

This mild winter helped the Saucer Magnolias to build huge buds, full of promise.  The hailstorm last week knocked off a lot of buds, but most were left and it promised to be a spectacular flowering this year in spite of that.  Possibly the best ever.  The forecast was for no freezing remperatures for 2 weeks.

But surprises happen.  A twist of weather brought 2 nights of temperatures down to 20F.  They were all killed!

Absolute mush!

Not a single one will open.

Last year they bloomed nicely, but 2 weeks later.

 Here is the backyard tree over the fence gate...

And the early daffodils were good.

But they are all knocked down.  The flowers can stand the cold, but not the stems.

So sad...

Fare Well Good Neighbor!

Well, it turns out my neighbor really IS moving!  I'm glad I was out trimming my lawn this afternoon, because it turns out he was making his last trip.  I saw him glance over at me and I waved.  He waved back.  I went over and asked if he was moving.  He said he was.   I told him I thought he might be, but there was no For Sale sign, so it might have been his daughter was leaving for college or a place of her own.

It turns out that after failing to refinance his mortgage twice recently, he was turning it back over to the bank and just walking away!  That is very sad...  He says he has rented a place across town.  Says he never really liked the place; his wife chose it.

Not to be gossipy (I can't; I never KNOW anything), but that was a real mess!  I only found out a year later.  And I didn't know that I didn't want to know until AFTER I was told about it by a neighbor woman.  But YOU will never know any of them, so I suppose it doesn't matter. 

About 8 years ago, my neighbor guy had an affair with the woman next door, her husband found out and filed for divorce, she shot herself, and and his wife left him.  Unusually, the daughter stayed with him.  Tragic all around.

Of COURSE he didn't "seem like the type".  Who ever does?  I knew so many guys who cheated (and wives who made passes at ME) that little of that surprises me.   But it is still sad... Whenever I hear about stuff like that, I'm glad I am happy living peacefully alone!!!

But I do not judge, not knowing the situations.  He has been a good quiet neighbor (at least since he got rid of his motorcycle years ago), no loud parties, no barking dogs, etc.  The next residents may be loud and annoying.  He said I had been a great neighbor (I merely helped out with a couple small projects, but I suppose I'm quiet myself and keep the house and yard looking decent).

I asked him why he couldn't just sell it himself and he explained that he owed WAY more than he could get.  Personally I think he is looking at things short-term, as housing prices are rising again, but I don't know his finances of course.  Divorces and child care can be brutally expensive.  I mentioned that I was thinking of a rental property and it couldn't be more convenient than next door.


But since he was just abandoning the house and the mortgage, the bank will be selling it free of the old mortgage, and cheaper.  I would have an appraiser go in and estimate renovation needs and current real value, of course.  And of course it might not make financial sense.  But I'll see.  I mean, since he's gone, it all starts fresh.  I wonder if the bank knows yet?

I did ask him about some troublesome trees along our property line.  Mostly a mulberry tree that started from seeds from one *I* had and cut down years ago.  The roots and sprouts and shade are causing me grief in my main flowerbed.  Then, just before I asked if I could come over and cut it (and 2 other saplings that will only grow larger) down he offerred to come back this weekend and cut it down himself and haul off the debris.  WOW!

It will certainly be interesting seeing what happens...

Dad

Well, Dad died this morning.  Technically, it was kidney failure, but at age 92, there wasn't much that WAS working.  He was basically comatose for the past week, but before that he had expressed a desire that all the difficulties "would just end"...

I wrote an obituary a couple days ago, but those are so incomplete.  I will summarize his life a bit more tomorrow.  We kids are sad that both Mom and Dad are gone now, but neither death was a surprise and my family has never been big on serious mourning.  Tomorrow, we will get on with the rest of OUR lives.

Intersections

I have this blog for myself, and I have a separate blog for my cats.  I try to keep this one for my own thoughts and I try to leave the cats to theirs (with some usually unseen help on my part).  But sometimes, both blogs intersect.

Yesterday was a case in point.  I read about 80 cat blogs every few days (for my own pleasure and to help my cats keep in touch with their friends).  You never know what you are going to find when you visit one.  One cat will have just caught its first mouse, another may report the death of a beloved old cat, another may have had a trip to the vet. 

Sometimes I read a serious story about a cat that brings me to tears.   I have read many of them over the years.  Sometimes about lost cats, sometimes about cats killed in sad ways, sometimes about rescued cats.  Isn't it odd how both happy and sad stories can bring tears to us?

Today I'm writing about an old neglected cat who found a friendly home to pass her last days.  I won't repeat the whole story here; it is written so much better at Max, The Psychokitty.

There aren't many sad endings that also feel happy when you stop crying.  If you haven't read that post, go there now!  Go there NOW!

Meteor Shower Fail

It was a dud!  Here, for me.  I sat out on the front steps for an hour with my back resting against the door.  That had me staring at the correct spot.  After 5 minutes in the dark, I was seeing all the Big Dipper, Casseopia, and several Little Dipper stars.  So I was light-adjusted. 

Nothing...

I tried some tricks.  I focused on one spot for a while.  I let my eyes go out of focus for a while.  I looked slightly to the side for a while.  None of my usual tricks of seeing in darkness had any effect.

Nothing...

If they were there, they were too faint for me to see through the light pollution.  But I could see most of the major constellation stars, so I should have seen some meteors.  I will be interested in finding if others did see them.  But for now, I'm just disappointed again.

Dental Visit Results

Well, the dentist visit today was just an exam, but the news is awful.  I have to have a tooth removed (I had expected that, but hoped I was wrong).  I have 2 teeth with partial filling loss and one may need a crown.  And there is one he wants to examine more closely later (not urgent).  Its my own fault; I avoided things for too long.

The tooth removal is scheduled for May 22nd.  I gather that it really is pretty much the "pliers and yanking” process.  Well, OK, he says its fancy "screwdrivers" to rock the roots back and forth, but he will still be kneeling on me and pulling hard and I will actually have to hold my head UP while he pulls DOWN.

I love that they take digital xrays these days.  I had an internal one and one that revolved around my head outside.  Instantly on the computer screen!  I looked at it carefully, and could see my gum line (very healthy) but WOW do those tooth roots go DEEP!  They are like icebergs, 90% hidden.  It's NOT going to be fun.

I’ll be really unhappy for a couple of days after that and I don’t even get to have any alcohol.  Apparently, the pain-killer can only do so much BUT it  reacts badly with alcohol AND you are a bit loopy.  I may have to disconnect my computer before the extraction so I don’t type insane stuff.  Can’t upset my friends with crazed rants from a drugged blogger.  In fact, I think I will arrange for a pre-scheduled post to that effect that day, just in case. 

The tooth extraction is unavoidable  and further work is necessary and I am going to hate this next few weeks.  But the dentist is good.  Well, OK. He is highly rated on Angie's List.  But he is also honest.  He told me the bad parts, he understands my physical problems with the dentist chair, and described how he will adjust to them as much as possible.  I can't ask much more than that.

I think I will ask him to email me the digital xrays.  That would be cool to look at!  And show.  Well, medical stuff is fascinating to me.  I love seeing my insides (the better to understand my self).

Tomorrow, back to normal stuff, like planting my tomatoes...

Deer Ate A Shrub

Well, OK, that's not all that uncommon.  But it has been for me. 

The very first landscaping I did when I moved in here 27 years ago (new house so no initial landscaping) was plant a few shrubs on the east side of the house.  It was a Korean Dogwood tree with 2 Euonymus shrubs, several Nandina (false bamboo) plants, and some spreading evergreen.

Well, nothing bothered the shrubs in all that time.  Until last week!  But as I walked around that side of the yard (a least-visited side), "something" just looked odd.  It took a few minutes, but I realized all the bottom halves of the Euonymus shrubs looked "wrong".  It hit me suddenly that all the leaves on the bottom half of the 8' high Euonymus shrubs were GONE!  

Well, sometimes it takes a few minutes for the brain to "see" the difference between what it is looking at and what the memory says was there before.  So many possibilities came to mind.  Insect damage?  Not in Winter.  Fungal disease?  Ditto about Winter.  Natural leaf fall?  No, it's an evergreen. 

DEER! 

When I moved into to this newly-built neighborhood, there were deer around.  There was a swamp across the street and deer love wetland edges.  I almost got trampled by 2 panicked deer while I was mowing the lawn my first Fall.  I used to see deerprints in the lawn at first.  That all stopped after a few years as the street filled with new houses.

Last year, I had some hostas eaten for the first time in 15 years.  This Winter, shrubs for the very first time.

And they even left me a "gift"...

THEY'RE BAAAACCCKK...

Fish Loyalty

Fresh water tropical aquarium fish are generally small and only live a couple/few years.   I have a 30 gallon tank, so there are about 2 dozen small fish in it (mostly tiger barbs, cherry barbs, and serpa tetra).  So it is no great surprise to me to see a dead one every so often.  Yesterday, I noticed that the male dwarf gourami of my pair had died and was lying in a corner of the aquarium.  I knew I would have to get it out soon but I was a bit busy.

What surprised me was that the female was within a couple of inches of the dead male each time I passed by.  I glanced at the spot each time I passed for a couple of hours and she was always right there!  So I just watched her.

It's not like I always saw them swimming around together, and I certainly never noticed them trying to build a nest or mate.  I'm also not inclined to ascribe complex emotions to a fish.  But she was staying between him and the other fish in the tank.  I think she sensed something was wrong with him and may have even been guarding him.

Pretty impressive for a "just a fish".

The Garden

The Seasons

In the Spring, flowers and saplings appear.  Maybe they were your own seeds, maybe you got them elsewhere; it doesn’t matter.  When they are yours, you give them food and love and care.  It is joyful seeing them grow.  Every day, they seem more promising.  You can imagine how much sturdier they will be next month.  You can imagine how they will adapt to nature and thrive.  As you watch the first leaves opening, you can imagine the glorious beauty they will display one day.  And they do thrive.  Each month you see the changes and the changes are wonderful.

In the Summer, they burst forth with flowers.  You may be a bit tired from all the work involved, but it is worth it.  You are proud of what you have accomplished, and you are proud of them.  They really did most of the growing themselves, but your work mattered too.  You did your best to keep the weeds away, sometimes you supported them while they grew upright and healthy.  You made sure they had everything they needed that you could give them.  They are mature and beautiful!  You still try to keep some weeds away, but they are mostly doing great without your help.  Maybe there are a few fallen leaves, but they are in their prime and some new leaves grow.

You are changing from the nurturer of young plants to the protector of older ones.  It takes some time to realize this, but you do your best to adapt to the change.  As a gardener, you do what you must as best you can.

In the Fall, things are not going quite so well.  The bloom is off the flowers, they droop a bit, and they need bit of unexpected help from time to time.  But that OK, because they are still doing well overall.  In the late Fall, things are not so good.  They feel cold at nights, they aren’t flowering or growing new leaves, and the stalks and limbs are hardening.  In fact, the leaves are starting to fall

In the Winter, the leaves start to fall and are not replaced.  Flowerstalks become dry and bare.  The old trees slow down their activity.  The end of their season is coming, slowly at first, but relentlessly.  The last leaves fall from the trees; the last flowers die and fall.  No amount of care and assistance can stop that.  Eventually, a day comes when all activity ceases.  You face the sad truth that an end is coming in spite of all you do.

More tomorrow...

February Made Me Shiver...

With Every Paper I Delivered....

Yes, there was a time when I delivered newspapers.  A friend had built up a serious newspaper delivery route, and on Sundays, he needed extra help.  I signed on when I was 16.

The first part of the job was stuffing the special Sunday Section (comics, ads, etc) into the regular parts (news, etc).  This was back in the olden days when Sunday Comics where delivered on Sunday.  So 3 of us would be brought to a warehouse and stuff the 2 together for an hour for delivery to doorsteps.  And I mean "doorsteps".  None of that "out by the mailbox stuff" then.

Then there were the papers for the newstands (definition:  "newstands"  Places that sold multiple newspapers and people went and bought them there every morning and afternoon).  Sort of like 7-11s without food.  I would get dropped in a hallway next to the newstand with bundles of comics and separate bundles of "Section As", so to speak, and a wire clipper (they came wired in bundles).

I spent 3 hours each Sunday night stuffing the 2 together for newstand sale.  I was lucky.  I had a transistor radio that could get WBZ talk AM from Boston  On REALLY good nights, I could get a Chicago AM station that played Beach Boys music.

Just about the time I could stuff the sections together as fast as possible, the friend would come by from part on his delivery route and we would take half my stuffed newspapers for further delivery.  I had been doing the Baltimore Sun. The 3rd guy had been doing the other Baltimore newspaper (the News American?).  But I was faster to deliver stuffed papers so I got more work hours.

So I would be in the back of the van putting rubber bands around the papers of both types as we went to the final delivery routes.  My friend had the deliveries memorized.  He would say on one street "double, Sun, Sun, skip, Sun, American" (or whatever the street requiered) and I would have to scoop up the right combinations and run along the street putting them on the doorsteps as he drove along..

Except where people had specific requests like in their milkbox or between their door and storm door.

The worst time was when there was 2 feet of snow on the ground AND I had a horrible cold.  You'ld think that would have killed me.  But at 16, nothing kills you, you think.  I broke a bad fever running in and out of a van tramping through heavy snow, in the cold temps.  I felt just fine the next morning when everyone at home was sick as dogs!

So I know about delivering newspapers.

I never read them (except for the sunday comics).  So I didn't know (or care) "when the music died".  I was delivering the newspapers uncaring about the contents.  I didn't care then.

I do now.

Buddy Holly died February 3rd, 1959.  I'm sorry I was 2 days late remembering it.

Dementia?

I thought I knew what dementia meant.  I thought it was about forgetting things.  I thought if someone had it REAL bad they tended to wander away or forget who you were and that was Alzheimer's. 

Well I was wrong.  I didn't realize the degree of unreasonable self-orientation involved in dementia! 

I've gotten used to Dad breaking in with a trivial question involving past or future events while I am trying to get dinner on the table.  I am used to him bugging me about having lunch ready promptly at noon and dinner at 6 pm.  He was ALWAYS fussy about schedules.

I am used to him complaining unsensibly.  If the TV shows a poor news video, he complains that my (Big Screen HD Plasma 1080) TV is poor quality.  If there isn't anything he wants to watch, he complains I have a poor cable system (1,000 and "57 channels and nothings on"...).  The sink water doesn't get hot immediately. 

My favorite last week was that he needed a calendar because he couldn't tell what day it was.  He couldn't figure out why looking at a calendar wouldn't tell him what day it was.

But today was a new low.  I don't mean that he said he had another family for a decade or that I wasn't his son.  Not THAT level.

But...  I have people here putting new siding on the house.  Its noisy work, and they have a job to do.  Dad is normally happy watching Fox News and listening to the talking heads.  I've been mostly staying outside watching them work (its fascinating), and I make sure to ask Dad how things are going every hour or so. 

Well, apparently Fox News was replaying a speech by Paul Ryan and all the hammering annoyed him.  When I came in, Dad was ANGRY.  "They should have stopped all the hammering during his speaking (sic), out of respect"!

Me:  "What?!?

Dad:  "They should have stopped when someone important was speaking"!

Me:  "Dad, they have a job to do.  They have a schedule".

Dad:  "It was disrespectful"!

Me:  "Dad, you're being unreasonable.  They didn't know someone was speaking and they wouldn't stop working if they did.  I don't care if a politician is speaking.  Most of the world wouldn't care.  People have to keep doing their jobs.

Dad:  "YOU'RE NOT UNDERSTANDING ME!  THIS WAS IMPORTANT"!

US:  (Some repetitive back-and-forth angry/calming words)

Me:  "Dad, please sit down, watch your political TV.  I'm busy!"  (leaves house)

I was completely surprised by the whole event.  I accept the daily forgetfulness, I accept his confusion about bills, etc (and I can deal with that); but I hadn't seen the irrationality involving a real-time event on such a personal level before.  And it wasn't at sundown...

Mom became physically unable while still mentally competent.  Dad is losing his mind first (though physical incompetence is catching up rapidly).  

More about all that next time.  

Dadisms

I hope it is alright to find some slight humor in the Dadisms I get day-to-day.  I don't mean great laughs; sometimes humor is the better alternative to crying. 

1.  Dad has been seeing the progress of Tropical Storm (possibly to be Hurricane) Isaac down around Cuba via the TV reports.  WHILE I was trying to finish cooking dinner (of course, his timing is always wretched), he suddenly had urgent concerns that we should prepare for power outages.

Dad:  We need to get ready for power outages.

Mark:  Why?

Dad:  The Hurricane...

Mark:  We are not threatened by a hurricane.

Dad:  No, it will be here tonight, we have to get ready.

[Ok, now I could have gone 2 ways here, and I actually did think about it.  I could have said, "yes, I will get the candles out and and fill clean bottles with fresh water".  But I'm obsessed with reality.  So it progressed like this]...

Mark:  Dad, the hurricane isn't a hurricane yet, it is about a week away from us if it even comes NEAR us, we won't lose power, and if we DO, the food is good for a day in the freezer, and I will cook the fresh meat on the grill to save it.

Dad:  You're not listening to me, the hurricane is coming tonight and the power will be out for days.

Mark:  I'm listening to you but you're wrong.  1.  The power doesn't go out here because the cables are underground.  2.  I've lived here for 26 years and the power has never gone off for more than 2 hours, a one-off equipment failure in non-storm times.  3.  The storm is 1500 miles away, 5 days, and IF it comes through here it will only be a day of steady drizzle, which I would VERY much like.  4.  If the absolutely bizarre worst happened, I would simply put you in the front seat of the car and the cats (in PTUs) in the car and we would stay a few days out of state on our credit cards...

Dad:  But...

Mark:  Get out of the kitchen and let me finish cooking dinner!  I will deal with the Hurricane problem RIGHT after dinner!!!

Dad is getting more uncertain about where he is living.  I suppose he thinks he was in Florida for some of the discussion (but he knows Maryland for other parts).  It seems the concept of geographical distance is becoming harder for him to recall.  He really thinks the Tropical Storm Isaac is very close to us (in Maryland).  

I don't want to ignore his concerns, but when they are non-sensical and I'm trying to get all the parts of dinner cooked at the same time, I just don't HAVE time for his confusions.

2.  The groundhog sightings...  I caged a groundhog on July 17th and relocated it.  Since that time, Dad has claimed to see a groundhog in the back yard every single day.  It is always a pile of dead leaves or a dark spot on the shed foundation.  Every day, I have to walk outside and point to the spot he is convinced there is a groundhog and show him that there isn't one. 

Repeated errors in seeing groundhogs every day doesn't bother him a bit.  So when he stated AGAIN that there was a groundhog out back, I hesitated to even look.  But he said there was one running around, no doubt this time, I looked.  Yes there was. 

I set up the live cage, trapped it in an hour and relocated it later.

But here's the thing.  He said it was weird to get one just 2  days after the last one.  Um, it was 4 weeks ago.  Dad insisted it was only 2 days.  I showed him the picture from the last time (July 17/18).  He said that was the first one this year.  Dad wasn't even HERE then. 

His time-memory of current events is completely shot.  He can't remember simple things one day to the next.  I have a really hard time dealing with this.  I have a better-than-average memory for events than most people.  I have a worse-than-average about "people-things", so I'm not claiming anything special.  Meaning, I can remember buying things better than I can who I was talking to when I bought the item.  Many people have the opposite memory, and I envy them in that quite often. 

But Dad insisted I relocated a groundhog only 2 days before the last one, and it was 4 weeks...

3.  Dad gives me instructions befitting a child more and more often these last couple of weeks.  I'm not sure how to say he is "reverting to adulthood".  Parenthood of a child, I guess...  I announced the other night that I was going to bed early because I had stayed up late the night before.  He told me to make sure I "used the facilities" before I went to bed.  You tell a 5 year old that. 

When I make a meal, he sometimes asks "do you have enough for yourself"?  Well, considering the fact that I make dinners and divide them with what my grandmother used to call "the miking eye" (meaning micrometer precision) IN HIS PRESENCE, that is always a bit disturbing.

Every single night, we eat dinner and he eats at the table (because it doesn't wobble when he cuts his meat ineptly) and I eat on a TV tray so I can (briefly) watch a science DVD in peace and no "they can't know THAT" comments from Dad.  Every meal, toward the END of the meal, he always asks "Do you want more salt or more butter"?  Next week, he may be asking me if I need help cutting up my food. 

He clearly thinks of me as a child needing help.  I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't for the fact that he has always treated me that way, and I've always been the independent one of the kids...  I DO NOT understand this particular oddity on Dad's part.

*SIGH*

Dad, Claiming He Is COLD!

This is the clothes that Dad wears.

This is the clothes that Dad wears when he says he is "TOO COLD" in the house.

Note the thin top shirt, not even with an undershirt.  Note the thin shorts.  Note the socks even pushed down to the shoes!

This is the thermostat in the house in the house that Dad claims is TOO COLD.

And it is 80 in his bedroom and in the TV room...  And he complains about THAT.  But wait, when it is 80 in his bedroom he is happy, and when it is 80 in the TV room, it is "too cold?!


This is what I have to wear every day to keep from melting to death...  Short pants...

 Short sleeves...

And I sweat in bed every night...

This is no way to live...  But the alternative is to walk around nekkid, an no one wants THAT!

Living With Dad, 8

Today is one month since Dad moved in.  Its gone a LOT better than I expected.  Which isn't to say "great", but you know what I mean.  It could be a whole lot worse.

Getting Dad up here was awkward, but my "too complicated" plans worked (thanks to my brother actually driving Dad from FL to MD over 2 days).  Settling Dad into the house was difficult at first.  Well, he went from a house of his own to a room of his own; that was hard for him.  Of course, he has the rest of THIS house now, and its bigger than his FL house.

Dad had a hard time getting used to the idea of being here as a resident, not a visitor.  I did too.  Nothing like (me) living alone for 28 years and then suddenly having a housemate!  I still haven't gotten used to having someone else around 24/7. 

The odd thing is that I've always been a happy loner, but I'm doing OK with Dad here.  I've always been good about adjusting to new situations.  Hmmm...  Let's correct that to "Ive always been good AT adjusting to new situations, even if I hate it and do it kicking and screaming at first".  Which of course, I couldn't do with Dad here being all concerned about this major change in his life.

So this was ONE time I surpressed the "kicking and screaming at first" and went straight to the acceptance part.  Well, I guess family matters.  I never had a family housemate since I left for college 44 years ago. 

Please don't take this wrong, but the idea that it is not permanent helps.  There will come a time when Dad needs professional full time care I can't provide.  It may not be all that long.  But it is uncertain.  He is both healthy and fading at the same time.  I don't know how to explain that (but of course, I will try anyway).

He is HEALTHY in that he has a good appetite, needs no personal hygiene assistance, can usually walk around on his own, and can deal with simple daily activities very well.  He can get in and out of the car, carry dishes to the table and back, help with some parts of the meals, etc.  When I say "healthy" I mean that his internal body (heart, lungs, etc) seems to be in good condition, and he is mentally able is daily things.

He is FADING in that he is having more difficulty getting STARTED walking around (his feet just won't go when he wants them to), is more hunched over, and possibly more forgetful than when he got here just a month ago.  When we were in FL, he could remember events of a week previous.  Now, a few days ago is beyond his recall.  So some things are fading in just a month, but other parts of his life are staying steady.

None of his doctors suggested Alzheimer's, and only one suggested "mild dementia".  I question the non-dementia part, though.  Its one thing not to remember what he had for dinner the day before (sometimes I have to think about that myself), but its another to not remember going in the car with me to deposit checks at his bank the previous day. 

He is generally happy...

He watches Fox News or golf most of the day, he enjoys my cooking (and he should - more on that below), and he has someone to talk to (Mom went into assisted care in 2009 and died in 2010).  I actually listen to him.  Its hard with old folks, but I register when he says anything and make sure I hear what he is saying and respond.  Even when it doesn't make sense at first. 

It helps that I have cats.  Don't laugh!  As parents always have an ear open to the sounds of children, I have always had a part of my mind attuned to the sounds of the cats.  That same part hears Dad all the time.  I can always stop what I'm doing and sit next to him to hear anything he wants to say.  And I suppose if I've done it for a month, I can do it for a year.

The hardest part is dealing with documents that come in the mail.  I've started just tossing the obvious junk mail, but most of his mail is uncertain as to importance.  I hate the advertising from established business arrangements most.  Some are important, some are junk, but they are all equally concerning to Dad.  I HAVE to let him open them.  I will NOT open any mail to him that might be important.  He has a right to his mail.

Even if it takes me an hour to convince him that some mail is not important and some is...

About the cooking...  In FL, Dad was living off (as far as I can tell by asking and by what was in his refrigerator/freezer) hotdogs, frozen fish filets, ice cream, and martinis.  It is very likely that the best thing the 2 weeks of rehab hospital gave him was balanced meals! 

And I've been doing that here.  That part is easy, I am just cooking the same stuff I normally eat, just twice as much.  Except that he MUST have a potato with each meal.  But basically, I have always had a meat, a green veg, an orange/yellow veg, a tossed salad, and sometimes a starch like spaghetti or rice.  Fresh fruits for dessert, though I kind of fell into a weakness for small slices of fancy cheescakes just before Dad arrived.

So we meet in the middle, sort of.  He has to get my good diet, but he also gets his ice cream for dessert and I get some fresh fruits into him with the ice cream.  I wish I could get him to eat more fruit.  He likes it well enough, but if he was ALMOST full and had a choice between ice cream and a good ripe peach, he'll go for the ice cream.  Well, he's 90, maybe I shouldn't worry about that so much.  If he made it to 90, ice cream probably ISN'T going to be what kills him!

Dad still does strange things.  Mostly "strange" because they are not what he did the day before.  I found a laundry hamper to fit in the main bathroom (he doesn't want it in his bedroom for some reason and the hamper in his FL house WAS in the bathroom).  And he usually puts his worn clothes in there.  But yesterday he "washed" his underpants in the sink and set them to dry over the air vent. 

Well, life with Dad isn't boring; there's always something new...

Mark

Living With Dad, 7

Its the finances that are going to be the death of me.  Not costs, I mean the checks and bank statements, trash documents, etc.  Every single little document is a source of frustration.  We spent 1.5 hours deciding what to do with 1 received check, 2 change of address confirmations, a homeowner association board meeting notice, and a monthly investment statement.  It was maybe 10 minutes work for me if I got those myself.  But with the detailed explanations required for Dad, the repeat of the explanations a few minutes later, the backtracking after that, the filling out of a simple form and addressing of a simple envelope, and "the keeping of the documents", we used up 1.5 hours.

Dad is completely confused about his several banks with multiple accounts.  He considers each separate account "a bank" in conversation, which gets really confusing.  Fortunately, I have managed to eliminate one actual bank.  Every simplification helps.  A constant concern of his is bank failure and loss of his money (he is old enough to remember the bank failures of the Great Depression).  I explain that assets are federally insured, but Fox News reports and gold-seller advertisements all over TV have him worried.  I would like to get his checking and standard savings accounts into a local bank, a money market account into another, and some money into CDs at a credit union (for the higher interest).  Yeah, that's 3 banks, but they would be separated by type of accounts and I can keep THAT straight.  Plus new accounts get me a clean start so that I can start balancing his checkbook and entering his earned interest monthly.  Right now, he just trusts the monthly bank statements to be accurate.

And I'm still trying to get his older records sorted out (mostly looking for 2011 tax information).  So after the new mail was taken care of, we spent another hour+ as we went through the remaining ones in his duffel bag (his version of a file cabinet drawer).

Dad keeps stuff in old envelopes chronologically.  Worse, its chronologically by date of receipt, not the month it actually applies to.  So an amendment to his 2008 taxes is with Oct 2011 stuff because thats when it was processed.  And the Oct 2011 envelope has his property tax voucher in with bank statements, PR junk from a bank, and donations for the month, etc.  ARGHHH!

He can't understand why I want to sort documents by company and subject...  I'd understand if he could find any documents with his system, but he can't.  And I have to be able to find his documents.

His wallet is another scrambled mess.  There aren't many cards in it, but they are all just stacked together.  HE can't find anything in it when he needs to, and objects if I try to find anything.  For example, finding his Social Security card or credit card takes forever.  Not because he has so many cards in the wallet, but because he keeps them (deliberately) packed into just a couple plastic holders (all the others are broken on the sides).  I'd LIKE to get him a new wallet with new cardholders for each card, but he won't spend the money for one OR allow me to just buy one.  He wants his OLD wallet, broken as it is...

I'm hoping to get a chance to buy him a new wallet for Fathers Day and HOPE he will use it.  One nice plastic holder for each card he has in the old wallet.

I understand his concerns about keeping records the way he is accustomed to.  I really do; changes in personal organization are difficult.  But his way doesn't work for HIM either anymore and I'M the one who has to find records now.

I also know that I need to make changes slowly so that Dad can get used to them (in reality, "slowly" so that he has SOME illusion of control). 

I think the hardest part of all this is that I'm not dealing with a child.  I'm dealing with a person who knows he is an adult but COMPREHENDS like a child.  A child doesn't know or care about records and forms.  An adult does.  Dad KNOWS that these documents are important (and quite frankly, HIS).  While he knows that he can't understand them anymore, he can't stop trying.  THAT'S the Sisyphean hill we labor against every day...

Dad's fading mental abilities are the rock he is trying to push uphill.  But I'M the one doing most of the pushing and I have to keep running around him awkwardly to get a good grip on the rock.  When he asks the same set of questions about "settled" actions for the 3rd or 4th time, the rock slips downhill a bit and I have to get the rock uphill a bit further than it was when we started the day.

The rock will get bigger and heavier as time goes on and Dad has greater difficulties in understanding things.  I expect it, and I'll deal with it as best I can.  Because there will come a day when Dad no longer even tries to manage his affairs.  That will be a more difficult day.  Easier in the sense of "just handling his bills myself", but harder in that I will be watching my Dad fading from this world...

Mark

Living With Dad, 6

Wow, Dad got up at 2 am and turned on the TV to watch Fox News for about 10 minutes.  Then went back to bed.  I guess I better start documenting his activities.  Because I'll forget them and it may become important some day.

Last night, he suddenly started asking where his wine was.  I thought he meant his vermouth because he calls that white wine.  Well, I suppose it is, but he insisted he had a bottle of red wine in the fridge.

He did not have a bottle of red wine in the fridge.  He has never had a bottle of red wine in my fridge.  He doesn't even LIKE red wine.  I think there was a very old bottle of red wine in his fridge in FL.  He is forgetting where he is again, in time AND space.

He usually has these confused moments around sundown.  Travis at HealthSouth said its actually CALLED "Sundowner".    I'm getting to avoid asking difficult questions at sundown.  He gets very confused then.  And its so weird!  One moment he is acting fairly normal, then like a light switch turned off, he make no sense.  I need to look this up.  Maybe there are ways I can help him around this daily confusion.

It is hard watching this happen. 

I'm tempted to go through the rest of the documents in his duffel bag.  It would be so easy for ME to do it.  But I won't.  It matters that he sees every document, even if it is so slow.  *sigh*

Dad complained about the sheets on the bed.  I washed/dried them last night and made his bed.  No static either.  He says he itches.  Well I can't get him to shower more than once a week, of COURSE he itches.  Am I supposed to drag him into the shower?  I would if I should.  Should I?

Cousin Bobby

My cousin Bobby, about the same age as me, drowned at about age 12.  I cant remember the exact time anymore.  I remember Mom sitting on the edge of the bed trying to explain what happened,  He had cramps swimming in a quarry hole with other kids and drowned.

We visited my Grandparents, where he lived, the next summer.  I still expected to see him again.  Stupid, of course, but I did.  And he wasn't there.   He had polio at a younger age.  He pulled himself around by his arms and he was real strong.  He recovered, and could run around as well as I could.  But one day, suddenly, he was gone.

While we were visiting, I saw a telescope Bobby enjoyed using.   I asked for it.  The adults didn't understand.  I didn't want the telescope for itself, I wanted it because it was something he had handled and enjoyed.  I wanted it BECAUSE he had used it.  That made a connection to me for my lost cousin.

The adults just thought I wanted the  telescope for itself...  As if I just wanted a gift.  They never understood.  And I was too young to explain it right...

I wanted a remembrance, something Bobby had touched and used.  I wasn't given it.  Instead, I got a new telescope as a Christmas present that year.  None of the adults understood what I meant by my request.  They thought I wanted a "thing". 

All I wanted was something to remind me of Bobby.  And no matter how I tried to explain, I never got anything he used. 

I am that way still about lost loved ones.  Just any little thing is fine...  Something tangible to remember them by is all I ask.  I've been luckier lately.  I have Grampa's carved whale, Dad's wooden-built tool chest (he's still alive), Mom's corn-on-the-cob plates and the imitation Tiffany Lamp she loved...

These things are treasures to me...