Dadisms

The continuing voyage of Mark and Dad (and 3 cats) through the changing universe of ElderHeisenbergish uncertainty.  Stardate 2012.10.16...

SOCIAL SECURITY CARD - When getting Dad's 2011 Social Security payment tax document, I found a place to get replacement social security cards.  I lost mine years ago (lost wallet).  So I downloaded the form twice.  One for me and one for Dad.  I asked him (then) and he wanted a new one.  When I got around to filling out the form for Dad, I didn't have all the information.  I had no idea where Dad was born!  And it asked his parents' SSA numbers which I didn't have, plus needed Dad's birth certificate (which I couldn't find.  So I waited until we sat down to pay his next bill (that focuses his mind on documents).

We paid his FL house electric bill today (house still unsold because Dad WAY overvalues it) and I brought out the replacement SSA form.  He decided he didn't want a new one because his was "in great shape".

I challenged him to show it to me, because I hadn't seen one in his wallet.  I should know better...

He spent an hour fumbling through his wallet (stopping to shave for 15 minutes in the middle), and FINALLY came out with his Medicare card.  Well, it does have his SS# on it.  I went around and around with him about that NOT being his SS card.  He said it was the original SSA card and I pointed out that Medicare didn't exist when he was issued his SSA card!  Blank stare...

Eventually, he refused to sign the replacement card form and I shredded it (there was personal information I had filled out).  THEN, he says, "well, there are some other cards in my jewelry box".

Other cards?  After 5 months of asking about cards?  Argh.  Well, he went and brought them out.  Most were useless cards.  Old hunting license, golf club membership from 20 years ago,  etc, AND a beat-to-death SSA card.

So he said "see, I TOLD you I had it"!  This after insisting over and over that his Medicare card WAS his SSA card...  Well, at least we found it.  And it IS beaten all up and not very readable.  So he decided he could use a replacement after all (because I suggested that his beaten-up card was historical and should be saved while he used a replacement card for "everyday".

Now I have to find the replacement card form again because he REALLY wants one now...  LOL!  I'll do that happily...

2011 TAX FORMS - I've been struggling to get replacement forms for Dad's 2011 taxes (overdue as of yesterday).  I had sorted out ALL the documents he said he had months ago, found his tax preparer a while ago and contacted them about missing documents, and gotten a list of documents the tax folks still needed.  The problem was that Dad seems to have decided back in March that most documents were just "trash" and he stopped keeping them.

I value govt workers.  Thet do the best they are allowed to do.  I was one of them.  But I can see why some people don't like govt agencies.  I went NUTS trying to find how to get replacement 2011 tax forms for SSA and OPM annuity tax forms.  It took weeks.

When I needed the same from 2 banks and one investment firms, they emailed the documents to me the same day.

I don't want to blame the govt workers because they are constrained by laws passed by Congress to protect private information and businesses can just send it to anyone immediately*.  But the last documents I will get are govt ones.

Dad is convinced I am wasting time by not just using last year's numbers (which he also doesn't have because they seemed not worth keeping at the time),  He doesn't believe that false numbers are worse than no numbers.  He might be right; I doubt the IRS will throw a 90 year old guy in prison for filing taxes a month late, or even assign penalties (the tax preparers say penalties are also very unlikely given his age).

But he drives me nuts with the irrationality.  I know he isn't to blame.  I can see he is doing the best he can.  I bite my tongue a lot and sit patiently for an hour while he fusses through things most times.  OK, I invent excuses to leave the table (bathroom, mail, cats, laundry).


WHERE DAD LIVES - Dad has lived in 4 places in the past 32 years.  One is here, for 5 months.  The others are almost completely lost to him. Vague memories if specific facts are mentioned. 

There's more, but I'll save it.  This is getting too long...  And the one most lost to him is the immediately previous one.  If Dad went to assisted living (not that he will be any time soon) he would not recall living with me after about a month...

* All the businesses needed was an account number I could have gotten from a neighbor's trash and an old guy who claimed to be Dad on the telephone.  The govt agencies practically needed a life history and fingerprints.  Think about that when you complain about govt...