Turned 60 today. Heh.
I didn't care when I turned 30. Or 40. Or even 50. But I thought I would care when I turned 60. Somehow, I thought turning 60 would be a major change, like turning 21.
Nah. I feel the same as 40. That's actually weird. I feel like I SHOULD feel different. I think I SHOULD feel older at 60. I just don't though. I'm just as competent or not competent at the same things as I was 20 years ago. I know more science than I did at 40, but that's only because there is more science to know now and I do keep up with it. I don't understand people any better now than I did at 40, but that's probably just me.
I guess I'm still in that "middle-aged" limbo. Somewhere between "stupid young adult" and "losing-it old guy".
I'm not doing anything today to celebrate it, but I'm not doing anything to mourn it either. I just don't feel like today is all that different from yesterday or a day 10 years ago. Maybe 70 will start to feel "old". I'm just not there yet.
Which is maybe a good thing...
Last year on this day, my parents were visiting. Once, my Mom asked what the date was. I said "May 21st, my birthday". She asked again an hour later and I said the same thing. That didn't even get a reaction from either parent. Dad was there at the table. Neither one recognized "my birthday" as having any meaning among us. And that's when I knew they were "losing it". Because Mom never forgot my birthday before. And Dad was supposed to be the "memory" for both of them. She has lost her memory and HIS memory no longer serves them. And they don't realize it. That is so sad...
So today, and each year on this day, I mostly now mourn the "loss" of my parents. They are still alive, but their memories, their "selves", our connections, are gone... I will never have "them" back.