Have you ever read the real ones in the newspaper? Some of them are SO silly. This is recent real one: "Remove individual [computer] keys to clean and wipe the underside with a microfiber cloth. Some keys have springs and it might be tough to get them back in place."
Is she SERIOUS? Even Martha Stewart wouldn't do that!
So I decided to make some fake ones to send...
1. When I print out my local baseball team's annual schedule, I snip the printout into weeks and stack them on the refrigerator with rare earth magnets. Just remove one each week! Saves LOTS of refrigerator door space.
2. Storing socks in the dresser drawer uses up a lot of space. So I clamp mine between 2 cookie sheets.
3. The easiest way to clean teflon pans is to spray them with oven cleaner. However, you can only do that once.
4. You want to clean your microwave fast? Just put a bottle of window cleaner in there and set it on high for 10 minutes. The replacement M/W oven will be clean as new!
5. Birdseed is expensive. Just visit a woodworking shop to get shavings for free, The birds will get used to it.
6. If you swallow a moth, just swallow a few mothballs afterwards and your discomfort will go away forever.
7. You can make a perfectly good Halloween pumpkin from a soccer ball! Just put it in a carved pumpkin first.
8. You can improve your school report cards with Photoshop! Mom and Dad will be SO proud.
9. Buy a 3-D printer and put a $20 bill in the input slot. Free money!
10. Garden slugs are almost pure protein. Think of them as "hamburger helper".
11. Air Force pilots earn big money. So get one of those computer games and "earn your way to the top".
12. Garden trowels can be hammered into very workable spatulas!
13. Online purchases come packed in long strips of brown paper. Enough glue and you have unique wallpaper!
14. Wall art is sold by the pound at charity centers. Load up, it might be valuable someday.
15. Use losing lottery tickets as coasters in parties. Claim they are winning tickets too low in value to bother with. Your friends will be very impressed.
16. Save leftover paint and mix it all together. Why pay for designer colors when you can make them yourself?
17. Kitty litter works when dry. So dump the used stuff in your dryer and its good for another round.
18. Secret hint. Newspapers pay for crossword puzzles. So save old ones and submit them to another newspaper in a few years.
19. Calendars repeat after 28 years. Save them for future use!
I think I'll stop there... No, I haven't actually sent those, but I MIGHT. LOL!